It was on a fine morning in the latter end of the month of October, that
I took yard-wand in hand, and pack on back for the first time. The sun
shone slanting and sweetly over wood, and vale, and hill-side; and the
light and airy gossamer (at this season _only_ visible) lay in gleaming
and floating lines, over grass fields and ploughed lands. I bent my way
to the mountains, well knowing that there, at a distance from shop or
market, I should most likely meet with a sale for my goods, and should,
at the same time, fix the prices, without fear of check or detection. By
the time that I had reached Locherben, the sun had set, and the twilight
was still lingering on the tops of the twin Queensberries. The herds
were coming in from the hills; the guidman was steeking some yetts in
the inclosure of the in-fields; and the guidwife, with some half-a-dozen
servant lasses, were busily employed in domestic arrangements. Dogs were
everywhere to be seen, meeting in unity, or snarling defiance over some
contested pot from which they were extracting a rather scanty meal. I
leaned my pack on a fail or turf dike, which enclosed a few ill-thriven
cabbages, and waited patiently an invitation from some chance inmate to
enter. At last, a canny lass came out, with a tub full of sheeps
entrails, which she proceeded to cleanse and scour in the passing
stream. She took up her station near to where I leaned, and, blithely
singing the while, proceeded, with kilted coats, and sleeves tucked up
to the shoulders, to perform her work. Having cast a random glance
around her, she immediately perceived that she was not alone--and,
without any feeling or appearance of embarrassment, immediately
proceeded to address me--
"And what are _you_, sitting there, like a craw in the mist? and what's
that lying behint you, man?--Losh preserve us! hae ye gotten a coffin on
yer back, or are ye just a kintra lad, gain hame wi' yer sister's kist
on yer shoulders?--Speak, body, speak this minute, or I'll come alang
yer chafts wi' a nievefu o' thairms!"--Thus saying, she actually left
the pure water which she was so busy defiling, and, brandishing some
score of yards of the tripe in her right hand, was in the act of
accomplishing her threat, when I suddenly disengaged myself from the
arm-strings of my pack, and, parrying the blow which was aimed at me, I
closed at once with my fair adversary, and, ere she could raise a
scream, sufficient to alarm the whole town land, I had taken as many
favours from her as ever Apollo did from Daphne. To scream so loud and
shrill as to bring down upon us half-a-dozen dogs, and nearly as many
herds, was the work of an instant; but of an instant during which she
was made distinctly to perceive that I was no lassie, but a young fellow
of some spunk and mettle.
"What's the matter wi' Jenny?" said a stout figure, snugly wrapped up in
the shepherd's toga.
"Matter!" replied Jenny--"matter!"--adjusting her dress, and now red
from ear to ear--"why, I believe, after a', there is nae great
matter--but that body frightened me sae with his kists and his coffins,
I was amaist out o' my wits."
"Kists and coffins, ye gomeril woman!--why, that's a packman; and I'll
warrant he has as mony shawls, and gown-pieces, and ribbons, and as
muckle braw Brussels lace in his box, as wad set ye fleeing to kirk on
Sabbath, like an Indian queen. Come in, lad--come ben--it's getting
dark, and ye're far here frae ony neighbour town--come away, and ye
shall hae yer supper in the spense, and yer bed in the cha'mer--and
Jenny there into the bargain, if ye will only promise to mak us rid o'
her for guid and a'."
"Jenny!--hegh! that's ane indeed!" responded the fair tripe
scourer.--"I'se warrant, guidman, ye wad soon be sending a' owre the
country, and sticking up bits o' paper on the kirk doors, war I only
four-and-twenty hours amissing; and, as for Wee Watty there--if there be
a bauk low enough to hang him, ye wad be sure to find him, ere the first
twal hours were owre, dangling frae't, like a periwinkie candle hanging
to a spit."
Upon this sally of Nanny's wit, all things were put to rights, and the
packman was snugly lodged _versus_ the guidman, the guidwife, and God
only knows how many persons, in the spence, or small apartment adjoining
to and looking in upon the kitchen. The chapman's drouth is
proverbial--and, to assuage it, I was immediately supplied with a cog o'
crap-whey, bannocks, and a ram-horn spoon, just to put aff the time till
supper was ready! In the meanwhile, the inmates of the farmer's kitchen
began and continued to congregate. Some half-score of acres of inland
croft had just been reaped, and there had been the promise of a hett
supper and a dance, to conclude the comparatively insignificant grain
harvest. James Hogg, then a youth of twenty-four, acted as chief
musician, and contrived to extract from the thairms of an old time-worn
fiddle, some sounds, which, when assisted by a lively imagination and
high animal spirits, passed for music. And the guidman led off the dance
wi' the guidwife--snapping his fingers, and springing three or four
times over the kitchen fire. The guidwife enjoyed the fun exceedingly;
and, though encumbered in more ways than one, spread her napkin over her
breast--adjusted her pockets and nether garments, and presented herself
every now and then to the guidman, with a sly look and a sidelong bob. I
was lucky enough to get hold of Nanny, whom, in spite of Wee Watty, as
he was termed, I drew at once into the centre of the whirlpool, and
there we went, hand in hand, round and round, with the velocity of
planets whose orbits are limited--Wee Watty, for the time, having
supplied himself with Nell Morrison, a tall, prepossessing wench,
who seemed to rejoice in vexing my partner, Nanny, who was
manifestly Wee Watty's favourite. Shepherds--as Wilson would say,
shepherdesses--sported around, like giants dancing to Polyphemus; and
boys, girls, and dogs caught the infection--screaming, barking, singing,
leaping, and reeling, as God gave them instinct. Hogg seemed amazingly
delighted, and, ever and anon, removed his hand from the strings of the
fiddle, to flourish it aloft in the air, and then come down flap upon
some sonsy cummer's neck, as she demanded "Dainty Davie," "Jenny
Nettles," or "The Highlandman kissed his Mother"--the triad which
composed our fiddler's whole stock of tunes!
