Our old gentleman, in order to be exclusively himself, must be either a
widower or a bachelor. Suppose the former. We do not mention his precise
age, which would be invidious;--nor whether he wears his own hair or a
wig; which would be wanting in universality. If a wig, it is a
compromise between the more modern scratch and the departed glory of the
toupee. If his own hair, it is white, in spite of his favourite
grandson, who used to get on the chair behind him, and pull the silver
hairs out, ten years ago. If he is bald at top, the hair-dresser,
hovering and breathing about him like a second youth, takes care to give
the bald place as much powder as the covered; in order that he may
convey, to the sensorium within, a pleasing indistinctness of idea
respecting the exact limits of skin and hair. He is very clean and neat;
and in warm weather is proud of opening his waistcoat half way down, and
letting so much of his frill be seen; in order to show his hardiness as
well as taste. His watch and shirt-buttons are of the best; and he does
not care if he has two rings on a finger. If his watch ever failed him
at the club or coffee-house, he would take a walk every day to the
nearest clock of good character, purely to keep it right. He has a cane
at home, but seldom uses it, on finding it out of fashion with his
elderly juniors. He has a small cocked hat for gala days, which he lifts
higher from his head than the round one, when made a bow to. In his
pockets are two handkerchiefs, (one for the neck at night-time,) his
spectacles, and his pocket-book. The pocket-book, among other things,
contains a receipt for a cough, and some verses cut out of an odd sheet
of an old magazine, on the lovely duchess of A., beginning--
When beauteous Mira walks the plain.
He intends this for a common-place book which he keeps, consisting of
passages in verse and prose cut out of newspapers and magazines, and
pasted in columns; some of them rather gay. His principal other books
are Shakspeare’s Plays and Milton’s Paradise Lost; the Spectator, the
History of England; the works of Lady M. W. Montague, Pope, and
Churchill; Middleton’s Geography, the Gentleman’s Magazine; Sir John
Sinclair on Longevity; several plays with portraits in character;
Account of Elizabeth Canning, Memoirs of George Ann Bellamy, Poetical
Amusements at Bath-Easton, Blair’s Works, Elegant Extracts; Junius as
originally published; a few pamphlets on the American War and Lord
George Gordon, &c. and one on the French Revolution. In his sitting
rooms are some engravings from Hogarth and Sir Joshua; an engraved
portrait of the Marquis of Granby; ditto of M. le Comte de Grasse
surrendering to Admiral Rodney; a humorous piece after Penny; and a
portrait of himself, painted by Sir Joshua. His wife’s portrait is in
his chamber, looking upon his bed. She is a little girl, stepping
forward with a smile and a pointed toe, as if going to dance. He lost
her when she was sixty.
The Old Gentleman is an early riser, because he intends to live at least
twenty years longer. He continues to take tea for breakfast, in spite of
what is said against its nervous effects; having been satisfied on that
point some years ago by Dr. Johnson’s criticism on Hanway, and a great
liking for tea previously. His china cups and saucers have been broken
since his wife’s death, all but one, which is religiously kept for his
use. He passes his morning in walking or riding, looking in at auctions,
looking after his India bonds or some such money securities, furthering
some subscription set on foot by his excellent friend sir John, or
cheapening a new old print for his portfolio. He also hears of the
newspapers; not caring to see them till after dinner at the
coffee-house. He may also cheapen a fish or so; the fishmonger
soliciting his doubting eye as he passes, with a profound bow of
recognition. He eats a pear before dinner.
His dinner at the coffee-house is served up to him at the accustomed
hour, in the old accustomed way, and by the accustomed waiter. If
William did not bring it, the fish would be sure to be stale, and the
flesh new. He eats no tart; or if he ventures on a little, takes cheese
with it. You might as soon attempt to persuade him out of his senses, as
that cheese is not good for digestion. He takes port; and if he has
drank more than usual, and in a more private place, may be induced by
some respectful inquiries respecting the old style of music, to sing a
song composed by Mr. Oswald or Mr. Lampe, such as--
Chloe, by that borrowed kiss,
or
Come, gentle god of soft repose;
or his wife’s favourite ballad, beginning--
At Upton on the Hill
There lived a happy pair.
