Julian performs the part of a statesman.
“It was now my fortune to be born of a German princess; but a
man-midwife, pulling my head off in delivering my mother, put a speedy
end to my princely life.
“Spirits who end their lives before they are at the age of five years
are immediately ordered into other bodies; and it was now my fortune
to perform several infancies before I could again entitle myself to an
examination of Minos.
“At length I was destined once more to play a considerable part on the
stage. I was born in England, in the reign of Ethelred II. My father’s
name was Ulnoth: he was earl or thane of Sussex. I was afterwards known
by the name of earl Goodwin, and began to make a considerable figure
in the world in the time of Harold Harefoot, whom I procured to be made
king of Wessex, or the West Saxons, in prejudice of Hardicanute, whose
mother Emma endeavored afterwards to set another of her sons on the
throne; but I circumvented her, and, communicating her design to the
king, at the same time acquainted him with a project which I had formed
for the murder of these two young princes. Emma had sent for these her
sons from Normandy, with the king’s leave, whom she had deceived by her
religious behavior, and pretended neglect of all worldly affairs; but I
prevailed with Harold to invite these princes to his court, and put
them to death. The prudent mother sent only Alfred, retaining Edward
to herself, as she suspected my ill designs, and thought I should not
venture to execute them on one of her sons, while she secured the other;
but she was deceived, for I had no sooner Alfred in my possession than
I caused him to be conducted to Ely, where I ordered his eyes to be put
out, and afterwards to be confined in a monastery.
“This was one of those cruel expedients which great men satisfy
themselves well in executing, by concluding them to be necessary to the
service of their prince, who is the support of their ambition.
“Edward, the other son of Emma, escaped again to Normandy; whence, after
the death of Harold and Hardicanute, he made no scruple of applying to
my protection and favor, though he had before prosecuted me with all the
vengeance he was able, for the murder of his brother; but in all great
affairs private relation must yield to public interest. Having therefore
concluded very advantageous terms for myself with him, I made no scruple
of patronizing his cause, and soon placed him on the throne. Nor did I
conceive the least apprehension from his resentment, as I knew my power
was too great for him to encounter.
“Among other stipulated conditions, one was to marry my daughter Editha.
This Edward consented to with great reluctance, and I had afterwards
no reason to be pleased with it; for it raised her, who had been my
favorite child, to such an opinion of greatness, that, instead of paying
me the usual respect, she frequently threw in my teeth (as often at
least as I gave her any admonition), that she was now a queen, and
that the character and title of father merged in that of subject. This
behavior, however, did not cure me of my affection towards her, nor
lessen the uneasiness which I afterwards bore on Edward’s dismissing her
from his bed.
“One thing which principally induced me to labor the promotion of Edward
was the simplicity or weakness of that prince, under whom I promised
myself absolute dominion under another name. Nor did this opinion
deceive me; for, during his whole reign, my administration was in the
highest degree despotic: I had everything of royalty but the outward
ensigns; no man ever applying for a place, or any kind of preferment,
but to me only. A circumstance which, as it greatly enriched my coffers,
so it no less pampered my ambition, and satisfied my vanity with a
numerous attendance; and I had the pleasure of seeing those who only
bowed to the king prostrating themselves before me.
“Edward the Confessor, or St. Edward, as some have called him, in
derision I suppose, being a very silly fellow, had all the faults
incident, and almost inseparable, to fools. He married my daughter
Editha from his fear of disobliging me; and afterwards, out of hatred to
me, refused even to consummate his marriage, though she was one of the
most beautiful women of her age. He was likewise guilty of the basest
ingratitude to his mother (a vice to which fools are chiefly, if not
only, liable); and, in return for her endeavors to procure him a throne
in his youth, confined her in a loathsome prison in her old age.
This, it is true, he did by my advice; but as to her walking over nine
plowshares red-hot, and giving nine manors, when she had not one in her
possession, there is not a syllable of veracity in it.
“The first great perplexity I fell into was on the account of my son
Swane, who had deflowered the abbess of Leon, since called Leominster,
in Herefordshire. After this fact he retired into Denmark, whence he
sent to me to obtain his pardon. The king at first refused it, being
moved thereto, as I afterwards found, by some churchmen, particularly by
one of his chaplains, whom I had prevented from obtaining a bishopric.
Upon this my son Swane invaded the coasts with several ships, and
committed many outrageous cruelties; which, indeed, did his business, as
they served me to apply to the fear of this king, which I had long
since discovered to be his predominant passion. And, at last, he who had
refused pardon to his first offense submitted to give it him after he
had committed many other more monstrous crimes; by which his pardon lost
all grace to the offended, and received double censure from all others.
“The king was greatly inclined to the Normans, had created a Norman
archbishop of Canterbury, and had heaped extraordinary favors on him.
