"EVER have any trouble with your bath-tub arrangements?" Caleb asked
Philip one day when both men were at leisure.
"No," said Philip, somewhat surprised at the question.
"Think the man that put 'em in did the work at a fair price?"
"Oh, yes. But what's on your mind, Caleb? It can't be that you're going
to start a plumber in business here? I don't know what cruder revenge a
man could take on his worst enemies."
"No," said Caleb. "Heapin' coals o' fire on a man's head, accordin' to
Scriptur', is my only way o' takin' revenge nowadays. It most generally
does the other feller some good, besides takin' a lot o' the devil
out o' yours truly. But about bathin'--well, I learned the good of
it when I was a hospital nurse for a spell in the army, an' I've been
pretty particular 'bout it ever since, though my bath-tub's only an
army rubber blanket with four slats under the edges, to keep the water
from gettin' away. I've talked cleanliness a good deal for years, an'
told folks that there wa'n't no patent on my kind o' bath-tub; but it
ain't over an' above handy, an' most folks in these parts have so much
to do that they put off any sort o' work that they ain't kicked into
doin'. So, the long an' short of it is that I'm goin' to back a bathin'
establishment, for the use of the general public."
"You'll have your labor for your pains, Caleb."
"Don't be too sure o' that. Besides, I'm dead certain that bathin's a
means o' grace. Doc Taggess says so, too, an' he ought to know, from
his knowledge o' one side o' human nature. He knows a powerful lot
about the other side, too, for what Taggess don't know about the human
soul is more'n I ever expect to find out. Taggess is a Christian, if
ever there was one."
"Right you are, but--have you thought over this project carefully?"
"Been thinkin' over it off an' on, ever since your contraption was put
in. You see, it's this way. I own a little house that I lent money on
from time to time, till the owner died an' I had to take it in--the
mortgages got to be bigger than the house was worth. It's framed
heavy enough for a barn, so the upstairs floor'll be strong enough
to hold a mighty big tank o' water, an' the well is one o' the deep
never-failin' kind. Black Sam, the barber, used to be body-servant to
a man down South, an' knows how to give baths--I've had him take care
o' me sometimes, when the malary stiffened my j'ints so I couldn't use
my arms much. Well, Sam's to have the house, rent free, an' move his
barber shop into it. He don't get more'n an hour or two o' work a day,
so he'll have plenty o' time to 'tend to bath-house customers that
don't know the ropes for themselves, an' we're to divide the receipts.
I'm goin' to advertise it well. How's this?" and Caleb took from under
the counter a cardboard stencil which he had cut as follows:--
A BATH FOR THE PRICE OF A DRINK AND A CIGAR, AND IT
WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER THAN BOTH OF THEM.
"That's a good advertisement, Caleb--a very good advertisement. But I
thought five cents was the customary price of a drink or a cigar out
here?"
"So 'tis--ten cents for both; but I've ciphered that it'll pay, an'
Black Sam's satisfied. You see, fuel's cheap; besides, in summer time
the upstairs part of that house, right under the roof, is about as hot,
'pears to me, as the last home o' the wicked, so if the tank's filled
overnight, the water'll be warm by mornin'."
"You've a long head, Caleb. Still, I've my doubts about your getting
customers. 'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him
drink'--you've heard the old saying?"
"Often, but some folks in this country would go through fire--an' even
water--for the sake o' somethin, new. I've cal'lated to make a free
bath a throw-in' to some o' our customers that I could name, but first
I'm goin' to try it on some old chums. I'm goin' to have the grand
openin' on Decoration Day, an' try it on all the members of our Grand
Army post. The boys'll do anythin' for an old comrade, specially if
he's post commander, as I be. There was all sorts in the army, an'
sometimes it's seemed to me that the right ones didn't get killed, nor
even die afterwards. There's three or four of 'em in this county that
makes it a p'int o' gettin' howlin' drunk on Decoration Day, which kind
o' musses up the spirit o' the day for the rest of us. They're to have
the first baths; I'm goin' to 'gree with 'em that if a bath don't make
'em feel better than a drink, I'll supply the liquor afterwards; but
if it does, why, then they're not to touch a drop all day. Black Sam
reckons that by bein' spry he can curry 'em down, so to speak, at the
rate of a man ev'ry ten minutes, an' there's only seventeen men in the
post. I reckon that them that don't drink'll feel just as good after
bein' cleaned up, as them that do drink, an' I'm goin' to get 'em to
talk it up all day, so's to keep the rummies up to the mark. The tank
lumber's all ready; so's the carpenter, an' I reckon I'll write that
plumber to-day."
