In which I am Like to Repent at Leisure
When we had passed the mouth of the Chickahominy, I broke the silence,
now prolonged beyond reason, by pointing to the village upon its bank,
and telling her something of Smith's expedition up that river, ending by
asking her if she feared the savages.
When at length she succeeded in abstracting her attention from the
clouds, it was to answer in the negative, in a tone of the supremest
indifference, after which she relapsed into her contemplation of the
weather.
Further on I tried again. "That is Kent's, yonder. He brought his wife
from home last year. What a hedge of sunflowers she has planted! If you
love flowers, you will find those of paradise in these woods."
No answer.
Below Martin-Brandon we met a canoe full of Paspaheghs, bound upon a
friendly visit to some one of the down-river tribes; for in the bottom
of the boat reposed a fat buck, and at the feet of the young men lay
trenchers of maize cakes and of late mulberries. I hailed them, and when
we were alongside held up the brooch from my hat, then pointed to the
purple fruit. The exchange was soon made; they sped away, and I placed
the mulberries upon the thwart beside her.
"I am not hungry," she said coldly. "Take them away."
I bit my lip, and returned to my place at the tiller. This rose was set
with thorns, and already I felt their sting. Presently she leaned back
in the nest I had made for her. "I wish to sleep," she said haughtily,
and, turning her face from me, pillowed her head upon her arms.
I sat, bent forward, the tiller in my hand, and stared at my wife in
some consternation. This was not the tame pigeon, the rosy, humble
domestic creature who was to make me a home and rear me children. A sea
bird with broad white wings swooped down upon the water, now dark and
ridged, rested there a moment, then swept away into the heart of the
gathering storm. She was liker such an one. Such birds were caught at
times, but never tamed and never kept.
The lightning, which had played incessantly in pale flashes across the
low clouds in the south, now leaped to higher peaks and became more
vivid, and the muttering of the thunder changed to long, booming peals.
Thirteen years before, the Virginia storms had struck us with terror.
Compared with those of the Old World we had left, they were as cannon to
the whistling of arrows, as breakers on an iron coast to the dull wash
of level seas. Now they were nothing to me, but as the peals changed to
great crashes as of falling cities, I marvelled to see my wife sleeping
so quietly. The rain began to fall, slowly, in large sullen drops, and I
rose to cover her with my cloak. Then I saw that the sleep was feigned,
for she was gazing at the storm with wide eyes, though with no fear in
their dark depths. When I moved they closed, and when I reached her the
lashes still swept her cheeks, and she breathed evenly through parted
lips. But, against her will, she shrank from my touch as I put the cloak
about her; and when I had returned to my seat, I bent to one side and
saw, as I had expected to see, that her eyes were wide open again. If
she had been one whit less beautiful, I would have wished her back at
Jamestown, back on the Atlantic, back at whatever outlandish place,
where manners were unknown, that had owned her and cast her out. Pride
and temper! I set my lips, and vowed that she should find her match.
The storm did not last. Ere we had reached Piersey's the rain had ceased
and the clouds were breaking; above Chaplain's Choice hung a great
rainbow; we passed Tants Weyanoke in the glory of the sunset, all
shattered gold and crimson. Not a word had been spoken. I sat in a
humour grim enough, and she lay there before me, wide awake, staring at
the shifting banks and running water, and thinking that I thought she
slept.
