The second stage in the development of the emotion of sex-love
extends in time from the eighth year to about the twelfth year in
girls and to the fourteenth year in boys. It is characterized by the
appearance of shyness, of modesty, especially in girls, of
self-consciousness and consequent efforts toward self-repression; by
the inhibition of the spontaneous, impulsive love-demonstrations so
freely indulged in during the previous stage. The boys are more
secretive than the girls, but the tendency to conceal the love is
present in both. This is the reason why fewer returns came for the
years eight to twelve than for the years before and after this
period. The children were to a degree successful in hiding their love
and so passed unobserved. To the observer who does not depend upon
the more demonstrative signs but who sees the less obvious but
equally indicative ones, the emotion is easily detected. There is a
conspicuous absence of pairing. The lover and sweetheart are not
often seen alone together. On the other hand, they are much confused
and embarrassed when circumstances do bring them into each other's
presence. Mutual confessions are seldom made,--at least, not
directly, face to face. Some confess to friends, but this is usually
done very reluctantly. Some confess through notes delivered by
friends, or passed in some secret way; some reveal it by defending
the sweetheart when she is being "talked about," in many of which
cases boys fight most spiritedly for the honor of the one they love.
Some never confess,--neither to friends nor to lover. Some boys deny
that they are in love and speak slightingly about their sweetheart,
but afterwards confess. Then there are the revelations through gifts
that are nearly always delivered in some secret manner, in many
instances of which the giver leaves no clue that would reveal his
identity; in other instances cards or notes are left, but it is rare
to find lovers in this stage giving gifts face to face. Another
indication that will not escape the close observer and which the
confessions especially reveal, is that of the boy lover off at a
distance, "feasting his eyes" upon every movement of his "girl" who
may know absolutely nothing about his devotion. He may be seen
following her about the playground or along the street, always,
however, at a safe distance. Although modesty shows itself as a
characteristic trait of the girl even at this early age, she is on
the whole more aggressive in these early love affairs than the boy
and less guarded about revealing her secret. However, the impulse to
conceal the emotion,--to inhibit its direct manifestations--is
fundamental to this stage of the emotion's development in both sexes
and is, as we shall see later, of the deepest significance.
As in every other field of investigation, so here, we find that not
all of the facts conform to our classification. Thus occasionally
couples between eight and twelve or fourteen years of age are found
who enjoy each other's company and so pair off and freely express
their feelings as they do in the previous stage and also in the one
that follows. The boys of these couples are generally those of
effeminate tendencies who have been accustomed to play with girls
instead of with boys. They are never very highly respected by the
other boys, and later, at adolescence, are tolerated by the girls
rather than respected and sought by them. Again there are individuals
who are very timid in their general disposition, and are consequently
undemonstrative and inhibitive at all times.
We have emphasized the fact that children that have sex-love in this
second stage of its development, as a rule, avoid all direct
expressions of their feelings and that lovers are awkward,
embarrassed, self-conscious and ill-at-ease in each other's presence.
This is true when the conditions are such that their personalities
meet in mutual recognition without a third thing as a shield. They
are not yet in that stage of development wherein they, themselves,
become the chief objects of conversation and wherein endearments and
compliments become the chief stock-in-trade. However, the emotion has
its expression indirectly through games, plays and other incidents
that can be used as masks. Instead of direct contact of personalities
through the love confession as such, it is long-circuited through
some conventionality. In this regard the games of children are used
very effectively. The following games are the ones which I have
personally seen used oftenest: Post-office, Clap-in-clap-out,
Snap-and-catch-it, Skip-to-my-Lou, Way-down-in-the-Paw-Paw-Patch,
King-William, London-Bridge, Thread-the-Needle, Picking Grapes,
Digging-a-Well, Black-Man, Prison-Base, Tag, All-I-Want-is-a-Handsome-Man,
Green Gravel, Down-in-the-Meadow, All-Around-this-Pretty-Little-Maid.
