A RETROGRADE MOVEMENT
ERSKINE, once roused, could not rest. He came to his mother on the next
evening, his face more troubled than before.
"Mamma, I had a long talk with the doctor this morning. He is not
satisfied with the present state of things. He admits that for some days
there has been a retrograde movement. He has been watching very closely
and has become convinced that there is some mental disturbance, a heavy
mental strain of some kind that must be removed before medicine will be
of any use. Now what possible mental strain could Irene have!
"I told the doctor that before we were married, she went through very
trying experiences, and lost her nearest relative while she was alone in
a foreign country; but that time was long past, of course, and there had
been absolutely nothing since, to trouble her."
His mother's start of dismay at hearing the doctor's word, and the
flushing of her face did not escape him, and he added almost sternly:--
"Mother, are you keeping something from me that I ought to know?"
For a moment she did not know how to answer him. Then her mind cleared
and she spoke quietly:--
"I am doing right, Erskine; I have no secrets of my own from you. I have
heard of some things that I can conceive of as troubling Irene, but she
did not confide them to me, and I have no right to talk about them even
to you; especially as I can think of no good, but rather harm, to
result."
He turned from her abruptly. She could see that he was not only sorely
perplexed but hurt; in his hour of deepest need his mother seemed to
have failed him.
It was a bitter hour for her. Yet she felt that she must be right. Would
any one but a fiend go to Erskine now with the story of his wife's long
years of living a lie! If her duty elsewhere were but as clear as this!
Could it be that this was what was preying upon Irene and causing that
retrograde movement? Had her long-sluggish conscience awakened at last?
Was she perhaps ignorant of the fate of her daughter? Was she afraid
that her former husband was still living, and that he and Erskine might,
sometime, meet? Who could tell what questions of horror and terror were
struggling in her tired brain and wearing out her weakened body?
Ought she--the woman who knew the whole dread story, knew many details
that the sick one did not--ought she to be the surgeon to probe that
wound? To be able to talk about it all might help. And yet--who could
tell? The knowledge that her husband's mother knew every detail of that
life which had been so carefully hidden from them, might be the last
shock to that already overcharged brain.
Oh, to be sure of her duty! She told herself that she would perform it
at any cost, she would shrink from nothing, now, if she could but be
sure of the way. Well, why should she not be sure? Where was her Father?
What was that promise: "Thine ears shall hear a word behind thee saying:
'This is the way, walk ye in it.'"
Sleep did not come to her that night, but perhaps she was given a
strength that was better. She spent much of the time on her knees beside
the quietly sleeping baby; and though, when morning came, she was not
sure which way she was to turn that day, "whether to the right hand or
the left," she found her mind repeating the words: "In quietness and
confidence shall be your strength."
The day passed without marked changes of any sort. Erskine comforted
himself with the belief that Irene was a trifle stronger. He told his
mother that Dr. Sutherland was coming out to see her on the following
day. The great nerve specialist could not get away from the city before
that time. Irene heard of his expected visit with the same air of
indifference that she had exhibited toward all things of late. She lay
very quiet most of the day, and at evening made no objection whatever to
Erskine's going to an important conference with his firm.
No sooner was he gone than she herself proposed that Rebecca go at that
time to the kitchen to superintend the making of a new kind of food for
her, instead of waiting until morning.
"I might want to try it in the night," she said, "and I don't need any
further attention at present. Mother will stay with me."
This looked like deliberate planning. Irene had never before, of her own
will, arranged to spend five minutes alone with her mother-in-law. That
astonished woman while hastening to agree to the proposition, made a
swift mental claim upon the promise: "Thine ears shall hear a word
behind thee saying, This is the way."
It was Irene who began conversation as soon as the door closed after
Rebecca. But the topic she chose was a new astonishment.
"I have been thinking about those two step-daughters of yours, Seraph
and Minta. You must have lived a strange life with them."
Ruth turned surprised eyes upon her.
