_House of Commons, Monday, May 23._--REDMOND, Junior, said really
funny thing just now. Rising to take part in resumed Debate on Irish
Local Government Bill, he announced in loud angry tone that it would
be waste of time to discuss a Bill the Government evidently did not
intend to press through this Session, and he for one would be no party
to such a farce. Then he went on to talk for half an hour.
[Illustration: "Joe!"]
Debate on the whole something better than last week's contribution.
O'BRIEN delivered himself of glowing denunciation full of felicitous
phrases, all got through in half an hour. CHAMBERLAIN followed;
has not yet got over startling novelty of his interposition in
Debate being welcomed by loud cheers from Conservatives; thinks
of old Aston-Park days, when the cheering was, as WEBSTER (not
Attorney-General) says, "on the other boot." Now, when JOSEPH gets
up to demolish his Brethren sitting near, Conservatives opposite
settle themselves down with the peculiar rustling motion with which
a congregation in crowded church or chapel arrange themselves to
listen to a favourite preacher. Pretty to watch them as CHAMBERLAIN
goes forward with his speech, delighting them with surprise to find
how much better is their position than they thought when it was
recommended or extolled from their own side. JOSEPH not nearly so
acrimonious to-night as sometimes. Still, as usual, his speech
chiefly directed to his former Brethren who sit attentive, thinking
occasionally with regret of the fatal shallowness of the pit, and
the absence of arrangement for hermetically sealing it. If only--But
that is another story. COURTNEY at end of Bench is thinking of still
another, which has the rare charm of being true. It befel at a quiet
dinner where JOSEPH, finding himself in contiguity with Chairman of
Committees, took opportunity of rebuking him for his alleged laxity
in repressing disorder.
[Illustration: The Fighting Colonel.]
"I should like to know," he asked, "whether, supposing I were to fire
a pistol across the House, you would call it a breach of order."
"I don't think, CHAMBERLAIN," said Prince ARTHUR, who was sitting at
the other side of the table, "that if you were going to fire a pistol
in the Commons, you would point it across the House." TIM HEALY just
back from Dublin, where he's been appearing in his favourite character
of pacificator; followed CHAMBERLAIN, and later came SAUNDERSON. But
even he suffered from prevailing tone of dulness, and WILFRID LAWSON,
fast asleep in the corner by Cross Benches, did not miss much.
_Business done._--More talk on Local Government Bill.
_Tuesday._--If anyone looking on at House of Commons at three o'clock
this afternoon had predicted that within an hour it would be teeming
with life, brimming over with human interest, he would have been
looked upon with cold suspicion. NOLAN had taken the floor, and was
understood to be expressing his deliberate opinion on merits of Irish
Local Government Bill. He was certainly saying something, but what it
might be no man could tell. LYON PLAYFAIR, who is up in all kinds of
statistics, tells me 120 words per minute is the average utterance
of articulate speech. NOLAN was doing his 300, and sometimes exceeded
that rate. Not a comma in a column of it. A humming-top on the subject
would have been precisely as instructive and convincing. Some twenty
Members sat there fascinated by the performance. It was not delivered
in a monotone, in which case one could have slept. NOLAN was evidently
arguing in incisive manner, shirking no obstacle, avoiding no point
in the Bill, or any hit made by previous speaker. His voice rose and
fell with convincing modulation. He seemed to be always dropping into
an aside, which led him into another, that opened a sort of Clapham
Junction of converging points. One after the other, the Colonel, with
full steam up, ran along; when he reached terminus of siding, racing
back at sixty miles an hour; and so up and down another. Only guessed
this from modulation of his voice and the intelligent nodding of the
head with which he compelled the attention of ATTORNEY-GENERAL for
IRELAND. For just over half an hour he kept up this pace, and, saving
a trot for the avenue, fell back into his seat gasping for breath,
having concluded a sentence nine hundred words long worked off in
three minutes by the astonished clock.
[Illustration: THE GLADSTONIAN BAGMAN.
["I regard myself as a commercial traveller."--_Speech by Sir William
Harcourt at Bristol, May_ 11, 1892.]]
[Illustration: "T.W."]
An interval of T.W. RUSSELL, with one of his adroitly-argued,
lucidly-arranged speeches. Then Mr. G. and transformation scene. House
filled up as if by magic. In ten minutes not a seat vacant on floor;
Members running into Side Gallery, nimbly hopping over Benches, to get
on front line so as to watch as well as hear the last and the greatest
of the old Parliamentarians. As suddenly and swiftly as the House had
filled, the limp lay figure of the Debate throbbed with life. Scene of
the kind witnessed only once or twice in Session. Six hundred pair of
eyes all turned eagerly upon figure standing at Table, denouncing with
uplifted arm, and voice ringing with indignation, the iniquities of
the MARKISS, safely absent, and of his nephew, Prince ARTHUR, serenely
present.
