"Had a good day?" said Frederic cheerily, stamping the snow off his
boots as I met him at the front-door.
"That depends," I said, "on what you call a good day."
"You haven't been dull?" said Frederic.
"Oh, no," I said, indicating the comforting blaze as I pushed
Frederic's chair to the fire; "behold the result of my day's labours
in your behalf. Your hot bath and hot breakfast, dear, were just
camouflage to keep from you, the centre of gravity, our desperate
straits. When I went to give Cook her orders this morning I found her
as black as a sweep and in a mood to correspond. She pointed to a few
lumps of coal in the kitchen scuttle and said, 'I've sifted all that
dust in the cellar, Ma'am, and these are the only lumps I could find.
There's only enough to cook one more dinner.'"
"My dear girl," said Frederic, "why wait till there is no coal before
ordering more?"
"Hear me," I cried. "A fortnight ago I ordered some. The man asked,
'Have you _any_ coal?' I said I had a little. He said, 'You are lucky
to have _any_. Dozens of people have no coal at all. I can promise
nothing.'
"A week ago I went again. 'Have you _any_ coal?' he asked. 'Still a
very little,' I said faintly. 'Hundreds of people,' he said, 'have no
coal at all, I can promise you _nothing_.'
"'Well, after I had spent an hour this morning distributing whiffy
oil-lamps all over the house, I went again to the coal merchant. He
froze me with a look. 'When can you send in my coal?' I tried to say
it jauntily, but my teeth chattered. 'Have you _no_ coal?' he said,
and his frigid eye pierced me. 'O-o-only a little dust, which, has
been at the bottom of the cellar for two years--drawing-room coal
dust,' I added eagerly, 'which cannot be used on the kitchen fire.'
'You are lucky,' he said, 'to have that. There are thousands of people
in this town with no coal at all. We can promise you nothing.'
"I came home, and after luncheon, donning my Red Cross uniform, I told
Mary that if people called she could show them into the coal-cellar,
where I should be; and, armed with a garden-fork, I proceeded thither
and dug diligently for a whole hour. I know now exactly why a hen
clucks when she has laid an egg. Every time I found a lump--and I
found as many as six--I simply had to call Cook and Mary to come and
see."
"What fun!" murmured Frederic comfortably.
"I venture to suggest, dear, that the thing is beyond a joke. When I
next go to the coal-monger's I shall say in reply to the inevitable
question, 'A little coal-dust in the cellar and a good deal on the
chairs and tables and on my hands and face;' and I know he will say:
'You are lucky to have even that. There are millions in this town who,
etc., etc.' And so the thing will go on until one day he asks, 'Have
you no fuel at all?' when I can hear myself replying, 'Only two chairs
and one wardrobe,' and he will reply icily, 'You are lucky to have
that. Everybody else is dead because they had not even that.'
"And Frederic," I added abruptly, "as a coal-miner I demand the
minimum wage for my day--your hot bath to-morrow morning."
* * * * *
[Illustration: A MORNING IN THE HOME LIFE OF AN EMOTIONAL ACTRESS.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "MY DEAR, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE LINKS TO-DAY?"
"OH, YES, AUNTIE. I SHALL TRY AND PUT IN A ROUND."
"BUT IT'S _POURING_! WHY, I WOULDN'T SEND A DOG OUT TO GOLF IN SUCH
WEATHER."]
* * * * *