In view of these facts, the first duty of every housekeeper, of every

mother, and of every teacher, is to decide which of these views as to

the dangers awaiting us all at death are taught by Jesus Christ and his

apostles. For if it be true that scholars, children, and servants must

be trained to self-sacrifice and self-denying labor, in order to save

themselves and their fellow-men from dreadful risks and dangers in the

life to come, all the practical duties of daily life will be diverse

from the methods pursued by those who believe in no such dangers.

To illustrate this, suppose several families recently settled near a

deep, unexplored wood in a new country. The children ramble in its

shades, and every day find new beauties and curiosities to attract

them farther into its reserves. On a certain day a man arrives from a

distant place, all torn and bleeding in efforts to reach them. He tells

them that there is a frightful ravine in the unexplored depths; that

pleasant but slippery paths lead to it; that it is the resort of fierce

and cruel animals, which come forth and roam through its beautiful

shades, and that there is no safety but in keeping the children from

entering these dangerous woods.

Now these points would be clear to common sense: first, that the man,

though an entire stranger, is a benevolent person, because he evidently

has suffered severely to save; next, that he tells what he believes is

the truth, or he would not encounter this suffering; and lastly, as he

says he has long lived in that vicinity, that he has had the means of

knowing the truth, and his representations are to be received as true.

Suppose, then, one family have perfect faith in this messenger, they

will use every possible precaution to avoid the dangers revealed.

Suppose another family is skeptical about the danger, and yet has

some fear it may be true, they would use some care, and yet not be so

anxious and earnest as the family which had perfect faith. Suppose

another family to have no belief at all as to the danger, they would

allow their children to roam as before, and give no care or thought

to the matter. This illustrates the position that belief in danger

modifies all rules of duty, and that faith is proved by men’s conduct

or works.

In like manner faith in Jesus Christ, who came in suffering and sorrow

to tell of dangers in the unseen world, is proved by the way men live.

If they have perfect faith in the dangers he reveals, then the most

earnest efforts to save themselves and their fellow-men from ignorance

and sin will follow. If they have little faith, they will make less

exertions; if they have no fears for the future life, all their plans

will terminate in gaining the good things of this life for themselves

and those they love, sure that all the rest of mankind will be happy

when they die, and that their troubles here will only serve to make

rest and enjoyment the greater in the coming life.

The following is the method by which any woman may decide what is truth

on this great question, so as to be at rest.

It is first assumed that the Bible is written for the common people,

and is to be interpreted by the rules of language men employ in common

life, which, briefly, are these:

The first is, all expressions are literal when they do not contradict

the known nature of things, or known facts, or the known opinions of

the writer; in which latter case they usually are figurative, but have

as definite a meaning as if literal. For example, “everlasting” and

“forever” mean “time without end,” unless contrary to known facts, or

the known nature of things, or the known opinions of the writer. So

“punishment” _always_ signifies “pain consequent either on violating a

natural or some instituted law.”

The second rule is, when any expression has several significations,

that is to be taken as the right one which has _the most_ evidence in

its favor. Let any woman of ordinary ability and education apply these

rules to the texts on this subject, and she will find little difficulty

in deciding what the Bible teaches as the dangers of the future life.

Another example will be given on a subject which causes great anxiety

and perplexity, and which may be relieved by the same method. The

question is, Why does a Being of infinite power, wisdom, and goodness

allow the dreadful miseries that oppress mankind, and, still more, why

will he allow sin and suffering to reach through eternal ages? Many

suppose that revelation gives no reply to this longing inquiry.

But when we take the language of the Bible in its common and literal

sense, we find a satisfactory answer. For _perfect wisdom_ is “that

which chooses the _best_ means for the _best_ ends,” and _perfect

benevolence_ is “that which seeks to make the most possible happiness

with the least possible suffering.” Therefore, when God reveals

himself as perfect in wisdom and goodness, it is the same as saying

that he has done, and will do, _all in his power_ to save from sin and

suffering. Almighty power does not signify power to work contradictions

or absurdities; and all theologians teach that there is a limitation

of power in the _nature of things_. Thus some say God can not forgive

sin without an atonement; others, that he can not lie; others, that he

“can not govern the stars by the ten commandments, nor free agents by

the attraction of gravity.” And God says of his people Israel, “What

_could_ I have done that I have not done” to secure their obedience.

God’s inability to save _all_ is expressly stated when he declares that

he is “not willing that any should perish.” The only proof of want of

power to do something is to _will_ it done, and yet it remains undone.

And God declares that he is not willing to have any one perish. Still

more effectively is this proved by his suffering and that of his dear

Son, when Christ came. No sane mind ever suffers pain to gain an end

when it could be gained without suffering; and the revelation of God

as having suffered so greatly, is the highest proof that can be given

that his power is limited in controlling free agents by the very nature

of free agency. In his hour of extremity, our Lord prayed, “_If it

be possible_, remove this cup;” thus indicating that almighty power

signifies power to do all possible things, and that some things are

_not_ possible even to God.

The first question being settled, that there are _dangers_ to be met

after death, the next is, “What must we do to be saved?”

Here the Christian churches are divided, and on a fundamental point,

which briefly is this: One class claims that God has the power to

create minds so that, without any previous knowledge or training, they

shall not only know what is right, but have a controlling principle

that in all cases will secure right choice, and that the minds of all

angels and of our first parents were made on this pattern. But owing to

Adam’s sin, all infants are born without this perfect organization,

and so depraved that eternal sin and suffering in hell is the portion

of all who are not regenerated before they die, while there is no

_certain_ way revealed by which parents can insure this boon for all

their offspring.

The other class claim that the assumption that God can, or ever did,

create minds on this pattern, is a theological theory for which no

evidence exists in revelation or in nature; that it destroys the

evidence of the benevolence of God, making him prefer the sin and

suffering of infants, when he has power to make them with such minds.

They claim also that if a holy mind consists in a controlling purpose

or choice to do right, that it is a contradiction in terms to say that

a free agent can be created with such a purpose or choice. For the

distinctive feature of a free agent is intellect to perceive right and

wrong, and power to choose in either of two courses; and choice can

not be created. It is also objected that by this theory the chief aim

of an educator is not so much to teach what is right and wrong, and

secure motives and training to induce such habits of obedience to God’s

laws as eventually will secure a controlling purpose of obedience, but

rather to employ means by which God shall regenerate the depraved mind.

Let it be particularly noticed that these two classes do not differ

as to the _facts_ revealed. Both recognize the fact taught, as much

by experience as by revelation, that every child has such a nature as

insures the constant violation of natural law, while it is entirely

destitute of a controlling principle of love to God and man. They

differ mainly as to a theory of accounting for this fact. One teaches

that it is because the mind at birth is ignorant, undeveloped,

and untrained; the other teaches that it is owing to an imperfect

constitutional nature, for which God or Adam, or both, are responsible.

Every woman must examine and decide for herself on which of these

systems she will train her family. In this attempt women have one

advantage, and that is, they are not so liable to embarrassment and

prejudice as they would be were they, as are most of their religious

teachers, trained in systematic theology.

The writer has had an experience in both methods, which may have

some influence in regard to belief in the teachings of the Bible as

to the dreadful dangers to be met in the life to come. This was the

mainspring of feeling and effort in her father, who trained a large

family to believe and to feel that the great object of life should be

_to save as many as possible from eternal ruin_. Wealth, honor, power,

and every earthly good, in his mind, was as the dust of the balance

compared with this overmastering passion. It was this dreadful danger

to herself, and to those she loved best, that changed a frolicsome,

hopeful, light-hearted girl to a serious, hard-working woman as nothing

else could have done. It was this that stimulated a mind whose natural

tendency was to works of taste, light literature, and fun, to anxious

investigation in theology, metaphysics, and Biblical science.

And the results in family and personal training are equally manifest

in the history of Christian sects. It is those which are most deeply

convinced of dreadful dangers in the life to come which have been

most advanced in mental development, and in benevolent labor and

self-sacrifice. Such heroic suffering and devotion to the best

interests of humanity have never been witnessed on a large scale,

except in denominations whose fundamental and motive power is belief in

dreadful dangers to be encountered after death. The great difficulty

in many of these denominations has been a theological theory as to the

created constitution of mind, which tended to lessen hope and exertion

in that training by which escape from these dangers is most readily and

happily secured.

The course here suggested does not imply independent investigation,

without aid from men of learning and piety. Every doctrine of theology,

and every antagonistic mode of Biblical interpretation, has been

sustained by such men. But with a reference Bible and Concordance, any

woman of ordinary capacity can collect all that the Bible contains on a

given topic, and form a decision as to which view has the most evidence

in its favor. Then she can learn what has been offered both for and

against this view. This having been done with a prayerful spirit, the

result will rarely fail in bringing satisfaction and peace; while

both intellectually and morally such exercises will have an elevating

tendency.

CHAPTER XXIX.

THE CARE OF SERVANTS.

In the chapter on the _Right Use of Time and Property_, the important

explanation was made of the great law of love to God and to our

neighbor, which includes in its aim and spirit all other laws. The

distinction is there exhibited between instinctive _emotional_

love, caused by agreeable qualities in persons and things, and the

_voluntary_ love which is “good-will” toward God and man on the best

and most extensive scale. This love is identified in the great command

itself by the expression “as thyself.” For the love of self is not

pleasure created by our own agreeable qualities. It rather is the

all-controlling desire to make self happy. For this end we are required

to obey the laws of God, and thus secure the best and highest happiness

both to ourselves and to our neighbors.

In addition to this supreme law, made clear both by the intuitive

principle of mind and in the revealed laws of the Old Testament, we

have the teachings of Jesus Christ as to the character of God as

a loving Father to all his creatures. And, what is especially to

be regarded in estimating the obligations of a housekeeper to her

servants, we are taught that our heavenly Father feels the most care

and interest in those of his children who are the most ignorant, the

most neglected, and the most sinful. As the loving parent gives the

most thought and tender care to the most feeble and imperfect child, so

the Father of All most anxiously cares for the weak, the ignorant, and

the wandering of mankind.

Few of Christ’s professed followers at the present day realize

what obligations they assume when they prepare large houses and

establishments, which bring the most neglected members of society under

their care as members of the family state.

Did they understand the sacred obligations thus assumed to train the

humble members of their family with the care and Christian love taught

by both the precept and example of our Divine Lord, it is probable most

would reduce their style of living, so that their own children, with

one or two of God’s most neglected ones, would embrace all for whom

they would dare to assume such obligations.

The preceding presents the general principles to guide a housekeeper

as to her duty in the care of servants. The following will suggest

important details and considerations. Those in quotation-marks are from

Mrs. Stowe’s “House and Home Papers.”

“Although in earlier ages the highest-born, wealthiest, and proudest

ladies were skilled in the simple labors of the household, the advance

of society toward luxury has changed all this, especially in lands

of aristocracy and classes; and at the present time America is the

only country where there is a class of women who may be described as

_ladies_ who do their own work. By a lady we mean a woman of education,

cultivation, and refinement, of liberal tastes and ideas, who, without

any very material additions or changes, would be recognized as a lady

in any circle of the Old World or the New.

“The existence of such a class is a fact peculiar to American society,

a plain result of the new principles involved in the doctrine of

universal equality.

“When the colonists first came to this country, of however mixed

ingredients their ranks might have been composed, and however imbued

with the spirit of feudal and aristocratic ideas, the discipline of

the wilderness soon brought them to a democratic level; the gentleman

felled the wood for his log-cabin side by side with the plowman, and

thews and sinews rose in the market. ‘A man was deemed honorable in

proportion as he lifted his hand upon the high trees of the forest.’