At last my own wharf rose before me through the gathering dusk, and
beyond it shone out a light; for I had told Diccon to set my house in
order, and to provide fire and torches, that my wife might see I wished
to do her honour. I looked at that wife, and of a sudden the anger in my
heart melted away. It was a wilderness vast and dreadful to which she
had come. The mighty stream, the towering forests, the black skies and
deafening thunder, the wild cries of bird and beast, the savages,
uncouth and terrible,--for a moment I saw my world as the woman at my
feet must see it, strange, wild, and menacing, an evil land, the other
side of the moon. A thing that I had forgotten came to my mind: how
that, after our landing at Jamestown, years before, a boy whom we had
with us did each night fill with cries and lamentations the hut where he
lay with my cousin Percy, Gosnold, and myself, nor would cease though we
tried both crying shame and a rope's end. It was not for home-sickness,
for he had no mother or kin or home; and at length Master Hunt brought
him to confess that it was but pure panic terror of the land
itself,--not of the Indians or of our hardships, both of which he faced
bravely enough, but of the strange trees and the high and long roofs of
vine, of the black sliding earth and the white mist, of the fireflies
and the whippoorwills,--a sick fear of primeval Nature and her tragic
mask.
This was a woman, young, alone, and friendless, unless I, who had sworn
to cherish and protect her, should prove myself her friend. Wherefore,
when, a few minutes later, I bent over her, it was with all gentleness
that I touched and spoke to her.
"Our journey is over," I said. "This is home, my dear."
She let me help her to her feet, and up the wet and slippery steps to
the level of the wharf. It was now quite dark, there being no moon, and
thin clouds obscuring the stars. The touch of her hand, which I perforce
held since I must guide her over the long, narrow, and unrailed trestle,
chilled me, and her breathing was hurried, but she moved by my side
through the gross darkness unfalteringly enough. Arrived at the gate of
the palisade, I beat upon it with the hilt of my sword, and shouted to
my men to open to us. A moment, and a dozen torches came flaring down
the bank. Diccon shot back the bolts, and we entered. The men drew up
and saluted; for I held my manor a camp, my servants soldiers, and
myself their captain.
I have seen worse favoured companies, but doubtless the woman beside me
had not. Perhaps, too, the red light of the torches, now flaring
brightly, now sunk before the wind, gave their countenances a more
villainous cast than usual. They were not all bad. Diccon had the virtue
of fidelity, if none other; there were a brace of Puritans, and a
handful of honest fools, who, if they drilled badly, yet abhorred
mutiny. But the half-dozen I had taken off Argall's hands; the Dutchmen
who might have been own brothers to those two Judases, Adam and Francis;
the thief and the highwayman I had bought from the precious crew sent us
by the King the year before; the Negro and the Indians--small wonder
that she shrank and cowered. It was but for a moment. I was yet seeking
for words sufficiently reassuring when she was herself again. She did
not deign to notice the men's awkward salute, and when Diccon, a
handsome rogue enough, advancing to light us up the bank, brushed by
her something too closely, she drew away her skirts as though he had
been a lazar. At my own door I turned and spoke to the men, who had
followed us up the ascent.
"This lady," I said, taking her hand as she stood beside me, "is my true
and lawful wife, your mistress, to be honoured and obeyed as such. Who
fails in reverence to her I hold as mutinous to myself, and will deal
with him accordingly. She gives you to-morrow for holiday, with double
rations, and to each a measure of rum. Now thank her properly."
They cheered lustily, of course, and Diccon, stepping forward, gave us
thanks in the name of them all, and wished us joy. After which, with
another cheer, they backed from out our presence, then turned and made
for their quarters, while I led my wife within the house and closed the
door.
Diccon was an ingenious scoundrel. I had told him to banish the dogs, to
have the house cleaned and lit, and supper upon the table; but I had not
ordered the floor to be strewn with rushes, the walls draped with
flowering vines, a great jar filled with sunflowers, and an illumination
of a dozen torches. Nevertheless, it looked well, and I highly approved
the capon and maize cakes, the venison pasty and ale, with which the
table was set. Through the open doors of the two other rooms were to be
seen more rushes, more flowers, and more lights.
To the larger of these rooms I now led the way, deposited her bundle
upon the settle, and saw that Diccon had provided fair water for her
face and hands; which done, I told her that supper waited upon her
convenience, and went back to the great room.
