_House of Commons, Wednesday, September 20._--Met WOODALL, V.C.,
crossing Lobby just now on the way to his battlemented tower.
Shouldn't have known him--indeed, had passed him, when I recognised
his voice hailing me. It had an unusually tinny sound, due to fact
that it made its way through the interstices of a closed visor.
"Good gracious, WOODALL!" I said; "is that you? I thought it was one
of the figures from the Tower taking an airing."
"Yes," said the Financial Secretary to the War Office with same
vibrating, tinny intonation, "by my halidome (so to speak) it's me:
and precious hot and generally uncomfortable it is, too, I can tell
you. The things don't fit, you see; borrowed them from the Tower;
some a size too large, which is bad; others a turn too small, which,
considering they are made in metal, is worse."
WOODALL got up, regardless of expense, in helmet, breastplate, things
like kneecaps, and a piece of sheet-iron fitted to the small of his
back.
"What do you do it for, then?"
With difficulty WOODALL, V.C., unhooked something in his visor, and,
after cautiously looking round, took it off.
"Haven't you heard," he said, as he mopped his forehead, "of the
Secret Society, sworn to decimate us fellows of the War Office? Began
with ST. JOHN BRODRICK, who narrowly escaped assassination in the
streets; went on to CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, who was threatened with sudden
death. Now they've turned their attention on me. Every post brings
an anonymous letter, advising me that my end approaches. They are
in different handwriting, but the note-paper enjoys in common the
adornment of a death's-head and cross-bones. Sometimes there's a
coffin underneath; occasionally this accessory is omitted; it is made
up for in the added ferocity of the communication. This makes one very
uneasy. I daresay you have observed how stout CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN looks
of late. It's only his shirt of mail, worn under his ordinary linen.
He says he's going to Marienbad to get rid of it; that's only his
joke. As for me, I don't think it's worth mincing matters. I, as you
see, go the whole animal; but it's very wearing. SANDHURST told me
it was a case of armour or assassination. Having tried the armour
for three days, am not quite sure I should not prefer assassination.
Excuse me, there's a strange man lingering in the corner."
[Illustration: Woodall, V.C.]
And WOODALL, shutting his head up in the helmet, warily walked off.
[Illustration: WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?
_A Warning to Aspiring Legislators._]
_Business done._--Appropriation Bill read a Second time.
_Friday._--All over. Royal Assent given to Appropriation Bill. Curtain
falls on last scene in Act I. of Session 1893; a play in two Acts.
"And whose Session should you say it has been, TOBY?" asked ROWTON, a
man of universal sympathies, and an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
"Mr. G.'s, I suppose. At least, that will be the general verdict. He
has outshone himself. Whether you like what he has done or detest it,
you must pay homage to the tireless energy, the infinite skill, and
the matchless eloquence with which it has been accomplished. JOSEPH
has excelled himself as a Parliamentary force; PRINCE ARTHUR has taken
a long stride in the direction of establishing himself in position
of Leader. These things are obvious, and will be said everywhere. But
since you ask me whose Session it has been, I should say it has been
MARJORIBANKS'. It's all very well to have a supreme Parliamentarian
leading majority, small but compact. If you haven't got a Whip that
can keep them together, who not only has them there on big field
night, but always on the spot to repel surprises, where are you? In
ordinary times it's comparatively easy to keep the Conservatives in
hand, whether in office or out. Out or in the Liberals are skittish.
This Session things have been peculiarly critical, as is shown in the
cases of NAPOLEON BOLTONPARTY and the SENTENTIOUS SAUNDERS. To keep
a majority safe and steady at such times requires in a Whip a rare
combination of gifts and graces. With the assistance of an excellent
team, MARJORIBANKS has done this. It is a minor Ministerial post,
but the service rendered is incalculable. So if you want to name the
Session, call it MAJORITYBANKS'."
[Illustration: Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through
Committee.]
_Business done._--Parliament adjourned till November 2.
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PERSONAL COURAGE.--A Reuter's telegram last week states that "The
Brazilian Minister here refuses to be interviewed."
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