["A housewife will in future form part of the free kit of
necessaries."--_Army Order._]
It 'as long been my opinion, as a sodger and a man,
That I couldn't get on proper, not without yer, Sairey Ann.
Well, now 'ere's the latest horder--just yer take a read of it--
That a housewife shall be a portion of the necessary kit.
Oh, them horders! Ain't I cussed 'em! Oh, the shockin' words I've said!
But now for once, my Sairey, I'm a-blessin' 'em instead.
Yus, they misses pretty horfen, but at last they've made a hit,
For yer going to be a portion of my necessary kit.
They're to serve out housewifes gratis, an' I only 'opes, my pet,
That they'll let us Tommies choose ourselves the gals we wants to get,
'Twould be takin' of the gildin' off the gingerbread a bit
If I got yer mar, for instance, in my necessary kit.
But we'll 'ope the best, my Sairey, though yer can't for certain tell,
And I ain't got much opinion of them parties in Pall Mall,
But for once they've put a bullet in the bull's eye, I'll admit,
If they makes my Sairey portion of my necessary kit.
* * * * *
"ADVANCE NOTES" (_Military_).--The bugler's.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Boatswain_ (_to newly-joined cadet_). "Come, my little
man, you mustn't cry on board of one of His Majesty's ships of war. Did
your mother cry when you left?"
_Cadet._ "Yes, sir."
_Boatswain._ "Silly old woman! And did your sister cry?"
_Cadet._ "Yes, sir."
_Boatswain._ "Stupid little thing! And did your father cry?"
_Cadet._ "No, sir."
_Boatswain._ "'Ard-'earted old beggar!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE," &c.
_Fair Visitor_ (_with a thirst for military knowledge_). "So all the
kitchens are behind those buildings. How very interesting! And how many
pounds of meat do your men eat a day?"
_Gallant Major._ "Really--er--I've no--er--idea, I'm sure, don't
y'know."
_Fair Visitor._ "But I thought you were in the provisional battalion!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Officer_ (_to Irish sentry on guard tent_). "Why don't
you face your proper front, sentry?"
_Sentry._ "Sure, yer honour, the tint's round. Divil a front it's got!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SANDHURST AND ITS MESSES.
_General Bouncer_ (_on a round of inspection at Sandhurst_). "Augh! Can
you tell me what 'mess' this is?"
_Cadet._ "Well, they call it 'mutton,' but I wouldn't vouch for it!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A VOLUNTEER REVIEW (1865)
The portrait of Private O'Locker on finding his billet is at a teetotal
hotel.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: EXPLAINED.--_Auntie_ (_explaining morning manoeuvres of
His Majesty's Life Guards on their way to relieve guard at Whitehall_).
"Don't you see? There's two, and then there's one, and then there's the
whole lot--and then there's two more!"
[Youthful niece sees.
]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS.--_Jack_ (_singing at the top of
his voice_)--"There's only _one_ girl in the world for me!"--_Popular
Song._]
* * * * *
[Illustration: [According to the _Daily Telegraph_ zebra mules have been
introduced into India by the Remount Department for military purposes.
Would not their introduction--as above--into Whitehall lend a new
and even more quaintly picturesque touch of grandeur to the scene?
]
* * * * *