As we were at the club last night, I observed that my
friend Sir Roger, contrary to his usual custom, sat very
silent, and instead of minding what was said by the company,
was whistling to himself in a very thoughtful mood,
and playing with a cork. I jogged Sir Andrew Freeport (15)
who sat between us; and as we were both observing him,
we saw the knight shake his head and heard him say to
himself, "A foolish woman! I can't believe it." Sir
Andrew gave him a gentle pat upon the shoulder, and
offered to lay him a bottle of wine that he was thinking
of the widow. My old friend started, and, recovering
out of his brown study, told Sir Andrew that once in his
life he had been in the right. In short, after some little
hesitation, Sir Roger told us, in the fullness of his heart, (201: 5)
that he had just received a letter from his steward, which
acquainted him that his old rival and antagonist in the
county, Sir David Dundrum, had been making a visit to
the widow. "However," says Sir Roger, "I can never
think that she'll have a man that's half a year older than (10)
I am, and a noted Republican into the bargain."
Will Honeycomb, who looks upon love as his particular
province, interrupting our friend with a jaunty laugh, "I
thought, knight," says he, "thou hadst lived long enough
in the world not to pin thy happiness upon one that is a (15)
woman and a widow. I think that without vanity I may
pretend to know as much of the female world as any man
in Great Britain, though the chief of my knowledge consists
in this,--that they are not to be known." Will
immediately, with his usual fluency, rambled into an (20)
account of his own amours. "I am now," says he,
"upon the verge of fifty" (though, by the way, we all
knew he was turned of threescore). "You may easily
guess," continued Will, "that I have not lived so long in
the world without having had some thoughts of settling (25)
in it, as the phrase is. To tell you truly, I have several
times tried my fortune that way, though I can't much
boast of my success.
"I made my first addresses to a young lady in the
country; but when I thought things were pretty well
drawing to a conclusion, her father happening to hear
that I had formerly boarded with a surgeon, the old put[150]
forbid me his house, and within a fortnight after married
his daughter to a fox hunter in the neighbourhood. (202: 5)
[150] Rustic, clown.
"I made my next applications to a widow, and attacked
her so briskly that I thought myself within a fortnight of
her. As I waited upon her one morning, she told me
that she intended to keep her ready money and jointure[151]
in her own hand, and desired me to call upon her attorney (10)
in Lyon's Inn, who would adjust with me what it was
proper for me to add to it. I was so rebuffed by this
overture that I never inquired either for her or her
attorney afterwards.
[151] Property or estate settled on a wife to be enjoyed after the
death of her husband.
"A few months after, I addressed myself to a young (15)
lady who was an only daughter and of a good family; I
danced with her at several balls, squeezed her by the
hand, said soft things, and, in short, made no doubt
of her heart; and, though my fortune was not equal
to hers, I was in hopes that her fond father would not (20)
deny her the man she had fixed her affections upon.
But, as I went one day to the house in order to break the
matter to him, I found the whole family in confusion, and
heard, to my unspeakable surprise, that Miss Jenny was
that very morning run away with the butler. (25)
"I then courted a second widow, and am at a loss to
this day how I came to miss her, for she had often commended
my person and behaviour. Her maid, indeed,
told me one day that her mistress had said she never
saw a gentleman with such a spindle pair of legs as Mr.
Honeycomb. (203: 5)
"After this I laid siege to four heiresses successively,
and being a handsome young dog in those days, quickly
made a breach in their hearts; but I don't know how it
came to pass, though I seldom failed of getting the daughter's
consent, I could never in my life get the old people (10)
on my side.
"I could give you an account of a thousand other unsuccessful
attempts, particularly of one which I made some
years since upon an old woman, whom I had certainly
borne away with flying colours if her relations had not come (15)
pouring in to her assistance from all parts of England;
nay, I believe I should have got her at last, had not she
been carried off by an hard frost."
As Will's transitions are extremely quick, he turned
from Sir Roger, and applying himself to me, told me (20)
there was a passage in the book I had considered last
Saturday which deserved to be writ in letters of gold;
and taking out a pocket Milton, read the following lines,
which are part of one of Adam's speeches to Eve after
the fall: (25)
"Oh! why did our
Creator wise, that peopled highest Heaven
With Spirits masculine, create at last
This novelty on Earth, this fair defect
Of Nature, and not fill the World at once (30)
With men as Angels, without feminine;
Or find some other way to generate
Mankind? This mischief had not then befallen,
And more that shall befall--innumerable
Disturbances on Earth through female snares, (204: 5)
And straight conjunction[152] with this sex. For either
He never shall find out fit mate, but such
As some misfortune brings him, or mistake;
Or whom he wishes most shall seldom gain,
Through her perverseness, but shall see her gained (10)
By a far worse, or, if she love, withheld
By parents; or his happiest choice too late
Shall meet, already linked and wedlock-bound
To a fell adversary, his hate or shame:
Which infinite calamity shall cause (15)
To human life, and household peace confound."
[152] Intimate union.
Sir Roger listened to this passage with great attention,
and desiring Mr. Honeycomb to fold down a leaf at the
place and lend him his book, the knight put it up in his
pocket, and told us that he would read over those verses (20)
again before he went to bed. X.