"With all my soul!"
The Figure now bent slightly towards me, and the light within its
darkness became more denned and brilliant. Presently an arm and hand,
white and radiant--a shape as of living flame--was slowly outstretched
from the enfolding black draperies. It pointed steadily to the abyss
below me.
"If thy love is so great"--said the voice--"If thy faith is so
strong--if thy trust in God is sure and perfect--descend thither!"
I heard--but could not credit my own hearing. I gazed at the shrouded
and veiled speaker--at the commanding arm that signed my mortal body to
destruction. For a moment I was lost in wild terror and wilder doubt.
Was this fearful suggestion a temptation or a test? Should it be
obeyed? I strove to find the centre-poise of my own self--to gather all
my forces together,--to make myself sure of my own will and responsible
for my own deeds,--and then--then I paused. All that was purely mortal
in me shuddered on the brink of the Unknown. One look upward to the
soft gloom of the purple sky and its myriad stars--one horrified glance
downward at the dark depth where I heard the roaring of the sea! I
clasped my hands in a kind of prayerful desperation, and looked once
more at the solemn Shadow beside me.
"If thy love is so great!" it repeated, in slow and impressive
tones--"If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in God is so sure and
perfect!"
There came a moment of tense stillness--a moment in which my life
seemed detached from myself so that I held it like a palpitating
separate creature in my hands, Suddenly the recollection of the last
vision of all those I had seen among the dark mountains of Coruisk came
back to me vividly--that of the woman who had knelt outside a barred
gate in Heaven, waiting to enter in--"O leave her not always exiled and
alone!" I had prayed then--"Dear God, have pity! Unbar the gate and let
her in! She has waited so long!"
A sob broke unconsciously from my lips--my eyes filled with burning
tears that blinded me. Imploringly I turned towards the relentless
Figure beside me once more--its hand still pointed downwards--and again
I seemed to hear the words--
"If thy love is so great! If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in
God is so sure and perfect!"
And then I suddenly found my own Soul's centre,--the very basis of my
own actual being--and standing firmly upon that plane of imperishable
force, I came to a quick resolve.
"Nothing can destroy me!" I said within myself--"Nothing can slay the
immortal part of me, and nothing can separate my soul from the soul of
my beloved! In all earth, in all heaven, there is no cause for fear!"
Hesitating no longer, I closed my eyes,--then extending my clasped
hands I threw myself forward and plunged into the darkness!--down,
down, interminably down! A light followed me like a meteoric shaft of
luminance piercing the blackness--I retained sufficient consciousness
to wonder at its brilliancy, and for a time I was borne along in my
descent as though on wings. Down, still down!--and I saw ocean at my
feet!--a heaving mass of angry waters flecked with a wool-like fleece
of foam!
"The Change that is called Death, but which is Life!"
This was the only clear thought that flashed like lightning through my
brain as I sank swiftly towards the engulfing desert of the sea!--then
everything swirled into darkness and silence!
* * *
* *
*
A delicate warm glow like the filtering of sunbeams through shaded silk
and crystal--a fragrance of roses--a delicious sound of harp-like
music--to these things I was gradually awakened by a gentle pressure on
my brows. I looked up--and my whole heart relieved itself in a long
deep sigh of ecstasy!--it was Aselzion himself who bent over
me,--Aselzion whose grave blue eyes watched me with earnest and anxious
solicitude. I smiled up at him in response to his wordless questioning
as to how I felt, and would have risen but that he imperatively signed
to me to lie still.
"Rest!" he said,--and his voice was very low and tender. "Rest, poor
child! You have done more than well!"
Another sigh of pure happiness escaped me,--I stretched out my arms
lazily like one aroused from a long and refreshing slumber. My
sensations were now perfectly exquisite; a fresh and radiant life
seemed pouring itself through my veins, and I was content to remain a
perfectly passive recipient of such an inflow of health and joy. The
room I found myself in was new to me--it seemed made up of lovely
colourings and a profusion of sweet flowers--I lay enshrined as it were
in the centre of a little temple of beauty. I had no desire to move or
to speak,--every trouble, every difficulty had passed from my mind, and
I watched Aselzion dreamily as he brought a chair to the side of my
couch and sat down--then, taking my hand in his, felt my pulse with an
air of close attention.