These are merely the ones that have seemed favorites and by no means
exhaust the list of love games that I have seen used. Out of
eighty-three games of Washington (D. C.) children reported in the
American Anthropologist, by W. H. Babcock,[9] as many as thirty are love
games. In this, as in the previous stage, the embrace is the most
important love expression and stimulus. But in this stage it takes on
disguised forms or is excused by the ceremony of the games. Some are
kissing games, _e. g._, Post-Office, Paw-Paw-Patch, King William,
Picking Grapes, Digging-a-Well, etc.; some are hugging games, _e. g._,
London Bridge, Thread-the-Needle, etc., and some involve both hugging
and kissing, _e. g._, Green Grows the Willow Tree. The kiss is not the
frank love kiss given and received as such, but one called for by the
rules of the game. This makes the kissing relatively impersonal and
enables the young lovers thoroughly to enjoy the love communication
without the awkward embarrassment that would come to them if the
expression were not thus long-circuited through the game. The charm of
the whole thing is in the fact that under the guise of a ceremony love
has its way.
It will be helpful here to give a brief analysis of a few of the
games as types. King William is a choosing and kissing game,
involving among its details, the following lines:
King William was King James's son,
Upon a royal race he run;
Upon his breast he wore a star,
That was to all a sign of war.
Go look to the east, go look to the west
And choose the one that you love best,
If she's not there to take your part,
Choose the next one to your heart.
Down on this carpet you must kneel
As sure as the grass grows in the field.
Salute your bride and kiss her sweet,
Then rise again upon your feet.
The game is played by an equal number of couples and one odd boy who
is King William. With hands joined, all forming a circle with King
William in the center, the sentiment of the lines is acted out to
music, thereby adding the charm of rhythmic dance which is so
pleasurably intoxicating to the young and which has been taken
advantage of by lovers during all ages. At the conclusion of the
lines, King William joins the circle, leaving his bride to choose as
the lines are sung again, and so on. Post-Office is another one of
the most popular kissing games. It is an indoors game and requires
two rooms, one to be used as the post-office, the other as an
assembly room for the girls and boys. One of the number is chosen to
be postmaster, and is stationed at the door of the post-office;
another is elected to start the game by entering the post-office,
closing the door and indicating to the postmaster the one for whom
there are letters and the number of letters. This is then announced
in the assembly room by the postmaster, and the girl (if it was a boy
who started the game) is expected to respond by coming to the
post-office and getting her mail, which means granting a kiss for
each letter. She then remains in the post-office to indicate her
choice to the postmaster, while the boy joins the others in the
assembly room, and the game thus goes on indefinitely. The postmaster
is usually granted, as his fee, the privilege of kissing each girl
whose mail he announces. Picking Grapes is a game that calls for as
many kisses as there are bunches to be picked. It further involves
the holding of hands, and is not infrequently so arranged as to have
the boy's arms about the girl's waist. Digging a Well is similar to
Picking Grapes, and calls for as many kisses as there are feet in
depth to be dug. In competition games where forfeits are sold there
is no limit to the devices for indirect love expressions except the
fertility and ingenuity in invention of the young people, and every
one knows that in this particular regard their resources are well
nigh inexhaustible. London Bridge is made use of to satisfy the
hugging impulse. The game is played as follows. Two leaders agree
upon two objects, for example, a horse-and-carriage and a piano,--as
badges of their respective parties. Then they join hands and raise
them to form an archway that represents London Bridge. The others in
the game form a line and pass under this archway while all are
singing:
You stole my watch and broke my chain,
Broke my chain, broke my chain,
You stole my watch and broke my chain,
So fare you well my lady love.
Off to prison you must go,
You must go, you must go,
Off to prison you must go,
So fare you well, my lady love.
The leaders may at any time let their hands drop down and catch any
one in the line that is passing through. The procession then stops
and the prisoner is asked in a whisper, "Which would you rather have,
a horse-and-carriage or a piano?" According to the choice he or she
passes around and locks his hands about the leader's waist. The
second one who makes the same choice locks her hands about the first
one's waist, and so on till all have in turn been made captive and
have joined one or the other side. The two lines, whose leaders still
face each other with hands joined, are now ready for the struggle
that ends in the downfall of London Bridge. The following stanzas are
sung, at the conclusion of which the pulling begins that usually
results in a general downfall and tumbling over one another:
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down,
London Bridge is falling down,
So fare you well, my lady love.
