Paul Schlieben was sitting in his private office, in the red armchair
he had had placed there for his comfort. But he was not leaning back in
it, he was sitting very uncomfortably, straight up, and he looked like
a man who has made a disagreeable discovery. How could the boy have
contracted debts--with such ample pocket-money? And then that he had
not the courage to come and say: "Father, I've spent too much, help
me," was simply incomprehensible. Was he such a severe father that his
son had reason to fear him? Did the fear drive out love? He reviewed
his own conduct; he really could not reproach himself for having been
too strict. If he had not always been so yielding as Kate--she was too
yielding--he had always thought he had repeatedly shown the boy that he
was fond of him. And had he not also--just lately--thought the boy was
fond of him too? More fond of him than before? Wolfgang had just grown
sensible, had seen that they had his welfare at heart, that he was his
parents' dear son, their ever-increasing delight, their hope--nay, now
that they had grown old, their whole future. How was it that he
preferred to go to others, to people with whom he had nothing to do,
and borrow from them instead of asking his father?
The man took up a letter from his writing-desk with a
grieved look, read it through once more, although he had already read
it three or four times, and then laid it back again with a gesture of
vexation. In it Braumueller, who had lately retired from the firm and
was at present in Switzerland for his health and recreation, wrote that
the boy had already borrowed money from him several times. Not that he
would not gladly give him it, that did not matter to him in the
slightest, but still he considered it his duty--&c., &c.
"The fact is, dear Schlieben, the boy has got into a fast set. I'm
awfully sorry to have to tell tales about him, but I cannot put it off
any longer, as he goes to others just as well as he comes to me. And it
would be extremely painful, of course, if the son of Messrs. Schlieben
& Co., to whom I still count myself as belonging with the old devotion,
should become common talk. Don't take it amiss, old friend. I make the
boy a present of all he owes me; I am fond of him and have also been
young. But I am quite pleased to have no children, it is a deucedly
difficult job to train one. Good-bye, remember me very kindly to your
wife, it is splendid here ..."
The man stared over the top of the paper with a frown; this letter,
which had been written with such good intentions and was so kind, hurt
him. It hurt him that Wolfgang had so little confidence in him with
respect to this matter. Was he not straightforward? He remembered very
distinctly that he had always been truthful as a child, had been so
outspoken as to offend--he had been rude, but never given to lying.
Could he have changed so now? How was that, and why?
The man resolved not to mention anything about the letter, but to
ask Wolfgang when he found an opportunity--but it must be as soon as
possible--in what condition his money matters were. Then he would
hear.
He quite longed to ask the question, and still he did not
say a word when Wolfgang entered the private room soon afterwards
without knocking, as all the others did, and with all the careless
assurance of a son. He sat down astride on his father's writing-desk,
quite unmindful of the fact that his light trousers came into
unpleasant contact with the ink-stand. The air out of doors was clear
and the sun shone brightly; he brought a large quantity of both with
him into the room that was always kept dark, cool and secluded.
"Had something to vex you, pater?" What fancies could the old
gentleman have got hold of now? Certainly nothing of importance. On the
whole, who could feel vexed in such delightful, pleasant summer
weather?
Wolfgang loved the sun. As he had gazed admiringly at the small copy
of it when a child, the round yellow sunflower in his garden, so he
still delighted in it. If the perspiration stood in drops on his brown
skin, he would push his white panama hat a little further back from his
forehead, but he never drew his breath more freely, easily, and felt
less oppressed.
"It was splendid, pater," he said, and his eyes gleamed. "First of
all I swam the whole width of the lake three times, there and back and
there and back and there and back again without stopping. What do you
say to that?"
"Much too tiring, very thoughtless," remarked Paul Schlieben, not
without some anxiety. Indeed Hofmann was not at all anxious that the
boy should swim.
"Thoughtless? Fatiguing? Ha ha!" Wolfgang thought it great fun.
"That's a mere trifle to me. I've really missed my vocation, you know.
You ought not to have put me into an office. I ought to have been a
swimmer, a rider or--well, a cowboy in the Wild West."