So in the interior domestic circle, mistress and maid, living in a

log-cabin together, became companions, and sometimes the maid, as the

one well trained in domestic labor, took precedence of the mistress. It

also became natural and unavoidable that children should begin to work

as early as they were capable of it.

“The result was a generation of intelligent people brought up to labor

from necessity, but devoting to the problem of labor the acuteness of

a disciplined brain. The mistress, outdone in sinews and muscles by

her maid, kept her superiority by skill and contrivance. If she could

not lift a pail of water, she could invent methods which made lifting

the pail unnecessary; if she could not take a hundred steps without

weariness, she could make twenty answer the purpose of a hundred.

“Then were to be seen families of daughters, handsome, strong women,

rising each day to their indoor work with cheerful alertness—one to

sweep the room, another to make the fire, while a third prepared the

breakfast for the father and brothers who were going out to manly

labor: and they chatted meanwhile of books, studies, embroidery;

discussed the last new poem, or some historical topic started by graver

reading, or perhaps a rural ball that was to come off next week. They

spun with the book tied to the distaff; they wove; they did all manner

of fine needle-work; they made lace, painted flowers, and, in short, in

the boundless consciousness of activity, invention, and perfect health,

set themselves to any work of which they had ever read or thought. A

bride in those days was married with sheets and table-cloths of her

own weaving, with counterpanes and toilet-covers wrought in divers

embroidery by her own and her sisters’ hands. The amount of fancy-work

done in our days by girls who have nothing else to do will not equal

what was done by those who performed, in addition, the whole work of

the family.

“In those former days most women were in good health, debility and

disease being the exception. Then, too, was seen the economy of

daylight and its pleasures. They were used to early rising, and would

not lie in bed if they could. Long years of practice made them familiar

with the shortest, neatest, most expeditious method of doing every

household office, so that really, for the greater part of the time in

the house, there seemed, to a looker-on, to be nothing to do. They rose

in the morning and dispatched husband, father, and brothers to the farm

or wood-lot; went sociably about, chatting with each other, skimmed the

milk, made the butter, and turned the cheeses. The forenoon was long;

all the so-called morning work over, they had leisure for an hour’s

sewing or reading before it was time to start the dinner preparations.

By two o’clock the house-work was done, and they had the long afternoon

for books, needle-work, or drawing—for perhaps there was one with a

gift at her pencil. Perhaps one read aloud while others sewed, and

managed in that way to keep up a great deal of reading.

“It has been remarked in our armies that the men of cultivation, though

bred in delicate and refined spheres, can bear up under the hardships

of camp-life better and longer than rough laborers. The reason is, that

an educated mind knows how to use and save its body, to work it and

spare it, as an uneducated mind can not; and so the college-bred youth

brings himself safely through fatigues which kill the unreflective

laborer.

“Cultivated, intelligent women, who are brought up to do the work of

their own families, are labor-saving institutions. They make the head

save the wear of the muscles. By forethought, contrivance, system, and

arrangement, they lessen the amount to be done, and do it with less

expense of time and strength than others. The old New England motto,

_Get your work done up in the forenoon_, applied to an amount of work

which would keep the most common Irish servant toiling from daylight to

sunset.

“Those remarkable women of old, in a measure, were made by

circumstances. There were, comparatively speaking, no servants to be

had, and so children were trained to habits of industry and mechanical

adroitness from the cradle, and every household process was reduced

to the very minimum of labor. Every step required in a process was

counted, every movement calculated; and she who took ten steps when

one would do, lost her reputation for ‘faculty.’ Certainly such an

early drill was of use in developing the health and the bodily powers,

as well as in giving precision to the practical mental faculties.

All household economies were arranged with equal niceness in those

thoughtful minds. A trained housekeeper knew just how many sticks of

hickory of a certain size were required to heat her oven, and how many

of each different kind of wood. She knew by a sort of intuition just

what kinds of food would yield the most palatable nutriment with the

least outlay of accessories in cooking. She knew to a minute the time

when each article must go into and be withdrawn from her oven; and

if she could only lie in her chamber and direct, she could guide an

intelligent child through the processes with mathematical certainty.

“Now, if every young woman learned to do house-work, and cultivated

her practical faculties in early life, she would, in the first place,

be much more likely to keep her servants; and, in the second place,

if she lost them temporarily, would avoid all that wear and tear of

the nervous system which comes from constant ill-success in those

departments on which family health and temper mainly depend. This is

one of the peculiarities of our American life which require a peculiar

training. Why not face it sensibly?

“Our land abounds in motorpathic institutions, to which women are sent,

at a great expense, to have hired operators stretch and exercise their

inactive muscles. They lie for hours to have their feet twigged, their

arms flexed, and all the different muscles of the body worked for them,

because they are so flaccid and torpid that the powers of life do not

go on. Would it not be quite as cheerful, and a less expensive process,

if young girls from early life developed the muscles in sweeping,

dusting, starching, ironing, and all the multiplied domestic processes

which our grandmothers knew of? Does it not seem poor economy to pay

servants for letting our muscles grow feeble, and then to pay operators

to exercise them for us? I will venture to say that our grandmothers in

a week went over every movement that any gymnast has invented, and went

over them to some productive purpose too.

“The first business of a housekeeper in America is that of a teacher.

She can have a good table only by having practical knowledge, and

tact in imparting it. If she understands her business practically and

experimentally, her eye detects at once the weak spot; it requires only

a little tact, some patience, some clearness in giving directions, and

all comes right.

“If we carry a watch to a watch-maker, and undertake to show him how

to regulate the machinery, he laughs and goes on his own way; but if a

brother-machinist makes suggestions, he listens respectfully. So, when

a woman who knows nothing of woman’s work undertakes to instruct one

who knows more than she does, she makes no impression; but a woman who

has been trained experimentally, and shows she understands the matter

thoroughly, is listened to with respect.

“Let a woman make her own bread for one month, and, simple as the

process seems, it will take as long as that to get a thorough knowledge

of all the possibilities in the case; but after that, she will be able

to command good bread by the aid of all sorts of servants; in other

words, will be a thoroughly-prepared teacher of bread-making.

“Good servants do not often come to us; they must be _made_ by patience

and training; and if a girl has a good disposition, and a reasonable

degree of handiness, and the housekeeper understands her profession,

a good servant may be made out of an indifferent one. Some of the

best girls have been those who came directly from the ship, with no

preparation but docility and some natural quickness. The hardest

cases to be managed are not of those who have been taught nothing,

but of those who have been taught wrongly—who come self-opinionated,

with ways which are distasteful, and contrary to the genius of one’s

housekeeping. Such require that their mistress shall understand at

least so much of the actual conduct of affairs as to prove to the

servant that there are better ways than those in which she has been

trained.

“Domestic service is the great problem of life here in America; the

happiness of families, their thrift, well-being, and comfort, are more

affected by this than by any one thing else. The modern girls, as they

have been brought up, can not perform the labor of their own families

as in those simpler, old-fashioned days; and what is worse, they have

no practical skill with which to instruct servants, who come to us, as

a class, raw and untrained. In the present state of prices, the board

of a domestic costs as much as her wages, and the waste she makes is a

more serious matter still.”

It is sometimes urged against domestics that they exact exorbitant

wages. But what is the rule of rectitude on this subject? Is it not the

universal law of labor and of trade that an article is to be valued

according to its scarcity and the demand? When wheat is scarce, the

farmer raises his price; and when a mechanic offers services difficult

to be obtained, he makes a corresponding increase of price. And why

is it not right for domestics to act according to a rule allowed to

be correct in reference to all other trades and professions? It is a

fact that really good domestic service must continue to increase in

value just in proportion as this country waxes rich and prosperous;

thus making the proportion of those who wish to hire labor relatively

greater, and the number of those willing to go to service less.

Money enables the rich to gain many advantages which those of more

limited circumstances can not secure. One of these is, securing good

servants by offering high wages; and this, as the scarcity of this

class increases, will serve constantly to raise the price of service.

It is right for domestics to charge the market value, and this value

is always decided by the scarcity of the article and the amount of

demand. Right views of this subject will sometimes serve to diminish

hard feelings toward those who would otherwise be wrongfully regarded

as unreasonable and exacting.

Another complaint against servants is that of instability and

discontent, leading to perpetual change. But in reference to this,

let a mother or daughter conceive of their own circumstances as so

changed that the daughter must go out to service. Suppose a place is

engaged, and it is then found that she must sleep in a comfortless

garret; and that, when a new domestic comes—perhaps a coarse and dirty

foreigner—she must share her bed with her. Another place is offered,

where she can have a comfortable room and an agreeable room-mate; in

such a case, would not both mother and daughter think it right to

change?

Or suppose, on trial, it was found that the lady of the house was

fretful or exacting, and hard to please, or that her children were so

ungoverned as to be perpetual vexations; or that the work was so heavy

that no time was allowed for relaxation and the care of a wardrobe;

and another place offers where these evils can be escaped, would not

mother and daughter here think it right to change? And is it not right

for domestics, as well as their employers, to seek places where they

can be most comfortable?

In some cases, this instability and love of change would be remedied

if employers would take more pains to make a residence with them

agreeable, and to attach servants to the family by feelings of

gratitude and affection. There are ladies, even where well-qualified

domestics are most rare, who seldom find any trouble in keeping good

and steady ones. And the reason is that their servants know they can

not better their condition by any change within reach. It is not merely

by giving them comfortable rooms, and good food, and presents, and

privileges, that the attachment of domestic servants is secured; it is

by the manifestation of a friendly and benevolent interest in their

comfort and improvement. This is exhibited in bearing patiently with

their faults; in kindly teaching them how to improve; in showing them

how to make and take proper care of their clothes; in guarding their

health; in teaching them to read, if necessary, and supplying them

with proper books; and, in short, by endeavoring, so far as may be,

to supply the place of parents. It is seldom that such a course would

fail to secure steady service, and such affection and gratitude that

even higher wages would be ineffectual to tempt them away. There would

probably be some cases of ungrateful returns, but there is no doubt

that the course indicated, if generally pursued, would very much lessen

the evil in question.

When servants are forward and bold in manners and disrespectful in

address, they may be considerately taught that those who are among

the best-bred and genteel have courteous and respectful manners and

language to all they meet; while many who have wealth are regarded

as vulgar, because they exhibit rude and disrespectful manners. The

very terms _gentleman_ and _gentlewoman_ indicate the refinement and

delicacy of address which distinguishes the high-bred from the coarse

and vulgar.

In regard to appropriate dress, in most cases it is difficult for

an employer to interfere _directly_ with comments or advice. The

most successful mode is to offer some service in mending or making a

wardrobe, and when a confidence in the kindness of feeling is thus

gained, remarks and suggestions will generally be properly received,

and new views of propriety and economy can be imparted. The knowledge

which is so important to every woman, contained in the chapter on

_Clothing_, is as much needed in the kitchen as in the parlor. In some

cases it may be well for an employer who, from appearances, anticipates

difficulty of this kind, in making the preliminary contract or

agreement, to state that she wishes to have the room, person, and dress

of her servants kept neat and in order, and that she expects to remind

them of their duty in this particular if it is neglected. Domestic

servants are very apt to neglect the care of their own chambers and

clothing; and such habits have a most pernicious influence on their

well-being, and on that of their children, in future domestic life. An

employer, then, is bound to exercise a parental care over them in these

respects.

There is one great mistake, not unfrequently made, in the management

both of domestics and of children, and that is, in supposing that the

way to cure defects is by finding fault as each failing occurs. But

instead of this being true, in many cases the directly opposite course

is the best; while in all instances much good judgment is required

in order to decide when to notice faults and when to let them pass

unnoticed. There are some minds very sensitive, easily discouraged,

and infirm of purpose. Such persons, when they have formed habits

of negligence, haste, and awkwardness, often need expressions of

sympathy and encouragement rather than reproof. They have usually been

found fault with so much that they have become either hardened or

desponding; and it is often the case that a few words of commendation

will awaken fresh efforts and renewed hope. In almost every case, words

of kindness, confidence, and encouragement should be mingled with the

needful admonitions or reproof.

