PARTIES: _A Simpleton from the Wilderness, and a Misanthropic Traveller.
[The Simpleton asks for information.]_
"They say that railroads now an't safe.
Say, mister, how is that?"
It comes of "accidents," my friend--
Where cheap rails spread out flat,
Cheap axles break, cheap boilers burst,
Cheap trestle-work gives way:
No wonder, when you think of that,
They kill a man a day!
Well, folks must travel; must go fast;
Must take the cars--and risk;
They can't afford a Special Train,
Like VANDERBILT or FISK;
They know a curve that's pretty sharp,
A bank that's pretty steep,
Rocks that may roll upon the track,
"Sleepers" that never sleep;
Here was a "smash-up" not long since,
That killed about a score;
Two trains "collided" yesterday,
And maimed a dozen more.
But, go they must--by railroad, too,
And all its risks defy:
For no American believes
That _he_ will ever die!
_[The Simpleton, with open mouth, further questions the Traveller.]_
"In God's name, citizen, pray tell
How this can go on, so!"
You ask a simple thing, my friend,
As I will quickly show.
_Directors know their countrymen,_
And _that_ is why we bleed:
So long as nothing's done to them,
The slaughter will proceed.
It's so in coal-mines, so in mills;
It's so on steamboats, too;
We're killed by hundreds, every year:
But what's a man to do?
These harpies make our laws for us--
Or do so through their tools:
No doubt we seem to all the world
A wretched pack of fools!
We are so busy! We've _no time_
To see that all is right!
We'll give the danger all our thoughts--
The moment its in sight!
Cheap iron and cheap souls, my friend,
Have cursed us all along.
But what possesses you, good friend?
I'm sure there's nothing wrong!
_[The Simpleton from the Wilderness is terribly excited.]_
"I warn 'em not to serve _me_ so!
They'll rue it, if they do!
No axle, wheel, nor rail must break;
No bridge must let me through!
No other train must smash up ours;
No culvert fall away;
The scaly boiler mustn't burst;
And here cows mustn't stray!
"Conductors' watches _must_ keep time;
Switch-'tenders _must_ "know beans,"
And engineers keep wide awake
And know what duty means:
And (in particular) no fiend
Must take into his head
To throw my train off down a bank
For spite, or even bread!
"What! do these dreadful things go on
That companies may thrive?
Is _profit_ the sole living thing
They care to keep alive?
Then, fellow-citizen, rouse up!
For you and I are kings!
Let us decree-and straightway _have_
A different state of things!"
["Well, you 'decree' it; and when it's done, please let me know,"
remarks the _Misanthropic Traveller._]
* * * * *
Sugar-Cane.
The friends of WILLIAM TWEED, in presenting a cane to him the other
evening, desired to show the Young Democracy how many there are who
Stick to him.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE GREAT NATIONAL GAME.
OUR COLORED BROTHER. "HI YAH! STAN' BACK DAR;
IT'S DIS CHILE'S INNIN'S NOW."]
* * * * *