A No. 1 had uttered this sentence in almost one breath, and was
proceeding with such rapidity that it was impossible to follow his
flow of ideas. He was a medium-sized but lithe and powerfully built
man, attired in a neat tailor-made brown suit, with highly polished
shoes, and looking something like a prosperous business man in a small
way. Under his arm he carried a pair of blue overalls, and as he laid
them on the table he remarked: "My traveling rig."
[Illustration:
"Say, Jack, have some more nice hot coffee."
"Gee, Bill, I was jus' thinkin' o' that myself. Talk about great
minds--"
"Come on, Jack, be game. Please have some more o' this nice turkey."
"Turkey! Great Scott! When have I heard that word before? Hain't it a
country out in Asia some place?"
"No. Jack, turkey is vittles. You get it if you love your teacher.
Better let me give you a few nice slivers off the breast."
"Say, Bill, on the dead, you're sure generous, all right, all right.
Here you are, sharin' your last turkey."
"Old man, don't you know it's Thanksgivin' day? Don't you hear the
bells ringin'? Do you reckon I'd dine alone on a day like this? No,
siree, not much. Pass your plate fer some more o' this nice hot
turkey, and some nice hot scolloped oysters, an' some o' these nice
hot biscuits, an' some nice cranberry sauce, an'--"
"There you go. Bill, robbin' yourself. You won't have any left."
"O, there's plenty here. I like to see a man eat till he's plum
foundered.... When I used to go home fer Thanksgivin' mother wasn't
happy unless I et enough to stall a hired hand. If I didn't eat four
helpin's of everything she thought I didn't like her cookin'. Had to
try ever'thing--choc'late cake, turkey, sage dressin', hot gravy,
mince pie, an'--"
"Say. Bill, you might gimme a piece o' that mince pie while you're
about it. I got a nice, cozy little place fer a piece o' mince pie."
"Sure, Jack. I'll give you a whole quarter section. How do you like
this celery? Awful hard to get good celery these days."
"Yep, celery and servants. One's hard to get an' the other's hard to
keep."
"Say, Jack."
"What?"
"Shall we have our cigars and coffee here or in th' drawin' room?"
"O, let's have James bring 'em in th' drawin' room."]
"Maybe I don't look like a tramp to you," he continued, "but I'm
the genuine article, not the tomato-can or barrel-house bum type,
but a real, up-to-date, twentieth-century tramp who respects his
profession. Why am I a tramp? Because I like it. When did I start?
When I was 11 years old. What is my name? None but myself knows it. I
call myself A No. 1 because I'm an A. No. 1 tramp."
[Illustration: DID YA SEEN IT HEN? NAW--WHAT WAS IT? (HONK)]
He had a most convincing way with him and proceeded to spin off a tale
of his adventures which differed somewhat from the ordinary story
that the average tramp will tell you; how he had been hounded by the
police, or released from jail and couldn't get work, or had bad luck
in business, being crushed out by the heartless trusts until he had
to tramp or starve, ending up with an appeal for the "price of a bed,
mister."
"I've kept a record of the towns I've been in ever since I've been on
the road," continued A. No. 1. "and up to date I've traveled 445,405
miles, and it's cost me just $7.61. Out of that distance there's been
92,000 miles of it by water. In 1906 I traveled 19,335 miles for 26
cents, and in the year 1907 I traveled between Stamford and West
Haven, Conn. I jumped a street car and the conductor made me pay my
fare. Oh, I always have a little money, and I'm honest, too, and
that's saying a good deal for a tramp. Of course, once in a while I go
hungry, but that's when I can't get a potato."
[Illustration: "Dese awnings is handy t'ings.
"Wot's de matter wit' fixin' one up on meself?
"It would be a good umbreller----
"An' if a cop bothered yer----
"Youse could let de water off de top.
"It makes a bully tent, or----
"A screen for yer fire.
"But when it's windy----
"Yer wanter look out cause----
"Yer might go sailin'!"]
"Is that your staple article of diet?"
"No, I don't eat them except in restaurants," said A. No. 1,
seriously. "Here is what I do with them." He pulled a good-sized
tuber from his pocket, opened a large clasp knife and speedily had it
peeled. Then he proceeded to cut and carve, and in about three minutes
had fashioned a grotesque human face on the potato, the lines coarse,
to be sure, but nevertheless well outlined.