It is a good rule, in reference to this point, to _forewarn_ instead

of finding fault. Thus, when a thing has been done wrong, let it pass

unnoticed till it is to be done again; and then a simple request to

have it done in the right way will secure quite as much, and probably

more, willing effort, than a reproof administered for neglect. Some

persons seem to take it for granted that young and inexperienced

minds are bound to have all the forethought and discretion of mature

persons, and freely express wonder and disgust when mishaps occur for

want of these traits. But it would be far better to save from mistake

or forgetfulness by previous caution and care on the part of those who

have gained experience and forethought; and thus many occasions of

complaint and ill-humor will be avoided.

Those who fill the places of heads of families are not very apt to

think how painful it is to be chided for neglect of duty, or for

faults of character. If they would sometimes imagine themselves in the

place of those whom they control, with some person daily administering

reproof to them in the same _tone and style_ as they employ to those

who are under them, it might serve as a useful check to their chidings.

It is often the case that persons who are most strict and exacting, and

least able to make allowances and receive palliations, are themselves

peculiarly sensitive to any thing which implies that they are in

fault. By such, the spirit implied in the Divine petition, “Forgive

us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” needs

especially to be cherished.

One other consideration is very important. There is no duty more

binding on Christians than that of patience and meekness under

provocations and disappointment. Now the tendency of every sensitive

mind, when thwarted in its wishes, is to complain and find fault, and

that often in tones of fretfulness or anger. But there are few servants

who have not heard enough of the Bible to know that angry or fretful

fault-finding from the mistress of a family, when her work is not done

to suit her, is not in agreement with the precepts of Christ. They

notice and feel the inconsistency; and every woman, when she gives way

to feelings of anger and impatience at the faults of those around her,

lowers herself in their respect; while her own conscience, unless very

much blinded, can not but suffer a wound.

“We can not in this country maintain to any great extent large

retinues of servants. Even with ample fortunes, they are forbidden by

the general character of society here, which makes them cumbrous and

difficult to manage. Every mistress of a family knows that her cares

increase with every additional servant. Trained housekeepers, such as

regulate the complicated establishments of the Old World, form a class

that are not, and from the nature of the case never will be, found in

any great numbers in this country. All such women, as a general thing,

are keeping, and prefer to keep, houses of their own.

“A moderate style of housekeeping, small, compact, and simple domestic

establishments, must necessarily be the general order of life in

America. So many openings of profit are to be found in this country,

that domestic service necessarily wants the permanence which forms so

agreeable a feature of it in the Old World.

“Again, American women must not try with three servants to carry on

life in the style which in the Old World requires sixteen. They must

thoroughly understand, and be prepared _to teach_, every branch of

housekeeping; they must study to make domestic service desirable, by

treating their servants in a way to lead them to respect themselves,

and to feel themselves respected; and there will gradually be evolved

from the present confusion a solution of the domestic problem which

shall be adapted to the life of a new and growing world.”

It is sometimes the case that the constant change of domestics, and the

liability thus to have dishonest ones, makes it needful to keep stores

under lock and key. This measure is often very offensive to those who

are hired, as it is regarded by them as an evidence both of _closeness_

and of _suspicion_ of their honesty.

In such cases it is a good plan, when first making an agreement with a

domestic, to state the case in this way: that you have had dishonest

persons in the family, and that when theft is committed, it is always

a cause of disquiet to _honest_ persons, because it exposes them to

suspicion. You can then state your reasons as twofold: one to protect

yourself from pilfering when you take entire strangers, and the other

is to protect honest persons from being suspected. When the matter

is thus presented at first hiring a person, no offense will be taken

afterward.

There is one rule which every housekeeper will find of incalculable

value, not only in the case of domestics, but in the management of

children, and that is, never to find fault _at the time that a wrong

thing is done_. Wait until you are unexcited yourself, and until the

vexation of the offender is also past, and then, when there is danger

of a similar offense, _forewarn_, and point out the evils already done

for want of proper care in this respect.

Success in the management of domestics very much depends upon the

_manners_ of a housekeeper toward them. And here two extremes are to

be avoided. One is a severe and imperious mode of giving orders and

finding fault, which is inconsistent both with lady-like good breeding

and with a truly amiable character. Few domestics, especially American

domestics, will long submit to it, and many a good one has been

lost, simply by the influence of this unfortunate manner. The other

extreme is apt to result from the great difficulty of retaining good

domestics. In cases where this is experienced, there is a liability of

becoming so fearful of displeasing one who is found to be good, that,

imperceptibly, the relation is changed, and the domestic becomes the

mistress. A housekeeper thus described this change in one whom she

hired: “The first year she was an excellent servant; the second year

she was a kind mistress; the third year she was an intolerable tyrant!”

There is no domestic so good that she will not be injured by perceiving

that, through dependence upon her, and a fear of losing her services,

the mistress of the family gives up her proper authority and control.

The happy medium is secured by a course of real kindness in manner and

treatment, attended with the manifestation of a calm determination that

the plans and will of the housekeeper, and not of the domestic, shall

control the family arrangements.

When a good domestic first begins to insist that her views and notions

shall be regarded rather than those of the housekeeper, a kind but firm

stand must be taken. A frank conversation should be sought at a time

when nothing has occurred to ruffle the temper on either side. Then the

housekeeper can inquire what would be the view taken of this matter

in case the domestic herself should become a housekeeper and hire a

person to help her; and when the matter is set before her mind in this

light, let the “golden rule” be applied, and ask her whether she is not

disposed to render to her present employer what she herself would ask

from a domestic in similar circumstances.

Much trouble of this kind is saved by hiring persons on trial, in order

to ascertain whether they are willing and able to do the work of the

family in the manner which the housekeeper wishes; and in this case

some member of the family can go around for a day or two, and show how

every thing is to be done.

There is no department of domestic life where a woman’s temper and

patience are so sorely tried as in the incompetence and constant

changes of domestics; and therefore there is no place where a

reasonable and Christian woman will be more watchful, careful, and

conscientious.

The cultivation of _patience_ will be much promoted by keeping in

mind these considerations in reference to the incompetence and other

failings of those who are hired.

In the first place, consider that the great object of life to us is

not enjoyment, but the formation of a right character; that such

a character can not be formed except by discipline, and that the

trials and difficulties of domestic life, if met in a proper spirit

and manner, will in the end prove blessings rather than evils, by

securing a measure of elevation, dignity, patience, self-control, and

benevolence, that could be gained by no other methods. The comfort

gained by these virtues, and the rewards they bring, both in this and

in a future life, are a thousand-fold richer than the easy, indolent

life of indulgence which we should choose for ourselves.

In the next place, instead of allowing the mind to dwell on the faults

of those who minister to our comfort and convenience, cultivate a habit

of making every possible benevolent allowance and palliation. Say to

yourself, “Poor girl! she has never been instructed either by parents

or employers. Nobody has felt any interest in the formation of her

habits, or kindly sought to rectify her faults. Why should I expect her

to do those things well which no one has taken any care to teach her?

She has no parent or friend now to aid her but myself. Let me bear her

faults patiently, and kindly try to cure them.”

If a woman will cultivate the spirit expressed in such language, if she

will benevolently seek the best good of those she employs, if she will

interest herself in giving them instruction if they need it, and good

books to read if they are already qualified to understand them, if she

will manifest a desire to have them made comfortable in the kitchen

and in their chambers, she certainly will receive her reward, and that

in many ways. She will be improving her own character, she will set a

good example to her family, and, in the end, she will do something,

and in some cases much, to improve the character and services of those

whom she hires. And the good done in this way goes down from generation

to generation, and goes also into the eternal world, to be known and

rejoiced in when every earthly good has come to an end.

In some portions of our country, the great influx of foreigners of

another language and another faith, and the ready entrance they find as

domestics into American families, impose peculiar trials and peculiar

duties on American housekeepers. In reference to such, it is no less

our interest than our duty to cultivate a spirit of kindness, patience,

and sympathy.

Especially should this be manifested in reference to their religion.

However wrong, or however pernicious we may regard their system of

faith, we should remember that they have been trained to believe that

it is what God commands them to obey; and so long as they do believe

this, we should respect them for their conscientious scruples, and not

try to tempt them to do what they suppose to be wrong. If we lead an

ignorant and feeble mind to do what it believes to be wrong in regard

to the most sacred of all duties, those owed to God, how can we expect

them to be faithful to us?

The only lawful way to benefit those whom we regard as in an error is,

not to tempt them to do what they believe to be wrong, but to give

them the light of knowledge, so that they may be qualified to judge

for themselves. And the way to make them willing to receive this light

is to be kind to them. We should take care that their feelings and

prejudices should in no way be abused, and that they be treated as we

should wish to be if thrown as strangers into a strange land, among a

people of different customs and faith, and away from parents, home, and

friends.

Remember that our Master who is in heaven especially claims to be

the God of the widow, the fatherless, and _the stranger_, and has

commanded, “If a stranger sojourn with you in your land, ye shall not

vex him; but the stranger that dwelleth among you shall be unto you as

one born among you, and _thou shalt love him as thyself_.”

Mrs. Stowe says: “We are far from recommending any controversial

interference with the religious faith of our servants. It is far

better to incite them to be good Christians in their own way, than to

run the risk of shaking their faith in all religion by pointing out

to them what seem to us the errors of that in which they have been

educated. The general purity of life and propriety of demeanor of so

many thousands of undefended young girls cast yearly upon our shores,

with no home but their church, and no shield but their religion, are a

sufficient proof that this religion exerts an influence over them not

to be lightly trifled with. But there is a real unity even in opposite

Christian forms; and the Roman Catholic servant and the Protestant

mistress, if alike possessed by the spirit of Christ, and striving to

conform to the Golden Rule, can not help being one in heart, though one

go to mass and the other to meeting.”

To this testimony of her sister the author adds some results of her

observations as a resident or visitor among a wide circle of personal

and family friends. The Christian care exercised by the Catholic

priesthood over family servants deserves grateful notice, while the

pure and wise instructions contained in the manuals of devotion used

at public and private worship by this class, in many respects, are

a model of excellence. As one illustration of the good fruits, the

author, for a portion of each of the last ten years, has boarded in the

family of her physician, Dr. G. H. Taylor. Here not less than twelve

Irish Catholic girls usually frequent the Sunday early mass when most

people are asleep. In this family neither her trunk, drawers, or door

were ever locked, and yet never an article has been lost or stolen.

And among her many friends it is this class who, with occasional

exceptions, have been unsurpassed in faithful and affectionate service.

True, much has been owing to the happy management and wise care of

Christian housekeepers, who in the life to come will reap the rewards

of their faithful labors. A time is coming when American housekeepers

will better understand their high privileges as chief ministers of the

family state. Then it will no longer be a cause of discontent that a

well-trained and faithful servant is withdrawn to bless another family,

or to rear one of her own. Rather it will be seen that the Christian

woman’s kitchen is a training-school of good servants, where ignorant

heathen come to be guided heavenward, and prepared to rear healthful

and Christian families of their own. Then the young daughters will

aid the mother in this Home Mission, and, by imparting their acquired

advantages to Christ’s neglected ones, will learn with thankfulness how

much “more blessed it is to give than to receive.”

CHAPTER XXX.

DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND SOCIAL DUTIES.

Whenever the laws of body and mind are properly understood, it will be

allowed that every person needs some kind of recreation; and that, by

seeking it, the body is strengthened, the mind is invigorated, and all

our duties are more cheerfully and successfully performed.

