“Yes, indeed, Mrs. Sevier, I’m going to play at this table. Where do I
sit? Here? Perhaps you’d rather have this seat, with your back to the
light, don’t you know? Cut for partners? Ace low. Why, isn’t that funny!
I always thought the ace was the highest card of all, if you don’t use a
joker. And you don’t in Bridge. Do you? No; I haven’t played very much,
but I’m quick at catching on. I always say Bridge is for those who are
too old or too married to flirt. Oh, I beg your pardon, Mrs. Sevier, of
course you’re not either! Well, I know you’ve been married twice, but
that isn’t much nowadays. I’m perfectly sure I never shall be married at
all. Of course, I’m only nineteen, but I think I look older. No? Well,
one can’t tell about one’s looks. Mother says very few sensible men
would want to marry me! But I tell her very few would be enough. Now,
you needn’t laugh at that, Mr. Chapman, it’s quite true. Are you my
partner? No? Oh, I play with Mr. Ritchie, and you play with Mrs. Sevier.
Very well, let’s begin.”
“Shall we play Lilies?”
“Play Lilies? Why, Mr. Chapman, I thought we were to play Bridge! I took
half a dozen lessons a year ago. I haven’t played since, but I’ve a
marvelous memory. Oh, I see, you’re just chaffing me, because my name is
Lilly! You mean you’ll play Lilly’s game. Now, you’ll excuse me, won’t
you, if I sort my cards face down, on the table? Why, I seem to have
five suits! I declare, my hand is a perfect rubbish heap! Oh, Mrs.
Sevier, have you joined that new City Beautiful Club? I’m on the Rubbish
Committee, and I have to read a paper on the æsthetic decoration of ash
cans, or Art in Rubbish. It’s such fun! I love women’s clubs. I’m going
to join another. I forget what it’s called, but they want poor, dumb
animals to have a vote, or something like that. Well, come on, people,
let’s play Bridge. Oh, don’t look like that, Mr. Ritchie! Gay and
festive, please! Is it my deal? Well, you just deal for me. I always
come out wrong.
“What are my conventions? Really, I haven’t any. I’m the most
unconventional person you ever saw. Why, mother says—but speaking of
conventions, our Federated Clubs are going to have a stunning convention
next week. That’s where I’m going to read my paper. I’ve a screaming new
costume—and a hat! Well, if I began to tell you about that hat it would
interrupt our game. Wait till I’m Dummy, Mrs. Sevier, and I’ll tell you.
I expect these men wouldn’t really care to—Oh, my discard? Yes,
indeed—I—why, yes, of course I always discard spades. They count the
least, you know.”
“Unless they’re lilies.”
“Oh, Mr. Ritchie! How dear of you! Do you really set such store by my
spades? Now, that’s a partner worth having! I love to play Bridge, if I
can have my own way. Do you know, of all things, I hate disapproval. I
just can’t stand it if people are cross to me!”
“You don’t even avail yourself of a cross-ruff, do you?”
“Oh, Mr. Ritchie, how witty! Did I overlook a chance? That reminds me of
a lady in our club, Mrs. Ruff. You see, she hasn’t a very becoming
husband—at present—and she always looks so discontented, we call her
the Cross Ruff! Yes—yes—I am going to play. I was just thinking.
“My heavens and earth, Mrs. Sevier, don’t look at me like that! Your
eyes are perfect sledgehammers! No, I wasn’t peeking into Mr. Chapman’s
hand! But I just chanced to catch a glimpse of his Queen of Hearts—Oh,
Mr. Chapman, are you going to the Muchmore’s fancy ball? Because, I’m
going as Queen of Hearts, and if you wanted to go as King of Hearts—Hal
Breston insists he’s going to take that part, but—well, I want to pique
him—Yes, yes, Mrs. Sevier, I know it’s my play, I was just thinking.
Bridge isn’t a game you can play thoughtlessly—like Tit-tat-toe. You
see, the Dummy is on my right hand—don’t you think that phrase has a
funny sound? ‘She sat on her hostess’ right hand?’ How could the poor
hostess eat? Yes, yes—there, I’ll play my king. Oh, he’s taken it with
the ace! Why, I thought that was out long ago! Well, you made me play so
fast, I scarcely knew what I was playing. I’m afraid you’ll think I’m
flighty, but really I have so many things on my mind, it’s hard to think
of only one at a time. Of course, it’s different with you, Mrs. Sevier.
Your life is more in a rut—if you know what I mean. Well, being
married, you can’t help that. Yes, I know it’s my play—I was just
thinking. I guess I’ll play a diamond. I know I’m returning my
opponent’s lead, but I have a reason. Now, don’t scold me, Mr. Ritchie;
I simply cannot play if people disapprove of what I do. Yes, smile at me
like that, it’s ever so much nicer! You seem a little put out, Mrs.
Sevier! Are you holding poor hands? Come, come, if these two gentlemen
and I are having such a pleasant game, you must enjoy it, too. What did
you bid, Mrs. Sevier?”
“I think I shall have to bid adieu.”
“Oh, must you go, really? Too bad! Well, good night, and thank you for
such a pleasant time.
“Now, let us play three-hand auction; it’s a splendid game.”