The thought of being probably obliged again to meet Mrs Harrington, soon
made Amy forget her painful feelings in the chapel; and during the whole
of dinner her eye turned anxiously to the door, and her ear caught every
sound in the passage, in the dread lest her aunt should enter; and she
ate what was placed before her almost unconsciously, without attending
to anything that was said.
Miss Morton was the only person who remarked this; and she had a
sufficient opportunity, for no notice was taken of her. She was not
introduced to Miss Cunningham; but the young lady cast many curious
glances at her as she came into the room, and then a whispered
conversation followed between her and Margaret, quite loud enough to
be heard. She was described as "the person who teaches us music and
drawing," and her birth, parentage, and education were given. And when
Miss Cunningham's curiosity was satisfied, she condescended to look
at her attentively for nearly a minute, and then appeared entirely to
forget that such a being was in existence. Miss Morton bore this gaze
without shrinking. There was not a flush on her delicate cheek, or the
slightest curl of anger about her gentle mouth; and all that showed she
was aware of what was said was the momentary glistening of her eye
as she caught the words--"Oh! she is an orphan, is she?" and then
Margaret's reply--"Yes; she lost her father and mother both in one
month." Amy would have felt very indignant, if she had remarked it, but
at that moment she could attend to nothing but the door; and Dora, whose
proud, sulky mood had not yet passed away, sat by the window, and did
not speak.
The dinner was very dull. Miss Cunningham professed herself so tired
with her walk that she could not eat; and looking at everything that was
offered her, said "she would try it, but really she had such a delicate
appetite she could seldom touch anything;" helping herself, at the same
time, to two very good-sized cutlets as a commencement, and finishing
with the last piece of apple-tart in the dish near her. Rose fixed her
eyes steadily upon her, as she transferred the remains of the tart to
her plate; and then turning to Miss Morton, whose seat was always next
to hers, said almost aloud, "Why does she not ask first!" Miss Morton
looked as grave as she could, and tried to stop her; but although Miss
Cunningham heard, it did not at all follow that she understood; and the
child's question had no more effect upon her than if it had been put in
private.
"Would you let me go with you to your room?" said Amy to Miss Morton,
as soon as dinner was over. "I am afraid aunt Harrington will be here
presently; and I have got into such a scrape with her."
"But supposing," replied Emily, "that I should think it best for you to
stay, what will you do then?"
"Oh! of course," said Amy, "I should do as you thought right; but if you
would let me go and tell you all about it, I should be so glad; and I
will promise to come back again if you say I ought."
"Well!" replied Emily, "if we make that agreement I shall not care; and
we will let Rose and her doll stay behind."
Miss Morton's room was becoming to Amy's feelings almost as delightful
as the chapel. It was not often that she was admitted there, but
whenever she was, her curiosity and interest were greatly excited. There
were, in fact, two rooms, a small ante-room and a rather large bedroom;
and they would probably have been considered too good to be appropriated
to Miss Morton's use, if it had not been that Rose always shared the
same apartment. Emily's taste was so good, that wherever she went, some
traces of it appeared; and when Amy first saw these rooms after her
uncle's arrival, she scarcely recognised them to be the same which she
had before known only as desolate lumber-rooms. Not that there were any
symptoms of luxury about them, for there was no furniture beyond what
was absolutely required; but there were books and work on the table,
pictures on the walls, and flowers in the windows; and to all these Amy
guessed some history was attached, for the pictures she had been told
were of Emily's friends and relations, and the books had been given her
by those she was now parted from, perhaps for ever in this world; and
the flowers seemed to possess a value beyond anything they could derive
from their own beauty, for they were cherished almost as living beings.
Once or twice lately Miss Morton had related to Amy some of the stories
relating to these things, and this naturally increased her desire to
hear more; but on the present occasion she thought of nothing but the
relief of escaping from her aunt; and telling Emily, in a few words,
what had occurred, she begged not to be sent back again.
Miss Morton thought for a moment, and then replied, "I am afraid, my
dear, that I must be very hard-hearted and say, no. Mrs Harrington
is much more likely to be displeased, if she thinks you have hidden
yourself. You know you must see her again, and then you will still have
the same fear, and you will not be comfortable even at home, unless the
meeting is over, but if you face it now, and tell her, if she should
say anything, that you are sorry she has been displeased, and ask her
to forgive you, you will return home happy. We never lessen our
difficulties by putting off the evil day."