Children, whose bodies are rapidly growing and whose nervous system is

tender and excitable, need much more amusement than persons of mature

age. Persons, also, who are oppressed with great responsibilities and

duties, or who are taxed by great intellectual or moral excitement,

need recreations which physically exercise and draw off the mind from

absorbing interests. Unfortunately, such persons are those who least

resort to amusements; while the idle, gay, and thoughtless seek those

which are not needed, and for which useful occupation would be a most

beneficial substitute.

As the only legitimate object of amusement is to prepare mind and body

for the proper discharge of duty, the protracting of such as interfere

with regular employments, or induce excessive fatigue, or weary the

mind, or invade the proper hours for repose, must be sinful.

In deciding what should be selected, and what avoided, the following

are guiding principles: In the first place, no amusements which inflict

needless pain should ever be allowed. All tricks which cause fright or

vexation, and all sports which involve suffering to animals, should be

utterly forbidden. Hunting and fishing, for mere sport, can never be

justified. If a man can convince his children that he follows these

pursuits to gain food or health, and not for amusement, his example may

not be very injurious. But when children see grown persons kill and

frighten animals for sport, habits of cruelty, rather than feelings of

tenderness and benevolence, are cultivated.

In the next place, we should seek no recreations which endanger life,

or interfere with important duties. As the legitimate object of

amusements is to promote health and prepare for some serious duties,

selecting those which have a directly opposite tendency can not be

justified. Of course, if a person feels that the previous day’s

diversion has shortened the hours of needful repose, or induced a

lassitude of mind or body, instead of invigorating them, it is certain

that an evil has been done which should never be repeated.

Another rule which has been extensively adopted in the religious world

is, to avoid those amusements which experience has shown to be so

exciting, and connected with so many temptations, as to be pernicious

in tendency, both to the individual and to the community. It is on this

ground that horse-racing and circus-riding have been excluded. Not

because there is any thing positively wrong in having men and horses

run and perform feats of agility, or in persons looking on for the

diversion; but because experience has shown so many evils connected

with these recreations, that they should be relinquished until properly

regulated. So with theatres. The enacting of characters and the

amusement thus afforded in themselves may be harmless, and possibly, in

certain cases, might be useful; but experience has shown so many evils

to result from this source, that it has been deemed wrong to patronize

it till these evils are removed.

Under the same head comes dancing, in the estimation of the great

majority of the religious world. Still, there are many intelligent,

excellent, and conscientious persons who hold a contrary opinion. Such

maintain that it is an innocent and healthful amusement, tending to

promote ease of manners, cheerfulness, social affection, and health

of mind and body; that evils are involved only in its excess; that,

like food, study, or religious excitement, it is only wrong when not

properly regulated; and that if serious and intelligent people would

strive to regulate, rather than banish, this amusement, much more good

would be secured.

On the other side, it is objected, not that dancing is a sin, in

itself considered, for it was once a part of sacred worship; not that

it would be objectionable, if it were properly regulated; not that it

does not tend, when used in a proper manner, to health of body and

mind, to grace of manners, and to social enjoyment: all these things

are conceded. But it is objected to, on the same ground as horse-racing

and theatrical entertainments; that we are to look at amusements as

they are, and not as they might be. Horse-races might be so managed as

not to involve cruelty, gambling, drunkenness, and other vices. And so

might theatres. And if serious and intelligent persons undertook to

regulate them, perhaps they would be somewhat raised from the depths

to which they have sunk. But with the weak sense of moral obligation

existing in the mass of society, and the imperfect ideas mankind have

of the proper use of amusements, and the little self-control which

men or women or children practice, these will not, in fact, be thus

regulated.

And dancing is believed to be liable to the same objections. As this

recreation is actually conducted, it does not tend to produce health

of body or mind, but directly the contrary. If young and old went out

to dance together in open air, as the French peasants do, it would be

a very different sort of amusement from that which often is witnessed

in a room furnished with many lights and filled with guests—both

destroying the healthful part of the atmosphere, where the young

collect, in their tightest dresses, to protract for several hours a

kind of physical exertion which is not habitual to them. During this

process, the blood is made to circulate more swiftly than usual,

in circumstances where it is less perfectly oxygenized than health

requires; the pores of the skin are excited by heat and exercise; the

stomach is loaded with indigestible articles, and the quiet needful to

digestion withheld; the diversion is protracted beyond the usual hour

for repose; and then, when the skin is made the most highly susceptible

to damps and miasms, the company pass from a warm room to the cold

night-air. It is probable that no single amusement can be pointed out

combining so many injurious particulars as this, which is so often

defended as a healthful one. Even if parents who train their children

to dance can keep them from public balls, (which is seldom the case,)

dancing, as ordinarily conducted in private parlors, in most cases is

subject to nearly the same mischievous influences.

The spirit of Christ is that of self-denying benevolence; and his great

aim, by his teachings and example, was to train his followers to avoid

all that should lead to sin, especially in regard to the weaker ones

of his family. Yet he made wine at a wedding, attended a social feast

on the Sabbath,[8] reproved excess of strictness in Sabbath-keeping

generally, and forbade no safe and innocent enjoyment. In following

his example, the rulers of the family, then, will introduce the most

highly exciting amusements only in circumstances where there are such

strong principles and habits of self-control that the enjoyment will

not involve sin in the actor or needless temptation to the weak.

[8] Luke xvi. In reading this passage, please notice what kind of

guests are to be invited to the feast that Jesus Christ recommends.

The course pursued by our Puritan ancestors, in the period succeeding

their first perils amidst sickness and savages, is an example that may

safely be practiced at the present day. The young of both sexes were

educated together in the higher branches, in country academies; and

very often the closing exercises were theatricals, in which the pupils

were performers, and their pastors, elders, and parents, the audience.

So at social gatherings, the dance was introduced before minister and

wife, with smiling approval. The roaring fires and broad chimneys

provided pure air, and the nine o’clock bell ended the festivities that

gave new vigor and zest to life, while the dawn of the next day’s light

saw all at their posts of duty, with heartier strength and blither

spirits.

No indecent or unhealthful costumes offended the eye, no half-naked

dancers of dubious morality were sustained in a life of dangerous

excitement, by the money of Christian people, for the mere amusement

of their night hours. No shivering drivers were deprived of comfort

and sleep, to carry home the midnight followers of fashion; nor was

the quiet and comfort of servants in hundreds of dwellings invaded

for the mere amusement of their superiors in education and advantages.

The command “we that are strong, ought to bear the infirmities of the

weak, and not to please ourselves,” was in those days not reversed.

Had the drama and the dance continued to be regulated by the rules of

temperance, health, and Christian benevolence, as in the days of our

forefathers, they would not have been so generally banished from the

religious world. And the question is now being discussed, whether they

can be so regulated at the present time as not to violate the laws

either of health or benevolence.[9]

In regard to home amusements, card-playing is now indulged in by many

conscientious families from which it formerly was excluded, and for

these reasons: it is claimed that this is a quiet home amusement, which

unites pleasantly the aged with the young; that it is not now employed

in respectable society for gambling, as it formerly was; that to some

young minds it is a peculiarly fascinating game, and should be first

practiced under the parental care, till the excitement of novelty is

passed, thus rendering the danger to children less when going into

the world; and, finally, that habits of self-control in exciting

circumstances may and should be thus cultivated in the safety of home.

Many parents who have taken this course with their sons in early life

believe that it has proved rather a course of safety than of danger.

Still, as there is great diversity of opinion among persons of equal

worth and intelligence, a mutual spirit of candor and courtesy should

be practiced. The sneer at bigotry and narrowness of views, on one

side, and the uncharitable implication of want of piety, or sense, on

the other, are equally ill-bred and unchristian. Truth on this subject

is best promoted, not by ill-natured crimination and rebuke, but by

calm reason, generous candor, forbearance, and kindness.

[9] Fanny Kemble Butler remarked to the writer that she regarded

theatres wrong, chiefly because of the injury involved to the actors.

Can a Christian mother contribute money to support young women in a

profession from which she would protect her own daughter, as from

degradation, and that, too, simply for the amusement of herself and

family? Would this be following the self-sacrificing benevolence of

Christ and his apostles?

There is another species of amusement, which a large portion of the

religious world formerly put under the same condemnation as the

preceding. This is novel-reading. The confusion and difference of

opinion on this subject have arisen from a want of clear and definite

distinctions. Now, as it is impossible to define what are novels and

what are not, so as to include one class of fictitious writings and

exclude every other, it is impossible to lay down any rule respecting

them. The discussion, in fact, turns on the use of those works of

imagination which belong to the class of fictitious narratives. That

this species of reading is not only lawful, but necessary and useful,

is settled by divine examples, in the parables and allegories of

Scripture. Of course, the question must be, what kind of fabulous

writings must be avoided, and what allowed.

In deciding this, no specific rules can be given: but it must be a

matter to be regulated by the nature and circumstances of each case.

No works of fiction which tend to throw the allurements of taste and

genius around vice and crime should ever be tolerated; and all that

tend to give false views of life and duty should also be banished.

Of those which are written for mere amusement, presenting scenes and

events that are interesting, and exciting and having no bad moral

influence, much must depend on the character and circumstances of

the reader. Some minds are torpid and phlegmatic, and need to have

the imagination stimulated: such would be benefited by this kind of

reading. Others have quick and active imaginations, and would be as

much injured by excess. Some persons are often so engaged in absorbing

interest, that any thing innocent, which will for a short time draw off

the mind, is of the nature of a medicine; and in such cases this kind

of reading is useful.

There is need, also, that some men should keep a supervision of the

current literature of the day, as guardians, to warn others of danger.

For this purpose, it is more suitable for editors, clergymen, and

teachers to read indiscriminately, than for any other class of persons;

for they are the guardians of the public weal in matters of literature,

and should be prepared to advise parents and young persons of the

evils in one direction, and of the good in another. In doing this,

however, they are bound to go on the same principles which regulate

physicians when they visit infected districts—using every precaution to

prevent injury to themselves; having as little to do with pernicious

exposures as a benevolent regard to others will allow; and faithfully

employing all the knowledge and opportunities thus gained for warning

and preserving others. There is much danger, in taking this course,

that men will seek the excitement of the imagination for the mere

pleasure it affords, under the plea of preparing to serve the public,

when this is neither the aim nor the result.

In regard to the use of such works by the young, as a general rule,

they ought not to be allowed to any except those of a dull and

phlegmatic temperament, until the solid parts of education are secured

and a taste for more elevated reading is acquired. If these stimulating

condiments in literature be freely used in youth, all relish for more

solid reading will in a majority of cases be destroyed. If parents

succeed in securing habits of cheerful and implicit obedience, it will

be very easy to regulate this matter, by prohibiting the reading of any

story-book until the consent of the parent is obtained.

The most successful mode of forming a taste for suitable reading, is

for parents to select interesting works of history and travels, with

maps and pictures suited to the age and attainments of the young, and

spend an hour or two each day or evening in aiming to make truth as

interesting as fiction. Whoever has once tried this method will find

that the uninjured mind of childhood is better satisfied with what

they know is true, when wisely presented, than with the most exciting

novels, which they know are false.

Perhaps there has been some just ground of objection to the course

often pursued by parents in neglecting to provide suitable and

agreeable substitutes for the amusements denied. But there is a great

abundance of safe, healthful, and delightful recreations, which all

parents may secure for their children. Some of these will here be

pointed out.

One of the most useful and important is the cultivation of flowers

and fruits. This, especially for the daughters of a family, is greatly

promotive of health and amusement. Many young ladies, whose habits are

now so formed that they can never be induced to a course of active

domestic exercise so long as their parents are able to hire domestic

service, may yet be led to an employment which will tend to secure

health and vigor of constitution, by fruits and flowers.