He had said it in joke without meaning anything, but it seemed to
the man, who suddenly looked at him with eyes that had grown
suspicious, that something serious, an accusation, was concealed behind
the joke. What did he want then? Did he want to gallop through life
like an unrestrained boy?
"Well, your sporting capacities will be of use to you when you are a
soldier," he said coolly. "At present what you have to do here is of
more importance. Have you drawn up the contract for delivery for White
Brothers? Show it to me."
"Directly."
Wolfgang disappeared; but it was some time before he returned. Had
he only done the work now, which he had been told was urgent and was to
be done carefully? The ink was still quite fresh, the writing was very
careless, even if legible; it was no business hand. Schlieben frowned;
he was strangely irritable to-day. At any other time he would have been
struck by the celerity with which the boy had finished the work he had
neglected; but to-day the careless writing, the inkspots in the margin,
the slipshod manner in which it had all been done, which seemed to him
to point to a want of interest, vexed him.
"Hm!" He examined it once more critically. "When did you do
this?"
"When you gave me it to do." The tone in which Wolfgang said this
was so unabashed that it was impossible to doubt it.
The man felt quite ashamed of himself. How a seed of suspicion
grows! He had really wronged his son this time. But that question of
the money still remained, the boy had not been open and honest in that.
It seemed to the father that he could not quite rely on his son any
more now.
It was hardly noon when Wolfgang left the office again. He had
arranged to meet a couple of acquaintances in the Imperial Cafe not far
from the Linden; he would have to have something to eat, and
whether he had his lunch there or somewhere else was of no consequence;
a sandwich, which was all his father took with him from home, was not
sufficient for him after swimming and riding.
Then he showed himself again at the office for an hour in the
afternoon, but in his tennis clothes this time, in white shoes, a
racket in his hand.
When Wolfgang left the West End tennis-ground that afternoon, hot
and red--the games had been long and obstinate--and went across to the
Zoological Gardens' Station, he hesitated as he stood at the entrance
to it. He did not feel as if he wanted to go home at all. Should he not
drive into town again instead? As a matter of fact he did not feel
tempted to go into the streets either, which the drifting crowds made
still closer; it was better in the suburbs, where there was at least a
breath of fresh air blowing over the villa--but then he would have to
sit with his parents. And if his father were in just as bad a humour as
he had been at the office that morning, it would be awful. Then it
would be better to find some friend or other in Berlin. If only he had
not had his tennis suit on. That hindered him. He was still standing
undecided when he suddenly saw in the crowd that now, when work was
over and free-time come, was winding its way through the entrance to
the station like a long worm and dividing itself into arms to go up the
steps to the right and left, a mass of fair hair gleaming under a white
sailor-hat trimmed with a blue velvet band and pressed down on a
forehead, which seemed well-known to him. It was beautiful fair silky
hair, smooth and shining; carelessly arranged in an enormous knot to
all appearances, but in reality with much care. And now he recognised
the blue eyes and the pert little nose under the straw hat. Frida
Laemke! Oh, what a long time since he had seen her. He suddenly
remembered the hundreds of times he had neglected them. How little he
had troubled himself about those good people. That was very wrong of
him. And all at once it seemed to him that he had missed them always,
the whole time. He reached her side with one bound like an impetuous
boy, not noticing that he trod on a dress here and that he gave
somebody a shove in the side there.
"Frida!"
She gave a little start. Who had accosted her so boldly?
"How do, Frida. How are you?"
She did not recognise him at first, but then she blushed and pouted.
What a gentleman Wolfgang had grown. And she answered a little pertly,
a little affectedly: "Very well, thanks, Mr. Wolfgang. Are you quite
well too?" and she threw her fair head back and laughed.
He would not hear of her calling him "Mr. Wolfgang." "Nonsense, what
are you thinking of?" And he was so cordial, so quite the Wolfgang of
former years, that she was soon on the old terms with him again. She
dropped her affectation entirely. They walked beside each other as
intimately as if almost a year had not passed since last they had
talked together.
