Now Marco Bozzaris had fallen, and all of his suff'rings were o'er,
And the class to their seats were retreating, when footsteps were
heard at the door;
And five of the good district fathers marched into the room in a row,
And stood themselves up by the hot fire, and shook off their white
cloaks of snow;
And the spokesman, a grave squire of sixty, with countenance solemnly
sad,
Spoke thus, while the children all listened, with all of the ears that
they had:
"We've come here, school-master, intendin' to cast an inquirin' eye
'round,
Concarnin' complaints that's been entered, an' fault that has lately
been found;
To pace off the width of your doin's, an' witness what you've been
about;
An' see if it's payin' to keep you, or whether we'd best turn ye out.
"The first thing I'm bid for to mention is, when the class gets up to
read:
You give 'em too tight of a reinin', an' touch 'em up more than they
need;
You're nicer than wise in the matter of holdin' the book in one han',
An' you turn a stray _g_ in their doin's, an' tack an odd _d_ on their
_an'_.
There ain't no great good comes of speakin' the words so _polite_,
as _I_ see,
Providin' you know what the facts is, an' tell 'em off jest as they be.
An' then there's that readin' in corncert, is censured from first unto
last;
It kicks up a heap of a racket, when folks is a-travelin' past.
Whatever is done as to readin', providin' things goes to _my_ say,
Sha'n't hang on no new-fangled hinges, but swing in the old-fashioned
way."
And the other four good district fathers gave quick the consent that
was due,
And nodded obliquely, and muttered, "_Them 'ere is my sentiments tew_."
"Then, as to your spellin': I've heern tell, by them as has looked
into this,
That you turn the _u_ out o' your labour, an' make the word shorter
than 'tis;
An' clip the _k_ off o' yer musick, which makes my son Ephraim
perplexed,
An' when he spells out as he used ter, you pass the word on to the
next.
They say there's some new-grafted books here that don't take them
letters along;
But if it is so, just depend on't, them new-grafted books is made
wrong.
You might just as well say that Jackson didn't know all there was
about war,
As to say that the old-fashioned teachers didn't know what them
letters was for!"
And the other four good district fathers gave quick the consent that
was due,
And scratched their heads slyly and softly, and said, "_Them's my
sentiments tew_."
"Then, also, your 'rithmetic doin's, as they are reported to me,
Is that you have left Tare an' Tret out, an' also the old Rule o'
Three;
An' likewise brought in a new study, some high-steppin' scholars to
please,
With saw-bucks an' crosses and pot-hooks, an' _w_'s, _x_, _y_'s,
and _z_'s.
We ain't got no time for such foolin'; there ain't no great good to be
reached
By tiptoein' childr'n up higher than ever their fathers was teached."
[Illustration: "AND NODDED OBLIQUELY, AND MUTTERED, 'THEM 'ERE IS MY
SENTIMENTS TEW.'"]
And the other four good district fathers gave quick the consent that
was due,
And cocked one eye up to the ceiling, and said, "_Them's my
sentiments tew_."
"Another thing, I must here mention, comes into the question to-day:
Concernin' some words in the grammar you're teachin' our gals for to
say.
My gals is as steady as clock-work, an' never give cause for much
fear,
But they come home from school t'other evenin' a-talkin' such stuff
as this here:
'_I love_,' an' '_Thou lovest_,' an' '_He loves_,' an' '_Ye love_,'
an' '_You love_,' an' '_They_--'
An' they answered my questions, 'It's grammar'--'twas all I could get
'em to say.
Now if, 'stead of doin' your duty, you're carryin' matters on so
As to make the gals say that they love you, it's just all that _I_
want to know;--"