_House of Commons, Monday Night, May 25_.--Members coming back in
slightly increased numbers. HARCOURT returned from his wandering to
and fro. AKERS-DOUGLAS back after his influenza experience; presently
coming up to "tell" in a division, is welcomed by a cheer that rises
as heartily from Opposition Benches as from Ministerial ranks. JACKSON
also back out of the Shadowed Valley; GORST, in his place again,
sprinkles fine pinches of sublimated cayenne pepper upon CRAWFORD and
others who want to know about Manipur.
[Illustration: Back View of a Ruthless Tyrant.]
But though various benches filled up with familiar figures, Members
look round in vain for one; finding it not, will not be comforted.
Where is OLD MORALITY? Last time he was seen was on the Thursday
preceding the holidays. He had come back newly elected for the Strand;
took part in business of sitting; just before dinner Members had
watched his lithe figure disappearing towards the doorway, and he had
been seen no more. House had met again on the following night; had
adjourned for the truncated holiday; had met again; and still OLD
MORALITY's seat was vacant, and there dwelt in the fond memory only
that parting back view.
JOKIM occupying, but not filling, OLD MORALITY's seat, wanted to talk
about various things; but ever the conversation came back to the theme
that filled all thoughts. HARCOURT wanted to know about fixing the day
for debate on Manipur; HENRY FOWLER hankered after an understanding
about the Factory and Workshops Bill. Everybody but JEMMY LOWTHER
wanted to know about the Education Bill; TIM HEALY was curious to
learn what course would be taken with respect to DE COBAIN. The answer
was ever the same. "The House," said JOKIM, nervously rubbing his
hands, "must await the return of my Right Hon. friend, which we expect
will be celebrated on Wednesday."
"Well," said HARCOURT, in one of his stage asides, "this is a
revelation indeed. Always thought OLD MORALITY was an easy-going
gentleman, deferential in manner, unassertive in action. It seems he's
a regular tyrant, a sort of unapproachable Padishah. In his bosom are
looked all the secrets of State, all the purposes of the Ministry. He
takes no one into his confidence, but broods over the destinies of the
Empire in the haughty solitude of the watch-tower at Walmer. When he
goes away for short holiday, public business entirely dislocated. No
one can say or do anything except hoarsely whisper his name. JOKIM
lives in a state of terror, and even the martial spirit of GEORGE
HAMILTON cowers in recollecting his presence. Only shows how prone
humanity is to error. We and the Public generally have created for
ourselves an OLD MORALITY, a genial, beaming, modest, unobtrusive
personality, always ready to oblige, desirous of meeting the views
of Members in all parts of the House, anxious only to do his duty to
his QUEEN and Country. Whereas it is clear he is a martinet of the
severest type, a ruthless tyrant, a man who rules with a rod of iron,
and keeps his followers in a condition of abject personal terror."
_Business done._--Vote on Account taken. Incidentally, OLD MORALITY's
character brought out in its true light.
_Tuesday._--AMURATH to AMURATH succeeds. We had a Lord ELCHO, and,
thank Heaven! we have one still--not exactly the same, but curiously
reminiscent in voice and gesture. This succession of son to sire is
one of the happiest arrangements of the British Constitution, one most
promising for its maintenance and prosperity. If the House of Lords,
peremptorily and selfishly, appropriated our ELCHOS and our GATHORNE
HARDYS, turning them into Earl of WEMYSS, and Viscount CRANBROOK,
leaving us no substitute or compensation, that long-threatened
institution would be finally doomed. But, by beneficent arrangement,
when ELCHO and GATHORNE HARDY fared forth, the one to become Earl of
WEMYSS, and the other Lord CRANBROOK, behold! there step into their
places other, and younger men, bearing the old name.
[Illustration: After the Adjournment.]
Thus is the wind tempered to the shorn lamb. The system works
beneficently in two ways. Like the quality of mercy, it is not
strained. It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes. The House of
Lords is strengthened by the new recruits, and we still have our ELCHO
to make jokes, and our HARDY to preach sermons.
Listening to ELCHO, jauntily moving adjournment over Derby Day, I
say all this to the SAGE of QUEEN ANNE'S GATE, who shortly replies,
"Fudge!" Remark does not seem consequential; not at all sure that it
is Parliamentary.