"Young lovers," thought many a one who came across them strolling
along near the coppices in the Tiergarten. They had let their train
go--he had no wish to hurry home, at any rate--and so they walked
further and further in among the green trees, where it was already dark
and where even his light tennis suit and her light blouse could not be
distinguished any longer. The nightingales had grown silent long ago;
all that was heard was a girl's soft laugh now and then, which sounded
like the cooing of a dove, and the low whispers of invisible couples.
Whispers came from the benches that stood in the dark, summer dresses
rustled, burning cigars gleamed like glow-worms; all the seats
one came across were occupied. It was extremely close in the park.
Wolfgang and Frida spoke of Frau Laemke. "She's always ill, she has
had to go to the doctor so often," said the girl, and her voice
trembled with sincere grief. Wolfgang was very sorry.
When Frida came home that evening extremely late--the house had been
closed long before; Frau Laemke had already begun to get nervous, and
did not know how she should keep the roast potatoes warm--she threw her
arms round her mother's neck: "Mother, mummy, don't scold." And then it
came out with a rush, that she had met Wolfgang: "Wolfgang Schlieben,
you know. He was so nice, mother, you can't think how nice he was. Not
the slightest bit stuck-up. And he asked at once how you were, and when
I told him you had something the matter with your stomach and your
nerves, he was so sorry. And he said: 'You must get your mother out in
this beautiful weather,' and he gave me this bank-note--here, do you
see it, a green one. I did not want to take it on any account, what
would people think of it?--but he was so strong, he stuffed it into my
hand. I could have screamed, he pulled my fingers apart so--are you
angry, mother, that I took it? I didn't want to, I really didn't want
to. But he said, 'It's for your mother.' And 'Do be sensible, Frida.'"
Frida almost cried, she felt so touched and so grateful.
Frau Laemke took it more calmly. "Perhaps I can go to Eberswald to
my brother, or even to my sister in the Riesengebirge. And I'll give up
the places where I clean for a few weeks, that will do me an enormous
amount of good. The good boy, that was nice of him, that he thought of
his old friend. Hm, he can do it too. What are fifty marks to people
like him?"
When Wolfgang had taken Frida to her door he had strolled on slowly,
his racket under his arm, his hands in the pockets of his wide
trousers. A sky, richly spangled with stars, extended over his head,
innumerable golden eyes watching him with a kind twinkle. There were no
more wheels to be heard, no crowds of pedestrians whirled up the dust
of the street any longer. What the dust-carts, passing backwards and
forwards during the day, had not been able to do, the night-dew had
done. The loose sand had been settled, a cool freshness rose up out of
the earth, one could smell the trees and bushes; a fragrance of flowers
ascended from the beds in the gardens that the darkness had swallowed
up. Wolfgang drew a deep breath of delight and whistled softly; his
heart was full of peace and joy; now it was a good thing he was not
wandering about in Berlin. It had been so nice with Frida. What a lot
they had had to talk about--and then--he was really awfully pleased to
be able to help Frau Laemke a little.
He came home thoroughly happy.
"The master and mistress have had their supper long ago," Friedrich
took the liberty of remarking with a certain reproach--the young
gentleman was really too unpunctual.
"Well, can't be helped," said Wolfgang. "Tell the cook she's to
prepare me something quickly, a cutlet or some beefsteak, or--what else
was there for supper this evening? I'm ravenous."
Friedrich looked at him quite taken aback. Now! at half past ten?
The master or the mistress had never thought of asking for such a
thing--a warm supper at half past ten? He stood hesitating.
"Well, am I soon going to get something?" the young gentleman called
to him over his shoulder, and went into the dining-room.
His parents were still sitting at the table--both were reading--but
the table was empty.
"Good evening," said the boy, "is the table cleared already?" You
could plainly hear the surprise in his voice.
"So there you are!" His father nodded to him but did not look up; he
seemed to be quite taken up with his reading. And his mother said: "Are
you going to sit with us a little?"
All at once the lad shivered. It had been so nice and warm outside,
here it was cool.
