CONCLUSION
Brothers, I am coming to you. I set out to-morrow for the country, for
Provence. I wish to draw a new youth from our broad horizons, from our
pure and glowing sunbeams.
My pride has led me to aim at too lofty a mark. I believed myself ripe
for the struggle, while in reality I was but a weak and inexperienced
child. Perhaps, I shall always remain a child.
I rely upon your friendship, on my remembrances. Near you, I will recall
the days of the past, I will quiet myself, I will succeed in curing my
heart. We will go into the plains, on the shady bank of the river; we
will resume the life we led when we were sixteen, and I will then forget
the terrible year through which I have just passed. I will return to
those days of ignorance and hope, when I knew nothing of reality and
when I dreamed of a better earth. I will become young again, believing;
I will recommence life with new dreams.
Oh! I feel all the thoughts of my youth return to me in a body, filling
me with strength and hope. Everything had disappeared amid the gloom
into which I had entered--you and the world, my daily toil and my future
glory. I lived only for a single idea: to love and to suffer. To-day,
amid my tranquillity, I feel awakening, one by one, those thoughts which
I recognize and to which I extend a hearty welcome, with a softened
soul. I was blind, but now I see clearly within me; the evil is torn
away, I find the world as I left it, broad for youthful courage,
luminous, full of applause. I will resume my labor, recover my strength,
struggle in the name of my faith, in the name of my tenderness.
Make a place for me beside you, brothers, let us live in the pure air,
in the fields sparkling with sunbeams, in our pure love. Let us prepare
ourselves for life by loving each other, by going hand in hand in
freedom beneath the blue sky. Wait for me, and make Provence sweeter,
more encouraging, to receive me and restore me my childhood.
Last night, when at the window, in the presence of Marie's corpse, I
purified myself with faith, I saw the sky, full of gloom, whiten at the
horizon. All night long I had had before my eyes the black stretch of
space, pricked by the yellow light of the stars; I had vainly sounded
the infinity of the sombre gulf, growing terrified at the immense
calmness, at the unfathomable depths. This calmness and these depths
were lighted up; the darkness quivered and slowly rolled back, allowing
its mysteries to be seen; the fear inspired by the gloom gave place to
the hope inspired by the growing brightness. The whole sky grew
inflamed, little by little; it acquired rosy tints as soft as smiles; it
bathed in the pale light, sparkling with faint brilliancy. And, alone in
the presence of this tearing away of the night, of this slow and
majestic birth of the day, I felt in my heart a young, invincible
strength, an immense hope.
Brothers, it was the dawn.
THE END