QUEEN VICTORIA. A GOOD QUEEN
On the death of William IV, Queen Victoria, though asleep at the
time and thus in her nightdress, showed great devotion to duty by
immediately ascending the throne. In this bold act she was assisted by
Lord Melbourne and the Archbishop of Canterbury, who were both properly
dressed.
[Illustration: Good ... _but not amused_]
Finding herself on the throne, Queen Victoria immediately announced her
intention of being Good and plural _but not amused_. This challenge
was joyfully accepted by her subjects, and throughout her protracted
reign _loyal and indefatigable attempts to amuse her_ were made by Her
Majesty’s eminently Victorian ministers and generals.
ATTEMPTS TO AMUSE QUEEN VICTORIA
One of the first of these attempts was Lord Melbourne’s memorable
political rule that it did not matter what the Cabinet said so long as
they all answered at once. This he called the Collective Responsibility
of the Cabinet; the Queen, however, was not amused.
Next, Mr. Rowland Hill invented penny stamps. The Queen, however,
without hesitation Knighted him.
[Illustration: To abandon all thoughts of levity--]
The loyal task therefore devolved on a more active group of men called
the Chartists who nearly succeeded by drawing an enormous Chart showing
the position of affairs and signing it with imaginary names. This
resulted in a succession of riots amongst the imaginary people, and
necessitated the passing of the memorable Poor Law which laid down that
everybody in the country was poor (except the rich).
These endeavours having failed, the Queen was allowed to abandon for
the time being all thoughts of levity and to marry her beautiful cousin
(the memorable Prince Consaught), a Good German whom she had met during
the great International Expedition to Hyde Park.
SIR ROBERT REPEEL. POTATO DUTIES IN IRELAND
About this time the famous Tory statesman, Sir Robert Repeel, noticed
that the Irish had had nothing to eat for some years owing to the fact
that the potatoes, which it was their Duty to eat, had all gone bad.
The Tory Government were for long divided between two policies, one
section insisting that the Irish ought to eat the potatoes, the other
insisting that they need not.
Sir Robert, however, boldly passed his famous Corn Laws which abolished
the Duty and permitted the Irish to eat bread, thus dissociating
himself from the Tories who doggedly maintained that the Irish had only
two alternatives: (_a_) to eat the potatoes, and (_b_) not to. Sir
Robert, having thus destroyed his own Party, bethought himself of The
Queen and invented Policemen. Her Majesty, however,...