I WAS sitting in my room one morning, feeling all "out of sorts"
about something or other, when an orphan child, whom I had taken to
raise, came in with a broken tumbler in her hand, and said, while
her young face was pale, and her little lip quivered,--
"See, Mrs. Graham! I went to take this tumbler from the dresser to
get Anna a drink of water, and I let it fall."
I was in a fretful humour before the child came in, and her
appearance, with the broken tumbler in her hand, did not tend to
help me to a better state of mind. She was suffering a good deal of
pain in consequence of the accident, and needed a kind word to quiet
the disturbed beatings of her heart. But she had come to me in an
unfortunate moment.
"You are a careless little girl!" said I, severely, taking the
fragments of glass from her trembling hands. "A very careless little
girl, and I am displeased with you!"
I said no more; but my countenance expressed even stronger rebuke
than my words. The child lingered near me for, a few moments, and
then shrunk away from the room. I was sorry, in a moment, that I had
permitted myself to speak unkindly to the little girl; for there was
no need of my doing so; and, moreover, she had taken my words, as I
could see, deeply to heart. I had made her unhappy without a cause.
The breaking of the tumbler was an accident likely to happen to any
one and the child evidently felt bad enough about what had occurred,
without having my displeasure added thereto.
If I was unhappy before Jane entered my room I was still more
unhappy after she retired. I blamed myself, and pitied the child;
but this did not in the least mend the matter.
In about half an hour, Jane came up very quietly with Willy, my dear
little, curly-haired, angel-face boy, in her arms. He had fallen
asleep, and she had, with her utmost strength, carried him
up-stairs. She did not lift her eyes to mine as she entered, but
went, with her burden, to the low bed that was in the room, where
she laid him tenderly, and then sat down with her face turned partly
away from me, and with a fan kept off the flies and cooled his moist
skin.
Enough of Jane's countenance was visible to enable me to perceive
that its expression was sad. And it was an unkind word from my lips
that had brought this cloud over her young face!
"So much for permitting myself to fall into a fretful mood," said I,
mentally. "In future I must be more watchful over my state of mind.
I have no right to make others suffer from my own unhappy temper."
Jane continued to sit by Willy and fan him; and every now and then I
could hear a very low sigh come up, as if involuntarily, from her
bosom. Faint as the sound was, it smote upon my ear, and added to my
uncomfortable frame of mind.
A friend called, and I went down into the parlour, and sat
conversing there for an hour. But all the while there was a weight
upon my feelings. I tried, but in vain, to be cheerful. I was too
distinctly aware of the fact, that an individual--and that a
motherless little girl--was unhappy through my unkindness; and the
consciousness was like a heavy hand upon my bosom.
"This is all a weakness," I said to myself, after my friend had
left, making an effort to throw off the uncomfortable feeling. But
it was of no avail. Even if the new train of thought, awakened by
conversation with my friend, had lifted me above the state of mind
in which I was when she came, the sight of Jane's sober face, as she
passed me on the stairs, would have depressed my feelings again.
In order both to relieve my own and the child's feelings, I thought
I would refer to the broken tumbler, and tell her not to grieve
herself about it, as its loss was of no consequence whatever. But
this would have been to have made an acknowledgment to her that I
had been in the wrong, and instinctive feeling of pride remonstrated
against that.
"Ah me!" I sighed. "Why did I permit myself to speak so unguardedly?
How small are the cause that sometimes destroy our peace! How much
good or evil is there in a single word!"
Some who read this may think that I was very weak to let a hastily
uttered censure against a careless child trouble me. What are a
child's feelings?
I have been a child; and, as a child, have been blamed severely by
those whom I desired to please, and felt that unkind words fell
heavier and more painfully, sometimes, than blows. I could,
therfore, understand the nature of Jane's feelings, and sympathize
with her to a certain extent.
All through the day, Jane moved about more quietly than usual. When
I spoke to her about any thing--which I did in a kinder voice than I
ordinarily used--she would look into my face with an earnestness
that rebuked me.
Toward evening, I sent her down-stairs for a pitcher of cool water.
She went quickly, and soon returned with the pitcher of water, and a
tumbler, on a waiter. She was coming towards me, evidently using
more than ordinary caution, when her foot tripped against something,
and she stumbled forward. It was in vain that she tried to save the
pitcher. Its balance was lost, and it fell over and was broken to
pieces at my feet, the water dashing upon the skirt of my dress.
The poor child became instantly as pale as ashes, and the frightened
look she gave me I shall not soon forget. She tried to speak, and
say that it was an accident, but her tongue was, paralyzed for the
moment, and she found no utterance.
The lesson I had received in the morning served me for purposes of
self-control now, and I said, instantly, in a mild, voice--
"Never mind, Jane; I know you couldn't help it. I must tack down
that loose edge of the carpet. I came near tripping there myself
to-day. Go and get a floor-cloth and wipe up the water as quickly as
you can, while I gather up the broken pieces."
The colour came back instantly to Jane's face. She gave me one
grateful look, and then ran quickly away, to do as I had directed
her. When she came back, she blamed herself for not having been more
careful, expressed sorrow for the accident, and promised over and
over again that she would be more guarded in future.
The contrast between both of our feelings now and what they were in
the morning, was very great. I felt happier for having acted justly
and with due self-control; and my little girl, though troubled on
account of the accident, had not the extra burden of my displeasure
to bear.
"Better, far better," said I to myself, as I sat and reflected upon
the incidents just related--"better, far better is it, in all our
relations in life, to maintain a calm exterior, and on no account
speak harshly to those who are below us. Angry words make double
wounds. They hurt those whom they are addressed, while they leave a
sting behind them. Above all, should we guard against a moody
temper. Whenever we permit any thing to fret our minds, we are not
in a state to exercise due self-control, and if temptation comes
then we are sure to fall."