It would be a most desirable improvement, if all schools for young

women could be furnished with suitable grounds and instruments for the

cultivation of fruits and flowers, and every inducement offered to

engage the pupils in this pursuit. No father who wishes to have his

daughters grow up to be healthful women can take a surer method to

secure this end. Let him set apart a portion of his ground for fruits

and flowers, and see that the soil is well prepared and dug over, and

all the rest may be committed to the care of the children. These would

need to be provided with a light hoe and rake, a dibble or garden

trowel, a watering-pot, and means and opportunities for securing seeds,

roots, bulbs, buds, and grafts, all which might be done at a trifling

expense. Then, with proper encouragement and by the aid of a few

intelligible and practical directions, every man who has even half an

acre could secure a small Eden around his premises.

In pursuing this amusement children can also be led to acquire many

useful habits. Early rising would, in many cases, be thus secured; and

if they were required to keep their walks and borders free from weeds

and rubbish, habits of order and neatness would be induced. Benevolent

and social feelings could also be cultivated, by influencing children

to share their fruits and flowers with friends and neighbors, as well

as to distribute roots and seeds to those who have not the means of

procuring them. A woman or a child, by giving seeds or slips or roots

to a washerwoman, or a farmer’s boy, thus inciting them to love and

cultivate fruits and flowers, awakens a new and refining source of

enjoyment in minds which have few resources more elevated than mere

physical enjoyments. Our Saviour directs us, in making feasts, to

call, not the rich, who can recompense again, but the poor, who can

make no returns. So children should be taught to dispense their little

treasures not alone to companions and friends, who will probably return

similar favors, but to those who have no means of making any return.

If the rich, who acquire a love for the enjoyments of taste and have

the means to gratify it, would aim to extend among the poor the cheap

and simple enjoyment of fruits and flowers, our country would soon

literally “blossom as the rose.”

If the ladies of a neighborhood would unite small contributions, and

send a list of flower-seeds and roots to some respectable and honest

florist, who would not be likely to turn them off with trash, they

could divide these among themselves and their poor neighbors, so

as to secure an abundant variety at a very small expense. A bag of

flower-seeds, which can be obtained at wholesale for four cents, would

abundantly supply a whole neighborhood; and, by the gathering of seeds

in the autumn, could be perpetuated.

Another very elevating and delightful recreation for the young is

found in _music_. Here the writer would protest against the practice,

common in many families, of having the daughters learn to play on the

piano, whether they have a taste and an ear for music or not. A young

lady who does not sing well, and has no great fondness for music, does

nothing but waste time, money, and patience in learning to play on the

piano. But all children can be taught to sing in early childhood, if

the scientific mode of teaching music in schools could be more widely

introduced, as it is in Prussia, Germany, and Switzerland. Then young

children could read and sing music as easily as they can read language;

and might take any tune, dividing themselves into bands, and sing off

at sight the endless variety of music which is prepared. And if parents

of wealth would take pains to have teachers qualified for the purpose,

who should teach all the young children in the community, much would

be done for the happiness and elevation of the rising generation.

This is an element of education which we are glad to know is, year by

year, more extensively and carefully cultivated; and it is not only a

means of culture, but also an amusement, which children relish in the

highest degree; and which they can enjoy at home, in the fields, and in

visits abroad.

Another domestic amusement is the collecting of shells, plants, and

specimens in geology and mineralogy, for the formation of cabinets.

If intelligent parents would procure the simpler works which have

been prepared for the young, and study them with their children, a

taste for such recreations would soon be developed. The writer has

seen young boys of eight and ten years of age gathering and cleaning

shells from rivers, and collecting plants and mineralogical specimens,

with a delight bordering on ecstasy; and there are few, if any, who by

proper influences would not find this a source of ceaseless delight and

improvement.

Another resource for family diversion is to be found in the various

games played by children, and in which the joining of older members

of the family is always a great advantage to both parties, especially

those in the open air.

All medical men unite in declaring that nothing is more beneficial

to health than hearty laughter; and surely our benevolent Creator

would not have provided risibles, and made it a source of health and

enjoyment to use them, if it were a sin so to do. There has been a

tendency to asceticism on this subject, which needs to be removed. Such

commands as forbid _foolish_ laughing and jesting, “_which are not

convenient_,” and which forbid all idle words and vain conversation,

can not apply to any thing except what is foolish, vain, and useless.

But jokes, laughter, and sports, when used in such a degree as tends

only to promote health and happiness, are neither vain, foolish,

or “not convenient.” It is the excess of these things, and not the

moderate use of them, which Scripture forbids. The prevailing temper

of the mind should be serious, yet cheerful; and there are times when

relaxation and laughter are not only proper, but necessary and right

for all. There is nothing better for this end than that parents and

older persons should join in the sports of childhood. Mature minds can

always make such diversions more entertaining to children, and can

exert a healthful moral influence over their minds; and at the same

time can gain exercise and amusement for themselves. How lamentable

that so many fathers, who could be thus useful and happy with their

children, throw away such opportunities, and wear out soul and body in

the pursuit of gain or fame!

Another resource for children is the exercise of mechanical skill.

Fathers, by providing tools for their boys, and showing them how to

make wheelbarrows, carts, sleds, and various other articles, contribute

both to the physical, moral, and social improvement of their children.

And in regard to little daughters, much more can be done in this way

than many would imagine. The writer, blessed with the example of a most

ingenious and industrious mother, had not only learned before the age

of twelve to make dolls, of various sorts and sizes, but to cut and fit

and sew every article that belongs to a doll’s wardrobe. This, which

was done for mere amusement, secured such a facility in mechanical

pursuits, that ever afterward the cutting and fitting of any article of

dress, for either sex, was accomplished with entire ease.

When a little girl begins to sew, her mother can promise her a small

bed and pillow, as soon as she has sewed a patch quilt for them; and

then a bedstead, as soon as she has sewed the sheets and cases for

pillows; and then a large doll to dress, as soon as she has made

the under-garments; and thus go on till the whole contents of the

baby-house are earned by the needle and skill of its little owner. Thus

the task of learning to sew will become a pleasure; and every new toy

will be earned by useful exertion. A little girl can be taught, by the

aid of patterns prepared for the purpose, to cut and fit all articles

necessary for her doll. She can also be provided with a little wash-tub

and irons, and thus keep in proper order a complete miniature domestic

establishment.

Besides these recreations, there are the enjoyments secured in walking,

riding, visiting, and many other employments which need not be

recounted. Children, if trained to be healthful and industrious, will

never fail to discover resources of amusement; while their guardians

should lend their aid to guide and restrain them from excess.

There is need of a very great change of opinion and practice in this

nation, in regard to the subject of social and domestic duties. Many

sensible and conscientious men spend all their time abroad in business,

except perhaps an hour or so at night, when they are so fatigued as to

be unfitted for any social or intellectual enjoyment. And some of the

most conscientious men in the country will add to their professional

business public or benevolent enterprises, which demand time, effort,

and money; and then excuse themselves for neglecting all care of their

children, and efforts for their own intellectual improvement, or for

the improvement of their families, by the plea that they have no time

for it.

All this arises from the want of correct notions of the binding

obligation of our social and domestic duties. The main object of life

is not to secure the various gratifications of appetite or taste, but

to form such a character, for ourselves and others, as will secure

the greatest amount of present and future happiness. It is of far

more consequence, then, that parents should be intelligent, social,

affectionate, and agreeable at home and to their friends, than that

they should earn money enough to live in a large house and have

handsome furniture. It is far more needful for children that a father

should attend to the formation of their character and habits, and aid

in developing their social, intellectual, and moral nature, than it is

that he should earn money to furnish them with handsome clothes and a

variety of tempting food.

It will be wise for those parents who find little time to attend to

their children, or to seek amusement and enjoyment in the domestic

and social circle, because their time is so much occupied with public

cares or benevolent objects, to inquire whether their first duty is

not to train up their own families to be useful members of society. A

man who neglects the mind and morals of his children to take care of

the public, is in great danger of coming under a similar condemnation

to that of him who, neglecting to provide for his own household, has

“denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

There are husbands and fathers who conscientiously subtract time

from their business to spend at home, in reading with their wives

and children, and in domestic amusements which at once refresh and

improve. The children of such parents will grow up with a love of

home and kindred which will be the greatest safeguard against future

temptations, as well as the purest source of earthly enjoyment.

There are families, also, who make it a definite object to keep up

family attachments after the children are scattered abroad, and in

some cases secure the means for doing this by saving money which

would otherwise have been spent for superfluities of food or dress.

Some families have adopted, for this end, a practice which, if widely

imitated, would be productive of much enjoyment. The method is this:

On the first day of each month, some member of the family, at each

extreme point of dispersion, takes a folio sheet, and fills a part of

a page. This is sealed and mailed to the next family, who read it, add

another contribution, and then mail it to the next. Thus the family

circular, once a month, goes from each extreme to all the members of

a widely-dispersed family, and each member becomes a sharer in the

joys, sorrows, plans, and pursuits of all the rest. At the same time,

frequent family meetings are sought; and the expense thus incurred is

cheerfully met by retrenchments in other directions. The sacrifice of

some unnecessary physical indulgence will often purchase many social

and domestic enjoyments, a thousand times more elevating and delightful

than the retrenched luxury.

There is no social duty which the Supreme Lawgiver more strenuously

urges than hospitality and kindness to strangers, who are classed

with the widow and the fatherless as the special objects of Divine

tenderness. There are some reasons why this duty peculiarly demands

attention from the American people.

Reverses of fortune, in this land, are so frequent and unexpected, and

the habits of the people are so migratory, that there are very many in

every part of the country who, having seen all their temporal plans

and hopes crushed, are now pining among strangers, bereft of wonted

comforts, without friends, and without the sympathy and society so

needful to wounded spirits. Such, too frequently, sojourn long and

lonely, with no comforter but Him who “knoweth the heart of a stranger.”

Whenever, therefore, new-comers enter a community, inquiry should

immediately be made as to whether they have friends or associates,

to render sympathy and kind attentions; and, when there is any need

for it, the ministries of kind neighborliness should immediately

be offered. And it should be remembered that the first days of a

stranger’s sojourn are the most dreary, and that civility and kindness

are doubled in value by being offered at an early period.

In social gatherings the claims of the stranger are too apt to be

forgotten; especially in cases where there are no peculiar attractions

of personal appearance, or talents, or high standing. Such an one

should be treated with attention, _because_ he is a stranger; and when

communities learn to act more from principle, and less from selfish

impulse, on this subject, the sacred claims of the stranger will be

less frequently forgotten.

The most agreeable hospitality to visitors who become intimates of a

family, is that which puts them entirely at ease. This can never be the

case where the guest perceives that the order of family arrangement

is essentially altered, and that time, comfort, and convenience are

sacrificed for his accommodation.

Offering the best to visitors, showing a polite regard to every wish

expressed, and giving precedence to them, in all matters of comfort

and convenience, can be easily combined with the easy freedom which

makes the stranger feel as if at home; and this is the perfection of

hospitable entertainment.

CHAPTER XXXI.

LAWS OF HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.

It is hoped a day will come when these laws of God will be put on

tablets in school-rooms and houses, as are the ten commandments in our

churches, and that all children will be trained fully to understand

them, and then to commit them to memory.

_Laws of Health for the Bones._

Exercise daily in pure air, because it nourishes and gives strength

to the bones. Do not habitually keep the spine out of its natural

position, either when sleeping or sitting, because deformity and

disease are thus induced. Never compress the chest or ribs, because

it diminishes chest breathing, and thus lessens the needful amount of

nourishing oxygen; and for the same reason, support all clothing from

the shoulders, because any pressure on the hips and abdomen lessens

abdominal breathing.

