BUILT ON THE SAND
"YOUR mother has had a very special guest of some sort and was closeted
with her all the afternoon; I suppose she is tired out; she looked so
when I met her in the hall."
This was Mrs. Erskine Burnham's explanation to her husband of his
mother's absence from the dinner table. They had waited for her a few
minutes, then sent a maid to her room, who had reported that Mrs.
Burnham was tired and did not care for dinner.
Erskine, on hearing it, had made a movement to rise, a troubled look on
his face, and then had waited for his wife's word.
"A guest in her own room? That is unusual for mother, isn't it? Who was
it?"
"How should I know? I wasn't enlightened. When I reached home soon after
luncheon, I asked Nannie who had been here, and among others she
mentioned a young lady who had asked very particularly to see 'Madame
Burnham,' and said that after a while she took the lady to her own
sitting room, and she was there yet. She left but a few minutes before
you came, a very stylish-looking person, indeed, and quite young. It is
fortunate that she did not stay for dinner, as I supposed she would,
having spent the day, or I might have been seized with a fit of
jealousy."
"Did you say my mother looked worn? Were you in her room?"
"No, indeed! I did not presume; I all but ran against her in the hall,
and thought she looked older than usual."
"She may have had some unpleasant news; I think I will run up and see
her."
"Don't, Erskine! I am sure you annoy your mother by such watchfulness.
Old people don't like that sort of care, it seems to them like spying
upon their movements; they want a chance to do as they please. I found
that out from auntie; she seemed really annoyed when I questioned her
about her movements. She wanted to be left to come to her dinner, or
stay away, as she pleased; and your mother is just like her."
Erskine opened his lips to speak, then closed them again. He was on the
verge of saying that he could not think of two people more unlike than
his mother and her aunt; then it occurred to him that to make a remark
so manifestly in favor of his own relative would hardly be courteous. Of
course Irene thought of her aunt much as he did of his mother, and
besides, the aunt was gone.
But he did not go up to his mother. It is true that he told his wife,
presently, that he could not think for a moment that his care of and
solicitude for his mother would ever look to her like espionage; they
understood each other too well for that; but he spoke in a troubled
tone. Despite this perfect understanding, his wife's constancy to the
belief that his mother was growing old, and more or less feeble, and
whimsical, as she believed old people always did, was having its effect
upon him; he was beginning to feel at times that perhaps he did not
understand his mother, after all.
It was well for his peace of mind that he did not go to her just then;
for the first time in his life he would have been refused admittance to
his mother's room. Ruth Erskine Burnham had shut herself away as much as
she could from her outside world, and was fighting the battle of her
life. A wild temptation was upon her, so strong that in its first
strength she could not have resisted it, had she tried, and she did not
try. It was so transformed that it did not appear to her as a
temptation, but as a duty. Erskine's wife had deceived him; not once, in
a crucial moment, but steadily, deliberately, continuously. Not only had
she posed for him as a widow, but she had given him vivid pictures of
her girlish desolation in her widowhood. His mother knew this, for
Erskine had reproduced some of them in a few delicate touches, with the
evident object of awakening in her a tender sympathy for one who, though
so young, had suffered much.
"Young!" indeed! she had even stooped to the low and petty deception of
making herself out to be much younger than she was! could an honorable
man condone such small and unnecessary meannesses as that? Especially in
his wife! And Erskine was married to her. Erskine of all men in the
world the husband of a divorced woman! And he was on record in the
public journals as one who had denounced with no gentle tongue the whole
system of legal divorce as permitted in this country; he had
characterized it as unrighteous and infamous. Young as he was, he had
made himself felt in legal circles along this very line, and was
recognized as a strong advocate for better laws and purer living.
So pronounced had he been on this whole subject that certain of his
brother lawyers who, in the main, agreed with his views, did not
hesitate to tell him that he was too severe, and was trying to
accomplish the impossible. His mother, in the light of her recently
acquired knowledge, laughed, a cruel laugh, then shivered and turned
pale over the memory of a recent conversation which had now grown
significant.
The pastor of their church, Mr. Conway's successor, was dining with
them, and the talk had turned for a moment on the recent marriage of one
of the parties in a famous divorce suit. Erskine had declared that if he
were a clergyman, he should consider it his privilege as well as duty to
anticipate the law that was surely coming and refuse to perform the
marriage ceremony for a divorced person.
"Oh, now, brother Burnham," the clergyman had said, good naturedly,
after a brief, keen argument on both sides: "Don't you really draw the
lines too closely? You are not reasonable. Do you think he is, Mrs.
Burnham?"--the appeal was to Erskine's wife--"You see you have made no
allowance for accidents, or misunderstandings of any sort. What would
you have a poor woman do who was caught as an acquaintance of mine was,
a year or so ago? She married a divorced man without having the remotest
idea that he had ever been married before, and did not discover it until
six months afterward. Where would those sweeping assertions you have
been making place her?"
Erskine had not smiled as he replied:--
"I was not speaking, of course, of people who had been the victims of
cruel deception; certainly if I believed in divorce, I should consider
that the woman you mention had sufficient cause."
"Because she had been deceived!"
"For just that reason. At least it must be terrible for a woman to spend
her life with a man whose word she cannot trust. I should think it would
be just ground for separation if anything is."
His mother recalled not only the energy of his tones, but the suddenness
with which his wife introduced another topic.