"I did not suppose that you had ever heard of the girls," she said.
"Erskine was so young when they left us that I thought he scarcely
remembered them."
"Oh, he remembers them very well. He has told me some things; but it was
Mrs. Portland from whom I received their connected history. She was here
for two months while you were away, and was quite intimate with me; she
ran in often, and liked nothing better than to talk about you and those
two girls."
Now Mrs. Portland was an old resident of the neighborhood who had known
Judge Burnham and his daughters before Ruth had heard of their
existence. What she could reveal of their history if she chose, would
leave nothing for another to tell. The question was, Why had their story
interested this sick woman? Or rather, why was it being brought forward
just now?
"It seems strange that they both came back to you to die, doesn't it?"
This was certainly a strange way of putting it! Ruth hesitated how to
reply. At last, she said:--
"Seraph never left home, you know; and poor Minta was glad to return to
it. She had been through a very bitter experience."
"Yes, I heard about it. You have had all sorts of experiences yourself,
haven't you? And to conclude with a good-for-nothing daughter-in-law
seems too bad!"
Surprise and almost consternation held Ruth silent. This was so utterly
unlike any sentence that she had expected! Irene's tone expressed both
sympathy and regret. Ruth decided to pass it off lightly. She laughed a
little in a way that was intended to express good cheer, as she said:--
"You are not to find fault with my daughter-in-law, if you please! I
allow no one to do that."
"That is because you are not acquainted with her yourself. You don't
know anything about her. You think you do, but you are mistaken."
There was no excitement in her tone; there was even no indication that
she had a personal interest in the conversation; it seemed to be a mere
statement of fact.
Ruth's swift thought took hold of the promise and heard the voice: "This
is the way." She spoke with quiet firmness.
"I know all about her; I know a great deal more than she thinks I do."
Irene moved on her pillow so as to get a more direct view of the other's
face as she asked:--
"What do you mean?"
"Just that, dear. I know much more than you think, and have known it for
a long time."
"You don't know what I mean," the tone was still impersonal, "but I am
going to tell you. You think I was a widow when I married your son. I
was not." She raised herself slightly on one elbow as she spoke, using
more strength than she had exerted since her illness. Ruth came swiftly
over to her and slipped a supporting arm under her as she said:--
"Don't try to raise yourself up, Irene, and I wouldn't talk any more. I
know all that you want to tell me. You were a divorced wife, and your
husband was living; but he has since died. You see I understand all
about it."
Irene's eyes fairly pierced her with their keenness; still, her voice
betrayed no emotion.
"You knew it all the time?" she said.
"I have known it for a very long time, Irene. Don't talk any more; it is
time for your medicine now, and after it you must be very quiet, you
know."
Irene was as one who had not heard.
"You do not know the worst," she said, still speaking as though her
words were about some one else; but she was deathly pale. "There was a
child."
Ruth hurriedly wet a cloth in a restorative and bathed her face, while
she spoke low and soothingly, as to a child.
"Yes, I know; there was a dear little girl, who is a young woman
now,--one of the sweetest, dearest girls in the world. I know her and
love her. Irene, for Erskine's sake, won't you try to be careful!"
For Irene had pushed the soothing hand away and was making a fierce
effort to raise herself to a sitting posture, and her eyes looked to
Ruth for the first time like Maybelle's.
Ruth hurried her words.
"I know all that you want to say; you must lie quiet and let me talk. I
am sure there must have been strong provocation, and you were very
young; I know how bitterly you must have regretted it all."
"You cannot know that, at least," she said. "There is no need for what
you call future punishment, I have had mine here; and I have hated you
for fear you would find me out. How long have you known it?"
"For a long time, many months. Irene, I _cannot_ let you talk or think
about it now. Won't you try to put it all away for to-night? There is
nothing, you see, that you need to tell me."
The great solemn eyes that Maybelle's were like when she was troubled
were fixed upon Ruth.
