AN ASTOUNDING LETTER.
It needed but this new calamity to complete the sum of Zillah's
griefs. She had supposed that she had already suffered as much as she
could. The loss of her father, the loss of the Earl, the separation
from Mrs. Hart, were each successive stages in the descending scale
of her calamities. Nor was the least of these that Indian letter
which had sent her into voluntary banishment from her home. It was
not till all was over that she learned how completely her thoughts
had associated themselves with the plans of the Earl, and how
insensibly her whole future had become penetrated with plans about
Guy, The overthrow of all this was bitter; but this, and all other
griefs, were forgotten in the force of this new sorrow, which, while
it was the last, was in reality the greatest. Now, for the first
time, she felt how dear Hilda had been to her. She had been more than
a friend--she had been an elder sister. Now, to Zillah's affectionate
heart, there came the recollection of all the patient love, the kind
forbearance, and the wise counsel of this matchless friend. Since
childhood they had been inseparable. Hilda had rivaled even her
doting father in perfect submission to all her caprices, and
indulgence of all her whims. Zillah had matured so rapidly, and had
changed so completely, that she now looked upon her former willful
and passionate childhood with impatience, and could estimate at its
full value that wonderful meekness with which Hilda had endured her
wayward and imperious nature. Not one recollection of Hilda came to
her but was full of incidents of a love and devotion passing the love
of a sister.
It was now, since she had lost her, that she learned to estimate her,
as she thought, at her full value. That loss seemed to her the
greatest of all; worse than that of the Earl; worse even than that of
her father. Never more should she experience that tender love, that
wise patience, that unruffled serenity, which she had always known
from Hilda. Never more should she possess one devoted friend--the
true and tried friend of a life--to whom she might go in any sorrow,
and know and feel that she would receive the sympathy of love and the
counsel of wisdom. Nevermore--no, nevermore! Such was the refrain
that seemed constantly to ring in her ears, and she found herself
murmuring those despairing lines of Poe, where the solitary word of
the Raven seems
"Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore--
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never--nevermore!'"
It was awful to her to be, for the first time in her life, alone in
the world. Hitherto, amidst her bitterest afflictions, she had always
had some one whom she loved. After her father's death she had Lord
Chetwynde and Mrs. Hart; and with these she always had Hilda. But now
all were gone, and Hilda was gone. To a passionate and intense nature
like hers, sorrow was capable of giving pangs which are unknown to
colder hearts, and so she suffered to a degree which was commensurate
with her ardent temperament.
Weeks passed on. Recovering from the first shock, she sank into a
state of dreamy listlessness, which, however, was at times
interrupted by some wild hopes which would intrude in spite of
herself. These hopes were that Hilda, after all, might not be lost.
She might have been found by some one and carried off somewhere. Wild
enough were these hopes, and Zillah saw this plainly, yet still they
would intrude. Yet, far from proving a solace, they only made her
situation worse, since they kept her in a state of constant
suspense--a suspense, too, which had no shadow of a foundation in
reason. So, alone, and struggling with the darkest despair, Zillah
passed the time, without having sufficient energy of mind left to
think about her future, or the state of her affairs.
As to her affairs--she was nothing better than a child. She had a
vague idea that she was rich; but she had no idea of where her money
might be. She knew the names of her London agents; but whether they
held any funds of hers or not, she could not tell. She took it for
granted that they did. Child as she was, she did not know even the
common mode of drawing a check. Hilda had done that for her since her
flight from Chetwynde.
The news of the unhappy fate of the elder Miss Lorton had sent a
shock through the quiet village of Tenby, and every where might be
heard expressions of the deepest sympathy with the younger sister,
who seemed so gentle, so innocent, so inexperienced, and so
affectionate. All had heard of the anguish into which she had been
thrown by the news of the fearful calamity, and a respectful
commiseration for grief so great was exhibited by all. The honest
fishermen who had gone first on the search on that eventful night had
not been satisfied, but early on the following morning had roused all
the fishing population, and fifty or sixty boats started oft' before
dawn to scour the coast, and to examine the sea bottom. This they
kept up for two or three days; but without success. Then, at last,
they gave up the search. Nothing of this, however, was known to
Zillah, who, at that particular time, was in the first anguish of her
grief, and lay prostrated in mind and body. Even the chattering
Mathilde was awed by the solemnity of woe.
