["The idea of transporting the Coliseum at Rome to the shores
of Lake Michigan has been broached in all seriousness.
The American Syndicate who desire to make the Coliseum an
attractive feature of the Chicago Exhibition, rely for
success on the financial necessities of the Italian
Government."--_Daily Paper_.]
(BY ATLANTIC CABLE.)
[Illustration]
_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._
A Chicago Syndicate has asked me to mention that they want your
Coliseum. What price do you ask? They would be glad of it for the
World-Fair, which will be about the biggest thing ever seen on this
planet. No trouble to you. _We_ take all risks!
_KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N._
Cannot discuss Coliseum subject till you've settled New Orleans
lynching business in conformity with International Law.
_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._
All right. Thought you'd say that. Chicago Syndicate willing to meet
your views about New Orleans. Do you want leading members of Grand
Jury shipped quietly over to Italy, or what? Syndicate will do
anything to oblige. Says it _must_ have Coliseum, especially by
moonlight. Intends starting realistic scenes with Gladiators, Lions,
and Christian Martyrs.
_KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N._
On reflection, afraid people here wouldn't like it. Sorry to have to
decline your offer.
_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._
_You_ want ready cash. _We_ want Coliseum. Why not strike bargain?
Syndicate offers five million dollars. Useful for your next Budget.
You can remit no end of taxes. People sure to like _that_.
_KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N._
Couldn't let it go so cheap. Have you thought of Parthenon? Greek
Government might part with it as a loan, on reasonable terms.
_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._
Thanks for suggesting Parthenon. Chicago Syndicate thinks it's not
good enough. Couldn't bring in the Lions and Martyrs very well. Also
Parthenon by moonlight not such a safe draw as Coliseum.
_KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N._
Might think of it if you increased offer to _ten_ million dollars, and
would promise to return it within two years, in good repair, fair wear
and tear alone excepted.
_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._
Syndicate says if they have to pay so much for Coliseum, _and_ return
it, they must have remains of Forum thrown in.
_KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N._
Don't think we could spare ruins of Forum. Have you thought of
Vatican? We could easily spare _that_. Why not approach the POPE on
the subject?
_PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT._
No, thanks! Sorry to have troubled you for nothing, but Syndicate
has now arranged to build a Coliseum of its own, double the size of
yours, and to reproduce Forum, Parthenon, Capitol, Vatican, as well
as Windsor Castle and Westminster Abbey, out of old brown paper,
compressed and hardened by a new process. Ta-ta for present! Hope
you'll get over next Budget all right.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD(N'T) RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.
(_In Mrs. Talbot de Vere Skynflynte's Drawing-Room, after one of her
grand Dinner-Parties where nobody gets enough to eat._)
_General Guzzleton_. "WHAT'S THAT? TEA? NO, THANKS. I NEVER TAKE TEA
UNLESS I'VE DINED!"]
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