"This beautiful earth, this over-arching sky, the exquisite things of
Nature's form and loveliness, are all given to Man, not only for his
material needs, but for his spiritual growth and evolvement. From the
light of the sun he may draw fresh warmth and colour for his
blood--from the air new supplies of life--from the very trees and herbs
and flowers he may renew his strength,--and there is nothing created
that is not intended to add in some measure to his pleasure and
well-being. For if the foundation of the Universe be Love, as it is,
then Love desires to see its creatures happy. Misery has no place in
the Divine scheme of things--it is the result of Man's own opposition
to Natural Law. In Natural Law, all things work calmly, slowly and
steadfastly together for good--Nature silently obeys God's ordinance.
Man, on the contrary, questions, argues, denies, rebels,--with the
result that he scatters his force and fails in his highest effort. It
is in his own power to renew his own youth--his own vitality,--yet we
see him sink of his own accord into feebleness and decrepitude, giving
himself up, as it were, to be devoured by the disintegrating influences
which he could easily repel. For, as the directing Spirit of God
governs the infinitude of atoms and star-dust which go to make up
universes, so the mind of a Man should govern the atoms and star-dust
of which he himself is composed--guiding their actions and renewing
them at pleasure,--forming them into suns and systems of thought and
creative power, and wasting no particle of his eternal life forces. He
can be what he elects to be,--a god,--or merely one of a mass of units
in embryo, drifting away from one phase of existence to another in
unintelligent indifference, and so compelling himself to pass centuries
of aimless movement before entering upon any marked or decisive path of
individual and separate action. The greater number prefer to be
nothings in this way, though they cannot escape the universal grinding
mill,--they must be used for some purpose in the end, be they never so
reluctant. Therefore, we, who study the latent powers of man, judge it
wiser to meet and accept our destiny rather than fall back in the race
and allow destiny to overtake US and whip us into place with rods of
sharp experience. If there is anyone here present who now desires to
speak,--to ask a question,--or deny a statement, let him come forward
boldly and say what he has to say without fear."
As he thus spoke, I, looking from my little hidden recess, saw a
movement among the seated brethren; one of them rose and descending
from his place, walked slowly towards Aselzion till he was within a few
paces of him--then he paused, and threw back his cowl, showing a worn
handsome face on which some great sorrow seemed to be marked too
strongly to be ever erased.
"I do not wish to live!"--he said--"I came here to study life, but not
to learn how to keep it. I would lose it gladly for the merest trifle!
For life is to me a bitter thing--a hideous and inexplicable torment!
Why should you, O Aselzion, teach us how to live long? Why not rather
teach us how to die soon?"
Aselzion's eyes were bent upon him with a grave and tender compassion.
"What accusation do you bring against life?" he asked--"How has life
wronged you?"
"How has life wronged me?" and the unhappy man threw up his hands with
a gesture of desperation--"You, who profess to read thought and gauge
the soul, can you ask? How has life wronged me? By sheer injustice!
From my first breath--for I never asked to be born!--from my early days
when all my youthful dreams and aspirations were checked, smothered and
killed by loving parents!--loving parents, forsooth!--whose idea of
'love' was money! Every great ambition frustrated--every higher hope
slain!--and in my own love--that love of woman which is man's chief
curse--even she was false and worthless as a spurious coin--caring
nothing whether my life was saved or ruined--it was ruined, of
course!--but what matter?--who need care! Only the weariness of it
all!--the day after day burden of time!--the longing to lie down and
hide beneath the comfortable grass in peace,--where no false friend, no
treacherous love, no 'kind' acquaintances, glad to see me suffer, can
ever point their mocking hands or round their cruel eyes at me again!
Aselzion, if the God you serve is half as wicked as the men He made,
then Heaven itself is Hell!"
He spoke deliberately, yet with passion. Aselzion silently regarded
him. The fiery Cross and Star blazed with strange colours like millions
of jewels, and the deep stillness in the chapel was for many minutes
unbroken. All at once, as though impelled by some irresistible force,
he sank on his knees.
"Aselzion! As you are strong, have patience with the weak! As you see
the Divine, pity those who are blind! As you stand firm, stretch a hand
to those whose feet are on the shifting quicksands, and if death and
oblivion are among the gifts of your bestowal, withhold them not from
me, for I would rather die than live!"
There was a pause. Then Aselzion's voice, calm, clear and very gentle,
vibrated on the silence.
"There is no death!" he said--"You cannot die! There is no
oblivion,--you may not forget! There is but one way of life--to live
it!"
Another moment's stillness--then again the steady, resolute voice went
on.