And then everything was quiet for a while, until Friedrich came in
with a tray on which there was only a little cold meat, bread, butter
and cheese beside the knife and fork. It struck Wolfgang how loudly he
rattled the things; the housemaid generally waited. "Where's
Marie?"
"In bed," said his mother curtly.
"Already?" Wolfgang wondered why to himself. Hark, the clock in his
mother's room was just striking--eleven? Was it actually already eleven
o'clock? They would really have to be quick and get him something to
eat, he was dying for want of food. He fixed his eyes on the door
through which Friedrich had disappeared. Was something soon coming?
He waited.
"Eat something." His mother pushed the dish with cold meat nearer to
him.
"Why don't you eat?" asked his father suddenly.
"Oh, I am still waiting."
"There's nothing more," said his mother, and her face, which looked
so extremely weary like the face of one who has waited long in vain,
flushed slightly.
"Nothing else?--nothing more?--why?" The boy looked exceedingly
disappointed. He glanced from his mother to the table, then to
the sideboard and then round the room as though searching for
something.
"Haven't you had anything else to eat?"
"Yes, we have had something else--but if you don't come--" His
father knit his brows, and then he looked straight at his son for the
first time that evening, surveying him with a grave glance. "You can't
possibly expect to find a warm supper, when you come home so
unpunctually."
"But you--you are not obliged to"--the young man swallowed the
rest--he would have much preferred it had his parents not sat there
waiting for him; the servants would have done what was expected of
them.
"Perhaps you think the servants don't require their night's rest?"
said his father, as though he had guessed his thought. "The maids, who
have been in the kitchen the whole day, want to have done in the
evening as well as other people. So you must come earlier if you want
to have supper with us. Moreover, I don't suppose it will harm a young
fellow to get nothing but a piece of bread and butter for his supper
for once in a way. Besides, you who--" he was going to say "you who get
such a good dinner"--but the young man's face, which expressed such
immeasurable astonishment, irritated him, and he said in a loud and,
contrary to his custom, angry voice, angrier than he had intended:
"You--are you entitled to make such claims? How can you think of doing
so, you especially?" A movement made by his wife, the rustling of her
dress, reminded him of her presence, and he continued more temperately,
but with a certain angry scorn: "Perhaps you do too much? Two hours at
the office in the morning--hardly that--an hour in the afternoon--yes,
that's an astonishing, an enormous amount of work, which must
tax your powers greatly. Indeed, it requires quite special food. Well,
what, what?"
Wolfgang had been going to say something, but his father did not
allow him to speak: "Let me see a more modest look on your face first,
and then you may speak. Lad, I tell you, if you apply to Braumueller for
money any more----!"
There, there, it was out. In his wrath he had forgotten the
diplomatic questions he had intended asking, and all he had meant to
find out by listening to his replies. The man felt quite a relief now
he could say: "It's an unheard-of thing! It's a disgrace for you--and
for me!" The excited voice had calmed down, the last words were almost
choked by a sigh. The man rested his arm on the table and his head in
his hand; one could see that he took it much to heart.
Kate sat silent and pale. Her eyes were distended with horror--so he
had done that, that, borrowed money? That too? Not only that he got
drunk, dead drunk but that, that too? It could not be possible--no! Her
eyes sought Wolfgang's face imploringly. He must deny it.
"Why, really, pater," said Wolfgang, trying to smile, "I don't know
what's the matter with you. I asked your partner to do me a little
favour--besides, he offered to do it himself, he has always been most
friendly to me. I was just going to send it back to him"--he glanced
sideways at his father: did he know how much it was?--"I'll send it to
him to-morrow."
"Oh, to-morrow." There was suspicion in the man's tone, but a
certain relief nevertheless; he was so anxious to think the best of his
son. "What other debts have you?" he asked. And then he was suddenly
seized with the fear that the lad was deceiving him, and, terrified at
the great responsibility he had taken on himself, he said in a
voice that was harder than he really intended, much harder than was
compatible with his feelings: "I would punish you as a good-for-nothing
fellow if I heard you had! I would cast you off--then you could see how
you got on. Disgraceful debts! To be in debt!"
