Joyce and I sat in the apple orchard one May afternoon. It was not
often we sat idle; but Joyce was going away on the morrow on a visit to
Sydenham, and we wanted a few minutes' quiet together.
There was no quiet in-doors; mother was in one of her restless moods,
and Mr. Hoad was with father. I supposed he was still harping on that
subject of the elections, for I could not tell why else he should come
so often; but I could have told him that he might have spared his
pains, for that father never altered his mind.
However, on this particular occasion I was glad that he came,
for I thought that it might save father from missing Frank too
much--although, to be sure, they did not seem to get on so well as
before Frank's coming; and I fancied that there was even the suspicion
of a cloud on father's face when he closed the door after his man of
business.
Who could wonder? Who would like Hoad after Frank Forrester? For my
own part, I always avoided him, and that was why I had taken Joyce
out-of-doors.
An east wind blew from the sea, and the marsh was bleak, though
the lengthening shadows lay in soft tones across its crude spring
greenness. The sun shone, and the thorn-trees that were abloom by
the dikes made white spots along their straightness--softer memories
of the snow that had so lately vanished, kindly promise of spring to
come. Under the apple-trees, heavy with blossom, the air was blue
above the vivid emerald of the springing grass, and all around us
slenderly sturdy gray trunks and angular boughs, softened by a wealth
of rose-flushed flower, made delicate patterns upon the sky or against
the glittering sea-line beyond the marsh.
But a spring scene, with its frank, passionless beauty, its tenderness
that is all promise and no experience, its arrogance of coming life,
does sometimes put one out of heart with one's self, I think, although
it should not have had that effect on one who stood in the same
relation to life as did the spring to the year. Anyhow, I was not in
my most cheerful frame of mind that day--not quite so arrogant and
sanguine myself as was my wont.
Since the day when Captain Forrester had left the village three weeks
ago, things had not gone to my liking. In the first place, I was not
satisfied with this engagement of a year's standing, that was to be
kept a profound secret from every one around. I thought it was not fair
to Joyce. And then, and alas! I fear an even more active cause in my
depression of spirits--Mr. Trayton Harrod had been engaged as bailiff
to Knellestone farm!
Yes; never should I have expected it. It was too horrible, but it was
true. Father and mother had gone up to meet him at dinner at the Manor
two days after the captain's departure, and father had been forced to
confess that he was a quiet, sensible, straightforward fellow, without
any nonsense about him, and that there was no doubt that he knew what
he was about.
It was very mortifying to me to hear father speak of him in that way,
when I had quite made up my mind that he was sure not to know what he
was about. But it seems that I was curiously mistaken upon this point.
Far from being a mere amateur at the business, he had been carefully
educated for it at the Agricultural College at Ashford. His father
had been of opinion that his own ventures had failed because of a too
superficial knowledge of the subject--a knowledge only derived from
natural mother-wit and practical observation, and he wished his son to
labor under no such disadvantages.
I fancy Mr. Harrod's father had been, as the country-folk say, "a cut
above his neighbors" in culture and social standing, and had taken to
farming as a speculation when other things had failed. But of course
this was no reason why his son should not make a good farmer, since he
had been carefully educated to the business.
He was not wanting in practical experience either. He had done all
he could to retrieve the fortunes of his father's farm, but the
speculation was too far gone before he took the reins; and the elder
Harrod had died a ruined man, leaving his son to shift for himself.
All this I had gleaned from talk between my parents and the squire in
our own house; but it was mortifying, even though I had not guessed at
that time that there was any real danger of his coming to Knellestone.
For that had only been settled two days ago, and I could not help
fancying that Mr. Hoad was partly to blame.
Of course there was no denying that father had been ill again--not so
seriously ill as in the winter, but incapacitated for active life.
He had not been able to mount his horse nor to walk farther than the
garden plot at the top of the terrace for over a fortnight.
The doctor had suggested a bath-chair; but the idea of a farmer being
seen in a bath-chair was positively insulting, and I would rather
have seen him shut in-doors for a month than showing himself to the
neighbors in such a plight. The idea was abandoned; but gradually, and
without any sign, his mind came round to the plan which he had at first
so violently repudiated--that of a bailiff for Knellestone.