At last, supper came, in the shape of boiled bloody puddings, haggis,
king's-hood, and a long _et cetera_ of inferior occupants of the
interior of a sheep-skin. There was, besides, a sprinkling of whisky,
administered in its natural purity, and, after a song or two from Nanny,
and Hogg, who gave "Donald Macdonald" in his own style, sleep began to
intimate his claims, and we all stepped off our several ways to bed.
I could easily perceive, as I imagined--for there is a masonry in all
manner of love concerns--that I had made a favourable impression upon
Nanny, and that she would have no great objection to spend an hour or
two in my company when all the other inmates, and, amongst them, Watty
Telfer, had gone to rest. I had learned all this by certain signs, and
winks, and nods, and squeezes, which are Hebrew to all but the parties
concerned; and I took my way across the closs to the cha'mer, under a
firm conviction that I should meet Nanny behind the great peat stack
whenever the last dog had ceased to bark. Accordingly, I was early at
the place of rendezvous, and waited, with some impatience, the approach
of my fair visitant. The night was dark and somewhat misty, and I could
not distinctly see to any distance. At last, a figure began to move in
the distance, closely wrapped up in a Scottish plaid, from foot to head,
and stretching forward its head as if in the act of listening. "Is that
you, Nanny?" was whispered, and responded to by a silent nod of assent;
and, ere I could make any farther observation, Nanny was close by my
side. To my surprise, however, she refused to permit me to unveil her
face, and spoke so low that I was difficulted in getting at the import
of her words.
"Is Watty Telfer to bed?" said I.
"Yes--oh yes," was the response; "and you and I will play him a trick,
if you will only assist me."
I promised immediately to be art and part--for I liked fun and frolic
dearly, and I thought Watty was the only obstacle to my suit with fair
Nanny.
"Watty sleeps by himsel in the stable aboon the naigs; and, if you will
go up the ladder, which I will show you, you will find his clothes lying
upon an old chair just at the ladder-head. Now, just slip quietly one of
your best waistcoat-pieces into his pocket, and we will swear, to-morrow
morning, that Watty entered the auld cha'mer, when you were asleep, and
stole the piece. I will be answerable to you for the money."
The scheme pleased me exceedingly; so I ascended the ladder and
deposited the goods as directed. But, when I turned about again to
descend, I found the ladder, as well as my directress, absent without
leave. What was to be done? I could not descend without risk to my neck
from the stable loft; and yet I was afraid that, if Watty should awake,
he would take me for a thief, and, perhaps, tumble me headlong from the
dangerous position which I occupied. In feeling, therefore, about me, to
ascertain if there was no other method of escape, I was immediately
seized by the neck, and grasped so closely that I had almost been choked
ere I could ejaculate--"Help! murder!" _&c_. Not a word was said in
reply; but I felt cords passing around my body in various directions,
and myself tied down, like Gulliver, flat on the boards and beams
beneath me. I expostulated--threatened--coaxed my tormentors--for I felt
there were two--but all to no purpose. My destiny was fixed, and there I
lay supine, whilst my mischievous jailors manifestly slept, and even
snored aloud. At last, worn out with watching and vexation, I fell
soundly asleep; and, when I awoke, it was broad daylight. I found my
limbs unloosed, my tormentors gone, and the ladder by which I had
ascended restored.
Next day, I learned that, instead of playing a trick upon any one, I had
myself been imposed upon, to the immense amusement of Nanny and the
whole household. It was not Nanny, but wee Watty Telfer, with whom I had
conversed by the peat stack. It was _he_, set on by James Hogg, who had
got me up the ladder, and then, entering himself by another passage, had
assisted a fellow-servant in binding me, and in ultimately releasing me
from limbo. Well, what, good reader, did I do on this occasion? Did I
immediately take things in great dudgeon, and depart with my pack in
great wrath? No such thing. I had listened to my uncle to little purpose
had this been the result. On the contrary, I immediately displayed my
tempting articles before the young couple, Watty and Nanny, who were
actually bride and bridegroom, and sold to the whole family, the young
folks included, not less than upwards of ten pounds of goods; not one
farthing of which would I have pocketed had I been the fool to resent my
somewhat disagreeable usage. Ever after this adventure, I was a welcome
visitant at Locherben; and Nanny Telfer who is now the mistress of a
large family, and has servants of her own, patronises me to a very
considerable extent. Wee Watty has become staid and industrious, and
rents a sheep-farm from the Duke of Buccleuch, on which he seems to
thrive amazingly. Indeed, all the duke's tenantry are in a very thriving
condition; for this simple reason--that they are not rack-rented.