She was long in coming, so long that I grew impatient and went to call
her. The door was ajar, and so I saw her, kneeling in the middle of the
floor, her head thrown back, her hands raised and clasped, on her face
terror and anguish of spirit written so large that I started to see it.
I stared in amazement, and, had I followed my first impulse, would have
gone to her, as I would have gone to any other creature in so dire
distress. On second thoughts I went noiselessly back to my station in
the great room. She had not seen me, I was sure. Nor had I long to wait.
Presently she appeared, and I could have doubted the testimony of my
eyes, so changed were the agonized face and figure of a few moments
before. Beautiful and disdainful, she moved to the table, and took the
great chair drawn before it with the air of an empress mounting a
throne. I contented myself with the stool.
She ate nothing, and scarcely touched the canary I poured for her. I
pressed upon her wine and viands--in vain; I strove to make
conversation--equally in vain. Finally, tired of "yes" and "no" uttered
as though she were reluctantly casting pearls before swine, I desisted,
and applied myself to my supper in a silence as sullen as her own. At
last we rose from table, and I went to look to the fastenings of door
and windows, and returning found her standing in the centre of the room,
her head up and her hands clenched at her sides. I saw that we were to
have it out then and there, and I was glad of it.
"You have something to say," I said. "I am quite at your command," and I
went and leaned against the chimneypiece.
The low fire upon the hearth burnt lower still before she broke the
silence. When she did speak it was slowly, and with a voice which was
evidently controlled only by a strong effort of a strong will. She
said:--
"When--yesterday, to-day, ten thousand years ago--you went from this
horrible forest down to that wretched village yonder, to those huts that
make your London, you went to buy you a wife?"
"Yes, madam," I answered. "I went with that intention."
"You had made your calculation? In your mind you had pitched upon such
and such an article, with such and such qualities, as desirable?
Doubtless you meant to get your money's worth?"
"Doubtless," I said dryly.
"Will you tell me what you were inclined to consider its equivalent?"
I stared at her, much inclined to laugh. The interview promised to be
interesting.
"I went to Jamestown to get me a wife," I said at length, "because I had
pledged my word that I would do so. I was not over-anxious. I did not
run all the way. But, as you say, I intended to do the best I could for
myself; one hundred and twenty pounds of tobacco being a considerable
sum, and not to be lightly thrown away. I went to look for a mistress
for my house, a companion for my idle hours, a rosy, humble, docile
lass, with no aspirations beyond cleanliness and good temper, who was to
order my household and make me a home. I was to be her head and her law,
but also her sword and shield. That is what I went to look for."
"And you found--me!" she said, and broke into strange laughter.
I bowed.
"In God's name, why did you not go further?"
I suppose she saw in my face why I went no further, for into her own the
colour came flaming.
"I am not what I seem!" she cried out. "I was not in that company of
choice!"
I bowed again. "You have no need to tell me that, madam," I said. "I
have eyes. I desire to know why you were there at all, and why you
married me."
She turned from me, until I could see nothing but the coiled wealth of
her hair and the bit of white neck between it and the ruff. We stood so
in silence, she with bent head and fingers clasping and unclasping, I
leaning against the wall and staring at her, for what seemed a long
time. At least I had time to grow impatient, when she faced me again,
and all my irritation vanished in a gasp of admiration.
Oh, she was beautiful, and of a sweetness most alluring and fatal! Had
Medea worn such a look, sure Jason had quite forgot the fleece, and with
those eyes Circe had needed no other charm to make men what she would.
Her voice, when she spoke, was no longer imperious; it was low pleading
music. And she held out entreating hands.
"Have pity on me," she said. "Listen kindly, and have pity on me. You
are a strong man and wear a sword. You can cut your way through trouble
and peril. I am a woman, weak, friendless, helpless. I was in distress
and peril, and I had no arm to save, no knight to fight my battle. I do
not love deceit. Ah, do not think that I have not hated myself for the
lie I have been. But these forest creatures that you take,--will they
not bite against springe and snare? Are they scrupulous as to how they
free themselves? I too was in the toils of the hunter, and I too was not
scrupulous. There was a thing of which I stood in danger that would have
been bitterer to me, a thousand times, than death. I had but one
thought, to escape; how, I did not care,--only to escape. I had a
waiting woman, named Patience Worth. One night she came to me, weeping.