I do not know whether it was really Mr. Hoad who had anything to do
with his decision. He certainly had influence over father, and had
been very often at the Grange of late, but it may have been merely the
effect which Mr. Harrod himself produced. Anyhow, a fortnight or so
after the dinner at the Manor, father announced to us abruptly at the
dinner-table that he had that morning written to engage "that young man
of the squire's" to come to Knellestone. His manner had been so queer
when he said it that nobody had questioned him further on the matter;
and as for me, I had been so thoroughly knocked down by the news that I
do not think I had spoken to father since!
If my sister's departure had not been arranged--and in a great measure
arranged by me--before this news had come, I am sure that I should not
have suggested it; for it was the first time in our lives that we had
been parted, and, reserved as I was, I felt that I wanted Joyce to be
there during this family crisis.
She at least never allowed herself to be ruffled, and though this
characteristic had its annoying side, there was comfort in it; and
just at that particular moment we needed a soother, for the family was
altogether in a somewhat ruffled condition.
Father was cross because of what he had been driven into doing with
regard to the bailiff. Mother was cross because the squire had not
proposed for Joyce, and Captain Forrester had. And I was cross--more
cross than any one--because I was an opinionated young woman, and
wanted to have a finger in the management of every pie.
It was a good thing that Joyce took even her own share in these matters
more quietly than I took it for her. Nevertheless, even she was a
little dismal that evening. How was it possible that she could be happy
parted, without even the solace of correspondence, from the man whom
she loved? I believe in my secret soul I set Joyce down as wanting
in feeling for not fretting more than she did; but she _was_ out of
spirits, and mother had agreed with me that Joyce was pale, and had
better choose this time for a visit to Aunt Naomi, which had been a
promise for a long time. And now it was impossible to put it off.
Joyce came back from a dream with a little sigh, and turned towards me.
"Well, did you see Mr. Trayton Harrod this morning, Margaret?" asked
she. "Deborah says he was here to see father. When does he come for
good?"
"I don't know," answered I, shortly. "I know nothing at all about Mr.
Trayton Harrod." Joyce sighed a little. "Deborah says he is a plain
kind of man," continued she--"very tall and broad, and very short in
his manners."
"He can't be too short in his manner for me," answered I. "He'll find
me short too."
Joyce stretched out her hand and laid it on mine. It was a great
deal for her to do. In the first place, we were not given to outward
demonstrations of affection; and in the second place, Joyce knew that I
abhorred sympathy, and that from my earliest childhood I had always hit
out at people who dared to pity me for my hurts.
"Dear Margaret," said she, "I want you not to be so much set against
this young man. Father said he was a straightforward, good sort of
fellow, you know; and you can't be sure that he will be disagreeable
until you know him."
"I don't suppose he is going to be disagreeable at all," declared I.
"He may be the most delightful man in the world; I've no doubt he is.
I only say that he is nothing to me. I shall have nothing to do with
him, and I sha'n't know whether he is delightful or not."
"Well, if you begin like that, it _will_ be setting yourself against
him," said Joyce, bravely. She paused a moment, and then added, "I'm in
hopes it will be a good thing for father. I've often thought of late
that the work was too hard for him. Father's not the man he was."
"Father's all right," insisted I. "It's always the strongest men who
have the gout. You'll see father will walk the young ones off the
ground yet when it comes to a day's work. A man can work for his
own--he works whether he be tired or not; but a hireling--why should a
hireling work when he hasn't a mind to? It's nothing to him; he gets
his wage anyway."
This theory seemed to trouble Joyce a bit, for she was silent.
"No," said I, "it'll be no go. He won't understand anything at all
about it, and all he will do will be to set everybody by the ears."
"I don't see why that need be," persisted Joyce. "The squire says that
he has been brought up to hard work, and that he has quite a remarkable
knowledge of the country."
"Yes, what good did his knowledge of the country do him?" asked I,
scornfully. "He managed his father's farm in Kent, and his father died
a bankrupt. I don't call that much of a recommendation."