The people of Tenby were nearly all of the humbler class. The widow
who owned the house had moved away, and there were none with whom
Zillah could associate, except the rector and his wife. They were old
people, and had no children. The Rev. Mr. Harvey had lived there all
his life, and was now well advanced in years. At the first tidings of
the mournful event he had gone to Zillah's house to see if he could
be of any assistance; but finding that she was ill in bed, he had
sent his wife to offer her services. Mrs. Harvey had watched over
poor Zillah in her grief, and had soothed her too. Mathilde would
have been but a poor nurse for one in such a situation, and Mrs.
Harvey's motherly care and sweet words of consolation had something,
at least, to do with Zillah's recovery.
When she was better, Mrs. Harvey urged her to come and stay with them
for a time. It would give her a change of scene, she said, and that
was all-important. Zillah was deeply touched by her affectionate
solicitude, but declined to leave her house. She felt, she said, as
though solitude would be best for her under such circumstances.
"My dear child," said Mrs. Harvey, who had formed almost a maternal
affection for Zillah, and had come to address her always in that
way--"my dear child, you should not try to deepen your grief by
staying here and brooding over it. Every thing here only makes it
worse. You must really come with me, if for only a few days, and see
if your distress will not be lightened somewhat."
But Zillah said that she could not bear to leave, that the house
seemed to be filled with Hilda's presence, and that as long as she
was there there was something to remind her of the one she had lost.
If she went away she should only long to go back.
"But, my child, would it not be better for you to go to your
friends?" said Mrs. Harvey, as delicately as possible.
"I have no friends," said Zillah, in a faltering voice. "They are all
gone."
Zillah burst into tears: and Mrs. Harvey, after weeping with her,
took her departure, with her heart full of fresh sympathy for one so
sweet, and so unhappy.
Time passed on, and Zillah's grief had settled down into a quiet
melancholy. The rector and his wife were faithful friends to this
friendless girl, and, by a thousand little acts of sympathy, strove
to alleviate the distress of her lonely situation. For all this
Zillah felt deeply grateful, but nothing that they might do could
raise her mind from the depths of grief into which it had fallen. But
at length there came a day which was to change all this.
That day she was sitting by the front window in the alcove, looking
out to where the sea was rolling in its waves upon the shore.
Suddenly, to her surprise, she saw the village postman, who had been
passing along the road, open her gate, and come up the path. Her
first thought was that her concealment had been discovered, and that
Guy had written to her. Then a wild thought followed that it was
somehow connected with Hilda. But soon these thoughts were banished
by the supposition that it was simply a note for one of the servants.
After this she fell into her former melancholy, when suddenly she was
roused by the entrance of John, who had a letter in his hand.
"A letter for you, miss," said John, who had no idea that Zillah was
of a dignity which deserved the title of "my lady."
Zillah said not a word. With a trembling hand she took the letter and
looked at it. It was covered with foreign post-marks, but this she
did not notice. It was the handwriting which excited her attention.
"Hilda!" she cried, and sank back breathless in her chair. Her heart
throbbed as though it would burst. For a moment she could not move;
but then, with a violent effort, she tore open the letter, and, in a
wild fever of excited feeling, read the following:
"NAPLES, June 1, 1859.
"MY OWN DEAREST DARLING,---What you must have suffered in the way of
wonder about my sudden disappearance, and also in anxiety about your
poor Hilda, I can not imagine. I know that you love me dearly, and
for me to vanish from your sight so suddenly and so strangely must
have caused you at least some sorrow. If you have been sorrowing for
me, my sweetest, do not do so any more. I am safe and almost well,
though I have had a strange experience.
"When I left you on that ill-fated evening, I expected to be back as
I said. I walked up the beach thoughtlessly, and did not notice the
tide or any thing about it. I walked a long distance, and at last
felt tired, for I had done a great deal that day. I happened to see a
boat drawn up on the shore, and it seemed to be a good place to sit
down and rest. I jumped in and sat down on one of the seats. I took
off my hat and scarf, and luxuriated in the fresh sea breeze that was
blowing over the water. I do not know how long I sat there--I did not
think of it at that time, but at last I was roused from my pleasant
occupation very suddenly and painfully. All at once I made the
discovery that the boat was moving under me. I looked around in a
panic. To my horror, I found that I was at a long distance from the
shore. In an instant the truth flashed upon me. The tide had risen,
the boat had floated off, and I had not noticed it. I was fully a
mile away when I made this discovery, and cool as I am (according to
you), I assure you I nearly died of terror when the full reality of
my situation occurred to me. I looked all around, but saw no chance
of help. Far away on the horizon I saw numerous sails, and nearer to
me I saw a steamer, but all were too distant to be of any service. On
the shore I could not see a living soul.