"But," replied Amy, "Margaret says she will forget."
"I think your cousin is wrong," answered Miss Morton. "Some things Mrs
Harrington does forget, but not what she considers liberties; besides,
is it not much better to have our faults forgiven and forgotten?"
"But I don't think I did anything wrong," said Amy.
"No," replied Miss Morton, "it was not wrong in itself; it was only
wrong because it was against your aunt's wishes. She is very particular
indeed about some things; and this, of ringing the bell and giving
orders, is one."
"I can't say I am sorry if I am not," said Amy; "and if I have not done
anything wrong, how can I be so?"
"You may be sorry for having vexed your aunt, though it was
unintentionally; and this is all I wish you to say."
Amy looked very unhappy. "I wish I had not gone away," she said; "it
will be much worse going back again if she is there."
"Yes," replied Miss Morton, "I can quite understand that; but whether it
be easy or difficult it does not make any difference in its being right;
and I think," she added, as she put her arm affectionately round Amy's
waist and kissed her for the first time, "I think there is some one you
love very dearly who would say the same."
Perhaps no kiss that Amy had ever before received had been so valuable
as this. At the moment it seemed as if she had power to do anything that
Miss Morton thought right, and she walked to the door with a firm step.
Then once more her resolution failed, and as she stood with the handle
in her hand she said, "Do you think my aunt will be there?"
"I do not think about it," replied Miss Morton; "but if you delay,
your courage will be quite gone. You will not shrink from doing what is
right, will you?"
Amy waited no longer, but with a desperate effort ran down the turret
stairs and along the passage, and opened the school-room door without
giving herself time to remember what she was about to encounter.
The dessert still remained, but Dora and Margaret were standing at
the round table in the oriel window, exhibiting their drawings to Lord
Rochford, and Mr and Mrs Harrington were talking together apart. Amy's
first impulse was to screen herself from sight; but she remembered Miss
Morton's words, and resolving to meet the trial, at once walked up to
the table.
"Ah!" said Lord Rochford, as he perceived her, "here is my little
runaway friend, whom I have been looking for for some minutes. I am sure
there must be some drawings of hers to be seen too."
Mrs Harrington turned round. "Get your drawings, Amy," she said in her
coldest manner. Amy willingly obeyed, thinking anything preferable to
standing still and doing nothing.
"Very pretty, very pretty, indeed!" exclaimed Lord Rochford, looking at
them; "artist-like decidedly; very good that is." And he pointed to
one which Amy knew was the worst of all, and which only struck his eye
because the shadows were darker and the lights brighter than the rest.
"Has Amy been doing anything wrong?" said Mr Harrington, in a low voice
to his wife. "She seems so frightened, yet she always strikes me as
being very obedient; and those drawings of hers are admirable."
"She would do very well." answered Mrs Harrington, "if she would but be
as attentive to her general conduct as she is to her accomplishments."
"Oh! careless, I suppose," said Mr Harrington. "It is not to be wondered
at in such a young thing."
"I can never think any age an excuse for an impertinent liberty," was
her reply.
"Amy impertinent! it is quite impossible. Come here, my dear, and tell
me what you have been doing."
A cloud gathered on Mrs Harrington's brow; but Amy felt reassured by her
uncle's kind manner, and answered as audibly as she could, "I rang the
bell, uncle."
Mr Harrington laughed heartily, and Mrs Harrington looked still more
annoyed.
"This is not the place to talk about it," she said, quickly. "Amy knows
very well that I had full reason to be displeased, but of course she is
too proud to own it."
"Oh no, indeed I am not!" exclaimed Amy. "I did not know I was wrong,
aunt; but I am very sorry for having vexed you."
"There," said Mr Harrington, "you cannot wish for anything more; she is
very sorry, and will not do it again. And now, Charlotte, you must be
very sorry and forgive."