"Could you put it away?" she asked. "It has never been away from me for
a moment, the fear that Erskine would--would--"
A convulsive shiver ran through her frame, as of one in physical pain.
"Oh!" said Ruth, in terror, "this is all wrong! If you are worse,
Erskine will never forgive me."
Irene made a visible effort to control herself, and lay with closed
eyes, and motionless, allowing Ruth to bathe her face and make hot
applications to her hands and feet. After a little, she spoke, quietly
enough.
"I will talk quietly, but you must let me talk, now. I have kept it to
myself just as long as I can. Since Baby came, my life has been a daily
terror. Will you tell me how you came to know about me, and why you have
not told Erskine? I am sure you have not, but I do not understand why."
"Because," said Ruth, solemnly, "Jesus Christ, to whom I belong, told me
not to do so. It is your secret, Irene, yours and His. You must let Him
tell you what to do with it."
Irene gazed at her. "You are a strange woman," she said at last, "a very
strange woman; but you are good, and I have not understood you. I am
sorry that I hated you. If I had understood, it might have
been--different. I thought you would find it out, sometime, women always
do, and I hated you for that; I dreaded you, you know. Every letter that
came from you while you were away made me faint and sick because of what
might be in it. I was afraid to have Erskine come home at night because
of what he might have heard; and I was afraid to have him go away again
in the morning for fear it would be the last time he would kiss me."
"Poor child!" The words were wrung from Ruth's heart,--the first words
of real tenderness that she had ever spoken to this woman.
Again there came that strange new look into Irene's eyes.
[Illustration: "I'M SORRY THAT I HATED YOU."--_Page 354._]
"You are a good woman," she said slowly. "I am sorry that I hated you.
Let me talk now, and tell you about it. I have got to! I ought not to
have married that man; I never pretended even to him that I loved him. I
married to get rid of dulness and restraint, and to go to Europe. I was
a young fool! I got rid of nothing, and instead of feeling only
indifference for him I learned to hate him. He was a drunkard, and I
hated him for that. Then--I did not like the baby. You can't quite
control your horror of that, can you? I don't wonder, now that I have
learned what mother-love really is. I could almost hate myself for
having such a feeling. You think a mother couldn't--but she can. I
turned from the child, just as I had from the father, in disgust. Even
so early in her life she looked like him, and I hated him. He was a weak
man, and I never had any patience with weakness. Sometimes he was
maudlin and loving, and then I hated him worst of all. One day I went
away from him and stayed away. That was all I did. Oh, yes, I got a
divorce; that was because I hated his name. At first I meant to do
something for the child, I didn't know what,--he worshipped the
baby,--and then I heard that it died; and I did not know until years
afterward that it lived; but it was too late then to do anything. By
that time I had met Erskine and discovered what love really meant. Oh,
to think how I have loved him! and I have struggled and planned and lied
to keep his love! I have even prayed to keep it! and now it is all
over!"
"Irene," said her listener, firmly. "If you persist in talking, I shall
have to send for Erskine. You must swallow this sedative and then lie
still and let me talk. I will say in just a minute all I want to, and
then we will both be quiet and you will try to sleep, for Erskine's
sake. It isn't all over; it is just beginning. We cannot undo the past,
but we can make another thing of the present--and the future. I promise
you, before God, and call on Him to witness, that I will never by word
or look reveal to Erskine one word of what we have said or of what I
know, unless you tell me to do so. When you are well and strong again,
you will decide how much or how little you want to tell him. God will
show you what is right and you will want to do right; I am sure of it.
And we will love each other, you and I, and help each other. Two women
who love one man as you and I love Erskine Burnham should be very much
to each other. Now I am not going to say another word."
She bent her head and kissed the sick woman on her forehead--her first
voluntary caress.
Irene, who had closed her eyes and was death-like in her stillness,
opened them again and looked steadily at her. Then she said with slow
conviction in her tones:--
"You are a good woman."