Never wear high heels, because it tends to produce internal

displacement, to distort the foot, the spine, and the ankles, causes

corns and bunions, and makes a graceful walk impossible. An unfailing

cure for corns and bunions is once a week to soak the foot half an hour

in four quarts of quite warm water, in which is dissolved a bit of

soda the size of a large walnut. Three or four times will relieve and

probably cure.

_Laws of Health for the Muscles._

Supply pure blood and healthful food, because these are indispensable

to their health and strength. Exercise all the muscles, so as to

secure the healthful development of all, and avoid weakening them by

excessive exercise. Change inactive habits not suddenly, but by a

gradual increase of exercise. When too weak to exercise, employ an

operator to increase the flow of blood to the muscles by pressure and

rubbing. Never compress any of the muscles by tight clothing, because

it diminishes the flow of blood and thus of nutriment. As pure air and

light cause increase of strength, let all exercise be by daylight.

Avoid increase of exercise when the air is impure, as it usually is in

night-gatherings.

_Laws of Health for the Lungs._

It is proved by many experiments that a full-grown person vitiates a

hogshead of air every hour; therefore, so ventilate every room that

each inmate shall have the needful pure air at this rate, especially

by night. Take care so to dress, to sit, and to lie, that the lungs

shall not be compressed, and thus be deprived of the needful nourishing

oxygen.

_Laws of Health for the Digestive Organs._

Supply every part of the body with its peculiar nutriment; nitrogen

for muscle, phosphorus for brain and nerves, carbon for the lungs, and

silica, iron, etc., for other parts. Let the proportions follow the

example given in wheat, milk, and eggs, which have all the elements

needed and in proper proportions. According to this rule, use unbolted

flour rather than superfine. In selecting food, have reference to age,

climate, and state of the health. Meals should be at least five hours

apart, that the stomach may rest. Do not eat between meals, as it mixes

partly digested food with the new supply, and impedes digestion. Do not

eat too much, because it impedes digestion, and overtaxes, and thus

weakens, the organs that must throw off the excess. Eat only to satisfy

hunger, and not to qualify the palate after hunger is satisfied. Do not

eat a great variety, because digestion is easier and more perfect with

but few articles. Let there be a variety which is successive, and not

at one meal.

Do not require children to eat what they do not love, because food

which is relished is better digested and more healthful. If very

thirsty, drink water abundantly before eating, but sparingly at

meals—only one tumbler or cup. Very hot food or drink debilitates the

nerves of the teeth and stomach. Very cold water, or ice, after a full

meal, interferes with digestion.

Avoid stimulating drinks, or use them very weak. A _gradual_ diminution

of strength will modify the taste, so that a weak dilution will be

relished as much, or more, than a strong. Drink only pure water; filter

impure water through sand and powdered charcoal. Free drinking of pure

cold water between meals tends to purify the blood and strengthen the

nervous system.

All the yeast-powders for raising bread are not so healthful as

hop-yeast; and those recommended by Liebig & Hosford _do not_ restore

several important elements lost by bolting.

_Laws of Health for the Skin._

Wash the whole body either morning or night; because its capillaries

contain more blood and nerve matter than all the rest of the body;

because air and light cleanse and nourish them; and because when in

full health the skin throws off more than half the refuse of the body,

which, if not thus expelled, goes to the lungs, or bowels, or kidneys

to be expelled, often causing disease. Bath-rooms are a luxury; but a

wet towel, and a screen for privacy, are equally useful. Chilling the

skin closes its pores, causing colds, diarrhœa, or catarrh. Immediate

and free perspiration is the safest remedy. Rely on bathing, exercise,

pure air, and proper food, rather than on warm clothing and warm rooms.

But persons weakened by age or nervous debility must wear more clothing

than others, and bathe in a warm room, or, better, by an open fire. Any

diminution of clothing should be made in the morning, when the body is

most vigorous. As the body radiates its heat to adjacent cold walls, be

careful to avoid sitting near them, except when well protected. Many

take colds or rheumatism by sitting near church or other cold walls.

Taking air and sun baths tend to strengthen the nerves, and thus the

whole body. Avoid a continuous current of air on any part of the body,

as the withdrawal of heat causes disease in the part thus chilled.

Expose bed-clothing and garments worn next the skin to fresh air,

which removes the exhalations of the skin that otherwise would be

re-absorbed. Straw and hair mattresses, and cotton comforters, should

also be aired occasionally. The white dust thrown out by beating them

is the scales and other refuse matter from the skin.

In epidemics, nourishing food and cleansing the skin lessens danger.

_Laws of Health for the Brain and Nerves._

Healthful food, a clean skin, and daily exercise in the open air, are

indispensable. Take seven or eight hours of sleep by night, and not by

day; and when taxed by great care, labor, or sorrow, sleep as much as

you can, for thus the brain and nerves recover strength.

Always have some time each day devoted to some amusement, and this

out-of-doors if practicable. Laughter is a very healthful exercise.

Have system and order in your employments, and let there be variety, so

that no one set of nerves be wearied and another set unemployed.

Let the intellect and feelings be engaged in safe and worthy objects,

and so exercise all the faculties as to secure a well-balanced mind in

a healthful body. In all cases of disease, trust more to obedience to

these rules than to medicines, which should be rarely used.

_Laws of Health for the Teeth, Eyes, and Hair._

Never sleep till the teeth are cleaned with pure water, a brush, and

a piece of thread or a tooth-pick to remove what lodges between the

teeth. It would be well to do this after each meal. Avoid very hot food

as causing decayed teeth. No tooth-powder is needed if these directions

are obeyed.

Accustom the eyes _gradually_ to as much light as they can bear without

pain. Light is healthful, especially to the eyes, and dark rooms make

weak eyes. If the eyes are weak from excessive use, continue to use

them, but only a little at a time, with intervals of rest; for eyes,

like all the rest of the body, grow weak by disuse. Always shade weak

eyes from brilliant lights, especially when reading. For inflamed eyes

or eyelids, do not use what others recommend, but consult a physician;

as a remedy for one may be injurious for another case. Gentle rubbing

around and over the eyes draws the blood there, and tends to increase

strength. Do it only for two minutes at a time, three or four times a

day. Bathing the eyes in cold water strengthens their nerves.

Never use hair mixtures until some chemist has tested them and assures

you there is no _lead_ in them. Many persons have had paralysis and

other evils by using hair mixtures containing lead to restore the

color. Brushing and washing the skin of the hair, and thus bringing

the blood to nourish its roots, is a safe and sure method, and those

mixtures that seem to do good are efficacious chiefly because the

directions always require rubbing and cleansing the skin of the hair.

Remember that these laws of health are laws of God, and that when you

disobey them you sin against your heavenly Father, who loves you, and

is grieved when you injure your own soul and body. Therefore pray to be

enabled to obey yourselves, and to teach these his laws to all under

your care, both by precept and example.

CHAPTER XXXII.

COMFORT FOR A DISCOURAGED HOUSEKEEPER.

There is no doubt of the fact, that American housekeepers have far

greater trials and difficulties to meet than those of any other nation.

And it is probable that many of those who may read over the methods

of thrift and economy adopted by some of the best housekeepers in our

land, and detailed in this work, will with a sigh exclaim, that it is

_impossible_ for them even to attempt any such plans.

Others may be stimulated by the advice and examples presented, and may

start off with much hope and courage, to carry out a plan of great

excellence and appropriateness, and, after trying a while, will become

discouraged by the thousand obstacles in their way, and give up in

despair.

A still greater number will like their own way best, and think it is

folly to attempt to change.

For those who wish they _could_ become systematic, neat, and thorough

housekeepers, and would like to follow out successfully the suggestions

found in this work, and for those who have tried, or will try, and find

themselves baffled and discouraged, these words of comfort are offered.

Perhaps you find yourself encompassed by such sort of trials as these:

Your house is inconvenient, or destitute of those facilities for doing

work well which you need, and you can not command the means to supply

these deficiencies. Your domestics are so imperfectly qualified that

they never can do any thing _just right_, unless you stand by and

attend to every thing yourself, and you can not be present in parlor,

nursery, and kitchen all at once. Perhaps you are frequently left

without any cook, or without a chamber-maid, and sometimes without any

hands but your own to do the work, and there is constant jostling and

change from this cause. And perhaps you can not get supplies, either

from garden or market, such as you need, and all your calculations

fail in that direction.

And perhaps your children are sickly, and rob you of rest by night,

or your health is so poor that you feel no energy or spirits to make

exertions. And perhaps you never have had any training in domestic

affairs, and can not understand how to work yourself, nor how to

direct others. And when you go for aid to experienced housekeepers,

or cookery-books, you are met by such sort of directions as these:

“Take a _pinch_ of this, and a _little_ of that, and _considerable_

of the other, and cook them till they are done _about right_.” And

when you can not succeed in following such indefinite instructions,

you find your neighbors and husband wondering how it is that, when you

have one, two, or three domestics, there should be so much difficulty

about housekeeping, and such constant trouble, and miscalculation, and

mistake. And then, perhaps, you lose your patience and your temper, and

blame others, and others blame you, and so every thing seems to be in a

snarl.

Now the first thing to be said for your comfort is, that you _really

have_ great trials to meet; trials that entitle you to pity and

sympathy, while it is the fault of others more than your own that you

are in this very painful and difficult situation. You have been as

cruelly treated as the Israelites were by Pharaoh, when he demanded

bricks without furnishing the means to make them.

You are like a young, inexperienced lad who is required to superintend

all the complicated machinery of a manufactory which he never was

trained to understand, and on penalty of losing reputation, health, and

all he values most.

Neither your parents, teachers, or husband have _trained_ you for the

place you fill, nor furnished you with the knowledge or assistance

needed to enable you to meet all the complicated and untried duties

of your lot. A young woman who has never had the care of a child,

never done house-work, never learned the numberless processes that are

indispensable to keep domestic affairs in regular order, never done any

thing but attend to books, drawing, and music at school, and visiting

and company after she left school—such an one is as unprepared to take

charge of a nursery, kitchen, and family establishment, as she is to

take charge of a _man-of-war_. And the chief blame rests with those who

placed her _so unprepared_ in such trying circumstances. Therefore,

you have a right to feel that a large part of these evils are more

your misfortune than your fault, and that they entitle you to sympathy

rather than blame.

The next word of comfort is, the assurance that you _can_ do _every

one_ of your duties, and do them well, and the following is the method

by which you can do it. In the first place, make up your mind that

it never is your duty to do any thing more than you _can_, or in any

better manner than the best you can. And whenever you have done the

best you can, you have done _well_; and it is all that man _should_

require, and certainly all that your heavenly Father _does_ require.

The next thing is, for you to make out an inventory of all the things

that need to be done in your whole establishment. Then calculate what

things you find you _can not_ do, and strike them off the list, as what

are not among your _duties_. Of those that remain, select a certain

number that you think you can do _exactly as they need to be done_, and

among these be sure that you put the making of _good bread_. This every

housekeeper can do, if she will only determine to do it.

Make a selection of certain things that you will _persevere_ in having

done _as well as they can be done_, and let these be only so many as

you feel sure you can succeed in attempting. Then make up your mind

that all the rest must go along as they do, until you get more time,

strength, and experience, to increase the list of things that you

determine shall always be well done.

By this course you will have the comfort of feeling that in _some_

respects you are as good a housekeeper as you can be, while there will

be a cheering progress in gaining on all that portion of your affairs

that are left at loose ends. You will be able to measure a gradual

advance, and be encouraged by success. Many housekeepers fail entirely

by expecting to do _every thing well at first_, when neither their

knowledge or strength is adequate, and so they fail everywhere, and

finally give up in despair.