Philip told Grace of Caleb's new project, and Grace was astonished and
delighted, and then thoughtful and very silent for a few minutes, after
which she said:--
"Some of the New York baths have women's days, or women's hours. I
wonder if Black Sam couldn't teach the business to his wife?"--a remark
which Philip repeated to Caleb, and for days afterward Caleb's hat was
poised farther back on his head than usual, and more over one ear.
"This enterprise of Caleb's," Grace said to her husband, "has set me
wondering anew what Caleb does with his money. He has no family; his
expenses are very small, for he is his own housekeeper and pays no
rent, and you pay him three hundred dollars a year."
"That isn't all his income," Philip replied, "for he gets once in
three months a pension check of pleasing size. Still, you would be
astonished to know how little cash he draws on account, and how great
a quantity of goods is charged to him from month to month. I've been
curious enough about it, at times, to trace the items from the ledger
back to the day-book, and I learned that his account for groceries,
food-stuffs generally, and dry goods is far larger than our own. As for
patent medicines, he seems to consume them by the gallon--perhaps with
the hope of curing his malaria. I've sometimes been at the point of
asking him what he does with all of it; if he weren't so transparently,
undoubtedly honest, I should imagine that he was doing a snug little
private business on his own account; for, as you know, he pays only
original cost price for what he buys."
"There is but one explanation," Grace said after a moment or two of
thought. "It is plain that he is engaged in charitable work, and is
living up to the spirit of the injunction not to let his left hand
know what his right hand is doing. And oh, Phil, long as we've been
here,--almost half a year,--we've never done any charitable work
whatever."
"Haven't we, indeed! You are continually doing all sorts of kindnesses
for all sorts of people, and as you and I are one, and as whatever you
do is right in your husband's eyes, I think I may humbly claim to be
your associate in charity."
"But I've done no charities. Everything I do seems to bring more
business to the store. I've no such intention, but the fact remains. I
never give away anything, for I never see an opportunity, but it seems
that Caleb does."
"Ah, well, question him yourself, and if your suspicions prove correct,
don't let us be outdone in that kind of well-doing."
"Caleb," Grace asked at her first opportunity, "aren't there any
deserving objects of charity in Claybanks?"
"Well," Caleb replied, "that depends on what you mean by deservin',
an' by charity--too. I s'pose none of us--except p'r'aps you--deserve
anythin' in particular, an' as you seem to have ev'rythin' you want,
there ain't any anyhow. But there's some that's needy, an' that'll get
along better for a lift once in a while."
"Do tell me about some of them. I don't want any one to suffer if my
husband and I can prevent it."
"That sounds just like you, but I don't exactly see what you can do.
Fact is, you have to know the folks mighty well, or you're likely to do
more harm'n good, for the best o' folks seem to be spiled when they get
somethin' for nothin'. But there's some of our people that's had their
ups an' downs,--principally downs,--an' a little help now an' then does
'em a mighty sight o' good. There's women that's lost their husbands,
an' have to scratch gravel night an' day to feed their broods. Watchin'
the ways of some of 'em's made me almost b'lieve the old yarn about the
bird that tears itself to pieces to feed its young."
"Oh, Caleb!"
"Fact. There's no knowin' what you can see 'till you look for it good
an' hard."
"But food is so cheap in this country that I didn't suppose the poorest
could suffer. Corn-meal less than a cent a pound, flour two cents, meat
only four or five--"
"Yes, but folks that don't have grist-mills, nor animals to kill,
would put it the other way; they'd say that dollars an' cents are
awfully dear. Why, Mis' Somerton, when some folks, that I could name,
comes into the store with their truck to trade for things, an' I see
'em lookin' at this thing, an' that, an' t'other, that shows what
they're wantin,' and needin,' an' can't get,--oh, it brings Crucifixion
Day right before my eyes--that's just what it does. I've seen lots o'
sad things in my day--like most men, I s'pose. I've seen hundreds o'
men shot to pieces, an' thousands dyin' by inches, but you never can
guess what it was that broke me up most an' longest."
