We had intended to have arranged, for the use of future syncretics, a
system of coincidences, compiled from the plots of those magnificent
soul-stirring extravaganzas produced and acted at the modern temples of
the drama--the chaste Victoria--the didactic Sadler's Wells--and the
tramontane Pavilion: but we have found the subject too vast for
comprehension, and must content ourselves with noting some of the more
exorbitant and refined instances of genius and hallucination displayed in
those mighty works. Among these the following are pre-eminent:--
It is a remarkable thing that mothers are always buried on the tops of
inaccessible mountains, and that, when it occurs to their afflicted
daughters to go and pray at their tombs, they generally choose a
particularly inclement night as best adapted for that purpose. It is
convenient, too, if any murder took place exactly on the spot, exactly
twenty years before, because in that case it is something agreeable to
reflect upon and allude to.
It is remarkable that people never lie down but to dream, and that they
always dream quite to the purpose, and immediately on having done
dreaming, they wake and act upon it.
It is remarkable that young men never know definitely whose sons they are,
and generally turn out to belong to the wrong father, and find that they
have been falling in love with their sisters, and all that sort of thing.
N.B. Wanted, a new catastrophe for these incidents, as suicide is going
out of fashion.
It is remarkable that whenever people are in a particular hurry to be off,
they make a point of singing a song to put themselves in spirits, and as
an effectual method of concealing their presence from their enemies, who
are always close at hand with knives.
It is remarkable that things always go wrong until the last scene, and
then there is such hurry and bustle to get them right again, that no one
would ever believe it could be done in the time; only they know it must
be, and make up their minds to it accordingly.
One word more. Like St. Dunstan's feet, which possessed the sacred virtue
of self-multiplication, and of which there existed three at one time, it
appears to be a prerogative of epithets of the superlative degree to
attach themselves to any number of substantives. Thus the most popular
comedian of the day is five different men--the most beautiful drama ever
produced is two farces--an opera and a tragedy--and the most decided hit
in the memory of man is the "Grecian Statues"--"The Wizard of the
Moon"--"The Devil's Daughter"--"Martinuzzi"--and "The Refuge for the
Destitute."
* * * * *