Amy felt as if she hardly liked to be forgiven, when she did not
think she was in fault; but again she recollected what Miss Morton had
said,--that she was to be sorry, not for having been guilty of a fault,
but for having annoyed her aunt; and she checked the feeling of pride,
and listened patiently and humbly, while Mrs Harrington gave her a
tolerably long lecture on the impropriety of taking the same liberties
at Emmerton that she would at the cottage, and ended by saying that
she hoped, as she grew older, she would know her position better. After
which, bestowing upon her a cold, unwilling kiss, she promised that she
would try and forget what had passed.
Mr Harrington walked away as the lecture began; disliking so much being
said before his visitor, who, he saw, observed what was going on.
Lord Rochford's pity had, indeed, been somewhat excited, and he said
good-naturedly, as Amy came up to the table again--"Well! I hope it is
right now. I suspected you were not in such a hurry for nothing; but
'all's well that ends well,' you know. I hate scrapes, and always
did,--never let Lucy get into any, do I, darling?"
Miss Cunningham either did not hear, or did not think it worth while to
answer; taking advantage of her father's principle that she was never
to get into scrapes, she always treated him in the most unceremonious
manner possible.
"I don't think you and Mrs Harrington would quite agree upon that
subject," observed Mr Harrington; "her principle is that storms bring
peace."
"Not mine, not mine," said Lord Rochford. "There is nothing in the world
that I love like peace; so now, Mrs Harrington, we will be of the same
mind about your visit to the Park. You shall come next week, and bring
all the young ones, my little friend here included."
"You must excuse my deciding immediately," replied Mrs Harrington; "and
I have great doubts whether going about and seeing people is at all good
for my niece; even being here upsets her mind."
Poor Amy looked very blank, for it had long been one of her chief wishes
to see Rochford Park.
"You must not be out of temper about it," said Mrs Harrington, as she
remarked her disappointed countenance; "only try and be more attentive,
and then you will be sure to be rewarded."
"I shall not let you off, though, so easily," continued Lord Rochford.
"I have set my heart upon your coming, and I must have you all; no
exception for good temper or bad. Come, Harrington, interpose your
authority."
"I will promise to use my influence," answered Mr Harrington; "and with
that you must be satisfied."
Lord Rochford declared he was not at all, but that he had no time to
argue the matter, for the carriage had been at the door at least a
quarter of an hour, so he should consider the thing as settled.
The parting between Margaret and Miss Cunningham was very affectionate;
and Amy, as she looked on, wondered how so much love could have been
inspired in so short a time, and felt it quite a relief that Dora was
contented with a cold shake of the hand, since it allowed her to follow
her example without being particular. To have kissed Miss Cunningham
would have been almost as disagreeable as to be kissed by her aunt when
she was angry.
"That is the most unpleasant girl I ever saw," exclaimed Dora, when she
was left alone with Amy, Margaret having followed Miss Cunningham to the
carriage. "A proud, conceited, forward thing, who thinks she may give
herself any airs she pleases. Now, Amy, don't look grave; I know you
can't endure her."
"I don't like her," said Amy.
"Not like her! You hate her, I am sure you do,--you must."
"I hope not," replied Amy, laughing. "I never hated any one yet."
"Then I am sorry for you," said Dora. "No one can be a good lover who is
not a good hater. I would rather have any thing than lukewarmness."
"So would I," replied Amy. "I hope I am not lukewarm; and I am sure I
can love some people very dearly,--yes, more than I could ever tell,"
she added, as she thought of her mamma. "But I don't know whether I
could hate; I never met with any one yet to try upon."
"You can't have a better subject than that odious Miss Cunningham. I
could not think of her sandy hair, and her ugly unmeaning eyes, for two
minutes, without feeling that I hated her."
"Please don't say so, Dora," said Amy, earnestly, "it makes me so
sorry."
"Does it? I don't see why you should care what I say; it can make no
difference to you."
"Oh yes, but indeed it does, for I think it is not right. I don't
mean to vex you," continued Amy, seeing the expression of her cousin's
countenance change. "I know you are older than I am, and perhaps I ought
not to say it, only I could not help being sorry."
"I am not vexed," said Dora; "but it cannot signify to you whether I am
right or wrong. It would be different if it were yourself."
"If it were myself," replied Amy, "I could be sorry for myself, and try
not to do wrong any more; but I cannot make you sorry, and so it seems
almost worse."