Long debate on Budget Bill; HARCOURT discourses at large on JOKIM's
finance. JOKIM sits listening with amused air. Life is on the whole to
him a serious thing. But there is one episode that suffuses it with a
gleam of humour; that is to hear HARCOURT talking Finance. "One of the
very few things," JOKIM says, "of which he knows absolutely nothing."
Now J.A. PICTON, on the contrary, thinks a good deal of HARCOURT's
aptitude for finance, and when JOKIM had girded at him for the space
of half an hour, the SQUIRE OF MILWOOD had the satisfaction of hearing
JULIUS 'ANNIBAL PICTON publicly describe his criticism as "a most
formidable attack on the financial scheme of the Chancellor of the
Exchequer."
_Business done._--House agrees to make holiday on the Derby Day.
_Thursday._--OLD MORALITY back to-night; everyone glad to see him;
with trumpets also and shawms would we have greeted him, but SPEAKER
ruled proposed demonstration out of order; so only cheered. With
exception of slight Italian accent (particularly noticeable in his
pronunciation of the word "Newfoundland") he's just the same. Before
sitting far advanced, wished he had lingered for another twenty-four
hours on the waters of the tideless sea.
Newfoundland Fishery Question on; the delegates to be heard at Bar.
Members, eager as school-boys for new sensation, crowded the Benches,
in expectation of half an hour's amusement. OLD MORALITY, fresh from
Cabinet Council, knew that hope would be disappointed. Government had
decided to accept compromise proffered by Newfoundland Legislature;
consequently Sir WILLIAM VALLANCE WHITEWAY, K.C.M.G., would not appear
at the Bar.
It is Old MORALITY's little way to put on appearance, in whatever
startling development of affairs, as if what was happening was exactly
what had been expected. To-night, at end of questions, he quite
casually mentions settlement arrived at, and proposes that without
debate Second Reading of Newfoundland Fisheries Bill shall be taken.
"A mere form, you know," he said, nodding in friendly fashion across
the table at HARCOURT. "Everything is amicably settled; we certainly
won't mention Bill again for three weeks, and then only to withdraw
it. Let us read it now a second time just for the fun of the thing."
[Illustration: Gone Over to the Majority.]
Crowded House sat for a moment in gloomy disappointment, irresponsive
to the cheerful presence of Old MORALITY, who succeeded in looking as
if he had said something which, though of no serious importance, was
calculated to be generally acceptable. Actual position was something
akin to what used to happen in St. James's Hall when Manager came
forward to announce that, owing to sudden cold, Mr. SIMS REEVES would
not be able to sing. Members glared round as if they were going to ask
for their money back; increasingly aggravating to have OLD MORALITY
still nodding and smiling on Treasury Bench. If he thought they were
going to be put off in that way, should learn he was mistaken; so
Debate raged over three hours, at end of which, OLD MORALITY, swearing
he would ne'er consent to adjournment of Debate, consented.
Just now, AKERS-DOUGLAS moved Writ for New Election in the City, and
for the moment Members turned from Newfoundland to think kindly of
genial, hearty, honest "YAH! YAH!" gone over to the majority.
_Business done._--Newfoundland Fisheries Bill shelved.
_Friday._--JOKIM had another tumble. Came down with light heart at
Morning Sitting, proposing to run Budget Bill through Committee.
HENRY FOWLER, certainly not an obstructive party, objected, on
constitutional ground, that CHANCELLOR OF EXCHEQUER was asking House
to propose taxation for purposes not yet defined, "Give us your
Education Bill first," said FOWLER, "and then we'll vote the Budget
that provides ways and means. No Education Bill, no Budget."
Argument irresistible. JOKIM meekly withdrew, and House took up other
business.
This continuous blundering not cheerful for Ministers; wonderful how
AKERS-DOUGLAS bears up; more than usually beaming to-night. Don't
understand till _Gazette_ comes out, when, looking down Birthday List,
find they've made him a Privy Councillor.
"My Right Hon. friend, if I may call him so," says the MEMBER for
SARK, "richly deserves the honour. I've known a good many Whips in my
time, but I never came across one who did equally effective work with
less friction, than does the Right Hon. ARETAS AKERS-DOUGLAS."
A.A. DOUGLAS is of course a mistake; his real initials are A1 DOUGLAS.
_Business done._--In Committee of Supply.
* * * * *