ADVICE.

Would a man wish to offend his friends?--let him give them advice.

Would a lover know the surest method by which to lose his mistress?--let

him give her advice.

Would a courtier terminate his sovereign’s partiality?--let him offer

advice.

In short, are we desirous to be universally hated, avoided, and

despised, the means are always in our power.--We have but _to advise_,

and the consequences are infallible.

The friendship of two young ladies though apparently founded on the rock

of eternal attachment, terminated in the following manner: “My dearest

girl, I do not think your figure well suited for dancing; and, as a

sincere friend of yours, I _advise_ you to refrain from it in future.”

The other naturally affected by such a _mark_ of sincerity, replied, “I

feel very much obliged to you, my dear, for your _advice_; this proof of

your friendship demands some return: I would sincerely recommend you to

relinquish your singing, as some of your upper notes resemble the

melodious squeaking of the feline race.”

The _advice_ of neither was followed--the one continued to sing, and the

other to dance--and they never met but as enemies.

* * * * *

[Illustration: ~Tommy Sly, of Durham.~]

_For the Table Book._

Tommy Sly, whose portrait is above, is a well-known eccentric character

in the city of Durham, where he has been a resident in the poor-house

for a number of years. We know not whether his parents were rich or

poor, where he was born, or how he spent his early years--all is alike

“a mystery;” and all that can be said of him is, that he is “daft.”

Exactly in appearance as he is represented in the engraving,--he dresses

in a coat of many colours, attends the neighbouring villages with spice,

sometimes parades the streets of Durham with “pipe-clay for the lasses,”

and on “gala days” wanders up and down with a cockade in his hat,

beating the city drum, which is good-naturedly lent him by the

corporation. Tommy, as worthless and insignificant as he seems, is

nevertheless “put out to use:” his name has often served as a signature

to satirical effusions; and at election times he has been occasionally

employed by the Whigs to take the distinguished lead of some grand Tory

procession, and thereby render it ridiculous; and by way of retaliation,

he has been hired by the Tories to do the same kind office for the

Whigs. He is easily bought or sold, for he will do any thing for a few

halfpence. To sum up Tommy’s character, we may say with truth, that he

is a harmless and inoffensive man; and if the reader of this brief

sketch should ever happen to be in Durham, and have a few halfpence to

spare, he cannot bestow his charity better than by giving it to the

“Custos Rotulorum” of the place--as Mr. Humble once ludicrously called

him--poor TOMMY SLY.