Kate gazed at her husband the whole time. She had never seen him
like that before. She wanted to call out, to interrupt him: "You are
too strict, much too strict. You'll prevent him confessing anything if
you speak like that"--but she could not say a word. She was mute under
the burden of the fears that overwhelmed her. Her eyes, full of a
terrible anxiety, hung on the young face that had grown pale.
Wolfgang's lips quivered; his thoughts were active. He wanted to
speak, had already opened his mouth to do so, to confess that he had
spent more than he had had. If only his father were not always so
extremely proper. Good gracious, you cannot help pulling handfuls of
money out of your pockets if you have got it to spend! But he did not
say anything to these--these two about it. They were good people on the
whole, but they could not put themselves into his place. Good people?
No, they were not.
And now came his indignation. What possessed his father to treat him
in that manner, to scold him in that tone of voice? Like a criminal.
And she, why did she stare at him in that way with eyes in which he
thought he read something that looked like contempt? Well, then, he
would horrify them still more, hurl into their faces: "Of course I have
debts, what does that matter?" But in the midst of his anger came the
cool calculation: what had his father said: "I would cast you off"?
All at once Wolfgang got a great fright. He had need of
these people, he could not do without them. And so he pulled himself
together quickly: he must not confess anything, by any means, he must
be sure not to betray himself. And he said, in a quick transition from
defiant passion to smooth calmness: "I don't know why you excite
yourself so, pater. I have none."
"Really none?" His father looked at him gravely and inquiringly, but
a glad hope shone already through the gravity.
And when his son answered "No," he stretched out his hand to him
across the table: "I'm pleased to hear it."
They were very nice to him that evening. Wolfgang felt it with much
satisfaction. Well, they owed him an apology, too. He allowed them to
make much of him.
The father felt glad, quite relieved that nothing else, nothing
worse had come to light, and the mother had the feeling for the first
time for many weeks that it was possible to love the lad again. Her
voice had something of the old sound once more when she spoke to him.
And she spoke a good deal to him, she felt the need to do so. She had
not spoken so much to him during all those weeks. She felt as if a
spring within her had been bricked up and had to discharge itself now.
He had contracted no debts. Thank God, he was not quite so bad then!
Now she was sorry she had sent the maids to bed, because she had been
annoyed with him for coming home so late--for his loafing about, as she
had called it in her thoughts--and had no proper supper for him. If she
had not been afraid of her husband, she would have gone down into the
kitchen and tried to prepare something better for him herself.
"Have you really had enough?" she said to him in a low voice.
"Oh, it'll do." He felt his superiority.
Paul Schlieben put his paper aside that evening. When his son asked
him politely if he would not read, he shook his head: "No, I've read
the whole evening." He, too, felt the need of, nay, felt it his duty to
have, a friendly talk to his son, even if he found that Kate was going
too far, as usual. She really need not make such a fuss of the boy, he
had done wrong hi any case; the Braumueller matter must not be
forgotten, he ought to have come openly--but really, after all, it was
only a stupidity, a thing that might happen ninety times out of every
hundred.
The man resolved to raise his monthly allowance by 100 marks, when
he paid him on the first of the month. Then he would certainly have
ample, and there could be no more talk of not being able to make both
ends meet and of secrecy.
It was already far past midnight when the parents and son at last
parted. Kate stretched herself in her bed with a feeling of happiness
she had not known for a long time: she would soon fall asleep; she
would not have to lie so long waiting for sleep to come to her, she
felt so relieved, so reassured, so soothed. Things were working better
now, everything would still be right at last. And she whispered softly
to her husband: "Paul!" He did not hear her, he was already half
asleep. Then she whispered more urgently: "Paul, Paul!" And when he
moved she said softly: "Paul, are you angry with me?"
"Angry? Why should I be?"
"Oh, I only thought you might be." She did not want to give any
explanation, besides it was hardly necessary, for she had the
impression that he, too, felt that they themselves would be on better,
pleasanter, more cordial and more united terms with each other
in the future. Oh yes, if they were on better terms with him--the
boy--then he and she would also be on better terms with each other.