What will it take to build it up,
Build it up, build it up?
What will it take to build it up?
So fare you well, my lady love.
Lime and water will build it up,
Build it up, build it up.
Lime and water will build it up,
So fare you well, my lady love.
Blackman is a catching and clutching game, and furnishes the
opportunity for hugging long enough for saying, "One, two, three,
pretty good blackman for me;" and it often happens that this is not
said as rapidly as it could be,--especially if it be the favored one
who is caught. Of course there is much promiscuous catching, and the
game is satisfying other instincts than that of love, for instance
the instinct of pursuing and catching; but it is quite noticeable
that the boys have their favorite girls and catch them first, often
showing jealousy if the girls are caught by any one else. The girls
are often aggressive in selecting boys to catch in the event that
they themselves are caught first. Prison-Base and Handkerchief are
pursuing and touching games, and furnish opportunity for indirect
love confessions. Skip-to-My-Lou involves the choice of "My Lou"
together with skipping with her, which is done while holding her hand
or with arm about her waist as in round dancing. Green Grows the
Willow Tree, involves holding hands, hugging and kissing. It is a
ring game, with the one who does the choosing placed in the middle of
the ring. The following is the song that furnishes the suggestions
for the acting that accompanies it:
Green grows the willow tree,
Green grows the willow tree.
Come my love where have you been?
Come and sit at the side of me.
O, how she blushes so!
Kiss her sweet and let her go,
But don't you let her mother know.
Tag and I Spy are other games that furnish opportunities for love to
discriminate in favor of its chosen ones. In fact there is scarcely a
social game indulged in by both sexes wherein the incidents are not
turned to the emotion's account by the young lovers. It must not be
understood that all of the children who take part in these games are
to be considered as lovers. As was suggested above the games may
appeal to many other instincts and be indulged in on that account
rather than on account of the love sentiment that characterizes them.
On the other hand many of the games whose content does not suggest
love may be turned into a love opportunity and expression.
The routine of the school furnishes other opportunities that are
taken advantage of. Lovers will manage some way to sit or stand
together, and are thrilled by touching. One boy who sat behind his
sweetheart would place his arm along the back of the desk where she
would come in contact with it. Others carry on their courtship by
touching their feet under the desks, etc. It is common to see
favoritism in recitations wherein pupils make the corrections; the
lover seldom corrects the sweetheart, and _vice versa_. In contests
such as spelling, words are purposely misspelled in order to favor
the sweetheart or to keep from "turning her down." The eye glance is
another means as efficacious with children as with adults. One pair
of young lovers, whose unsympathetic teacher forbade their looking at
each other, brought hand mirrors by means of which they continued to
exchange their "love messages."
Few teachers complain of the love affairs of children in these first
two periods as interfering with school work,--except when one of the
lovers is absent. A score or more of the observers assert that during
the absence of one of the lovers, the other does not do as good work
and often becomes moody and irritable. On the other hand it very
materially quickens the efforts of many who want to appear well
before their lovers. One boy, nine years old, who had been quite lazy
and was looked upon as being rather dull, braced up and for two years
led his class, in order, as he said, "to win his Ottilia." During the
adolescent stage that follows this the emotion becomes so intense and
all absorbing as to interfere very much with school work, or with
anything else that requires application.
Akin to the disturbance caused by the absence of the lover from
school is the grief that comes from being more or less permanently
separated, as by moving away or by the death of one. In some
instances the grief is very intense and protracted. Four cases of
attempts at suicide are reported: one boy eight years old; another
nine; a girl nine and another eleven. Six cases of nervous illness
are reported as due, either to separation or jilting. Ordinarily,
however, weaning is comparatively an easy matter.
Teasing breaks up many of these love affairs, and not infrequently
causes the lovers to hate each other; in which case they childishly
look upon each other as the cause instead of the occasion of the
torment. Also under the spur of the taunts of mates the lovers are
stimulated to say things to or about each other that lead to
estrangement. In some instances, however, the persecution is taken as
a sort of martyrdom and is enjoyed. Jealousy is another potent factor
in separating these young lovers. Teasing is not the primary cause of
the tendency to conceal the emotion.
