_Berkeley Square, W._
MR. PUNCH, Sir,
I am surprised to find a Journal of your standing lowering itself to
follow the example of the so-called “Society Journals” by inserting
contributions from women!—I have discovered, no matter how, that My
Wife, who always declares she hates letter-writing, has for months
past contributed a long weekly letter to _Punch_, dealing with racing
from a humorous (save the mark!) point of view! Now I never make jokes
myself—at least intentionally—nor do I think it becomes a man of
position to do so—and I quite agree with SWIFT or SHERIDAN (I know
it was _one_ of these infernal clever literary chaps) who said, “A
humorous woman is a delusion and a snare!”—so you may imagine my
disgust at finding My Wife writing for a Journal!—why couldn’t she
have asked Me to help her?—and signing her articles anonymously
too!—for I need hardly tell you she is no more “GAY” than I am!—at
all events when in _my_ society!
Like most busy idlers (that is _not_ intended for a joke)—I go racing
a bit, and of course “have a bit on” like other people, and having
tried all the turf-prophets in turn, with unsatisfactory results, I
was delighted to hear from a friend that “a new DANIEL had come to
judgment” in the person of a tipster on _Punch_, who was “wonderful
good”—(it was just the time when she _did_ blunder on to a
winner)—and I made up my mind to follow the new Prophet DANIEL; but,
by Jove! it resulted in a loss, and DANIEL landed me among the lions
in no time! These are _not_ jokes, but sober facts—I plunged heavily
on all the “Selections,” and am now in the pleasant position of owing
the Ring a substantial sum in addition to “the old,” through following
My Wife’s advice—whilst _her_ banking-account is considerably
augmented through having _laid against_ her own tips! This _may_ be
humorous, but as i said, I don’t approve of humour when exercised on
myself!
I laughed most consumedly at some of her articles, but on looking them
over again—(she has kept the lot, pasted in a book—a monument to my
fatuity!)—I don’t think so much of them now I know she wrote them,
and see that I could have made numberless valuable suggestions had
she only seen fit to consult me! Of course I could stop any further
contribution on her part, but consideration for your readers (?)
prevents that—to say nothing of _her_ determination to continue—so
I have therefore consented to her odd whim, on the condition that in
future I “edit” her contributions;—I need hardly assure you that I
shall confine my “editing” strictly to these limits, and that your
own Editor need be under no apprehension as to my usurping his
place,—ably as I should, no doubt, fill it!
My Wife begs me to follow her example, and conclude with a verse—(I
don’t know where she picked up such a bad habit)—but—while bowing
to her wishes—(I am always polite)—to a certain extent, I absolutely
decline to make the verse other than _blank_!
Believe me, Yours obediently,
CHARLES POMPERSON (Bart.).