THE EVOLUTION OF TOMMY'S PRIVATE-SCHOOL REPORT.

1. _A rough draught, written by the under-master, who certainly has

had rather a trying week with_ TOMMY.

"I am unable to speak highly of either his intelligence or his

industry; but occasionally he works well, and has undoubtedly made

some progress this term. His conduct is not always good."

2. _Second rough draught_; TOMMY _in the meantime has missed a

repetition and accidentally knocked down the black-board._

"Exceptionally stupid and idle. Cannot be said to have made any

progress whatever this term, although he has had every effort made

with him. His conduct is abominable, noisy and unruly in the extreme."

3. _Fair copy to be submitted to the principal; of course_, TOMMY _had

not intended to be overheard when he spoke of the under-master as_

"_Old Pig-face_," _but this is the result._

"A more idle and utterly worthless boy it has never been my misfortune

to teach. Seems to have gone steadily backward all the term. Is most

objectionable in his manners, and has no sense of honour."

4. _Fair copy, as amended by the principal; how was_ TOMMY _to

know that stone would break the conservatory window, and drive the

principal to alter the report to this?_

"Would be better suited in a reformatory than in a school of this

standing. Utterly depraved, vicious and idle, with marked criminal

instincts. In intellect verges on the imbecile. Unless there is a

marked improvement next term, I cannot keep him."

5. _Principal's final copy; it_ was _fortunate that_ TOMMY _happened

to remark that he had four cousins who were, perhaps, coming next

term. One can't lose four pupils, even if it makes it necessary to

write like this._

"A singularly bright and high-spirited boy; a little given to

mischief, as all boys are, but quite amenable to discipline. My

assistant speaks most highly of his progress this term, and of his

general intelligence. He seems well suited by our system. His conduct

is, on the whole, admirable. He is truthful and conscientious."

* * * * *

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 24, 1891 · 第 30 / 31 题