The season of the year seems to have its effect upon the intensity of
the emotion of sex-love among children. One teacher from Texas, who
furnished me with seventy-six cases, said that he had noticed that
the matter of love among children seemed "fairly to break out in the
spring-time." Many of the others who reported, incidentally mentioned
the love affairs as beginning in the spring. This also agrees with my
own observations. It may partly be accounted for by the fact that
during the winter months the children have much less freedom in
playing together, and hence fewer opportunities for forming and
showing preferences. On the other hand the suggestion inevitably
occurs that there is some connection between this and the pairing
season among animals and the sexual periodicity among primitive
peoples.
"Showing-off" as a method of courtship is not only as old as the
human race, but is perhaps the most common one used by animals. While
the complete discussion of this topic is reserved for the chapter
upon courtship, the picture of love as it is experienced by the young
people in this second stage would not be complete without at least a
passing reference to it. It constitutes one of the chief numbers in
the boy's repertory of love charms, and is not totally absent from
the girl's. It is a most common sight to see the boys taxing their
resources in devising means of exposing their own excellences, and
often doing the most ridiculous and extravagant things. Running,
jumping, dancing, prancing, sparring, wrestling, turning
hand-springs, somersaults,--backward, forward, double,--climbing,
walking fences, singing, giving yodels and yells, whistling,
imitating the movements of animals, "taking people off," courting
danger, affecting courage, are some of its common forms. I saw a boy
upon one such occasion stand on the railroad track until by the
barest margin he escaped death by a passenger engine. One writer
gives an account of a boy who sat on the end of a cross-tie and was
killed by a passing train. This tendency to show off for love's sake,
together with the inability to make any direct declaration, is well
illustrated in the love affair of Piggy Pennington, King of
Boyville.[10] "Time and time again had Piggy tried to make some sign
to let his feelings be known, but every time he had failed. Lying in
wait for her at corners, and suddenly breaking upon her with a glory
of backward and forward somersaults did not convey the state of his
heart. Hanging by his heels from an apple tree limb over the sidewalk
in front of her, unexpectedly, did not tell the tender tale for which
his lips could find no words. And the nearest that he could come to
an expression of the longing in his breast was to cut her initials in
the ice beside his own when she came weaving and wobbling past on
some other boy's arm. But she would not look at the initials, and the
chirography of his skates was so indistinct that it required a key;
and, everything put together, poor Piggy was no nearer a declaration
at the end of the winter than he had been at the beginning of autumn.
So only one heart beat with but a single thought, and the other took
motto candy and valentines and red apples and picture cards and other
tokens of esteem from other boys, and beat on with any number of
thoughts, entirely immaterial to the uses of this narrative." This
"showing-off" in the boy lover is the forerunner of the skillful,
purposive and elaborate means of self-exhibition in the adult male
and the charming coquetry in the adult female, in their love
relations.
Another kind of indirection that is very interesting is that of a boy
who ostensibly is talking to one, but everything which he is saying
is intended for another. This is sometimes extended into a sort of
pleasant teasing and scuffling in which the very one whom he wants to
touch is very carefully avoided. A further phase of the same thing is
shown by the embrace or caress that is given to one while the
emotional discharge goes out to some one else; as for example, a boy
under the influence of a meeting with the girl whom he had begun to
love but to whom he had made no confession, went home and walked up
to his sister, put his arms about her neck and kissed her. The action
was so unusual as both to surprise the sister and to arouse her
intelligent suspicions. Goethe makes much use of this type of
emotional discharge in his "Elective Affinities," and Tennyson
alludes to it in the lines,
Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others.
Such manifestations are not far removed from those that are shown to
pet animals and to persons of the same sex, reference to which has
previously been made.
Previous to the age of about nine the girl is more aggressive than
the boy in love affairs. At this age her modesty, coyness and native
love for being wooed, come to the surface and thereafter characterize
her attitude toward the opposite sex.