Of course, no such exploit can take place in the coffee-room; but he
will canvass the theory of that matter there with you, or discuss the
weather, or the markets, or the theatres, or the merits of “my lord
North” or “my lord Rockingham;” for he rarely says simply, lord; it is
generally “my lord,” trippingly and genteelly off the tongue. If alone
after dinner, his great delight is the newspaper; which he prepares to
read by wiping his spectacles, carefully adjusting them on his eyes, and
drawing the candle close to him, so as to stand sideways betwixt his
ocular aim and the small type. He then holds the paper at arm’s length,
and dropping his eyelids half down and his mouth half open, takes
cognizance of the day’s information. If he leaves off, it is only when
the door is opened by a new comer, or when he suspects somebody is
over-anxious to get the paper out of his hand. On these occasions, he
gives an important hem! or so; and resumes.
In the evening, our Old Gentleman is fond of going to the theatre, or of
having a game of cards. If he enjoy the latter at his own house or
lodgings, he likes to play with some friends whom he has known for many
years; but an elderly stranger may be introduced, if quiet and
scientific; and the privilege is extended to younger men of letters;
who, if ill players, are good losers. Not that he is a miser; but to win
money at cards is like proving his victory by getting the baggage; and
to win of a younger man is a substitute for his not being able to beat
him at rackets. He breaks up early, whether at home or abroad.
At the theatre, he likes a front row in the pit. He comes early, if he
can do so without getting into a squeeze, and sits patiently waiting for
the drawing up of the curtain, with his hands placidly lying one over
the other on the top of his stick. He generously admires some of the
best performers, but thinks them far inferior to Garrick, Woodward, and
Clive. During splendid scenes, he is anxious that the little boy should
see.
He has been induced to look in at Vauxhall again, but likes it still
less than he did years back, and cannot bear it in comparison with
Ranelagh. He thinks every thing looks poor, flaring, and jaded. “Ah!”
says he, with a sort of triumphant sigh, “Ranelagh was a noble place!
Such taste, such elegance, such beauty! There was the duchess of A. the
finest woman in England, sir; and Mrs. L., a mighty fine creature; and
lady Susan what’s her name, that had that unfortunate affair with sir
Charles. Sir, they came swimming by you like the swans.”
The Old Gentleman is very particular in having his slippers ready for
him at the fire, when he comes home. He is also extremely choice in his
snuff, and delights to get a fresh box-full at Gliddon’s, in
King-street, in his way to the theatre. His box is a curiosity from
India. He calls favourite young ladies by their Christian names, however
slightly acquainted with them; and has a privilege also of saluting all
brides, mothers, and indeed every species of lady on the least holiday
occasion. If the husband for instance has met with a piece of luck, he
instantly moves forward, and gravely kisses the wife on the cheek. The
wife then says, “My niece, sir, from the country;” and he kisses the
niece. The niece, seeing her cousin biting her lips at the joke, says,
“My cousin Harriet, sir;” and he kisses the cousin. He never recollects
such weather, except during the great frost, or when he rode down with
Jack Skrimshire to Newmarket. He grows young again in his little
grand-children, especially the one which he thinks most like himself;
which is the handsomest. Yet he likes best perhaps the one most
resembling his wife; and will sit with him on his lap, holding his hand
in silence, for a quarter of an hour together. He plays most tricks with
the former, and makes him sneeze. He asks little boys in general who was
the father of Zebedee’s children. If his grandsons are at school, he
often goes to see them; and makes them blush by telling the master or
the upper-scholars, that they are fine boys, and of a precocious genius.
He is much struck when an old acquaintance dies, but adds that he lived
too fast; and that poor Bob was a sad dog in his youth; “a very sad dog,
sir, mightily set upon a short life and a merry one.”
When he gets very old indeed, he will sit for whole evenings, and say
little or nothing; but informs you, that there is Mrs. Jones (the
housekeeper),--“_She’ll_ talk.”--_Indicator._
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