_Newcastle._
9.
_Hard words._
Indiscerptibility, and Essential Spissitude: words which, though I am
no competent judge of, for want of languages, yet I fancy strongly
ought to mean nothing.
_Mrs. Afra Behn._
10.
_Scandals to Atheism._
---- a late learned Doctor; who, though himself no great assertor of a
Deity, yet was observed to be continually persuading this sort of men
[the rakehelly blockheaded Infidels about town] of the necessity and
truth of our religion; and being asked how he came to bestir himself
so much this way, made answer, that it was because their ignorance and
indiscreet debauch made them a Scandal to the Profession of Atheism.
_Behn._
11.
_Excuse for being afraid in a Storm._
_Master._ Courage! why what dost thou call courage? Hector himself
would not have exchanged his ten years’ siege for our ten days’ storm
at sea. A Storm! a hundred thousand fighting men are nothing to it;
cities sack’d by fire, nothing. ’Tis a resistless coward, that attacks
a man at disadvantage; an unaccountable magic, that first conjures
down a man’s courage, and then plays the devil over him; and, in fine,
it is a Storm!
_Mate._ Good lack, that it should be all these terrible things, and
yet that we should outlive it!
_Master._ No god-a-mercy to our courages tho’, I tell you that now;
but like an angry wench, when it had huffed and bluster’d itself
weary, it lay still again.
_Behn._
12.
_Dutch Gallantry_
_Mate._ What, beat a woman, Sir?
_Master._ ’Psha, all’s one for that; if I am provoked, anger will have
its effects upon whomsoe’er it light: so said Van Tromp, when he took
his Mistress a cuff on the ear for finding fault with an ill-fashioned
leg he made her. I liked his humour well.
_Behn._
13.
_Dutchman._
---- sitting at home in the chimney corner, cursing the face of Duke
de Alva upon the jugs, for laying an imposition on beer.
_Behn._
14.
_Rake at Church._
---- I shall know all, when I meet her in the chapel to-morrow. I am
resolved to venture thither, tho’ I am afraid the dogs will bark me
out again, and by that means let the congregation know how much I am a
stranger to the place.
_Durfey._
15.
_Lying Traveller_
You do not believe me then? the devil take me, if these home-bred
fellows can be saved: they neither know nor believe half the creation.
_Lacy._
16.
_English Beau, contrasted with a French one._
---- a true-bred English Beau has indeed the powder, the essence, the
toothpick, the snuff-box; and is as idle; but the fault is in the
flesh--he has not the motion, and looks stiff under all this. Now a
French Fop like a Poet, is born so, and would be known without
clothes; it is in his eyes, his nose, his fingers, his elbows, his
heels. They dance when they walk, and sing when they speak. We have
nothing in that perfection as abroad; and our cuckolds, as well as our
grapes, are but half ripened.
_Burnaby._
17.
_Fanciful Recipe, prescribed for sick Fancy._
The juice of a lemon that’s civil at seasons,
Twelve dancing capers, ten lunatic reasons;
Two dying notes of an ancient swan;
Three sighs, a thousand years kept, if you can;
Some scrapings of Gyges’s ring may pass,
With the skin of a shadow caught in a glass;
Six pennyworth of thoughts untold;
The jelly of a star, before it be cold;
One ounce of courtship from a country daughter;
A grain of wit, and a quart of laughter.--
Boil these on the fire of Zeal (with some beech-coals, lest the vessel
burst).--If you can get these ingredients, I will compound them for
you. Then, when the patient is perfectly recovered, she shall be
married in rich cloth of rainbow laced with sunbeams.
_Strode._
18.
_Beauties at Church._
Fair Women in Churches have as ill effect as fine Strangers in Grammar
schools: for tho’ the boys keep on the humdrum still, yet none of ’em
mind their lesson for looking about ’em.
_Fane._
19.
_Expedients._
I have observed the wisdom of these Moors: for some days since being
invited by one of the chief Bashaws to dinner, after meat, sitting by
a huge fire, and feeling his shins to burn, I requested him to pull
back his chair, but he very understandingly sent for three or four
masons, and removed the chimney.
_Brome._
20.
_Mayor of Queenborow, a Christian, giving orders for feasting Hengist, a
Pagan King of Kent, who has invited himself to the Mayor’s table._
---- give charge the mutton come in all raw; the King of Kent is a
Pagan, and must be served so. And let those officers, that seldom or
never go to church, bring it in; it will be the better taken.
_Middleton._
21.
_Fat man’s device to get a dainty._
I have a privilege. I was at the tavern the other day; in the next
room I smelt hot venison. I sent but a drawer to tell the company,
“one in the house with a great belly longed for a corner,” and I had
half a pasty sent me immediately.
_Shirley._
22.
_Miser’s Servant._
_Friend._ Camelion, how now, have you turned away your master?
_Camelion._ No; I sold my place. As I was thinking to run away, comes
this fellow, and offers me a breakfast for my good will to speak to my
master for him. I took him at his word, and resigned my office, and
turned over my hunger to him immediately. Now I serve a man.
_Shirley._
23.
_Walking._
_Fine Lady._ I am glad I am come home, for I am even as weary with
this walking; for God’s sake, whereabouts does the pleasure of walking
lie? I swear I have often sought it till I was weary, and yet I could
ne’er find it.
_T. Killegrew._
24.
_Foolish Suitor._
_Alderman._ Save you, Sir.
_Suitor._ You do not think me damn’d, Sir, that you bestow
That salutation on me?
_Ald._ Good, Sir, no.
Whom would you speak with here?
_Suit._ Sir, my discourse
Points at one Alderman Covel.
_Ald._ I am the party.
_Suit._ I understand you have a daughter, is
Of most unknown perfections.
_Ald._ She is as Heaven made her--
_Suit._ She goes naked then;
The tailor has no hand in her.