Then there flashed upon her the memory of the clergyman's next remark,
addressed to her:--
"Mrs. Burnham, is your daughter always as pale as she is to-day, or has
our near approach to a quarrel, just now, frightened her?" Whereupon the
color had flamed into Irene's face until her very forehead was flushed;
and Erskine, looking at her, had said gayly:--
"My wife always blushes when she is the subject of conversation." What
terrible significance attached to all these trifles now!
But, worse than all else, the woman had deserted and disowned her own
child! So impossibly preposterous did this seem to Erskine Burnham's
mother, that although she had detained her guest until a late hour, and
questioned and cross-questioned, and insisted upon yet more proof, and
been shown that there was not a possibility of error, she still shrank
from it as something that could not be.
"Can a mother forget her child?" It was the question of inspiration,
designed to show the almost impossibility of such a thing; yet
inspiration had answered, "Yes, she may!" and here, under their own
roof, was a living proof of its truth.
"_How_ could she! How _could_ she!" The mother-nature continually went
back to that awful question. Suppose she had not? Suppose she had taken
the child away with her, and mothered it all these years, and, at last,
Erskine had married her? Then he would have stood in the place of father
to that girl, and she would have been taught to call him so! His poor
mother shivered as though in an ague chill as the strange, and to her
appalling, details of this life-tragedy pressed upon her. A tragedy all
the more terrible and bewildering because they had been--some of
them--living it unawares.
The possibility that Erskine might have knowledge of this appalling
story did not, even for a moment, occur to his mother. She knew him too
well for that. Erskine had been deceived, fearfully deceived! not only
in great and terrible ways, as one under awful provocation, but in petty
details,--as to her age, for instance; and that this was merely an
instance, Ruth knew only too well.
By slow degrees the conviction had been forced upon this truth-loving
woman that she had for a daughter one to whom the truth was as a trifle
to be trampled upon a dozen times a day if the fancy seized her.
Numberless instances of this had been thrust upon a close observer.
"Yes," she would say unhesitatingly and unblushingly to Erskine, when
his mother knew that "No" would have been the truth. Even the servants
had learned to smile over this peculiarity in their young mistress, and
to make efforts to have witnesses for any of her orders that were
important. With the outside world she was so unpardonably careless of
her word that Mrs. Burnham was almost growing used to apologizing for
and blushing over her daughter's society inaccuracies.
Given a woman like Ruth Erskine Burnham, belonging to a family in whom,
generations back, there had been martyrs for the truth's sake, trained
from her very babyhood to despise every false way, self-trained, through
the years, to hold with almost painful insistence to whatever she had
seemed to promise, perhaps no other fault would have been harder to
condone in others. She was still struggling to try to love her
daughter-in-law, but she knew that she had ceased to respect her.
It was this condition of things which had made it possible for her to
credit Miss Parker's story. Since Irene's moral twist with regard to
truth was most apparent, why should she be expected to spurn the thought
of other immoralities?
It was while Ruth Burnham was at this stage of her mental confusion that
the temptation of her life came to her, clad in the white robes of truth
and honor. It came, of course, by way of Erskine. He must know the whole
blighting story and must know it at once. He must be told that the woman
whom he had blessed with his love and whom he was tenderly sheltering
from a rude world was a woman who could trample upon marriage vows,
desert her first-born child, and lie about it all in a colossal manner;
not only once, at first, but through the years! The whole fearful
structure of Erskine's later life, built as it was upon falsehood, must
be made to tumble about him in ruins. What a cruel thing! Erskine, the
soul of honor, with as keen a love for truth as it was possible for
human being to have, must, in spite of himself, be involved in the
meshes of this false and cruel life! And yet, underneath the groan which
she had for his ruined home and his ruined hopes, was a faint little
thrill of exultation.
When Erskine must cease to respect his wife, he could not continue to
love her with the kind of love that he was giving to her now. At the
best it could be only a pitying, protecting love, and there was a sense
in which she, his mother, would have him back again, at least to a
degree. No one knew better than herself that there was a sense in which
she had lost him.
What would he be likely to do? Irene was his wife, and he would do his
duty at whatever cost, but just what was his duty? She tried to settle
it for him. There was the child, the young woman rather, Irene's
daughter. Would he not insist that the mother should do her tardy duty
toward the child? But what was the duty of such a mother toward such a
child? And how could anything be arranged for now, under such strange,
such startling circumstances? She did not know. She could not plan,
could not think; Erskine would have to do the thinking; but in the
meantime, where would a boy, trained as he had been, turn naturally for
sympathy but to his mother? She would have him again! She exulted in the
thought; even then, in her first recoil from sin and its consequences,
she exulted.
And then--just in that moment of exultation--she began to realize what
she was doing, and a kind of terror of herself came upon her. Was it
possible that she was really that despicable thing, a creature so full
of self, and selfish loves, as to be able to thrill with joy, in the
very midst of a ruin that involved her best and dearest, merely because
out of it she was to gain something?
It was a terrible night. Mrs. Burnham kept her door close locked, though
Erskine came once, and again, to seek admittance and went away puzzled
and pained: locked out from his mother's room for the first time. She
called out to him, trying to speak reassuringly, that she was not ill,
only unusually tired; she was in bed, and did not feel equal to getting
up to let him in.
"But, mommie," he said, "I did not know that you ever locked your door
at night--not when we are together. What if you should be ill in the
night?"
She would not be ill, she told him, and she really could not get up now
and unlock the door.
She knew that he went away with an anxious heart, and that he came on
tiptoe several times during the night and listened; and she hated
herself for her apparent selfishness. But she could not let him in, she
was not ready yet for the questions he would be sure to ask. She had not
been able to plan how to make known to him her terrible secret.