The elderly woman was seized with a great longing for the days when
they loved each other. She felt ashamed of herself, but she could not
help it, she stretched out her hand to the bed that stood next to hers:
"Give me your hand, Paul."
And as she groped about in the dark, she found his hand that was
searching for hers. They clasped hands.
"Good night, dear husband."
"Good night, dear wife."
They fell asleep thus.
Wolfgang stood at the window of his room, looking out into the
obscurity that hid all the stars and listening to the roar of the
distant wind. Was the night so sultry, or was it only he who was so
unbearably hot? A thunder-storm seemed to be coming on. Or was it only
an inward restlessness that weighed him down? What was it that tortured
him?
He thought he had hardly ever felt so uncomfortable before. He was
vexed with his father, vexed with his mother--if they had been
different from what they were, if everything had been different from
what it was, he would not have been obliged to tell lies, to dissemble.
He was vexed with himself. Oh, then he would have felt easier now, much
freer. He knit his brows angrily; a sudden longing for something he
could not name made him tremble. What did he want, what was he longing
for? If he only knew!
He gave a loud sigh, and stretched his arms with the strong hands
out into the night. Everything was so narrow, so narrow. If he only
were the boy again who had once climbed out of this window, yes, this
window--he leant out and measured the height--who had run
away, hurrah! without asking himself where he was going, simply on and
on. That had been magnificent! A splendid run!
And he leant further and further out of the window. The night wind
was whispering, it was like an alluring melody. He trembled with
eagerness. He could not tear himself away, he had to remain there
listening. The wind was rising, there was a rustling in the trees, it
rose and rose, grew and grew. The rustling turned into a
blustering.
He forgot he was in a room in a house, and that he had parents there
who wanted to sleep. He gave a shout, a loud cry, half of triumph. How
beautiful it was out there, ah!
A storm. The snorting wind, that had risen so suddenly, blew his
hair about and ruffled it at the temples. Ah, how beautifully that
cooled. It was unbearable in the house, so gloomy, so close. He felt so
scared, so terrified. How his heart thumped. And he felt so out of
temper: how unpleasant it had been that evening again. His father had
said he ought to have confessed it to him--of course, it would have
been better--but if he threatened him in that way after the thing was
over in a manner, what would he have said before? This everlasting
keeping him in leading strings was not to be borne. Was he still a
child? Was he a grown-up man or was he not? Was he the son of rich
parents or was he not? No, he was not. That was just what he was
not.
The thunder rumbled afar in the dark night. Suddenly there was a
brilliant flash--that was just what he was not, not the son, not the
son of this house. Otherwise everything would have been different. He
did not know in what way--but different, oh, quite different.
Wolfgang had not thought of these things for a long
time--the days were so full of distractions but now in this dark stormy
night, in which he would not be able to sleep, he had to think. What he
had always driven back because it was not pleasant, what he thought he
had quite forgotten--perhaps because he wished to forget it--he would
have to consider now. What had been repressed for so long broke out
forcibly now, like the stormy wind that suddenly came rushing along,
bending the tops of the pines so that they cowered with terror.
Wolfgang would have liked to have made his voice heard above the roar
of the storm.
He was furious, quite absurdly furious, quite thoughtlessly furious.
Oh, how it lightened, crashed, rumbled, roared and snorted. What a
conflict--but it was beautiful nevertheless. He raised himself up on
his toes and exposed his hammering breast to the strong wind. He had
hardly ever felt such delight as when those gusts of wind struck his
chest like blows from a fist. He flung himself against them, he
regularly caught them on his broad chest.
And still there was torture mingled with the delight. Face to face
with this great storm, that became an event in his life as it were,
everything else seemed so pitifully small to him, and he too. There he
stood now in coat and trousers, his hands in his pockets, rattling his
loose money; he was annoyed because he had let them lecture him, and
still he had not the courage to throw everything aside and do exactly
as he liked.