"Probably not; so, that being the case, do tell me."
"Well, one day I'd just weighed out a pound o' tea, with a lot of other
stuff that Mis' Taggess was goin' to call for, an' a widder woman that
had been tradin' two or three pound o' butter for some things, picked
up the paper o' tea, an' looked at it, an' held it kind o' close to her
face, an' sniffed at it. She was as plain-featured a woman as you can
find hereabouts, which is sayin' a good deal, but as she smelled o'
that tea her face changed, an' changed, an' changed, till it reminded
me of a picture I once saw in somebody's house--'Ecstacy' was the name
of it; so I said:--
"'I reckon you're a judge o' good tea' (for Mis' Taggess won't have any
but the best) 'an' that you kind o' like it, too?'
"'Like it?' says she, wavin' the paper o' tea across her face an' then
puttin' it down sharp-like, 'I like it about as much as I like the
comin' o' Sunday,' which was comin' it pretty strong, for I didn't know
any woman that was more religious, or that had better reason to want
a day of rest. An' yet she was just the nervous, tired kind, to which
a cup o' good tea is meat an' drink an' newspapers an' a hand-organ
besides; so I says:--
"'Better buy a little o' this, then, while we've got it. I'm a pretty
good judge o' tea myself, an' we never had any to beat this.'
"'Buy it?' says she. 'What with?'
"'Well,' says I, knowin' her to be honest, 'if you've traded out all
your truck, I'll charge it, an' you can settle for it when you bring
in some more, or mebbe some cash.'
"'Buy tea!' says she, lookin' far-away-like. 'I hain't been well enough
off to drink tea since my husband died, though there's been nights when
I haven't been able to sleep for thinkin' of it.'
"Think o' that! An' there was me, that's had two cups or more ev'ry
night for years, an' thought I couldn't live without it! I come mighty
nigh to chokin' to death, but I done up another pound as quick as I
could, an' some white sugar too, an' I shoved 'em over to her, an' says
I:--
"'Here's a sin-offerin' from a penitent soul, an' I don't know a better
altar for it than your tea-kettle.'
"She was kind of offish at first, but thinkin' of her goin' without
tea made me kind o' leaky about the eyes, an' that broke her down, an'
she told me, 'fore she knowed what she was doin', about the awful hard
time she an' her young ones had had, though before that nobody'd ever
knowed her to give a single grunt, for she was as independent as she
was poor. After that I often gave her a lift, in one way or other. She
kicked awful hard at first; but I reminded her that the Bible said that
part o' true religion was to visit the fatherless an' widders in their
'fliction, so she oughtn't to put stumblin'-blocks in the way of a man
who was tryin' to live right; an' as I didn't have no time for makin'
visits myself, it was only fair to let me send a substitute, in the
shape of comfort for her an' the young ones, an' she 'greed, after a
spell, to look at it in that light."
"Caleb, are there many more people of that kind in the town?"
"No--no--not quite as bad off as she was, in some ways, and yet in
other ways some of 'em are worse. I mean drunkards' families. How a
drunkard's wife stays alive at all beats me; the Almighty must 'a' put
somethin' in women that we men don't know nothin' about. After lots o'
tryin', I made up my mind the only way to help a drunkard's family is
to reform the drunkard, so I laid low, an' picked my time, an' when
the man had about a ton o' remorse on him, as all drunkards do have
once in a while, I'd bargain with him that if he'd stop drinkin' I'd
see his family didn't suffer while he was makin' a fresh start. I made
out 'twas a big thing for me to do, for they knowed I was sickly and
weak, an' if I saved my money, instead o' layin' it out on 'em, I could
go off an' take a long rest, an' p'r'aps get to be somethin' more than
skin an' bones an' malary. It most gen'rally fetched 'em. It's kept me
poor, spite o' my havin' pretty good pay an' nobody o' my own to care
for, but there was no one else to do it, except Doc Taggess an' his
wife: they've done more good o' that kind than anybody'll know till
Judgment Day."
"There'll be some one else in future, Caleb. Tell me whom to begin
with, and how, and I shall be extremely thankful to you."
