SCENE--_A Balcony outside the Musik-Saal of the Insel Hotel,
Constance. Miss PRENDERGAST is seated; CULCHARD is leaning
against the railing close by. It is about nine; the moon has
risen, big and yellow, behind the mountains at the further
end of the lake; small black boats are shooting in and out of
her track upon the water; the beat of the steamers' paddles
is heard as they come into harbour. CULCHARD has just
proposed._
_Miss Prendergast_ (_after a silence_). I have always felt very
strongly with RUSKIN, that no girl should have the cruelty to refuse a
proposal--
_Culchard_ (_with alacrity_). RUSKIN is always so right.
And--er--where there is such complete sympathy in tastes and ideas, as
I venture to think exists in our own case, the cruelty would--
[Illustration: "It does seem rather rough on fellows, don't you
know."]
_Miss P._ Pray allow me to finish! "Refuse a proposal _at once_" is
RUSKIN's expression. He also says (if my memory does not betray me),
that "no lover should have the insolence to think of being accepted at
once." You will find the passage somewhere in "_Fors_."
_Culch._ (_whose jaw has visibly fallen_). I cannot say I recall it
at this moment. Does he hold that a lover should expect to be accepted
by--er--instalments, because, if so--
_Miss P._ I think I can quote his exact words. "If she simply doesn't
like him, she may send him away for seven years--"
_Culch._ (_stiffly_). No doubt that course is open to her. But why
seven, and where is he expected to go?
_Miss P._ (_continuing calmly_). "He vowing to live on cresses and
wear sackcloth meanwhile, or the like penance."
_Culch._ I feel bound to state at once that, in my own case, my
position at Somerset House would render anything of that sort utterly
impracticable.
_Miss P._ Wait, please,--you are so impetuous. "If she likes him a
little,"--(_CULCHARD's brow relaxes_)--"or thinks she might come to
like him in time, she may let him stay near her,"--(_CULCHARD makes
a movement of relief and gratitude_)--"putting him always on sharp
trial, and requiring, figuratively, as many lion-skins or giants'
heads as she thinks herself worth."
_Culch._ (_grimly_). "Figuratively" is a distinct concession on
RUSKIN's part. Still, I should be glad to know--
_Miss P._ If you will have a little more patience, I will make myself
clear. I have always determined that when the--ah--occasion presented
itself, I would deal with it on Ruskinian principles. I propose in
your case--presuming of course that you are willing to be under vow
for me--to adopt a middle course.
_Culch._ You are extremely good. And what precise form of--er--penance
did you think of?
_Miss P._ The trial I impose is, that you leave Constance
to-morrow--with Mr. PODBURY.
_Culch._ (_firmly_). If you expect me to travel for seven years with
him, permit me to mention that I simply cannot do it. My leave expires
in three weeks.
_Miss P._ I mentioned no term, I believe. Long before three weeks
are over we shall meet again, and I shall be able to see how you
have borne the test. I wish you to correct, if possible, a certain
intolerance in your attitude towards Mr. PODBURY. Do you accept this
probation, or not?
_Culch._ I--ah--suppose I have no choice. But you really must allow me
to say that it is _not_ precisely the reception I anticipated. Still,
in your service, I am willing to endure even PODBURY--for a strictly
limited period; that I _do_ stipulate for.
_Miss P._ That, as I have already said, is quite understood. Now go
and arrange with Mr. PODBURY.
_Culch._ (_to himself, as he retires_). It is _most_ unsatisfactory;
but at least PODBURY is disposed of!
_The same Scene, a quarter of an hour later. PODBURY and
Miss PRENDERGAST._
_Podbury_ (_with a very long face_). No, I _say_, though! RUSKIN
doesn't say all that?
_Miss P._ I am not in the habit of misquoting. If you wish to verify
the quotation, however, I daresay I could find you the reference in
_Fors Clavigera_.
_Podb._ (_ruefully_). Thanks--I won't trouble you. Only it does seem
rather rough on fellows, don't you know. If everyone went on his
plan--well, there wouldn't be many marriages! Still, I never thought
you'd say "Yes" right off. It's like my cheek, I know, to ask you at
all; you're so awfully clever and that. And if there's a chance for
me, I'm game for anything in the way of a trial. Don't make it stiffer
than you can help, that's all!
_Miss P._ All I ask of you is to leave me for a short time, and go and
travel with Mr. CULCHARD again.
_Podb._ Oh, I say, Miss PRENDERGAST, you know. Make it something else.
_Do!_
_Miss P._ That is the task I require, and I can accept no other. It is
nothing, after all, but what you came out here to do.
_Podb._ I didn't know him _then_, you see. And what made me agree
to come away with him at all is beyond me. It was all HUGHIE
ROSE's doing--he said we should get on together like blazes. So we
have--_very_ like blazes!
_Miss P._ Never mind that. Are you willing to accept the trial or not?
_Podb._ If you only knew what he's like when he's nasty, you'd let
me off--you would, really. But there, to please you, I'll do it. I'll
stand him as long as ever I can--'pon my honour I will. Only you'll
make it up to me afterwards, won't you now?
_Miss P._ I will make no promises--a true knight should expect no
reward for his service, Mr. PODBURY.
_Podb._ (_blankly_). Shouldn't he? I'm a little new to the business,
you see, and it _does_ strike me--but never mind. When am I to trot
him off?
_Miss P._ As soon as you can induce him to go--to-morrow, if possible.
_Podb._ I don't believe he'll _go_, you know, for one thing!
_Miss P._ (_demurely_). I think you will find him open to persuasion.
But go and try, Mr. PODBURY.
_Podb._ (_to himself, as he withdraws_). Well, I've let myself in for
a nice thing! Rummest way of treating a proposal _I_ ever heard of.
I should just like to tell that fellow RUSKIN what I think of his
precious ideas. But there's _one_ thing, though--she can't care about
CULCHARD, or she wouldn't want him carted off like this.... Hooray, I
never thought of that before! Why, there he is, dodging about to find
out how _I've_ got on. I'll tackle him straight off.
[_CULCHARD and PODBURY meet at the head of the staircase,
and speak at the same moment._
_Culch._ Er--PODBURY it has }
occurred to me that we might-- }
} leave this place to-morrow!
_Podb._ I say, CULCHARD, we }
really ought to-- }
_Podb._ Hullo! we're both of one mind for once, eh? (_To himself_.)
Poor old beggar! Got the sack! That explains a lot. Well, I won't tell
him anything about this business just now.
_Culch._ So it appears. (_To himself_.) (Had his _quietus_, evidently.
Ah, well, I won't exult over him.
[_They go off together to consult a time-table._
_Miss. P._ (_on the balcony, musing_). Poor fellows! I couldn't very
well say anything more definite at present. By the time I see them
again, I may understand my own heart better. Really, it is rather an
exciting sensation, having two suitors under vow and doing penance at
the same time--and all for my sake! I hope, though, they won't mention
it to one another--or to BOB. BOB does not understand these things,
and he might-- But, after all, there are only _two_ of them. And
RUSKIN distinctly says that every girl who is worth _anything_ ought
always to have half-a-dozen or so. Two is really _quite_ moderate.
* * * * *