by Hoy Ping Pong
The first thing to remember in writing a science story is originality.
You must have that, so the first things to select for your brain-child
is a hero, heroine, and villain. No plot is needed. Or, if you desire
one, that can be thot up after the story is finished.
Have your hero a tall, slim, cold, grey-eyed chap, with an iron jaw,
and a sturdy body. He also must know all there is to know about
everything. Now for the heroine; she must be a small, slim blond,
blue-eyed, and be a scientist's daughter. That's the big point in
originality. Nobody has ever thought of her being a scientist's
daughter before. Now next comes the villain. He must be tall, dark,
with snapping black eyes, and a brush across his upper lip. He must
have an impossible name that no one can pronounce, including yourself.
I would suggest someone who desires to have world domination. That,
also, is original.
The big surprise of your story is this: Your villain must desire the
heroine for himself. That is something that is new to STF readers.
And, of course, I would politely suggest that the hero also want the
girl. That would make a triangle out of it. The hero must chase the
villain all over the universe, because the villain has the heroine in
his vile clutches. Don't forget the word vile. Nobody has ever used
that.
Of course, the invaders from Mars arrive on the scene about this time,
also desiring world conquest. It would be a nice point of originality
here to have the villain throw in with the Martians. It wouldn't do to
have the whole army overthrow the enemy. The hero must do it himself,
singlehanded.
And, a few death rays can be used in the story. Select a fitting
color, (some authors prefer pink). I would suggest lavender, which
would just match the heroine's pocketbook, and have it wipe out
millions by merely a few puffs. However, if you could do it all in a
puff and a half, that would merit you another point. Then you must
have the hero invent a ray that stops the lavender death rays. Yellow
would be best for this. It makes such an excellent color scheme.
Throw in a few space ships, a couple fights, a shot in the dark, four
or five corpses, a high official who turns traitor, a last flight for
help, and end it up with a lone man battling hundreds. Mix thoroughly,
and type out on paper, forgetting to double space your lines, as all
editors request that you doublespace, thereby showing them that you
are really original.
No plot is needed, as mentioned in paragraph one, but if you want one,
read one of Grimm's Fairy Tales, and borrow a plot. It makes no
difference what kind, as they are all fairy tales, anyway. As a final
bit of advice, fold the manuscript several times, and send it to the
editor with no enclosed postage for its return. By doing this the
editor will not have to go to the trouble of returning it to you, and,
so long as the Chief Waste Paper Basket Monitor doesn't get snoopy and
start reading the refuse, there will be no ill effects on
anyone--(providing the editor hadn't read it in the first place--and
in the case that he did--well, there's places for people like that.
New editors are cheap nowadays, anyway.)