I had no other objection to this man than that he rose without my
assistance; a cause of dislike which, in the reign of great and powerful
favorites, hath often proved fatal to the persons who have given it,
as the persons thus raised inspire us constantly with jealousies and
apprehensions. For when we promote any one ourselves, we take effectual
care to preserve such an ascendant over him, that we can at any time
reduce him to his former degree, should he dare to act in opposition to
our wills; for which reason we never suffer any to come near the
prince but such as we are assured it is impossible should be capable of
engaging or improving his affection; no prime minister, as I apprehend,
esteeming himself to be safe while any other shares the ear of his
prince, of whom we are as jealous as the fondest husband can be of his
wife. Whoever, therefore, can approach him by any other channel than
that of ourselves, is, in our opinion, a declared enemy, and one whom
the first principles of policy oblige us to demolish with the utmost
expedition. For the affection of kings is as precarious as that of
women, and the only way to secure either to ourselves is to keep all
others from them.
“But the archbishop did not let matters rest on suspicion. He soon gave
open proofs of his interest with the Confessor in procuring an office
of some importance for one Rollo, a Roman of mean extraction and very
despicable parts. When I represented to the king the indecency of
conferring such an honor on such a fellow, he answered me that he was
the archbishop’s relation. ‘Then, sir,’ replied I, ‘he is related to
your enemy.’ Nothing more passed at that time; but I soon perceived,
by the archbishop’s behavior, that the king had acquainted him with our
private discourse; a sufficient assurance of his confidence in him and
neglect of me.
“The favor of princes, when once lost, is recoverable only by the
gaining a situation which may make you terrible to them. As I had no
doubt of having lost all credit with this king, which indeed had been
originally founded and constantly supported by his fear, so I took the
method of terror to regain it.
“The earl of Boulogne coming over to visit the king gave me an
opportunity of breaking out into open opposition; for, as the earl was
on his return to France, one of his servants, who was sent before to
procure lodgings at Dover, and insisted on having them in the house of a
private man in spite of the owner’s teeth, was, in a fray which ensued,
killed on the spot; and the earl himself, arriving there soon after,
very narrowly escaped with his life. The earl, enraged at this affront,
returned to the king at Gloucester with loud complaints and demands
of satisfaction. Edward consented to his demands, and ordered me to
chastise the rioters, who were under my government as earl of Kent: but,
instead of obeying these orders, I answered, with some warmth, that the
English were not used to punish people unheard, nor ought their
rights and privileges to be violated; that the accused should be first
summoned--if guilty, should make satisfaction both with body and estate,
but, if innocent, should be discharged. Adding, with great ferocity,
that as earl of Kent it was my duty to protect those under my government
against the insults of foreigners.
“This accident was extremely lucky, as it gave my quarrel with the king
a popular color, and so ingratiated me with the people, that when I
set up my standard, which I soon after did, they readily and cheerfully
listed under my banners and embraced my cause, which I persuaded them
was their own; for that it was to protect them against foreigners that
I had drawn my sword. The word foreigners with an Englishman hath a kind
of magical effect, they having the utmost hatred and aversion to them,
arising from the cruelties they suffered from the Danes and some other
foreign nations. No wonder therefore they espoused my cause in a quarrel
which had such a beginning.
“But what may be somewhat more remarkable is, that when I afterwards
returned to England from banishment, and was at the head of an army of
the Flemish, who were preparing to plunder the city of London, I still
persisted that I was come to defend the English from the danger of
foreigners, and gained their credit. Indeed, there is no lie so gross
but it may be imposed on the people by those whom they esteem their
patrons and defenders.
“The king saved his city by being reconciled to me, and taking again my
daughter, whom he had put away from him; and thus, having frightened
the king into what concessions I thought proper, I dismissed my army and
fleet, with which I intended, could I not have succeeded otherwise, to
have sacked the city of London and ravaged the whole country.
“I was no sooner re-established in the king’s favor, or, what was
as well for me, the appearance of it, than I fell violently on the
archbishop. He had of himself retired to his monastery in Normandy; but
that did not content me: I had him formally banished, the see declared
vacant, and then filled up by another.
“I enjoyed my grandeur a very short time after my restoration to it; for
the king, hating and fearing me to a very great degree, and finding no
means of openly destroying me, at last effected his purpose by poison,
and then spread abroad a ridiculous story, of my wishing the next
morsel might choke me if I had had any hand in the death of Alfred; and,
accordingly, that the next morsel, by a divine judgment, stuck in my
throat and performed that office.
“This of a statesman was one of my worst stages in the other world. It
is a post subjected daily to the greatest danger and inquietude, and
attended with little pleasure and less ease. In a word, it is a pill
which, was it not gilded over by ambition, would appear nauseous and
detestable in the eye of every one; and perhaps that is one reason why
Minos so greatly compassionates the case of those who swallow it: for
that just judge told me he always acquitted a prime minister who could
produce one single good action in his whole life, let him have committed
ever so many crimes. Indeed, I understood him a little too largely,
and was stepping towards the gate; but he pulled me by the sleeve, and,
telling me no prime minister ever entered there, bid me go back again;
saying, he thought I had sufficient reason to rejoice in my escaping
the bottomless pit, which half my crimes committed in any other capacity
would have entitled me to.”