She had wearied of service, and had signed to go to Virginia as one of
Sir Edwyn Sandys' maids, and at the last moment her heart had failed
her. There had been pressure brought to bear upon me that day,--I had
been angered to the very soul. I sent her away with a heavy bribe, and
in her dress and under her name I fled from--I went aboard that ship. No
one guessed that I was not the Patience Worth to whose name I answered.
No one knows now,--none but you, none but you."
"And why am I so far honoured, madam?" I said bluntly.
She crimsoned, then went white again. She was trembling now through her
whole frame. At last she broke out: "I am not of that crew that came to
marry! To me you are the veriest stranger,--you are but the hand at
which I caught to draw myself from a pit that had been digged for me. It
was my hope that this hour would never come. When I fled, mad for
escape, willing to dare anything but that which I left behind, I
thought, 'I may die before that ship with its shameless cargo sets
sail.' When the ship set sail, and we met with stormy weather, and there
was much sickness aboard, I thought, 'I may drown or I may die of the
fever.' When, this afternoon, I lay there in the boat, coming up this
dreadful river through the glare of the lightning, and you thought I
slept, I was thinking, 'The bolts may strike me yet, and all will be
well.' I prayed for that death, but the storm passed. I am not without
shame. I know that you must think all ill of me, that you must feel
yourself gulled and cheated. I am sorry--that is all I can say--I am
sorry. I am your wife--I was married to you to-day--but I know you not
and love you not. I ask you to hold me as I hold myself, a guest in your
house, nothing more. I am quite at your mercy. I am entirely friendless,
entirely alone. I appeal to your generosity, to your honour----"
Before I could prevent her she was kneeling to me, and she would not
rise, though I bade her do so.
I went to the door, unbarred it, and looked out into the night, for the
air within the room stifled me. It was not much better outside. The
clouds had gathered again, and were now hanging thick and low. From the
distance came a rumble of thunder, and the whole night was dull, heavy,
and breathless. Hot anger possessed me: anger against Rolfe for
suggesting this thing to me; anger against myself for that unlucky
throw; anger, most of all, against the woman who had so cozened me. In
the servants' huts, a hundred yards away, lights were still burning,
against rule, for the hour was late. Glad that there was something I
could rail out against, I strode down upon the men, and caught them
assembled in Diccon's cabin, dicing for to-morrow's rum. When I had
struck out the light with my rapier, and had rated the rogues to their
several quarters, I went back through the gathering storm to the
brightly-lit, flower-decked room, and to Mistress Percy.
She was still kneeling, her hands at her breast, and her eyes, wide and
dark, fixed upon the blackness without the open door. I went up to her
and took her by the hand.
"I am a gentleman, madam," I said. "You need have no fear of me. I pray
you to rise."
She stood up at that, and her breath came hurriedly through her parted
lips, but she did not speak.
"It grows late, and you must be weary," I continued. "Your room is
yonder. I trust that you will sleep well. Good-night."
I bowed low, and she curtsied to me. "Good-night," she said.
On her way to the door, she brushed against the rack wherein hung my
weapons. Among them was a small dagger. Her quick eye caught its gleam,
and I saw her press closer to the wall and with her right hand strive
stealthily to detach the blade from its fastening. She did not
understand the trick. Her hand dropped to her side, and she was passing
on, when I crossed the room, loosened the dagger, and offered it to her,
with a smile and a bow. She flushed scarlet and bit her lips, but she
took it.
"There are bars to the door within," I said. "Again, good-night."
"Good-night," she answered, and, entering the room, she shut the door. A
moment more, and I heard the heavy bars drop into place.