_Questioner._ Why should M.V. SARDOU be called the Historian of the
French Revolution?
_Answerer._ Because in _Thermidor_ he has given an entirely new
version of the "Reign of Terror."
_Q._ Was the "Reign of Terror" very terrible?
_A._ Not very. At the Opéra Comique it had its comic side.
_Q._ How was that?
_A._ For instance, _les tricoteuses_ were represented by comely,
albeit plump maidens, who seemed more inclined to dance round a
Maypole than haunt a scaffold.
_Q._ Were ROBESPIERRE, ST. JUST, and the rest, cruel and vindictive?
_A._ I should say not; and I found my conclusion on the fact that they
engaged an actor given to practical joking as an officer of the Public
Security.
_Q._ From this, do you take it that ROBESPIERRE must have had a subtle
sense of humour?
_A._ I do; and the impression is strengthened by his order for a
general slaughter of Ursuline Nuns.
_Q._ Why should he order such a massacre?
_A._ To catch the heroine of _Thermidor_, a lady who had taken the
vows under the impression that her lover had been killed by the enemy.
_Q._ Had her lover been killed?
_A._ Certainly not; he had preferred to surrender.
_Q._ Can you give me any idea of the component part of a revolutionary
crowd?
_A._ At the Opéra Comique, a revolutionary crowd seems to consist of
a number of mournful loungers, who have nothing to do save to take
a languid interest in the fate of a tearful maiden, and a few _gens
d'armes_ a little uncertain about their parade-ground.
_Q._ How do the mournful loungers express their interest in the fate
of the tearful maiden?
_A._ By pointing her out one to another, and when she is ordered off
to execution removing their hats, and fixing I their attention on
something concealed behind the scenes.
_Q._ What is your present idea of the Reign of Terror?
_A._ My present idea of the Reign of Terror is, that it was the
mildest thing imaginable. In my opinion, not even a child in arms
would have been frightened at it.
_Q._ Do you not consider M. MAYER deserving of honour?
_A._ Certainly I do. For has he not removed (with the assistance of M.
SARDOU and the Opéra Comique) several fond illusions of my youth?
* * * * *
[Illustration: NATURE V. ART.
_Æsthetic Friend._ "YES, THIS ROOM'S RATHER NICE, ALL BUT THE WINDOW,
WITH THESE LARGE BLANK PANES OF PLATE-GLASS! I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE SOME
SORT OF PATTERN ON THEM--LITTLE SQUARES OR LOZENGES OR ARABESQUES--"
_Philistine._ "WELL, BUT THOSE LOVELY CHERRY BLOSSOMS, AND THE LAKE,
AND THE DISTANT MOUNTAIN, AND THE BEAUTIFUL SUNSETS, AND THE PURPLE
CLOUDS--ISN'T THAT PATTERN ENOUGH?"]
* * * * *
THE MORNING OF THE DERBY.--_Hamlet_ considering whether he shall go
to Epsom for the great race or not, soliloquises, "Der-_be_ or not
Der-_be_, that is the question." [N.B.--As to the other lines, go as
you please. "The rest is silence."]
* * * * *
"MARRIED AND SINGLE" should be played by Lady-Cricketers. No single
young person under seventeen should be permitted an innings, as any
two sweet sixteens would be "not out," and there would be no chance
for the other side. Match-makers are only interested in the Single.
* * * * *