I had been obliged to come down from my high horse as to this friend of
the squire's being one of his own class, an impoverished gentleman who
wanted a living, for there was no doubt that he had been born and bred
on a farm, and had been, moreover, specially educated to his work, but
I had managed to find out something else in his disfavor nevertheless.
My sister was puzzled as to how to answer this.
"I did not know that that was so," said she.
"Of course it is so," repeated I. "That's why he must needs take a job."
"Poor fellow!" murmured Joyce.
"Nonsense!" cried I. "He ought to have been able to save the farm from
ruin. It's no good pitying people for the misfortunes they bring upon
themselves. The weak always go to the wall."
I did myself injustice with this speech. It did not really express my
feelings at all, but my temper was up.
Joyce looked pained. "Perhaps the affairs of the farm were too bad to
be set right before he took up the management," suggested she. "At all
events, I suppose father knows best."
"I can't understand father," exclaimed I, hastily. "He seems to me to
take much more interest in plans for saving pauper children than he
does in working his own land."
"Oh, Margaret! how can you say such a thing?" cried Joyce, aghast. "You
know that father is often laid by, and unable to go round the farm."
"Yes, yes, I know," I hastened to answer, ashamed of my outburst, and
remembering that I was flatly contradicting what I had said two minutes
before. "Nobody really has the interest in the place that father has,
of course. That's why I don't want him to take a paid bailiff. When he
is laid by he can manage it through me."
"I'm afraid that never answers," said Joyce, shaking her head; "I'm
afraid business matters need a man. People always seem to take
advantage of a woman."
I tried to laugh. "I wonder what Deborah would say to that?" I said,
trying to turn the matter into a joke.
"Deborah doesn't attempt anything out of her own province," answered
Joyce.
It was another of her quiet home-thrusts. She little guessed how they
hurt, or she would never have dealt them--she who could not bear to
hurt a fly.
"Margaret," began she again, her mind still set on that conciliatory
project which she had undertaken, "do promise me one thing before I go.
I don't like going away, and it makes me worse to think you will be
working yourself up into a fever of annoyance at what can't be helped.
Do promise me that you won't begin by being set against the young man.
It'll make it very uncomfortable for everybody if you are, and you
won't be any the happier. You can be so nice when you like."
I looked at her, surprised. It was so very rarely that Joyce came out
of her shell to take this kind of line. It showed it must have been
working in her mind for long.
"Yes, dear, yes," said I, really touched by her anxiety, "I'll try and
be nice."
"You do take things so hard," continued she, "and it's no use taking
things hard. Now, if you liked you might help father still, with Mr.
Harrod, and he might be quite a pleasant addition to your life."
"That's ridiculous, Joyce," I answered, sharply. "You must see that
he and I could never be friends. All I can promise is not to make it
harder for him to settle down among the folk, for it'll be hard enough.
However clever the squire may think him, he won't understand this
country, nor this weather, nor these people at first, there's no doubt
of that. He'll make lots of mistakes. But there, for pity's sake don't
let's talk any more about him," cried I, hastily. "I'm sick of the man;
and on our last evening too, when I've such a lot to say to you."
"What have you to say to me?" asked my sister, looking round suddenly,
and with an uneasy look in her face.
"Oh, come, you needn't look like that," laughed I. "It's nothing horrid
like what you have been saying to me. It's about Captain Forrester."
Her face grew none the less grave. "What about him?" asked she, in a
low voice.
"Well, I'm going to fight for you, Joyce, while you're away," said I.
"I don't think you've been over-pleased about having to go to Aunt
Naomi, and perhaps you have owed me a grudge for having had a finger in
settling it. It will be dull for you boxed up with the old lady and her
rheumatism, but you must bear in mind that I shall be working for you
here, better than, maybe, I could if you were by."
"Why, Meg, what do you want to do?" asked my sister, aghast.
"I'm going to get mother to make your engagement shorter," said I,
getting up and standing in front of her, "and I'm going to make her
allow you and Frank to write to one another."
"Oh, Meg, how can you?" gasped Joyce.