"Make me sorry!" exclaimed Dora, in a tone of surprise. "Of course you
can't; but why should you wish it?"
"I always wish every one to be sorry when they do wrong, because, you
know, no one is forgiven till they are."
"But supposing they don't think it wrong, you would not have them be
sorry then, would you? I see no harm in hating Miss Cunningham."
"It may be wrong," replied Amy, "though you don't think so,"
"Who is to judge?" asked Dora.
Amy was silent for a moment, and then said. "Would you let me show you a
verse in the Bible, Dora, about it? Mamma made me read it one day when I
said I hated some one, though I know I did not really do it, and I have
never forgotten it."
"Well, let me see it," said Dora, almost sulkily. Amy took a Bible from
the book-case, and pointed to the fifteenth verse of the third chapter
of St John's first epistle:--"Whosoever hateth his brother is a
murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in
him." "Oh!" exclaimed Dora, when she had read it, "that is so shocking.
Of course, when I talk about hating, I don't mean such hatred as that."
"So I said," replied Amy; "and then mamma told me that if I did not
mean it, I ought not to say it; and that the very fact of my using such
expressions showed that I had a great dislike, which I ought not to
indulge; and then she made me read a great many more verses in this
epistle, about its being our duty to love people. But, Dora, I don't
mean to teach you anything, for I am sure you must know it all a great
deal better than I do; only I wanted to tell you what mamma said to me."
Amy would probably have been very much surprised if she had known the
feelings which passed through her cousin's mind as she spoke. It had
never entered her head that she could give advice or instruction; and
yet, perhaps, no words from an older person could have had half the
effect of hers. Dora, however, was not in the habit of showing what
she felt, and Amy was too simple to guess it, even when the exclamation
escaped her, "I would give all I am worth to have lived with Aunt
Herbert and you all my life, Amy."
"Oh no!" exclaimed Amy, "you cannot be serious. Think of this house, and
the beautiful grounds, and Wayland too, where you used to be so happy;
you never would bear to live in a cottage."
"I think sometimes it makes no difference where people live," answered
Dora. "I don't think I am at all happier for papa's having a fine
house."
Amy thought of what Susan Reynolds had said, "that eating, and drinking,
and fine clothes, did not make people happy;" and it seemed strange that
two persons so differently situated should have thought so much alike;
but she had not time to talk any longer to Dora, for the evening was
closing in, and she was obliged to return home, and, as she thought,
without any attendant except the man servant who usually took charge
of her. But just as she was settling herself upon her donkey, Bridget
appeared at the hall door with a request that Miss Herbert would be so
very kind as to wait one moment longer, for Stephen had been in just
before, to know if any of the ladies were going back with her, for he
wished very much to walk a little way if he might be allowed. "He is
only gone up to the stable, Miss," added Bridget, "if it is not too much
trouble for you to stop. I can't think what made him go away."
"Never mind," said Amy, "it is never any trouble to wait for Stephen;
but it will not be long now--that must be he coming down the chestnut
walk."
Stephen's hobbling pace was exchanged for a species of trot, as he
perceived Amy already mounted; and he came up to her with a thousand
apologies for the delay. "But you know, Miss Amy, 'tis not very often I
can see you now, so I thought I would make bold for once. And please to
tell me now how your mamma is, for she doesn't come here as she used;
and the folks in the village say she's getting as white as a sheet."
"I don't think mamma is as well or as strong as she used to be,
Stephen," replied Amy; "but she does not complain much, only she soon
gets tired."
"Oh!" said Stephen, shaking his head, "India, India,--'tis all India,
Miss Amy. Why English people shouldn't be contented to stay on English
ground is more than I can guess. A nice, comfortable cottage in a good
pasture country, such as this, with a few ups and downs in it to make a
variety, is all I should ever wish to have. I want nothing that's to be
got from foreign parts; for it's always been my maxim that one penny in
England is worth twenty out of it."
"But," replied Amy, "some people are obliged to go, Stephen. I am sure
papa would not have done it if he could have helped it."
"Help or no help, 'tis what I can't understand," said Stephen. "Not that
I mean any disrespect to the colonel, Miss Amy, but it grieves me to
hear the people talk about your poor mamma's pale face."