"After a time I rallied from my panic, and began to try to get the
boat back. But there were no oars, although, if there had been, I do
not see how I could have used them. In my desperate efforts I tried
to paddle with my hands, but, of course, it was utterly useless. In
spite of all my efforts I drifted away further and further, and after
a very long time, I do not know how long, I found that I was at an
immense distance from the shore. Weakened by anxiety and fear, and
worn out by my long-continued efforts, I gave up, and, sitting down
again, I burst into a passion of tears. The day was passing on.
Looking at the sun I saw that it was the time when you would be
expecting me back. I thought of you, my darling, waiting for
me--expecting me--wondering at my delay. How I cursed my folly and
thoughtlessness in ever venturing into such danger! I thought of your
increasing anxiety as you waited, while still I did not come. I
thought, Oh, if she only knew where her poor Hilda is--what agony it
would give her! But such thoughts were heart-breaking, and at last I
dared not entertain them, and so I tried to turn my attention to the
misery of my situation. Ah, my dearest, think--only think of me, your
poor Hilda, in that boat, drifting helplessly along over the sea out
into the ocean!
"With each moment my anguish grew greater. I saw no prospect of
escape or of help. No ships came near; no boats of any kind were
visible. I strained my eyes till they ached, but could see nothing
that gave me hope. Oh, my darling, how can I tell you the miseries of
that fearful time! Worse than all, do what I might, I still could not
keep away from me the thoughts of you, my sweetest. Still they would
come--and never could I shake off the thought of your face, pale
with loving anxiety, as you waited for that friend of yours who would
never appear. Oh, had you seen me as I was--had you but imagined,
even in the faintest way, the horrors that surrounded me, what would
have been your feelings! But you could never have conceived it. No.
Had you conceived it you would have sent every one forth in search of
me.
[Illustration: Drifting Out To Sea.]
"To add to my grief, night was coming on. I saw the sun go down, and
still there was no prospect of escape. I was cold and wretched, and
my physical sufferings were added to those of my mind. Somehow I had
lost my hat and scarf overboard. I had to endure the chill wind that
swept over me, the damp piercing blast that came over the waters,
without any possibility of shelter. At last I grew so cold and
benumbed that I lay down in the bottom of the boat, with the hope of
getting out of the way of the wind. It was indeed somewhat more
sheltered, but the shelter at best was but slight. I had nothing to
cover myself with, and my misery was extreme.
"The twilight increased, and the wind grew stronger and colder. Worst
of all, as I lay down and looked up, I could see that the clouds were
gathering, and knew that there would be a storm. How far I was out on
the sea I scarcely dared conjecture. Indeed, I gave myself up for
lost, and had scarcely any hope. The little hope that was left was
gradually driven away by the gathering darkness, and at length all
around me was black. It was night. I raised myself up, and looked
feebly out upon the waves. They were all hidden from my sight. I fell
back, and lay there for a long time, enduring horrors, which, in my
wildest dreams, I had never imagined as liable to fall to the lot of
any miserable human being.
"I know nothing more of that night, or of several nights afterward.
When I came back to consciousness I found myself in a ship's cabin,
and was completely bewildered. Gradually, however, I found out all.
This ship, which was an Italian vessel belonging to Naples, and was
called the _Vittoria_, had picked me up on the morning after I had
drifted away. I was unconscious and delirious. They took me on board,
and treated me with the greatest kindness. For the tender care which
was shown me by these rough but kindly hearts Heaven only can repay
them; I can not. But when I had recovered consciousness several days
had elapsed, the ship was on her way to Naples, and we were already
off the coast of Portugal. I was overwhelmed with astonishment and
grief. Then the question arose, What was I to do? The captain, who
seemed touched to the heart by my sorrow, offered to take the ship
out of her course and land me at Lisbon, if I liked; or he would put
me ashore at Gibraltar. Miserable me! What good would it do for me to
be landed at Lisbon or at Gibraltar? Wide seas would still intervene
between me and my darling. I could not ask them to land me at either
of those places. Besides, the ship was going to Naples, and that
seemed quite as near as Lisbon, if not more so. It seemed to me to be
more accessible--more in the line of travel--and therefore I thought
that by going on to Naples I would really be more within your reach
than if I landed at any intervening point. So I decided to go on.