"Just what I might 'a' knowed you would 'a' said, though seems to me
you're already helpin' ev'rybody in your own way."
"But I'm spending no money. As a great favor tell me who it is for whom
you're doing most, and let me relieve you of it, if only that you may
use your money in some other way."
"That's mighty hearty o' you, but I reckon it wouldn't work. You see
it's this way. You remember One-Arm Ojam, from Middle Crick township?"
"That tall, dashing-looking Southerner?"
"Exactly. Well, you see he lost his arm fightin' for the South--lost
it at Gettysburg, where I got some bullets that threw my machinery out
o' gear considerable, besides one that's stuck closer'n a brother ever
since. Well, he don't draw no pension,--'tain't necessary to state the
reasons,--but I get a middlin' good one. He was grumblin' pretty hard
one day 'bout how tough it was on a man to fight the battle o' life
single-handed, an' says I to him, knowin' he drank pretty hard:--
"'It must be, when with t'other hand he loads up with stuff that
cripples his head too.'
"He 'lowed that that kind o' talk riled him, an' I said I was glad it
did, an' we jawed along for a spell, like old soldiers can when they
get goin', till all of a sudden he says:--
"'A man that gets a pension don't have to drink to keep him goin'.'
"'Well, Ojam,' says I, 'if that's a fact, an' I don't say it ain't, you
can stop drinkin' right now, if you want to.'
"'What do you mean?' says he.
"'Just what I say,' says I. 'My pension's yours, from this on, so
long's you don't drink.'
"'I ain't goin' to be bought over to be a Yank,' says he.
"'I don't want you to be a Yank,' says I. 'You're an American, an'
that's the best thing that any old vet can be. I want to buy you over
to be a clear-headed man. I've got nothin' to make by it, but it'll be
the makin' o' you.'
"Well, he went off mad, an' he told his wife an' young ones, an' in a
day or two he came back, an' says he:--
"'Caleb, I ain't a plum fool; but if you're dead sot on bein' one, why,
I'll take that pension o' yourn, the way you said.'
"So I shelled out the last quarter's money at once, an' then began the
hardest fight One-Arm Ojam ever got into. He 'lowed afterwards that
'twas tougher than Gettysburg, an' lasted 'bout a hundred times as
long. 'Fore that, when he hankered for a drink, he'd shell a bushel
o' corn by hand, an' bring it in to Bustpodder's store, an' trade it
for a quart, but now he had money enough to buy 'most a bar'l of the
sort of stuff that he drank. There's a tough lot o' fellows up in his
section,--'birds of a feather flock together,' you know,--an' they made
fun o' him, an' nagged him most to death, till one day he owned up to
me that he was in a new single-handed fight that was harder'n the old
one.
"'You idjit,' says I, 'when you got in a hot place in the war you
didn't try to fight single-handed, did you? You got with a squad, or a
comp'ny, or regiment, didn't you, so's to have all the help you could
get, didn't you?'
"''Course I did,' says he.
"'Then,' says I, 'what's the matter with your j'inin' the Sons o'
Temperance, an' j'inin' the church, too?' Well, ma'am, that knocked him
so cold that he turned ash-colored, an' his knees rattled; but says I,
'I've got my opinion of a man that charged with Pickett at Gettysburg
an' afterwards plays coward anywhere else.'
"That fetched him. He j'ined the Sons, an' he j'ined the church, an'
rememberin' that the best way to keep a recruit from desertin' is to
put him in the front rank at once, an' keep him at it, some of us egged
him on until he became a local preacher an' started a lodge o' Sons o'
Temperance in his section. He's offered two or three times to give up
the pension, for he's got sort o' forehanded, spite o' havin' only one
hand to do it with, but as I knowed he was spendin' all of it, an' more
too, on men that he's tryin' to straighten up an' pull out o' holes, I
said, 'No.' For, you see, I'd been wonderin' for years what a man that
had had his heart sot on doin' good in the world, as mine was before
the war, should 'a' been shot most to pieces at Gettysburg for, but
now I'd found out; for if I hadn't got shot, I wouldn't 'a' got the
pension that reformed One-Arm Ojam, an' is reformin' all the rest o'
Middle Crick Township. 'God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to
perform;' but I s'pose you've helped sing that in church?"