THE BANQUET.
"I vote," said Tommy, as John James led them down a side street to
escape the crowd, "that we go down to the fair. We ought to have
plenty of time to look round, and still arrive at the Mansion House
in time to see the Mayor present the address. Think what a long way
the procession has to go, and how very slowly it travels. Let's go,
John James, I don't want to miss the fair."
"All right," said John James, "I don't mind."
"I liked the procession very well," remarked Gladys, as they hurried
along with all the speed they could, "but I thought we should have
seen the Sea Serpent in it. I'm surprised he wasn't there. Shall we
see him to-day, anywhere, John James?"
"Well," said John James, good naturedly "I'm not quite sure, but I
fancy he has a shop here, somewhere in this street. I'm wanting a
pair of eye-glasses."
"You want eye-glasses, John James!" cried Gladys, bursting with
laughter. "Why, you will look strange! I don't believe they will
stop on your funny little nose."
"All editors wear eye-glasses, and I don't see why I shouldn't," said
John James stolidly. "I shall get a pair. Hullo! Here's the very
place."
He stopped before a shop window full of spectacles, and looked in
while the children read the sign over the door.
PROFESSOR SEE SERPENT.
Optician.
"The shop won't be open to-day, will it?" said Tommy trying the door.
But the shop was open, so they all trooped in, and the Sea Serpent
bustled out from a room at the back and stood behind the counter
awaiting their pleasure.
He was a curious object. He wore a green fancy waistcoat with yellow
spots, and all the time they were in the shop he was showing his
teeth in an expansive grin.
"Try them on! Try them on!" he cried, bringing out a tray full of
spectacles and eye-glasses. He fitted a pair on the Golliwog's nose,
and John James strutted about the shop trying to see himself in a
mirror which hung high above him on the wall.
The Sea Serpent was so very pleasant, he insisted that Gladys, Tom
and Freda should try on some spectacles as well, although they
assured him they had no intention of buying any.
"Never mind--never mind," said he. "It may lead to custom in the
long run. I keep a large stock of goods, and should be pleased to
supply you at any time. You might take my card in case you forget
the address."
With a very low bow he handed them each a card, and Gladys murmured
that she would recommend him to her grandfather.
"Do--do," said the Sea Serpent eagerly, "I make grandfathers a
speciality."
"Have you chosen your glasses, sir?" he added turning to John James.
"You have? Thank you."
He took them off the Golliwog's nose, polished them on his waistcoat,
and popped them inside a neat little case.
"Have you any grandparents, sir?" he enquired politely.
John James tucked his newly acquired treasure into his pocket.
"Yes," he said. "One--grandmother--hundred years old this
week--reads _Golliwog News_ without glasses. Good day, sir."
The Sea Serpent hastily wriggled over the counter to open the door
for them, and in bowing his adieus, he bent himself almost into a
hoop. Looking back, they saw him still winding and unwinding himself
in an excess of politeness.
[Illustration: "THE LAST ITEM ON THE PROGRAMME WAS A HUMOROUS SONG BY
MR. MERRY CODFISH."]
"Silly old Goat!" said Tommy. "Now let's go to the fair."
They had no difficulty in finding the spot where the fair was held,
but, naturally, they now had very little time to spare, and could
only look round at the principal items of amusement.
There were several roundabouts, with galloping sea lions, which, with
the swing-boats, were largely patronised by all the small fry. There
were shooting galleries where stout, middle-aged papa fishes tried to
show their skill to admiring wives, who remarked at intervals:
"However _do_ you do it, dad? I never saw such a fish! You hit it
_nearly_ every time. So you do, I declare!"
They caught sight of a few side shows--which Tommy longed to
visit--such as the Man-faced Fish, and the Bearded Salmon, but there
was no time for investigating either of these wonders.
Our young friends did, however, stand for a few minutes to listen to
a well-fed Pike, who was standing on a tub, and acting as a cheap
Jack. He was selling all sorts of articles to a crowd of silly young
fish, chiefly Herrings and Prawns and a few Soles, who listened to
him with their mouths wide open, which, perhaps, helped them to
understand better what was being said.
"Now, here," cried the Cheap Jack, "is a pair of scales, honestly
worth half a Neptune. I'll sell them for half that amount. Five
pearls--five pearls! Who'll buy this valuable pair of scales for
five pearls? You won't? Then I'm sorry for you. I really am. It's
a genuine bargain. You'll be sorry for yourselves to-morrow. You'll
say, 'I wish I had bought that pair of scales.' Oh, yes, you will.
What's that I hear? You wouldn't mind giving three pearls? Well,
I'll sell them for three. Just to oblige a lady. Three
pearls--three pearls! Well, two. Come now--two. You can't resist
two. This splendid pair of scales going for two----"
Here, a portly Sole held out two pearls.
"You'll take them, madam? Very good. You have a bargain. I ought
not to have sold them, and that's a fact."
The Pike now produced a bottle and a small glass.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he resumed, making a great show of measuring
a few drops out of a bottle and filling the glass up with
water--"ladies and gentlemen, I have here a very efficacious and
celebrated cough mixture of my own invention. You may, ladies and
gentlemen, have noticed a slight huskiness in my voice--the result of
my--er--profession. I will take a dose of my Seaweed Cough Juice,
and you will no doubt perceive a difference."
He drank the mixture, smacked his lips with evident appreciation,
glanced round at the crowd, and continued his discourse in a shrill
staccato voice.
"Does any fish within sound of my voice suffer with a cough--with
huskiness--asthma--bronchial troubles--shortness of breath--attacks
of indigestion--rheumatism--chilblains--sore fins--or loss of energy?
Let him step up here, and try my famous Seaweed Cough Juice. First
dose free. Bottle with measuring glass--one Neptune, and dirt cheap
at that. Satisfaction guaranteed, or money refunded."
"Come now," he continued. "I can hear a fish coughing. There he is!
Very distressing--very. Come, sir. