THE SUPPER.
Power and I dined together _tête-à-tête_ at the hotel, and sat chatting
over my adventures with the Dalrymples till nearly nine o’clock.
“Come, Charley,” said he, at length, “I see your eye wandering very often
towards the timepiece; another bumper, and I’ll let you off. What shall it
be?”
“What you like,” said I, upon whom a share of three bottles of strong
claret had already made a very satisfactory impression.
“Then champagne for the _coup-de-grace_. Nothing like your _vin mousseux_
for a critical moment,--every bubble that rises sparkling to the surface
prompts some bright thought, or elicits some brilliant idea, that would
only have been drowned in your more sober fluids. Here’s to the girl you
love, whoever she be.”
“To her bright eyes, then, be it,” said I, clearing off a brimming goblet
of nearly half the bottle, while my friend Power seemed multiplied into
any given number of gentlemen standing amidst something like a glass
manufactory of decanters.
“I hope you feel steady enough for this business,” said my friend,
examining me closely with the candle.
“I’m an archdeacon,” muttered I, with one eye involuntarily closing.
“You’ll not let them double on you!”
“Trust me, old boy,” said I, endeavoring to look knowing.
“I think you’ll do,” said he, “so now march. I’ll wait for you here,
and we’ll go on board together; for old Bloater the skipper says he’ll
certainly weigh by daybreak.”
“Till then,” said I, as opening the door, I proceeded very cautiously to
descend the stairs, affecting all the time considerable _nonchalance_, and
endeavoring, as well as my thickened utterance would permit, to hum:--
“Oh, love is the soul of an Irish dragoon.”
If I was not in the most perfect possession of my faculties in the house,
the change to the open air certainly but little contributed to their
restoration; and I scarcely felt myself in the street when my brain became
absolutely one whirl of maddened and confused excitement. Time and space
are nothing to a man thus enlightened, and so they appeared to me; scarcely
a second had elapsed when I found myself standing in the Dalrymples’
drawing-room.
If a few hours had done much to metamorphose _me_, certes, they had done
something for my fair friends also; anything more unlike what they appeared
in the morning can scarcely be imagined. Matilda in black, with her hair in
heavy madonna bands upon her fair cheek, now paler even than usual, never
seemed so handsome; while Fanny, in a light-blue dress, with blue flowers
in her hair, and a blue sash, looked the most lovely piece of coquetry ever
man set his eyes upon. The old major, too, was smartened up, and put into
an old regimental coat that he had worn during the siege of Gibraltar; and
lastly, Mrs. Dalrymple herself was attired in a very imposing costume that
made her, to my not over-accurate judgment, look very like an elderly
bishop in a flame-colored cassock. Sparks was the only stranger, and
wore upon his countenance, as I entered, a look of very considerable
embarrassment that even my thick-sightedness could not fail of detecting.
_Parlez-moi de l’amitié_, my friends. Talk to me of the warm embrace of
your earliest friend, after years of absence; the cordial and heartfelt
shake hands of your old school companion, when in after years, a chance
meeting has brought you together, and you have had time and opportunity for
becoming distinguished and in repute, and are rather a good hit to be known
to than otherwise; of the close grip you give your second when he comes up
to say, that the gentleman with the loaded detonator opposite won’t fire,
that he feels he’s in the wrong. Any or all of these together, very
effective and powerful though they be, are light in the balance when
compared with the two-handed compression you receive from the gentleman
that expects you to marry one of his daughters.
“My dear O’Malley, how goes it? Thought you’d never come,” said he, still
holding me fast and looking me full in the face, to calculate the extent to
which my potations rendered his flattery feasible.
“Hurried to death with preparations, I suppose,” said Mrs. Dalrymple,
smiling blandly. “Fanny dear, some tea for him.”
“Oh, Mamma, he does not like all that sugar; surely not,” said she, looking
up with a most sweet expression, as though to say, “I at least know his
tastes.”
“I believed you were going without seeing us,” whispered Matilda, with a
very glassy look about the corner of her eyes.
Eloquence was not just then my forte, so that I contented myself with a
very intelligible look at Fanny, and a tender squeeze of Matilda’s hand, as
I seated myself at the table.