"You accuse life of injustice,--it is you who are unjust to life! Life
gave you those dreams and aspirations you speak of,--it was in your
power to realise them! I say it was in your power, had you chosen! No
parents, no friends, not God Himself, can stop you from doing what you
WILL to do! Who frustrated any great ambition of yours but yourself?
Who can slay a hope but him in whose soul it was born? And that love of
woman?--was she your true mate?--or only a thing of eyes and hair and
vanity? Did your passion touch her body only, or did it reach her Soul?
Did you seek to know whether that Soul had ever wakened within her, or
were you too well satisfied with her surface beauty to care? In all
these things blame Yourself, not life!--for life gives you earth and
heaven, time and eternity for the attainment of joy--joy, in which, but
for Yourself, there would never be a trace of sorrow!"
The kneeling penitent--for such he now appeared to be--covered his face
with his hands.
"I cannot give you death,"--continued Aselzion-"You can take what is
called by that name for yourself if you choose--you can by your own
action, sudden or premeditated, destroy this present form and
composition of yourself for just so long as it takes the forces of
Nature to build you up again--an incredibly brief moment of time! But
you gain nothing--you neither lose your consciousness nor your memory!
Ponder this well before you pull down your present dwelling-house!--for
ingratitude breeds narrowness, and your next habitation might be
smaller and less fitted for peace and quiet breathing!"
With these words, gently spoken, he raised the penitent from his knees,
and signed to him to return to his place. He did so obediently, without
another word, pulling his cowl closely about him so that none of his
fellow-brethren might see his features. Another man then stepped
forward and addressed Aselzion.
"Master"--he said, "would it not be better to die than to grow old? If,
as you teach us, there is no real death, should there be any real
decay? What pleasure is there in life when the strength fails and the
pulses slacken--when the warm blood grows chill and stagnant, and when
even those we have loved consider we have lived too long? I who speak
now am old, though I am not conscious of age--but others are conscious
for me,--their looks, their words, imply that I am in their way--that I
am slowly dying like a lopped tree and that the process is too tedious
for their impatience. And yet--I could be young!--my powers of work
have increased rather than lessened--I enjoy life more than those that
have youth on their side--but I know I carry the burden of seventy
years upon me, and I say that surely it is better to die than live even
so long!"
Aselzion, standing in the full light of the glittering Cross and Star,
looked upon him with a smile.
"I also carry the burden--if burden you must call it--of seventy
years!" he said--"But years are nothing to me--they should be nothing
to you. Who asked you to count them or to consider them? In the world
of wild Nature, time is measured by seasons only--the bird does not
know how old it is--the rose-tree does not count its birthdays! You,
whom I know to be a brave man and patient student, have lived the usual
life of men in the world--you are wedded to a Woman who has never cared
to understand the deeper side of your nature, and who is now far older
than you, though in actual years younger,--you have children who look
upon you as their banker merely and who, while feigning affection,
really wait for your death with eagerness in order to possess your
fortune. You might as well have never had those children!--I know all
this as you yourself know it--I also know that through the
word-impressions and influence of so-called 'friends' who wish to
persuade you of your age, the disintegrating process has begun,--but
this can be arrested. You yourself can arrest it!--the dream of Faust
is no fallacy!--only that the renewal of youth is not the work of magic
evil, but of natural good. If you would be young, leave the world as
you have known it and begin it anew,--leave wife, children, friends,
all that hang like fungi upon an oak, rotting its trunk and sapping its
strength without imparting any new form of vitality. Live again--love
again!"
"I!"--and he who was thus spoken to threw back his cowl, showing a face
wan and deeply wrinkled, yet striking in its fine intellectuality of
feature--"I!--with these white hairs! You jest with me, Aselzion!"
"I never jest!"--replied Aselzion--"I leave jesting to the fools who
prate of life without comprehending its first beginnings. I do not jest
with you--put me to the proof! Obey my rules here but for six months
and you shall pass out of these walls with every force in your body and
spirit renewed in youth and vitality! But Yourself must work the
miracle,--which, after all, is no miracle! Yourself must build
Yourself!--as everyone is bound to do who would make the fullest living
out of life. If you hesitate,--if you draw back,--if you turn with one
foolish regret or morbid thought to your past mistakes in life which
ARE past--to her, your wife, a wife in name but never in soul,--to your
children, born of animal instinct but not of spiritual deep love,--to
those your 'friends' who count up your years as though they were
crimes,--you check the work of re-invigoration, and you stultify the
forces of renewal. You must choose--and the choice must be voluntary
and deliberate,--for no man becomes aged and effete without his own
intention and inclination to that end,--and equally, no man retains or
renews his youth without a similar intention and inclination. Take two
days to consider--and then tell me your mind."
