SICKNESS IN RANDOLPH.
We had lived in Randolph but six months when I took a heavy cold, which
caused a severe cough. To relieve this, every possible exertion was
made, but it was all in vain. A hectic fever set in, which threatened
to prove fatal, and the physician pronounced my case to be confirmed
consumption. During this sickness, my mother watched over me with much
anxiety, sparing herself no pains in administering to my comfort, yet I
continued to grow weaker and weaker, until I could scarcely endure even
a foot-fall upon the floor, except in stocking-foot, and no one was
allowed to speak in the room above a whisper.
While I was in this situation, a Methodist exhorter came to see me. On
coming to the door, he knocked in his usual manner, and his knocking so
agitated me that it was a considerable length of time before my nerves
became altogether quieted again. My mother motioned him to a chair, and
in a whisper informed him of my situation, which prevented his asking
me any questions. He tarried some time, and while he sat he seemed
deeply to meditate upon the uncertainty of my recovering; in the mean
time, he showed a great desire to have conversation with me respecting
my dying.
As he thus sat pondering, I fancied to myself that he was going to ask
me if I was prepared to die, and I dreaded to have him speak to me, for
then I did not consider myself ready for such an awful event, inasmuch
as I knew not the ways of Christ; besides, there appeared to be a dark
and lonesome chasm, between myself and the Savior, which I dared not
attempt to pass.
I thought I strained my eyes, and by doing so I could discern a faint
glimmer of the light that was beyond the gloom which lay immediately
before me.
When I was meditating upon death, in this manner, my visitor left; soon
after which my husband came to my bed, and took me by the hand, and
said, "Oh, Lucy! my wife! my wife! you must die! The doctors have given
you up; and all say you cannot live."
I then looked to the Lord, and begged and pleaded with him to spare my
life, in order that I might bring up my children, and be a comfort to
my husband. My mind was much agitated during the whole night. Sometimes
I contemplated heaven and heavenly things; then my thoughts would turn
upon those of earth--my babes and my companion.
During this night I made a solemn covenant with God, that, if he would
let me live, I would endeavor to serve him according to the best of my
abilities. Shortly after this, I heard a voice say to me, "Seek, and ye
shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Let your heart be
comforted; ye believe in God, believe also in me."
In a few moments my mother came in, and, looking upon me she said,
"Lucy, you are better."
I replied, as my speech returned just at that instant, "Yes, mother,
the Lord will let me live, if I am faithful to the promise which I made
to him, to be a comfort to my mother, my husband, and my children."
I continued to gain strength, until I became quite well as to my
bodily health; but my mind was considerably disquieted. It was wholly
occupied upon the subject of religion. As soon as I was able, I made
all diligence in endeavoring to find some one who was capable of
instructing me more perfectly in the way of life and salvation.
As soon as I had strength sufficient, I visited one Deacon Davies, a
man whom I regarded as exceedingly pious; and, as he was apprised of
my sudden and miraculous recovery, I expected to hear about the same
which I had heard from my mother--"The Lord has done a marvelous work;
let his name have the praise thereof." But, no: from the time I arrived
at his house until I left, I heard nothing, except, "Oh, Mrs. Smith
has come--help her in--run, build a fire, make the room warm--fill
the tea-kettle--get the great arm-chair," etc., etc. Their excessive
anxiety concerning my physical convenience and comfort, without being
seasoned with one word in relation to Christ or godliness, sickened and
disgusted me, and I returned home very sorrowful and much disappointed.
From my anxiety of mind to abide the covenant which I had made with
the Lord, I went from place to place, for the purpose of getting
information, and finding, if it were possible, some congenial spirit
who could enter into my feelings, and thus be able to strengthen and
assist me in carrying out my resolutions.
I heard that a very devout man was to preach the next Sabbath in
the Presbyterian church; I therefore went to meeting, in the full
expectation of hearing that which my soul desired--the Word of Life.
When the minister commenced speaking, I fixed my mind with deep
attention upon the spirit and matter of his discourse; but after
hearing him through, I returned home, convinced that he neither
understood nor appreciated the subject upon which he spoke, and I said
in my heart that there was not then upon earth the religion which I
sought. I therefore determined to examine my Bible, and, taking Jesus
and his disciples for my guide, to endeavor to obtain from God that
which man could neither give nor take away. Notwithstanding this,
I would hear all that could be said, as well as read much that was
written, on the subject of religion; but the Bible I intended should be
my guide to life and salvation. This course I pursued a number of years.
At length, I considered it my duty to be baptized, and, finding a
minister who was willing to baptize me, and leave me free in regard
to joining any religious denomination, I stepped forward and yielded
obedience to this ordinance; after which I continued to read the Bible
as formerly, until my eldest son had attained his twenty-second year.