"Poor me! Imagine me on board a ship, with no change of clothing, no
comforts or delicacies of any kind, and at the same time prostrated
by sickness arising from my first misery. It was a kind of low fever,
combined with delirium, that affected me. Most fortunately for me,
the captain's wife sailed with him, and to her I believe my recovery
is due. Poor dear Margarita! Her devotion to me saved me from death.
I gave her that gold necklace that I have worn from childhood. In no
other way could I fittingly show my gratitude. Ah, my darling! the
world is not all bad. It is full of honest, kindly hearts, and of
them all none is more noble or more pure than my generous friend the
simple wife of Captain Gaddagli. May Heaven bless her for her
kindness to the poor lost stranger who fell in her way!
"My sweet Zillah, how does all this read to you? Is it not wildly
improbable? Can you imagine your Hilda floating out to sea,
senseless, picked up by strangers, carried off to foreign countries?
Do you not rejoice that it was so, and that you do not have to mourn
my death? My darling, I need not ask. Alas! what would I not give to
be sitting with your arms around me, supporting my aching head, while
I told you of all my suffering?
"But I must go on. My exposure during that dreadful night had told
fearfully upon me. During the voyage I could scarcely move. Toward
its close, however, I was able to go on deck, and the balmy air of
the Mediterranean revived me. At length we reached Naples Bay. As we
sailed up to the city, the sight of all the glorious scenery on every
side seemed to fill me with new life and strength. The cities along
the shore, the islands, the headlands, the mountains, Vesuvius, with
its canopy of smoke, the intensely blue sky, the clear transparent
air, all made me feel as though I had been transported to a new
world.
"I went at once to the Hotel de l'Europe, on the Strada Toledo. It is
the best hotel here, and is very comfortable. Here I must stay for a
time, for, my darling, I am by no means well. The doctor thinks that
my lungs are affected. I have a very bad cough. He says that even if
I were able to travel, I must not think of going home yet, the air of
Naples is my only hope, and he tells me to send to England for my
friends. My friends! What friends have I? None. But, darling, I know
that I have a friend--one who would go a long distance for her poor
suffering Hilda. And now, darling, I want you to come on. I have no
hesitation in asking this, for I know that you do not feel
particularly happy where you are, and you would rather be with me
than be alone. Besides, my dearest, it is to Naples that I invite
you--to Naples, the fairest, loveliest place in all the world! a
heaven upon earth! where the air is balm, and every scene is perfect
beauty! You must come on, for your own sake as well as mine. You will
be able to rouse yourself from your melancholy. We will go together
to visit the sweet scenes that lie all around here; and when I am
again by your side, with your hand in mine, I will forget that I have
ever suffered.
"Do not be alarmed at the journey. I have thought out all for you. I
have written to Mr. Gualtier, in London, and asked him to bring you
on here. He will be only too glad to do us this service. He is a
simple-minded and kind-hearted man. I have asked him to call on you
immediately to offer his services. You will see him, no doubt, very
soon after you get this letter. Do not be afraid of troubling him. We
can compensate him fully for the loss of his time.
"And now, darling, good-by. I have written a very long letter, and
feel very tired. Come on soon, and do not delay. I shall count the
days and the hours till you join me. Come on soon, and do not
disappoint your loving
"HILDA.
"P.S.--When you come, will you please bring on my turquoise brooch
and my green bracelet. The little writing-desk, too, I should like,
if not too much trouble. Of course you need not trouble about the
house. It will be quite safe as it stands, under the care of your
housekeeper and servants, till we get back again to England. Once
more, darling, good-by.
"H."
This astonishing letter was read by Zillah with a tumult of emotions
that may be imagined but not described. As she finished it the
reaction in her feelings was too much to be borne. A weight was taken
off her soul. In the first rush of her joy and thankfulness she burst
into tears, and then once more read the letter, though she scarce
could distinguish the words for the tears of joy that blinded her
eyes.
To go to Naples--and to Hilda! what greater happiness could be
conceived of? And that thoughtful Hilda had actually written to
Gualtier! And she was alive! And she was in Naples! What a wonder to
have her thus come back to her from the dead! With such a torrent of
confused thoughts Zillah's mind was filled, until at length, in her
deep gratitude to Heaven, she flung herself upon her knees and poured
forth her soul in prayer.