After I had consented to go to Uncle Nathan, and a letter had been
written informing him of my decision, I began to feel many misgivings.
From the style of his letter I got the idea that I should find him like
Farmer Judson; and the very thought caused me to shudder with a vague
feeling of terror. My mother told me again and again how kind my
relative would be to me, and I tried hard to believe her; but with all
this my mind was haunted with many fears regarding the future. My mother
strove to send me from home well supplied with clothing, that I might
prove no immediate expense to my uncle, and the little money she had
laid by, with which to replenish her own and little Flora's wardrobe,
was applied cheerfully to meet my more immediate wants. Young as I was
this circumstance fretted and annoyed me. I remember saying one day to
my mother, in a vexed impatient tone, "it seems too bad that we should
be so poor. Some of my companions who have rich parents, spend more
money every year upon toys and candy than would buy me a whole new suit
of clothes, and now to obtain a few new articles of clothing for me you
and my little sister must do without what you really need; if the
dispensing of money were left in my hands, I would make every one rich
alike, and then no one should be ashamed of their poverty as I have
often been, when among the rich boys of the village." "Be ashamed of
nothing but doing wrong," replied my mother, "and you had best leave the
dispensation of wealth or poverty to the One whose right it is, for, be
assured, He knows best what is for our good; I had much rather see you
grow up a good man than a rich one. If your life is spared, and you
prove to be a useful and honorable man, people will never inquire
whether your boyhood was passed amid wealth or poverty." I was then in
too discontented a mood to profit by my mother's words, but many times
in after years were they recalled forcibly to my mind. Time passed on
till the last night arrived, which I was to spend at home for an
indefinite period. Charley Gray obtained permission to spend this last
night with me, and we lay awake for hours talking over our numerous
plans for the future in true school-boy fashion. Many an air-castle did
we rear that night which the lapse of years have laid in the dust. In
our boyish plans of future greatness, I was not exactly sure what I was
to be, only I was to be a wonderfully great man of some kind, while
Charley was, of course, to become a very eminent physician, such as
should not be found upon any past record; and we talked, too, of the
wonder we should excite among our old friends when we might chance to
revisit the scenes of our early home. We even spoke of driving past the
farm of Mr. Judson in a fine carriage drawn by a pair of beautiful bay
horses; but with all our lively talk poor Charley was sadly out of
spirits. His old bosom foe was at work; he feared that among new
companions I might meet with some one who would supplant him in my
affections. To one of my nature, this jealous exclusive disposition was
something incomprehensible; later in life I learned to pity him for a
defect of character, which in his case was hereditary, and which he
could no more help than the drawing of his life-breath. I was to leave
Elmwood by the early morning train so we were up betimes; but, early as
it was, we found my mother already up and breakfast awaiting us. The
railway station was a little beyond the village, and more than a mile
from our dwelling. Dr. Gray sent over the horse and carriage very early,
and Charley, with my mother and Flora, was to accompany me to the
depot. The morning air was fresh and invigorating, and under other
circumstances we should highly have enjoyed the drive, as it was that
morning, we were rather a sad and silent party. When we arrived at the
station I moved rapidly about and looked after my luggage with far more
care than was necessary, in order to conceal the sorrow I felt at
leaving home; and I was heartily glad to hear the whistle which
announced the approaching train, that the parting might be the sooner
over. During the few moments we stood upon the platform awaiting the
arrival of the train Charley stood by with the most solemn face
imaginable. His countenance was always remarkably expressive of either
joy or sorrow, and at this time his expression was certainly not one of
joy. Many a time since, have I smiled as memory suddenly recalled the
woe-begone face of Charley Gray, as I left him that morning. In order
to make him laugh I enquired if he could not imagine the look of
astonishment with which Farmer Judson would regard us when we should
drive past his farm in our fine carriage, which (in imagination) we had
possessed the night before. Any one acquainted with Mr. Judson could not
have helped laughing at the idea; Charley did laugh but there were tears
in his eyes. As the train rapidly neared the station he suddenly
extended his hand to me for a last good-bye, and hurried swiftly from
the spot, he could not bear to witness my parting with my mother and
sister which was yet to come. My mother had borne up until now, but when
the time came that I must indeed go, her tears could no longer be kept
back. I kissed Flora good-bye, and last of all turned to my mother. She
imprinted a parting kiss upon my brow, and as she held my hand with a
long, lingering pressure, said in a choking voice, "Remember my
counsels, respect yourself, and others will respect you, and may God
bless and preserve you from evil!"
I was deeply moved, but to spare my mother's feelings I kept back my
tears. The conductor's loud voice was heard calling "All aboard." I
hastily entered the car, and taking my seat, the tears I had so long
repressed now flowed freely, till some of my fellow-passengers began to
question me, when I became ashamed of my weakness. To the many pitying
enquiries I replied that I was going a long distance from home and was
grieved at parting with my friends.
"Chare up, me man," said a good-natured Irishman who happened to be
seated near me. "I was jist yer size (only that I was bigger) when I
lift me father and mother in ould Ireland, an' come over to Ameriky."
This remark drew a burst of laughter from several of the passengers,
and, though the tears were not yet dry upon my cheek, I could not help
joining in the laugh. The man was not in the least disturbed by the
merriment of the others, but again turning to me continued:
"As I was a tellin' ye, an older brother an' mesilf crossed the sea to
Ameriky, an' the first year we arned money enough to fetch over the ould
folks, and we are now livin' altogether agin, in the city uv Montreal,
where we have a nate little home uv our own as your two eyes could
light upon." The friendly talk of the Irishman both amused and cheered
me. How true it is that kind and sympathizing words never fail to cheer
the desponding heart.