"Well, I'm going to," repeated I, doggedly. She did not reply. She
clasped her hands in her lap with a nervous movement, and dropped her
eyes upon them.
"Mother said that the year's engagement was so that you and Captain
Forrester should learn to be quite sure of yourselves. Now, how are you
to be any surer of yourselves than you are now if you don't get to know
one another any better? And how are you going to know one another any
better if you never see one another, and never write to one another?"
Joyce paused before she replied. She lifted her eyes and fixed them on
the channel, of which the long, tortuous curves, winding across the
marsh to the sea, were blue now with an opaque color in the growing
grayness of the evening.
"Perhaps mother don't wish us to know one another any better. Perhaps
she wishes us to forget one another," said she at last, slowly.
"I know mother wants you to forget one another, because she wants you
to marry the squire," said I, bluntly, "but father doesn't."
"Oh, Meg, don't," whispered Joyce.
"Well, of course you know it," laughed I, a little ashamed of myself,
"and you know that I know it. But you never would have married him,
dear, so mother is none the worse off if you marry Captain Forrester,
and you are not going to forget him because they want you to."
"No," murmured she. "But oh, Meg," she added, hastily rising too, and
taking my hand, "I don't want you to say anything to them about it.
It's settled now, and it's far best as it is. I had far rather let it
be, and take my chance."
"What do you mean by taking your chance?" cried I. "You mean to say
that you can trust to your lover not to forget you? Well, I suppose
you can. He worships you, and I suppose one may fairly expect even a
man to be faithful one little year. But, meanwhile, you will both of
you be unhappy instead of being comparatively happy, as you would be
if you could write to one another and see one another sometimes. Now,
that seems to me to be useless, and I don't see why it need be. At all
events, I shall try to prevent it."
"You're a good, faithful old Meg, as true as steel," said Joyce,
tenderly, taking my hand; "and I suppose you can't understand how I
feel, because we are so different. But I want you to believe that I
would much rather wait. Indeed, I would much rather wait."
I gazed at her in silence. Once more there stole over me a strange
feeling of awe, born of the conviction that Joyce had floated slowly
away from me on the bosom of a stream that was to me unknown. Whither
did it lead, and what was it like? What was this "being in love," of
which I had dreamed of late--for her if not for myself? I laughed
constrainedly.
"Well, I never was in love," said I, "and perhaps I never shall be. But
I feel pretty sure that when a girl loves a man and he loves her, being
parted must be like going about without a piece of one's own self. No,
Joyce, you can't deceive me. I know that you want to see him every hour
and every minute of your life, and that when you don't something goes
wrong inside you all the while."
Joyce sighed gently, and drew her shawl around her. "You're so
impetuous," sighed she. "Liking one person doesn't make one forget
every one else."
"_Liking_, no," said I, and then I stopped.
The marsh-land had grown dark with a passing cloud, and the aspens on
the cliff shivered in the rising wind. A window opened in the house
behind, and Deborah's voice came calling to us across the lawn.
"Well, whatever you two must needs go catching your deaths of cold out
there for, I don't know," cried she, as we came up to her. "And not so
much as a young man to keep you company! Oh, there's two dismal faces!"
laughed she, as I pushed past her. "Well, I was wiser in my time. The
men never gave me no thoughts--good nor bad."
"No, you never got any one to mind you then as Reuben minds you now,"
cried I.
But Joyce stopped the retort by asking what we were wanted for.
"There's company in the parlor," answered she, speaking to me still.
"The squire's come to bid Miss Joyce good-bye, and there's your friend
Mr. Hoad."
I made no answer to this thrust, but as we passed through the passage,
the door of father's room opened, and the voice of Mr. Hoad said,
with a laugh: "No, I'm afraid you will never get any good out of him.
A brilliant talker, a charming fellow, but no backbone in him. I was
deceived in him myself at first, but he's no go. I should think the
less any one reckoned on him for anything the better."
"You don't understand him," began father, warmly; but he stopped,
seeing us.
My cheeks flushed with anger. There was a grin on Deborah's face, but
my sister's was serene.
She could not have understood.