* * * * *
I heard a swift breath, and Marny was on her feet, picking up the
glasses swiftly, taking them to the kitchen. Suddenly there was a cold
breath in the room, and I caught the look on Marny's face. It was one
of those unguarded moments, one of those looks no woman ever wants a
man to see, but I saw it, and I saw the end of things in her eyes. A
look of horror and fear. For one brief instant the shield was down, and
I saw the terror and revulsion on her face and knew everything that
was going through that mind of hers. And then the look disappeared,
and she was walking back into the room, her face pale but composed,
watching Bart with a kind of blank sadness in her eyes. "That's--that's
wonderful, Bart," she said. "You didn't tell me you were taking it--"
He looked up reddening. "I hardly dared tell anyone. It was such a
slender chance. I didn't see how I could possibly get through it--the
psych part, particularly. I may have to go out and hang by my knees
from the jets on the trips to keep myself from getting bored, but part
of the test was interested in idle-time creativity, and they said I got
through it better than anyone else--"
She was staring at him, her eyes wide. "That means you'll be going into
Dillon's crew--"
"It means I have a chance! The final sifting hasn't been finished,
there's a dozen more tests, a dozen performance checks, half a
thousand conditioning tests I'd have to take--but don't you see
what it means? It means I can go to space, Marny! It's a chance in a
thousand, and it's mine! Dillon's cut the ice, he's had half a dozen
ships up, but the real work's just begun. This puts me in on the ground
floor, Marny. There's no end to the possibilities--"
She stared at him wordlessly. "But they say Dillon's an exploiter,
Bart--a madman. He's out for what he can make out of it, and nothing
more. You can't trust a man like that...."
Bart shrugged indifferently. "Stories," he said. "Dillon's a pioneer.
Those who are afraid of space spread dirty stories, sure, but there's
no proof. Anyway, I won't fly _with_ Dillon. He just builds the ships,
and his ships are the finest that can be built--"
"But Bart, it's a fool's errand!" The girl's eyes were huge, filling
with tears. "You have a good job, a good home--you just _can't_ go--"
He blinked at her, unbelieving. "With a chance like this? To go to
space? I couldn't stay home--"
She looked at him, and then at me, with the strangest baffled pain in
her eyes. She looked, suddenly, as though the bottom had dropped out of
her world. "You--you mean that, Bart?"
The bafflement spread across Bart's face as he looked down at her.
"Marny, I--I don't understand this. You know what I've wanted. I've
told you time and again--"
"Oh, yes, _talk_! But I never dreamed you _meant_ it! Everybody talks
about going to space."
"But not everyone gets the chance!" His voice was sharp in the still,
hot room.
"But only a fool would go!"
"Then I'm a fool." He turned away, and sank down slowly in a chair. "I
want it more than anything in the world."
* * * * *
The silence was deafening. When she spoke, her voice was hardly
audible. "Then I guess that's all there is to it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean if you go, we're through. That's all."
Bart blinked, his face pale. I could see his knuckles whitening on the
arms of the chair. "Marny, it's only a trip--"
She was shaking her head, and her lower lip trembled. Her voice was
weak, and very, very tired. "No, Bart, not just a trip. A dozen trips,
or a thousand. It wouldn't make any difference." She took a deep
breath. "I'm sorry, Bart. I couldn't do it. Across the country, across
the ocean, yes. But space--no, I couldn't."
"But you aren't being reasonable!" he exploded. "You act as though
it's the end of everything, as if a trip to Mars was something to get
excited about--look, Marny. We love each other--you know that, and I
know it, too. We could be married--this week, right away--I wouldn't be
going for at least six or eight months--why, I might not even make it
at all! The tests aren't over, this was just the first screening, and I
could flunk in a hundred thousand different ways--"
"But you'd pass," she burst out. "You know you would. And then you'd
go, and go, and go--what kind of marriage would that be? What about
a home, or children? Oh, Bart, you know what happened to the others!
You'll die, you'll be killed--think of it! You don't know what you'd
find out there, and I couldn't stand it--" She looked up at him, and
her eyes were full of tears and bitterness. "It wouldn't be a marriage,
Bart. It couldn't be."
Bart looked up at me, his eyes pleading. "Tell her, Ben--oh, tell her,
somehow--I can't, I don't know how--" He broke off, and walked to the
far side of the room, his whole body trembling--"You're not being
reasonable," he broke out hotly. "You've got to see--"
"Take me home, Bart." The girl stood up trembling.
"But Marny--"
Something in her eyes cut him off, and he took her coat, helped her
into it almost savagely. "It's stupid," he said angrily. "It's stupid
and unreasonable--"
"Please, Bart--"
They left without another word, walking slightly apart, the anger and
hurt carving deep lines on Bart's face, Marny's eyes wide, her mouth
tight as she wiped her nose, her face white as death. I walked to the
window, my mind spinning, and saw them get into Bart's three-wheeler.
Then they were gone, down toward the city. For a long time I stood and
watched.
* * * * *
I knew that she'd come, sooner or later. She'd come to me many times
before, with big problems and little, and she knew that doctors have a
faculty for understanding some of the messes people get into. I wasn't
surprised to see her, the next day, coming up the stairs in that blue
dress that caught the blackness of her hair and the startling blueness
of her eyes. Her face was just as pale as the night before, but her
eyes were clear. As she sat down, a trifle uneasily, as though she
couldn't quite make up her mind whether she should have come or not,
she looked like one of those perfect, exquisite pink-and-white china
dolls. I sat down opposite, and offered her a smoke; she accepted, and
took a small puff with nervous fingers. "I don't know why I'm here,"
she said, finally. "Oh, Ben, I just don't know what to do--"
"Bart?"