Scarcely had I placed myself at the tea-table, with Matilda beside and
Fanny opposite me, each vying with the other in their delicate and kind
attentions, when I totally forgot all my poor friend Power’s injunctions
and directions for my management. It is true, I remembered that there was
a scrape of some kind or other to be got out of, and one requiring some
dexterity, too; but what or with whom I could not for the life of me
determine. What the wine had begun, the bright eyes completed; and amidst
the witchcraft of silky tresses and sweet looks, I lost all my reflection,
till the impression of an impending difficulty remained fixed in my mind,
and I tortured my poor, weak, and erring intellect to detect it. At last,
and by a mere chance, my eyes fell upon Sparks; and by what mechanism I
contrived it, I know not, but I immediately saddled him with the whole of
my annoyances, and attributed to him and to his fault any embarrassment I
labored under.
The physiological reason of the fact I’m very ignorant of, but for the
truth and frequency I can well vouch, that there are certain people,
certain faces, certain voices, certain whiskers, legs, waistcoats, and
guard-chains, that inevitably produce the most striking effects upon the
brain of a gentleman already excited by wine, and not exactly cognizant of
his own peculiar fallacies.
These effects are not produced merely among those who are quarrelsome in
their cups, for I call the whole 14th to witness that I am not such; but to
any person so disguised, the inoffensiveness of the object is no security
on the other hand,--for I once knew an eight-day clock kicked down a
barrack stairs by an old Scotch major, because he thought it was laughing
at him. To this source alone, whatever it be, can I attribute the feeling
of rising indignation with which I contemplated the luckless cornet, who,
seated at the fire, unnoticed and uncared for, seemed a very unworthy
object to vent anger or ill-temper upon.
“Mr. Sparks, I fear,” said I, endeavoring at the time to call up a look of
very sovereign contempt,--“Mr. Sparks, I fear, regards my visit here in the
light of an intrusion.”
Had poor Mr. Sparks been told to proceed incontinently up the chimney
before him, he could not have looked more aghast. Reply was quite out of
his power. So sudden and unexpectedly was this charge of mine made that he
could only stare vacantly from one to the other; while I, warming with
my subject, and perhaps--but I’ll not swear it--stimulated by a gentle
pressure from a soft hand near me, continued:--
“If he thinks for one moment that my attentions in this family are in any
way to be questioned by him, I can only say--”
“My dear O’Malley, my dear boy!” said the major, with the look of a
father-in-law in his eye.
“The spirit of an officer and a gentleman spoke there,” said Mrs.
Dalrymple, now carried beyond all prudence by the hope that my attack might
arouse my dormant friend into a counter-declaration; nothing, however, was
further from poor Sparks, who began to think he had been unconsciously
drinking tea with five lunatics.
“If he supposes,” said I, rising from my chair, “that his silence will pass
with me as any palliation--”
“Oh, dear! oh, dear! there will be a duel. Papa, dear, why don’t you speak
to Mr. O’Malley?”
“There now, O’Malley, sit down. Don’t you see he is quite in error?”
“Then let him say so,” said I, fiercely.
“Ah, yes, to be sure,” said Fanny. “Do say it; say anything he likes, Mr.
Sparks.”
“I must say,” said Mrs. Dalrymple, “however sorry I may feel in my own
house to condemn any one, that Mr. Sparks is very much in the wrong.”
Poor Sparks looked like a man in a dream.
“If he will tell Charles,--Mr. O’Malley, I mean,” said Matilda, blushing
scarlet, “that he meant nothing by what he said--”
“But I never spoke, never opened my lips!” cried out the wretched man, at
length sufficiently recovered to defend himself.
“Oh, Mr. Sparks!”
“Oh, Mr. Sparks!”
“Oh, Mr. Sparks!” chorussed the three ladies.
While the old major brought up the rear with an “Oh, Sparks, I must say--”
“Then, by all the saints in the calendar, I must be mad,” said he; “but if
I have said anything to offend you, O’Malley, I am sincerely sorry for it.”
“That will do, sir,” said I, with a look of royal condescension at the
_amende_ I considered as somewhat late in coming, and resumed my seat.
This little _intermezzo_, it might be supposed, was rather calculated to
interrupt the harmony of our evening. Not so, however. I had apparently
acquitted myself like a hero, and was evidently in a white heat, in which I
could be fashioned into any shape. Sparks was humbled so far that he would
probably feel it a relief to make any proposition; so that by our opposite
courses we had both arrived at a point at which all the dexterity and
address of the family had been long since aiming without success.