A great speech; an achievement which, if it stood alone, sufficient to
make a reputation. And yet, when result of Division announced, it was
found that majority of an iniquitous Government had run up to 92!
Everyone delighted to hear the interesting news from 27, St.
James's Place, which gives an heir to the Spencer Earldom, and has
spread a feeling of joy and contentment throughout Althorpe and
Mid-Northamptonshire. The latest news, brought down just now by
MARJORIBANKS, is "BOBBY is doing as well as can be expected."
_Business done._--Irish Local Government Bill read Second Time, by
339 votes against 247.
_Wednesday._--Hail! Sir HENRY WIGGIN, Bart, M.P.; B.B.K., as ARTHUR
ORTON called himself when resident in the wilds of Australia, and
explained that the style imported Baronet of the British Kingdom.
_Now_ we know what was the meaning of that foray upon the House the
other day, when, with the Chairman in the Chair, and Committee fully
constituted, the waggish WIGGIN walked adown the House, with his
hat cocked on one side of his head, in defiance of Parliamentary
etiquette. The Birthday Gazette was even then being drafted, and
to-day the wanton WIGGIN is Sir HENRY, Baronet of the United Kingdom.
_Not_ a more popular announcement in the list. An honest, kindly,
shrewd WIGGIN it is, with a face whose genial smile all people,
warming under it, instinctively return.
_Business done._--WIGGIN made B.B.K.
_Thursday._--Quite a long time reaching Vote on Account; two hours
taken for discussion of Birmingham Water Bill; Gentlemen in Radical
camp much exercised about size of fish in streams annexed for purposes
of Birmingham water supply. CHAMBERLAIN, who has charge of Bill, says
he never caught one longer than two inches. DILLWYN protests that
fishing in same waters he rarely caught one less than a pound weight.
Evidently a mistake somewhere. House perplexed, finally passed Bill
through Committee.
[Illustration: The Noble Baron.]
Then Rev. SAM SMITH wants to know more about Polynesian Labour
Traffic. The NOBLE BARON who has charge of Colonial affairs in
Commons, whilst controverting all his statements, says "everyone must
admit that the Hon. Member has spoken from his heart." "Which," NOVAR
says, "it reminds me of the couplet _Joe Gargery_ meant to put on the
tombstone of his lamented father, 'What-sume'er the failings on his
part, Remember, reader, he were that good in his hart.'"
At length in Committee of Supply; Vote on Account moved; Mr. G. on his
feet wanting to know you know; doesn't once mention the Dissolution;
but puts it to Prince ARTHUR whether, really, the time hasn't come
when House should learn something with respect to intentions of
Government touching finance, their principal Bills, and, in short, "so
far foreshadowing the probable termination of the Session?" Wouldn't
on any account hurry him; any day he likes will do; only getting time
something should be said. Prince ARTHUR, gratefully acknowledging
Mr. G.'s kind way of putting it, agreed with his view. Some day he
will tell us something; to-day he will say nothing. A pretty bit
of by-play; excellently done by both leading Gentlemen; perfectly
understood by laughing House.
_Business done._--Shadow of Dissolution gathering close.
_Friday._--I see TAY PAY, in the interesting Sunday journal he
admirably edits, reproaches me because, in this particular page
of history, "Mr. SEXTON," he says, "is derided constantly and
shamefully." _Anglicè_: Occasionally when, in a faithful record of
Parliamentary events, SEXTON's part in the proceedings must needs be
noticed, it is gently hinted that among his many admirable qualities
terseness of diction is not prominent. In fact he has been sometimes
alluded to by the playful prefix WINDBAG. If TAY PAY had been
content to administer reproof, it would have been well. But he
goes on to discuss SEXTON's parliamentary style, and comes to this
conclusion:--"Mr. SEXTON's one fault as a speaker is that he does
not proportion his observations sufficiently at certain stages in his
speeches; and that preparation sometimes has the effect of tempting
him to over-elaboration." If TAY PAY likes to put it that way, no one
can object. Only, space in this journal being more valuable, the same
thing is said in a single word.
_Business done._--Small Holdings Bill sent on to the Lords.
* * * * *
[Illustration: OVERHEARD AT EARL'S COURT.
_Old Buffer._ "UGH! I'M TIRED TO DEATH OF BEING HUNTED! BLESSED IF
I'LL RUN AWAY FROM THOSE BLANK CARTRIDGES AGAIN!"
_Broncho._ "YES, YOU BET! AND I'VE MADE UP MY MIND TO QUIT BUCKING.
IT'S PERFECTLY SICKENING HAVING TO DO IT FROM YEAR'S END TO YEAR'S
END!"]
* * * * *
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