"I don't think she looks so very pale," said Amy, feeling uncomfortable,
and yet hardly owning it to herself.
"The dwellers in the same house are not those to see the change,"
replied the old man; "but I don't mean to be vexing your young heart
before its time. Sorrow comes soon enough to all; and," he added,
reverently, "He who sends it will send His strength with it."
"That is what mamma says," answered Amy. "She is always begging me not
to look forward; but I do long to do it very often; and she would be so
happy if she could be sure when papa would come back."
"Look, Miss Amy," said Stephen, gathering a daisy from the grass, "do
you see that? Now, you might try, and so might I, and so might all the
great folks that ever lived,--we might all try all our lives, and we
never could make such a thing as that; and yet, you know, 'tis but a
tiny flower that nobody thinks about; and sometimes, when I get wishing
that things were different, I take up a daisy and look at it, till it
seems most wonderful how it should be made, and how it should live; and
then it comes into my head how many millions there are like it, and how
many plants, and trees, and insects, and animals, and living souls too,
and that God made them all,--all that are here, and all that are up
above (for I suppose there is no harm in thinking that there may be
such); and so at last, do you see, I don't only _know_, but I can
_feel_, that He is wise; and my heart gets quite light again, for I am
sure that He knows what is best; and as He has not told us what is to
come, 'tis but folly to wish about it."
"Well! Stephen," said Amy, "I really will try; but it is very hard
sometimes."
"Ah! yes," replied Stephen, "we all have something hard, Miss Amy; young
or old, there is always something. 'Twas hard for me when the master
went away and left the old house to itself, as you may say; and there
are some things that are hard now."
"What things?" asked Amy, as she almost stopped her donkey, and looked
eagerly into the old steward's face. "I thought you never would be
unhappy again when uncle Harrington came back."
"'Tis he, and 'tisn't he, that's come," replied Stephen. "There's a
change; but 'twas the foolishness of an old man's heart to think that it
wouldn't be so."
"But what is changed?" said Amy,
"Everything!" exclaimed Stephen; "the master, and madam, and the young
ladies, and all; only Mrs Bridget isn't a bit different."
"Oh, but Stephen, you know my cousins were so young when they went
away--of course they are altered."
"To be sure, Miss Amy, I wasn't so foolish as not to expect that; but I
did hope that the young ladies wouldn't be above coming to see one, and
talking a bit; and that the young gentleman (God bless him and keep him,
for he's the only one) would have been here, and that, perhaps, they
would have wanted a little teaching about the ponies. I had two of
the little Welsh ones brought in from the hills on purpose, and took a
pleasure in training them, but no one comes near me to look at them."
"If you would only mention it," said Amy, "I am sure my cousins would be
delighted."
"No," replied Stephen, "it's not in my way to put myself forward so,
for those who don't care to ask after me. If they had come down to the
cottage, and said a word to me or little Nelly, and then noticed that
the ponies were about there (for I keep them in the field), 'twould have
been all very well, and natural like; but I shall say nothing about
it now; only if master should inquire after any, he can have them. And
master Frank, too--'twill never be like the old times till there is a
young gentleman about the place."
"Frank is expected at Christmas," said Amy; "he went to stay with his
uncle, Sir Henry Charlton, after poor Edward died, because it was a
change for him; and he was so wretched; and since then he has been at
school."
"I'm growing old, Miss Amy," answered Stephen, "and Christmas is a long
time to look forward to. I don't mean to complain, only 'twould have
been a comfort to have seen him here with the rest, and perhaps have
kept me from thinking so much about him that's gone: but it's all right;
and," he added, more earnestly, as he brushed his hand hastily across
his eyes, "I would not have him back again,--no, not if I could see him
a king upon his throne."
"And does no one ever go to visit you, Stephen?" asked Amy, rather
sadly.
"Yes," he replied, "the young lady, Miss Morton, comes very often; and
though she is not one of the family, yet it does one good to see her,
and talk to her; and then, too, she brings the little one with her; and
sure enough she's the sweetest little cherub that ever was born."
"What, Rose?" said Amy. "Is she not a darling little thing?"