Conversation then resumed its flow, and in a few minutes every trace of our
late _fracas_ had disappeared.
By degrees I felt myself more and more disposed to turn my attention
towards Matilda, and dropping my voice into a lower tone, opened a
flirtation of a most determined kind. Fanny had, meanwhile, assumed a place
beside Sparks, and by the muttered tones that passed between them, I could
plainly perceive they were similarly occupied. The major took up the
“Southern Reporter,” of which he appeared deep in the contemplation, while
Mrs. Dal herself buried her head in her embroidery and neither heard nor
saw anything around her.
I know, unfortunately, but very little what passed between myself and my
fair companion; I can only say that when supper was announced at twelve (an
hour later than usual), I was sitting upon the sofa with my arm round
her waist, my cheek so close that already her lovely tresses brushed my
forehead, and her breath fanned my burning brow.
“Supper, at last,” said the major, with a loud voice, to arouse us from
our trance of happiness without taking any mean opportunity of looking
unobserved. “Supper, Sparks, O’Malley; come now, it will be some time
before we all meet this way again.”
“Perhaps not so long, after all,” said I, knowingly.
“Very likely not,” echoed Sparks, in the same key.
“I’ve proposed for Fanny,” said he, whispering in my ear.
“Matilda’s mine,” replied I, with the look of an emperor.
“A word with you, Major,” said Sparks, his eye flashing with enthusiasm,
and his cheek scarlet. “One word,--I’ll not detain you.”
They withdrew into a corner for a few seconds, during which Mrs. Dalrymple
amused herself by wondering what the secret could be, why Mr. Sparks
couldn’t tell her, and Fanny meanwhile pretended to look for something at a
side table, and never turned her head round.
“Then give me your hand,” said the major, as he shook Sparks’s with a
warmth of whose sincerity there could be no question. “Bess, my love,” said
he, addressing his wife. The remainder was lost in a whisper; but whatever
it was, it evidently redounded to Sparks’s credit, for the next moment a
repetition of the hand-shaking took place, and Sparks looked the happiest
of men.
“_A mon tour_,” thought I, “now,” as I touched the major’s arm, and led him
towards the window. What I said may be one day matter for Major Dalrymple’s
memoirs, if he ever writes them; but for my part I have not the least idea.
I only know that while I was yet speaking he called over Mrs. Dal, who,
in a frenzy of joy, seized me in her arms and embraced me. After which, I
kissed her, shook hands with the major, kissed Matilda’s hand, and laughed
prodigiously, as though I had done something confoundedly droll,--a
sentiment evidently participated in by Sparks, who laughed too, as did the
others; and a merrier, happier party never sat down to supper.
“Make your company pleased with themselves,” says Mr. Walker, in his
_Original_ work upon dinner-giving, “and everything goes on well.” Now,
Major Dalrymple, without having read the authority in question, probably
because it was not written at the time, understood the principle fully
as well as the police-magistrate, and certainly was a proficient in the
practice of it.
To be sure, he possessed one grand requisite for success,--he seemed most
perfectly happy himself. There was that _air dégagé_ about him which, when
an old man puts it on among his juniors, is so very attractive. Then the
ladies, too, were evidently well pleased; and the usually austere mamma had
relaxed her “rigid front” into a smile in which any _habitué_ of the house
could have read our fate.
We ate, we drank, we ogled, smiled, squeezed hands beneath the table,
and, in fact, so pleasant a party had rarely assembled round the major’s
mahogany. As for me, I made a full disclosure of the most burning love,
backed by a resolve to marry my fair neighbor, and settle upon her a
considerably larger part of my native county than I had ever even rode
over. Sparks, on the other side, had opened his fire more cautiously,
but whether taking courage from my boldness, or perceiving with envy the
greater estimation I was held in, was now going the pace fully as fast as
myself, and had commenced explanations of his intentions with regard to
Fanny that evidently satisfied her friends. Meanwhile the wine was passing
very freely, and the hints half uttered an hour before began now to be more
openly spoken and canvassed.
Sparks and I hob-nobbed across the table and looked unspeakable things at
each other; the girls held down their heads; Mrs. Dal wiped her eyes; and
the major pronounced himself the happiest father in Europe.