Are you not only a housekeeper, but a _mother_? Oh, sacred and

beautiful name! how many cares and responsibilities are associated

with it! And how many elevating and sublime anticipations and hopes

are given to inspire and to cheer! You are training young minds whose

plastic texture will receive and retain every impression you make; who

will imitate your feelings, tastes, habits, and opinions; and who will

transmit what they receive from you to their children, to pass again to

the next generation, and then to the next, until _a whole nation_ may

possibly receive its character and destiny from your hands! No imperial

queen ever stood in a more sublime and responsible position than you

now occupy in the eye of Him who reads the end from the beginning, and

who is appointing all the trials and discipline of your lot, not for

purposes which are visible to your limited ken, but in view of all the

consequences that are to result from the character which you form, and

are to transmit to your posterity!

And you who never are to bear a mother’s name, but must toil for the

children of others with little earthly honor or reward, remember that

the blessed Lord “took upon himself the form of a servant;” that

he came “not to be ministered to, but to minister;” that those who

voluntarily take the lowest place are most likely to stand highest at

last; that all sincere service is accepted and precious; and that our

labors in this life are to bear their fruits through everlasting ages.

Remember that you have a Father in heaven who sympathizes in all your

cares, pities your griefs, makes allowances for your defects, and is

endeavoring by trials, as well as by blessings, to fit you for the

right fulfillment of your high and holy calling.

But the heaviest care and sorrow that ever oppress a woman who,

as housekeeper, has the control of children and servants, are her

responsibilities as to the eternal destiny of those guided by her

teachings and example. Our cruel war took thousands of our noblest

youth to terrible sufferings in prisons and battle-fields, and to a

torturing death. Multitudes of these sacrificed their all to save

their country as really as did our Lord when he suffered for the whole

world. And yet many of these martyred heroes gave no evidence of that

change which their bereaved parents were trained to believe could alone

save their beloved ones from everlasting misery. How many mothers have

hid in silent anguish this never-healed wound—this crushing sorrow!

The most available remedy for such distress is much that is suggested

in Chapters XXV. and XXVIII.; and the following queries may aid in

obtaining the true teachings of the Bible on these momentous questions:

Are the definitions given in those chapters of the words _right_,

_righteous_, _love_, _faith_, and _repentance_, in reference to future

eternal safety, sustained by common use and by our dictionaries? What

texts illustrate the distinction between _right_ as to motives, or

intention and _right_ as to resulting consequences?

What texts show that wrong actions, owing to mistaken opinions as to

what is right, do not necessarily destroy evidence of a righteous or

virtuous character?

What texts show that the righteous character which secures eternal

safety consists, not chiefly in emotional love to God, but rather in a

controlling principle of obedience to his will, as manifested in both

his natural and revealed laws?

What texts show that at some future period (it may be millions of ages

hence) there will be a final separation of the righteous and the wicked?

Are there any texts which show that in the intervening ages there will

be no improvement of character for those who fail in this life? and are

there any which show that there may be for some, if not for all?

Are there any texts which show that the character of every human being

is fixed at death?

Are there any texts which show that some of mankind will be forever

sinful, and forever separated from the righteous?

Are there any texts which show that all mankind will finally become

righteous, and thus forever happy?

When all the texts in the Bible on these questions are collected

and arranged, when applying the rules of interpretation, these

considerations are to be noticed:

1. That the word “Hades,” in many cases, is translated “Hell,” when

its proper translation is “the place of departed spirits.” The story

of Dives and Lazarus, and of the repentant thief, can be properly

explained only by ascertaining the meaning the Jews attached to the

words Hades and Paradise; for Christ, of course, expected them to be

thus understood.

Again, the meaning of many texts depends on the subject before the mind

of the speaker. Thus when Christ replied to the question, “Are there

few that be saved?” did he refer to all beings in the whole universe,

or to the present world, and to that present time when “the righteous”

were comparatively a small portion of mankind?

Again much that relates to the spirit-world can not be fully taught or

comprehended. St. Paul says that, when caught up into the third heaven,

he saw, not, as in our translation, things not “lawful” to utter, but,

in the original Greek, “impossible” to utter.

Again, the results thus gained from the Bible should be considered in

connection with the analogies of nature and God’s providence in regard

to the continued development of mind and character, which in this life

has so short and imperfect a period, and in most cases so many and

great disadvantages.

In completing such an investigation, much time and mental effort may

be required, but is there any employment of time and intellect so

important as this end?

* * * * *

In offering these suggestions, the author may refer to her own extended

observation of the results of _religious_ educational training in the

family, as witnessed in the diverse sects with which she has mingled,

whether Catholic, Protestant, or Jewish; for she counts excellent and

intelligent friends in _all_.

She finds all united in the belief of _a future life_ in which the

character formed in this life controls the eternal well-being; so that

those who are trained to truth, justice, and mercy will be forever

happier than those who grow up in sin and wickedness.

She finds that the right education of children and servants is more and

more an object of care and effort; and that, as the consequence, the

world is growing better rather than worse.

And finally, she rejoices in the increasingly open avenues to useful

and remunerating occupations for women, enabling them to establish

_homes of their own_, where, if not as the natural mother, yet as

a Christ-mother, they may take in neglected ones, and train future

mothers, teachers, and missionaries for the world.

NOTE A.

VIEWS OF MEDICAL WRITERS

The American Woman’s Educational Association has for its object

“the establishment of institutions having _endowed_ departments

supporting ladies of superior character and education who shall

add to a collegiate course both scientific and practical training,

in all relating to the distinctive duties of woman as housekeeper,

wife, mother, nurse of infants and the sick, trainer of servants, and

chief religious minister of the family state.” As Secretary of this

Association, the author requested the views of Mrs. Dr. Gleason, of

the Elmira Water-cure, on the topics that follow. This lady, as wife,

mother, and highly-educated physician, during over twenty years has had

patients of her own sex, probably counting by thousands, and has often,

by request, lectured to graduating classes in the Ingham University,

the Elmira College, and other popular institutions for women. The

following are extracts from her reply:

_Treatment of Pelvic Diseases._

“The pelvic organs, when diseased, all have so many symptoms in

common, that it requires not only good anatomical, pathological, and

physiological knowledge, but close and well-cultivated diagnostic

powers to decide _which_ organ is diseased, and _how_ it is diseased.

For example, sometimes a displacement of the uterus will cause a sense

of weight, dragging, and throbbing, accompanied by pain in the back

and in front of the hips. But inflammation, ulceration, and induration

of this organ will produce precisely the same results; and sometimes

_mere nervous debility_ in these parts will induce these symptoms,

especially when the imagination is excited in reference to the

subject. It also is often the case that extreme prolapsus occurs _in

which there is no pain at all_.

“So also disease of the urinary cyst is indicated by symptoms

precisely similar to those which mark the disease of the adjacent

organ. These organs lying in close proximity, and supplied with nerves

from the same source, would necessarily sympathize, and show disease

by similar symptoms. Just as in the toothache, many a one has been

unable to point out the diseased tooth. How much more difficulty

exists in a case where most women are profoundly ignorant on the

subject!

“It has become a very common notion that when any local displacement

of the pelvic organs occurs, a woman must cease to use her arms,

cease to exercise vigorously, and keep herself on the bed much of her

time. All which, in most cases, is exactly the three things which she

ought not to do. And thus it is that, when from want of fresh air

and exercise, and from the many pernicious practices that debilitate

the female constitution, the pelvic organs indicate debility, and

these nerves begin to ache. Immediately a harness is put on for

local support, and the bed becomes the constant resort; and thus the

muscular debility and nervous irritability are increased. And yet,

all that is needed is fresh air, exercise, simple diet, and _proper_

mental occupation.

“In this condition, perhaps, resort is had to some ignorant or

inexperienced practitioner, who has some patent supporter to sell, or

who has some secret and wonderful method of curing such diseases. Then

commences, in many cases, a kind of local treatment most trying to the

feelings, _which is but seldom required_, and which, in a majority of

cases, results in no benefit.

“Many a one has recited to me the mental and physical suffering she

has endured for months in such a course of treatment, and all to no

purpose. A touching case of this kind recently occurred, in the case

of a beautiful young lady who was a listener to a course of lectures

on the pelvis and its diseases, given by me to the graduating class of

a female seminary. At the close she came to me, and, with tearful eyes

and a quivering lip, said, ‘I see now why all I have suffered, in body

and mind is worse than useless. I see now that I have never had the

disease for which I have been treated.’

“Woman’s trusting, confiding nature is beautiful; but oh, how much

it needs to be protected by an intelligence on such subjects that

will enable her properly to exercise her own judgment! And surely, in

such cases, above all others, a woman should be sure that her medical

adviser has had a proper education, and possesses a well-established

moral character.

_Effects of Imagination in Reference to these Diseases._

“Besides the evils of misunderstanding and mistreating these

affections, we have a host of evils from the effects of imagination.

Multitudes of women, who hear terrific accounts of the nature of

these complaints, and of the treatment that is inevitable, have their

imagination so excited that aches and pains that are really trifling

become magnified into all the symptoms of the dreaded evil. They

betake themselves to bed, become more and more nervous as they give

up air, exercise, and occupation, and thus drag out a useless life,

a burden to themselves and to their families. Again and again I have

had such cases brought to me, where for years they could not leave

their beds or walk at all, when I had nothing to do _but make them

understand their own organism_, and convince them that they needed

little else except to get up and _go to work_, in order to be healthy

women. It is such cases that furnish a large portion of the ‘wonderful

cures’ that attract patients into the hands of poorly-qualified

practitioners.

“It is probable that thousands of women who are suffering from pain

in the back and pelvic evils, and who either will soon be invalids or

imagine themselves so, could be relieved entirely by obeying these

directions:

“Wash the whole person, on rising, in cool water, and, if nervous

or debilitated, by a fire; dress loosely, and let _all_ the weight

of clothing rest on the shoulders; sleep in a well-ventilated room;

exercise the muscles a great deal, especially those of the arms and

trunk, taking care to lie down and rest as soon as fatigue is felt;

eat simple food, at regular hours; pursue useful employments, with

intervals of social and healthful amusement; sleep enough, and at the

proper hours; and sit often in the sun.

_Peculiar Instruction needed by Young Children._

“Through information gained from my husband, from other physicians,

from teachers, from medical writers, and from the reports of insane

hospitals, it has become clear to my mind that there are secret and

terrific causes preying extensively upon the health and nervous energy

of childhood and youth of both sexes such as did not formerly exist,

and such as demand new efforts to eradicate and prevent.

“Parents and teachers all over the land need to be made aware that a

secret vice is becoming frequent among children of both sexes that is

taught by servants and communicated by children at school. Indeed, it

may result from accident or disease, with an innocent unconsciousness

of the evil done, on the part of the child, while the practice may

thus ignorantly be perpetuated to maturity. This practice leads to

diseases of the most horrible description, to mania, and to fatuity.

Death and the mad-house are the last resort of these most miserable

victims.

“To protect childhood and youth from this, it is not only needful

to cultivate purity of mind and personal modesty, but to teach them

while quite young that any fingering of the parts referred to involves

terrible penalties. No such explicit information should be given as

would tempt the incautious curiosity of childhood, but the child

should be impressed with a sense of guilt and awful punishment as

connected with _any thing_ of this kind, that would instantly recur to

mind, if led by accident or instruction to this vice.

“In regard to those who have already become victims, to a greater or

less degree, to this vice, one caution is very important. Medical

writers and others who have attempted to guard the young in this

direction have painted not only the danger but the wickedness of

this practice in such strong colors that, when a young person first

discovers the nature of a practice that has been indulged with little

conception of the danger or wrong, overaction on the fears and the

conscience is not unfrequently the result. Such horror and despair

sometimes ensue as almost paralyze any effort on the part of medical

advisers to remedy the evil.