The man he thus addressed hesitated as though he had something more to
say--then with a deep obeisance went back to his place. Aselzion waited
till he was seated--and after the brief interval spoke again--
"If all of you here present are content with your rule of life in this
place, and with the studies you are undertaking, and none of you wish
to leave, I ask for the usual sign."
All the brethren rose, and raised their arms above their
heads--dropping them slowly again after a second's pause.
"Enough!" and Aselzion now moved towards the Cross and Star, fronting
it fully. As he did so, I saw to my astonishment and something of
terror that the rays proceeding from the centre of the Symbol flamed
out to an extraordinary length, surrounding his whole figure and
filling the chapel with a lurid brilliancy as though it were suddenly
on fire. Straight into the centre of the glowing flames he steadily
advanced--then, at a certain point, turned again and faced his
followers. But what an aspect now was his! The light about him seemed
to be part of his very body and garments--he was transfigured into the
semblance of something god-like and angelic--and I was overcome with
fear and awe as I looked upon him. Lifting one hand, he made the sign
of the cross,--whereat the white-robed brethren descended from their
places, and walking one by one in line, came up to him where he stood.
He spoke--and his voice rang out like a silver clarion--
"O Divine Light!" he exclaimed--"We are a part of Thee, and into Thee
we desire to become absorbed! From Thee we know we may obtain an
immortality of life upon this gracious earth! O Nature, beloved Mother,
whose bosom burns with hidden fires of strength, we are thy children,
born of thee in spirit as in matter,--in us thou hast distilled thy
rains and dews, thy snows and frosts, thy sunlight and thy storm!--in
us thou hast embodied thy prolific beauty, thy productiveness, thy
power and thy advancement towards good--and more than all thou hast
endowed us with the divine passion of Love which kindles the fire
whereof thou art created and whereby we are sustained! Take us, O
Light! Keep us, O Nature!--and Thou, O God, Supreme Spirit of Love,
whose thought is Flame, and whose desire is Creation, be Thou our
guide, supporter and instructor through all worlds without end! Amen!"
Once more the glorious music of the organ surged through the chapel
like a storm,--and I, trembling in every limb, knelt, covering my
veiled face closely with my hands, overcome by the splendour of the
sound and the strangeness of the scene. Gradually, very gradually, the
music died away--a deep silence followed--and when I lifted my head,
the chapel was empty! Aselzion and his disciples had vanished,
noiselessly, as though they had never been present. Only the Cross and
Star still remained glittering against its dark purple
background--darting out long tremulous rays, some of which were pale
violet, others crimson, others of the delicate hues of the pink topaz.
I looked round,--then behind me,--and to my surprise saw that the door
of my little recess had been unlocked and left open. Acting on an
impulse too strong to resist, I stole softly out, and stepping on
tiptoe, scarcely daring to breathe, I found my way through a low
archway into the body of the chapel, and stood there all alone, my
heart beating loudly with positive terror. Yet there was nothing to
fear. No one was near me that I could see, but I felt as if there were
thousands of eyes watching me from the roof, from behind the columns,
and from the stained-glass windows that shed their light on the marble
pavement. And the glowing radiance of the Cross and Star in all that
stillness was almost terrible!--the long bright rays were like tongues
of fire mutely expressing unutterable things! Fascinated, I drew nearer
and nearer--then paused abruptly, checked by a kind of vibration under
me, as though the ground rocked--presently, however, I gained fresh
courage to go on, and by degrees was drawn into a perfect vortex of
light which rushed upon me like great waves on all sides so forcibly
that I had hardly any knowledge of my own movements. Like a creature in
a dream I moved,--my very hands looked transparent and spirit-like as I
stretched them out towards that marvellous Symbol!--and when my eyes
glanced for a moment at the folds of my covering veil I saw that its
white silkiness shone with a pale amethystine hue. On--on I went,--a
desperate idea possessing me to go as far as I could into that strange
starry centre of living luminance--the very boldness of the thought
appalled me even while I encouraged it--but step by step I went on
resolutely till I suddenly felt myself caught as it were in a wheel of
fire! Round and round me it whirled,--darting points of radiance as
sharp as spears which seemed to enter my body and stab it through and
through--I struggled for breath and tried to draw back,--impossible! I
was tangled up in a net of endless light-vibrations which, though they
gave forth no heat, yet quivered through my whole being with searching
intensity as though bent on probing to the very centre of my soul! I
could not utter a sound,--I stood there dumb, immovable, and shrouded
in million-coloured flame, too stunned with the shock to realise my own
identity. Then all at once something dark and cool floated over me like
the shadow of a passing cloud--I looked up and strove to utter a
cry,--a word of appeal!--and then fell to the ground, lost in complete
unconsciousness.