It was now wearing late, or rather early; some gray streaks of dubious
light were faintly forcing their way through the half-closed curtains, and
the dread thought of parting first presented itself. A cavalry trumpet,
too, at this moment sounded a call that aroused us from our trance of
pleasure, and warned us that our moments were few. A dead silence crept
over all; the solemn feeling which leave-taking ever inspires was
uppermost, and none spoke. The major was the first to break it.
“O’Malley, my friend, and you, Mr. Sparks; I must have a word with you,
boys, before we part.”
“Here let it be, then, Major,” said I, holding his arm as he turned to
leave the room,--“here, now; we are all so deeply interested, no place is
so fit.”
“Well, then,” said the major, “as you desire it, now that I’m to regard
you both in the light of my sons-in-law,--at least, as pledged to become
so,--it is only fair as respects--”
“I see,--I understand perfectly,” interrupted I, whose passion for
conducting the whole affair myself was gradually gaining on me. “What
you mean is, that we should make known our intentions before some mutual
friends ere we part; eh, Sparks? eh, Major?”
“Right, my boy,--right on every point.”
“Well, then, I thought of all that; and if you’ll just send your servant
over to my quarters for our captain,--he’s the fittest person, you know, at
such a time--”
“How considerate!” said Mrs. Dalrymple.
“How perfectly just his idea is!” said the major.
“We’ll then, in his presence, avow our present and unalterable
determination as regards your fair daughters; and as the time is short--”
Here I turned towards Matilda, who placed her arm within mine; Sparks
possessed himself of Fanny’s hand, while the major and his wife consulted
for a few seconds.
“Well, O’Malley, all you propose is perfect. Now, then, for the captain.
Who shall he inquire for?”
[Illustration: CHARLES POPS THE QUESTION.]
“Oh, an old friend of yours,” said I, jocularly; “you’ll be glad to see
him.”
“Indeed!” said all together.
“Oh, yes, quite a surprise, I’ll warrant it.”
“Who can it be? Who on earth is it?”
“You can’t guess,” added I, with a very knowing look. “Knew you at Corfu; a
very intimate friend, indeed, if he tell the truth.”
A look of something like embarrassment passed around the circle at these
words, while I, wishing to end the mystery, resumed:--
“Come, then, who can be so proper for all parties, at a moment like this,
as our mutual friend Captain Power?”
Had a shell fallen into the cold grouse pie in the midst of us, scattering
death and destruction on every side, the effect could scarcely have been
more frightful than that my last words produced. Mrs. Dalrymple fell with
a sough upon the floor, motionless as a corpse; Fanny threw herself,
screaming, upon a sofa; Matilda went off into strong hysterics upon the
hearth-rug; while the major, after giving me a look a maniac might have
envied, rushed from the room in search of his pistols with a most terrific
oath to shoot somebody, whether Sparks or myself, or both of us, on his
return, I cannot say. Fanny’s sobs and Matilda’s cries, assisted by a
drumming process by Mrs. Dal’s heels upon the floor, made a most infernal
concert and effectually prevented anything like thought or reflection; and
in all probability so overwhelmed was I at the sudden catastrophe I had so
innocently caused, I should have waited in due patience for the major’s
return, had not Sparks seized my arm, and cried out,--
“Run for it, O’Malley; cut like fun, my boy, or we’re done for.”
“Run; why? What for? Where?” said I, stupefied by the scene before me.
“Here he is!” called out Sparks, as throwing up the window, he sprang out
upon the stone sill, and leaped into the street. I followed mechanically,
and jumped after him, just as the major had reached the window. A ball
whizzed by me, that soon determined my further movements; so, putting on
all speed, I flew down the street, turned the corner, and regained the
hotel breathless and without a hat, while Sparks arrived a moment later,
pale as a ghost, and trembling like an aspen-leaf.
“Safe, by Jove!” said Sparks, throwing himself into a chair, and panting
for breath.
“Safe, at last,” said I, without well knowing why or for what.
“You’ve had a sharp run of it, apparently,” said Power, coolly, and without
any curiosity as to the cause; “and now, let us on board; there goes the
trumpet again. The skipper is a surly old fellow, and we must not lose his
tide for him.” So saying, he proceeded to collect his cloaks, cane, etc.,
and get ready for departure.