I cannot find words to express how much I am mortified at the return of
my messenger without a line from you.
Thursday is so near, that I will send messenger after messenger every
four hours, till I have a favourable answer; the one to meet the other,
till its eve arrives, to know if I may venture to appear in your
presence with the hope of having my wishes answered on that day.
Your love, Madam, I neither expect, nor ask for; nor will, till my
future behaviour gives you cause to think I deserve it. All I at
present presume to wish is, to have it in my power to do you all the
justice I can now do you: and to your generosity will I leave it, to
reward me, as I shall merit, with your affection.
At present, revolving my poor behaviour of Friday night before you, I
think I should sooner choose to go to my last audit, unprepared for it
as I am, than to appear in your presence, unless you give me some hope,
that I shall be received as your elected husband, rather than, (however
deserved,) as a detested criminal.
Let me, therefore, propose an expedient, in order to spare my own
confusion; and to spare you the necessity for that soul-harrowing
recrimination, which I cannot stand, and which must be disagreeable to
yourself—to name the church, and I will have every thing in readiness;
so that our next interview will be, in a manner, at the very altar; and
then you will have the kind husband to forgive for the faults of the
ungrateful lover. If your resentment be still too high to write more,
let it only be in your own dear hand, these words, St. Martin’s church,
Thursday—or these, St. Giles’s church, Thursday; nor will I insist upon
any inscription or subscription, or so much as the initials of your
name. This shall be all the favour I will expect, till the dear hand
itself is given to mine, in presence of that Being whom I invoke as a
witness of the inviolable faith and honour of
Your adoring LOVELACE.