"I never saw but one before that I thought I could like better," said
Stephen, laying his hard sun-burnt hand on Amy's tiny fingers; "and that
one, I hope, God will bless, and keep for many a long day. But I must
not go on farther, for you don't get on so fast when I am walking with
you."
Amy pressed the old man's hand affectionately, begging him to come on
only a little way, for she hardly ever saw him now.
But Stephen was firm. He had gone to his usual point, a splendid oak,
commonly called the Baron's tree, from a tradition that it had been
planted when Emmerton was built; and it seemed almost as if a charm
would be broken if he went further. Amy stopped, and watched him till
he was out of sight, and then pursued her ride through the forest with a
sadder heart than she had begun it.
"You are late to-night, my love," said Mrs Herbert, as her little girl
dismounted from her donkey; "you forget that the days are beginning to
close in; and what makes you look so unhappy?"
"Oh! not much, mamma; only please don't stand here in the cold."
"You are so very suddenly careful of me," replied Mrs Herbert, smiling;
"is this the last thing you learned at the Hall?"
"No," answered Amy; "only Stephen says you look pale, and all the
village people say so too; but I don't think you are so now."
"I am much better to-night, my dear child," said Mrs Herbert. "You must
not listen to what every one says, and get frightened without reason."
Amy's spirits were revived in a moment, and she ran gaily into the
cottage, and in a very short time was seated by the fireside with her
mamma, recounting the incidents of the day; Miss Cunningham, and her
behaviour, her aunt's anger, and her own conversations with Dora and old
Stephen, furnishing quite sufficient materials for a long story. "There
were one or two things that my aunt told me, which I could not quite
understand," she said, after having repeated a great portion of the
lecture she had received. "What did she mean, mamma, by my knowing my
position, and speaking of me as if I were not one of the family? I am
her niece."
"Yes," replied Mrs Herbert; "but people think differently about their
families. Some persons consider that every one who is any relation at
all forms one of the family, and others only call those so who are their
own children."
"But my position," repeated Amy; "why is my position different from my
cousins? You are a lady, and papa is a gentleman."
"Compare this cottage with Emmerton," replied Mrs Herbert, "and then you
will see the difference, and why people in general would think more of
your cousins than of you."
A sudden pang shot through Amy's heart. "Dear mamma!" she exclaimed, "I
wish you would not say so."
"Why not, my dear? why must not that be said which is true?"
"It makes me uncomfortable," said Amy, "and wicked too, I am afraid. If
papa were to come home, should we be able to live in a larger house?"
"I do not know," answered her mother; "but if we could, I do not think
we should wish it."
"Ah! mamma, that is because you are so much better than I am. I never
used to think so till I saw my cousins at Emmerton; but I should like
very much to live in a place like that."
Mrs Herbert looked grave, yet she felt thankful that her child spoke
openly of her feelings, as it enabled her so much better to guide them.
"It is not only the house that I should enjoy," continued Amy, "but
I think people would love me better. Margaret did not seem to think
anything of me when Miss Cunningham was by; and when Lord Rochford and
my uncle came in, I thought every one had more business there than I
had. It was very kind in him to look at my drawings, but still I felt
nobody by the side of Dora and Margaret."
The conversation was here stopped by the entrance of Mr Walton, who
often came in at this time of the evening, on his return from his visits
in the parish. Amy was only half pleased to see him, for she would
willingly have talked much longer to her mamma alone; but her mind was
partly relieved by the confession she had made of her foolish wishes;
and Mrs Herbert's countenance brightened so much at the sight of him,
that she was soon reconciled to the interruption.
Mr Walton brought as usual several tales of distress and difficulty,
which Mrs Herbert, notwithstanding her limited income, was always the
first to relieve; and Amy, as she listened to the account of a widow
with six children, unable to pay her rent, a father on his sick bed,
totally unable to provide for his family, and other cases of a similar
kind, and then looked round upon the comfortable room in which she was
silting, with its bright curtains and carpet, its easy sofas and chairs,
and the preparations for tea upon the table, felt grieved and ashamed
that she should have allowed a pang of envy to render her for a single
moment insensible to her many blessings; and perhaps Mr Walton's parish
tales produced a greater effect than even her mother's words could have
done, for she went to bed that night far more contented than she had
been on her return from the Hall.