“Oh, how do you do, Mr. Willing? I’m so glad to see you! I was just
saying to myself it’s such a dull afternoon I’d be glad to see anybody.”
“Even me!”
“Now, you’re just fishing for a compliment, but you won’t get it. Sit
down in that big easy chair and we’ll have a nice, quiet, comfy
afternoon, and you can talk to me.”
“I can do what?”
“Oh, well, I’ll talk to you, then. I want to ask your advice about
something. I’m in a—well, a sort of a dilemma—and I want the judgment
of a man of the world—an all-round knowing man—if you know what I
mean. Oh, there’s the telephone—pardon me, Mr. Willing—I’ll just see
who it is—no, you needn’t leave the room—it’s probably Tottie, or some
of the girls. Hello! Oh, hello! Is that you, Jack? Why, you dear boy,
I’m so glad to see you—hear you, I mean.
“What? Not really? Oh, the idea! Now, don’t you flatter me like
that—oh, no, no—I couldn’t possibly!—well, maybe—if you’ll promise
to be good.
“What, now? Oh, no, Jack, you can’t come up here now. I’m—just going
out! No—you didn’t hear a man’s voice exclaiming! That was Fido! Yes,
he has a human sort of a bark. Well, yes, it is a little like Willy
Willing’s voice—he’s a perfect puppy! What! No! Of course, I mean Fido.
No, Jack, you can’t come now; I tell you I’m going out. I have on my hat
and coat already—yes, that was Fido again—he always makes that queer
sound when anybody telephones. (Puts hand over transmitter.) Mr.
Willing, you must keep still, or I won’t tell all these fibs for your
benefit! But I don’t want our nice quiet afternoon intruded upon—Yes,
Jack, come to-morrow. I have something I want to consult you about. I
really need the advice of a (covers transmitter again)—Mr. Willing,
please step into the library for a moment. Look at the new books on the
table—Yes, Jack, truly, I need the experienced advice of an all-round
man of the world—like you—oh, yes, you are—you’re awfully well
balanced and all that—don’t talk when I am talking—wait till I ring
off—oh, Jane is just bringing me a card—wait a minute, Jack—why, it’s
Mr. Strong—I like that man awfully well—show him in, Jane. Goodby,
Jack—no, I can’t listen now—good-by.”
“How do you do, Mr. Strong? Do sit down. Take this easy chair. I’m so
glad to see you—yes, isn’t it dull weather? So good of you to come and
brighten up an otherwise lonely afternoon. Excuse me, just a moment;
there’s a new book in the library I want to show you. (Goes into next
room.)
“Now Mr. Willing, you must stay here till Mr. Strong goes. Because, if
you show yourself, you’ll have to leave here before he does——”
“I won’t!”
“Hush, he’ll hear you—now, I won’t be a bit entertaining to him, and
he’ll soon go—and then we can have our nice, quiet afternoon. Now, will
you be goody-boy and stay here and not make a sound?”
“Yes, but I’ll eavesdrop everything you say.”
“I don’t care. I shan’t mean a word of it!”
“And if you don’t fire him pretty swift I’ll come in there and stir up a
hurrah’s nest!”
“There! there! there! little one. Rest tranquil! Read a nice, pretty
book or something, but don’t smoke, or he’ll know somebody’s in here.”
(Lilly returns to drawing room.) “Yes, I’m so glad you came, Mr.
Strong—what book?—Oh, yes, I was going to show you a book, but I—it
wasn’t there. Never mind, let’s just chat—I want to ask you something,
something serious, you know. May I?”
“Oh—I don’t know—you see, it’s Leap Year!”
“Now Mr. Strong, don’t frivol. It doesn’t suit your iron-bound
countenance. And, truly, I’m in earnest! You know, we women like to get
the ideas of a man’s brain! A man of judgment and experience—a—well,
what they call a man of the world—oh, yes, you are. I often quote your
opinions—they’re so profound. Now, what I want to ask you about is—oh,
there’s the telephone—excuse me—just a tiny minute—no, don’t go. Oh,
hello! Is that you, Flossy? Darling girl, do come over, can’t you?—yes,
now—right away—oh, I wish you could—I want to hear all about
it!—only last night?—a ruby and diamond!—oh, heavenly!—well, come
to-morrow morning, then—yes—yes, indeed, dearest—goodby—goodby—yes,
I think so, too—perfectly horrid, but, oh, of course, yes—goodby—no,
nothing of the sort—yes, I’ll come right over—goodby—”
“Oh, must you go, Mr. Strong?”
“Well, yes, I did tell Miss Fay I’d go over to see her, but I meant
after your call was over—please don’t go yet—you must? Well, come
again, do—I always enjoy a talk with you—you’re so—so profound—if
you know what I mean. Good afternoon, Mr. Strong.
“Now, come back, Mr. Willing! Didn’t I tell you I’d get rid of him in
short order? But he’s such an everlasting talker it’s hard to make him
go. Now, we can have our nice, quiet afternoon. Excuse me just a minute
first—I want to telephone just the leastest word to Tottie May!
“Oh, hello! Is this you, darling? What do you think?—oh, you know
already? Did Flossy tell you?—oh, no, not really! Well, for gracious
goodness’ sake!—yes, coral-pink chiffon, in one of those new smudge
designs—oh, yes—a black chip Gainsborough, with practically all the
feathers in the world piled on it—no, Thursday afternoon—why, about
five—violets? Well, rather! Oh, Tottie—and, yes, Mr. Willing is here,
but he can’t hear what you say—no, he doesn’t mind waiting—oh, Tottie!
I can’t believe it. Yes, she did! And she said that Billy said if she
ever did such a thing again—Oh, Tottie, what do you think? Mr. Willing
has gone!”