The lad followed the yellow and blue flashes of lightning that clove
the dark stormy sky in zigzag, and poured a dazzling magic light over
the world, with sparkling eyes. Oh, to be able to rush along like that
flash of lightning. It rushed out of the clouds down to the earth, tore
her lap open and buried itself in it.
His young blood, whose unused vitality quivered in his
clenched fists, his energy, which had not been spent on any work,
groaned aloud. All at once Wolfgang cursed his life. Oh, he ought to be
somewhere quite different, live at quite a different place, quite
different.
And even if he were not so comfortable there, let him only get away
from this place, away. It bored him so terribly to be here. He loathed
it. He drew a deep breath, oh, if only he had some work he would like
to do! That would tire him out, so that he had no other desire but to
eat and then sleep. Better to be a day labourer than one who sits
perched on a stool in an office and sees figures, nothing but figures
and accounts and ledgers and cash-books--oh, only not let him be a
merchant, no, that was the very worst of all.
Hitherto Wolfgang had never been conscious of the fact that he would
never be any good as a merchant; now he knew it. No, he did not like
it, he could not go on being a merchant. Everyone must surely become
what nature has meant him to be.
He would say it in the morning--no, he would not go to the office
any more, he would not do it any longer. He would be free. He leant out
of the window once more, and scented the damp, pleasant smell that rose
up out of the soaked earth with distended nostrils, panting greedily
like a thirsty stag.
The rain had come after the thunder and lightning, and had saturated
the thirsty earth and penetrated into it, filling all its pores with
fertility. It rained and rained uninterruptedly, came down in torrents
as if it would never end.
Something gave way in Wolfgang's soul; it became soft.
"Mother," he whispered dreamily, stretching out his hot hands so
that the cool rain bathed them. Then he stretched his head far out too,
closed his eyes and raised his head, so that the falling drops
refreshed his burning lids and the wide-open, thirsty lips
drank the tears of heaven as though they were costly wine.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
But in the morning, when the sand in the Grunewald had swallowed up
all the rain, and nothing was left of the storm that had cleared the
air during the night but the somewhat fresher green of the lawns, a
stronger smell of the pines and many fallen acorns and chestnuts on the
promenade, Wolfgang thought differently again. The day was beautiful;
he could swim, ride, go to the office for a short time, eat, drink,
play tennis, make an appointment for the evening--there were so many
places where you could amuse yourself--and why should he spoil this
splendid day for himself and, after all, his father too? He thrust
every graver thought aside as burdensome. But his soul was not at peace
all the same. He tried to deaden thought.
Kate did not fall asleep so quickly as on the previous night; even
if she had promised herself not to sit up and wait for him any more,
she could not sleep if he were not at home. She heard the clocks strike
terribly loudly, as she had done on a former occasion; every noise,
even the slightest, penetrated to her ear through the stillness of the
house, sounding much louder. She would hear him, she must hear him as
soon as he stuck the key into the front door.
But she heard nothing, although she lay long awake listening. The
hours crept on, the day dawned, a pale streak of light no broader than
her thumb stole through the closed shutters; she saw it on the wall
opposite to her bed. The light became gradually less and less wan, more
decided in colour, a warm, sunny, ruddy gold. No cock proclaimed the
new day with triumphant crow, the house was so quiet, the garden so
silent, but the light betrayed that it was morning.
She must have slept, however, without knowing it. What, was it
already morning? She was sure now that he must have been at home a long
time, she had simply not heard him come in. That calmed her. But she
dressed hurriedly, without paying as much attention to her dress as
usual, and she could not resist standing outside his door to listen
before going down to breakfast. He was not up yet--of course not, he
had come home so late--he was still asleep. She would be able to look
at him without his knowing. She went in, but he was not asleep.
The woman looked at the bed with bewildered eyes--there it was,
open, invitingly white and comfortable, but he was not in it. The bed
had not been touched. The room was empty.
Then her heart grew cold with dread. So she had not slept, his
return had not escaped her. On that former occasion he had come
home--true, he was drunk, but still he had come home--but not this
time!