“In all such cases, it is safest and best to assume that the sin

is one of ignorance, and that the cure is almost certain, if the

directions given are strictly obeyed. Unstimulating diet, a great

deal of exercise in the open air, daily ablution of the whole

person, control of the imagination, and occupation of the mind in

useful pursuits, will usually remedy the evil, after its nature is

understood.”

[A lady, after reading the above, stated that within the last year

a little boy under her care, of very delicate mind and susceptible

temperament, was sent to the country to a private boarding-school,

under the care of a most excellent gentleman and his wife, who were

eminently faithful, so far as they knew how to be. The child staid

only six weeks, and returned sick, depressed, and with a burden on his

mind that could not be discovered. After learning that he would not be

sent back, he revealed the shocking story, and also the fact that the

boys had threatened to kill him if he ever told any one.

Another lady, after reading this article, related a similar story of a

large and highly respected boarding-school for boys, and gave several

mournful incidents to show the effects of such evils on the health of

the pupils. Parents whose young sons are at boarding-school _can not_

be too much alarmed on this subject.]

_Instructions at a more Mature Age._

“You wish my views and experience in reference to instructions that

should be communicated to the young, on such topics, at a more mature

age.

“The terrible effects I have seen from _simple ignorance_, both on

individual and domestic happiness, convince me that a great work is to

be attempted in this direction. More than half the cases of extreme

suffering which have come under my care could have been saved, had

the course that is aimed at by you and your associates have been

secured by them. I have been called repeatedly to lecture to young

ladies, near the close of a school education, on subjects so important

to their future health and happiness, and I never found the least

difficulty, either on their part or my own.

“When the proper discriminations are made between _true_ delicacy and

propriety, and a fastidious and mawkish imitation of them, there is no

difficulty in making them understood and appreciated. I have found, on

such occasions, if a person was present known to be wanting in purity

and delicacy, it was such only who made very offensive protestations

against the course pursued in such instructions.

“In reference to _social_ as well as secret vices of this description,

it seems to me the protection of ignorance should be preserved as long

as possible, and yet so that, when such knowledge dawns, there shall

immediately recur the needful impression of danger and sin. These

duties belong especially to parents and teachers; and the circulation

of books and papers with the gross and pernicious information that

many have recommended and practiced involves, as it seems to me, most

hazardous results.

“The implanted principles which establish the family state are

connected with the highest rewards when rightly regulated, and with

most dreadful penalties when perverted or abused. And the prosperity

of individuals, of families, and of nations, for this life and the

life to come, depends more on the proper control and regulation of

these principles than on any other social or moral duty.

“And yet there is no point of morals and religion so widely abused

and so fruitful of misery and sin as much that is connected with

these principles. Instead of being regulated by correct knowledge

and well-formed habits of thought and action, all seems left to the

mistakes of ignorance or the control of worldly fashion.

“One cause of this state of things is want of consistent rules

and customs as to what constitutes _true modesty_. These are

all dependent on a general principle of physiology either rarely

recognized or inconsistently regarded. The principle is this:

“When the mind directs thought and volition toward any organ of the

body the blood and nervous fluid tend to that organ. Thus, when

the brain is used, or the eye, or the hand, the nervous fluid and

blood tend to the organ to stimulate its action. If this stimulation

is too frequent, or too long continued, or produced by unnatural

methods, then debility or disease are the result. The capillaries of

the misused organ become engorged, producing temporary or chronic

inflammation or congestion.

“The same is true of those organs consecrated to marriage. Excess or

unnatural abuse causes an engorgement of the capillaries, and then

a resulting increase of excitement, and to a degree that sometimes

baffles all efforts at self-control.

“It is owing to this physiological principle that the rules of

personal modesty, of decorum, and of propriety in social intercourse

have been established.

“On the principle above stated these sensibilities demand the control

of the _thoughts_. For this reason it is that certain topics which

lead to such thoughts are excluded from general conversation, or, if

they are alluded to, are veiled in expressions that children do not

understand. It is for this cause that novels, poetry, and pictures

which direct the imagination to such topics are deemed objectionable,

especially for the young.

“It is owing to this physiological fact that Jesus Christ declares

that the guilt of adultery commences in the indulgence of the thoughts.

“Marriage is not allowable until there has been due instruction and a

habit formed of regulating these sensibilities by rules of modesty,

decency, and propriety, and also _knowledge_ imparted as to the

dangers consequent on neglecting these rules. And here is the place

where the customs and practices of society are most inconsistent,

false, and destructive to health and morals. For in one direction

there is excessive and dangerous laxness, and in another false and

dangerous strictness and fastidiousness.

“The rule to guide is this, that whenever health, life, or duty

demand it, all connected with these topics should be spoken of and

done without restraint or embarrassment; but when there are no such

demands, they are to be excluded. Thus all these topics are spoken of

plainly in the Bible and read in public worship, and also in medical,

surgical, and hospital practice; and it is deemed false modesty and

false delicacy to express opposition or disapproval. But when there

are no such demands to serve health or life, or to protect from future

dangers, conversation, poetry, jokes, or coarse expressions on such

topics are vulgar, indecent, and sinful.

“Direct violation of these rules are now pervading not only our

popular amusements, our poetry, and novels, but extensively the weekly

and daily press is every day drawing attention to topics dangerous

and forbidden except for necessary instruction and wanting. The Bible

as read in families and churches comes with solemn simplicity as

instruction from God, and sins of all kinds are made known for warning

and instruction. Very different in style and influence are the

details of vices and crimes presented daily in newspapers, magazines,

poetry, and novels.

“It would seem as if the Prince of Darkness had sent forth his minions

to hide all that knowledge that would save from sin and suffering, and

to expose all that tempts to danger and sin.

“In addition to the dangers of our popular literature, there is a

wide-spread assumption that such is the constitution of man, that

the unsullied purity of thought and conduct demanded of the weaker

sex is not to be expected or scarcely required of the stronger. This

pernicious opinion is not unfrequently implied in medical writers,

especially those residing in the centres of European licentiousness.

“Therefore it is very important for parents to know, in the first

place, that constitutional diversities exist, involving more

temptations to some than to others; and in the next place, that

_every_ child is so organized, that strict obedience to the laws

of health, knowledge of danger from uncontrolled thoughts, useful

occupation, and suitable moral and religious training, will secure

the regulation of ordinary temptations, and self-control under

extraordinary ones. Where in maturity this has not been the case, it

has been owing to excess either in forbidden or in legal indulgence.

“There is nothing more difficult than to change customs and

prejudices, especially in matters of delicacy and propriety. And it is

woman more than man who has controlling influence in these respects.

Whatever the cultivated and conscientious women of our country decide

_ought_ to be done, and will _use their influence_ to have done, will

surely be accomplished.

“The evils here indicated can never be appreciated until mothers and

teachers gain that knowledge of the construction of the body and the

dangers connected with the duties of the family state, which now is

confined to the medical profession, while physicians, by the false

customs and false modesty of women, are constrained to a dangerous

reticence.

“I believe that the method proposed by your Association, of securing

by endowments well-qualified ladies whose _official_ duty it shall be

to train the young to be healthy, and to communicate all the knowledge

that will fit them to fulfill healthfully and happily all their future

duties and relations, will, so far as it is carried out, effectually

remedy the evils, and secure the benefits designed.

“Oh, that all parents and teachers who are to train the _next_

generation could be made to understand these intimations, and save

their daughters from the abounding anguish which has come upon such

multitudes of those now upon the stage! Very truly yours,

R. B. GLEASON.”

These views of Mrs. Dr. Gleason are in accordance with those of the

most influential, learned, and benevolent medical men.

Dr. George T. Elliott, late President of the New York County Medical

Society, says of _muscular exercise_ (or, as Mrs. Gleason would say,

“getting up and going to work”): “If this were properly carried out,

the local treatment now so much in vogue, and the ever-ready resort to

the speculum, might commonly be dispensed with.”

Dr. Thomas suggests similar views in an address before the Medical

Society of New York County, in which he speaks of “the wonderful

improvement exerted on cases _which have long resisted local means_,

by sea-bathing, or a few months passed in the country. He also says:

“The fact is notorious that the local treatment of these diseases is

not as successful as we could wish;” and of uterine injections he

says: “My impression is, they have done, and are going to do, _a great

deal of harm. I see no necessity for them_.”

Dr. Peasely, of New York City, says: “Medical applications to the

uterus are _often_ used in conditions not justifying them.”

The senior editor of the _Pacific Medical Journal_ says: “It is hoped

that the fashion of women having recourse to local treatment has

passed to its culmination. The highest authorities have taken the back

course, and condemn their own uterine surgery in some respects.”

The editor of the _Medical Record_, of New York City, says: “In a

majority of cases the speculum is used only because it is the fashion.

The natural tendency of this is certainly _demoralizing_.”

Dr. George H. Taylor, author of an original work on diseases of

women, says: “A large portion of the women treated by me for pelvic

disease would, in certain stages, be cured by loose dresses supported

from the shoulders, domestic exercise, and proper diet. And the

_Movement Cure_, to a great extent, consists of exercises that would

in many cases be as successful, and more useful, if performed in

domestic labor. Moreover, in my experience, not more than one case

in twenty of cures by movements requires either local examination or

local treatment. A large portion of my patients could, by obeying my

directions, cure themselves at home.”

Most medical men now agree that the modes of dress, and the excessive

mental taxation of schools, unaccompanied by the healthful domestic

labor of former days, largely account for the prevalence of diseases

among young girls which formerly were confined to married women, and

also for the alarming increase of such diseases.

INDEX.

Accidents and antidotes, 366.

Acids, how to be kept, 108.

Address of the author to readers, 15.

Aged, care of the, 301.

Air-cells, number in human lungs, 153.

Alcoholic drinks, 100;

the microscope, 228.

Alcoholic poisoning, antidote for, 368.

Almond and cocoa-nut cake, 86.

Amusements and social duties, 440, _et seq._

Angry tones avoidable, 277.

Antidotes for some poisons, 367.

Apple and bread dumplings, 79.

Apple-bread, 68.

Apple-custard, 68.

Apple-omelet, to make an, 63.

Apple-pie, 76.

Apple-sauce, 56.

Apple-tarts, spiced, 81.

Apple-trees, to preserve from insects, 360.

Apple-ice, 97.

Apple-jelly, 98.

Apple lemon-pudding, 97.

Apple-snow, 98.

Apples, to preserve, 92.

Apportionment of time, proper, 283.

Arrow-root, how purchased and kept, 105.

Arsenic, antidote for, 368.

Asparagus, how to cook, 63;

how dished, 111.

Associated charities, a system of, 387.

Attic story of a house, plan for, 144.

Bacon, the fat of good, 21.

Baked fish, 59.

Baked meats. See _Roasts_, 46.

Basement, plan for a, 147.

Basket-ware for kitchen, 347.

Baskets for flowers, 196;

and fruits, 333.

Bath, use and misuse of the, 240.

Baudeloque, M., on foul air, 158.

Beautifying a home, 192, _et seq._

Beds, arranging, 341.

Beef, selection of, 18;

different cuts of, 19;

economy in purchase of, 19;

stew, 30;

soups, 37;

hash, 40;

boiled, 43;

roast, 46;

pot-pie of, 47;

pie of cold, 48;

frizzled, 51.

Beef-tea, 102.

Beef’s-gall, to keep, 116.

Beefsteak, broiled, 50.

Bees, care of, 312.

Beets, how to cook, 61.

Biliousness, cause of, 217.

Bill of fare four weeks ahead, 125.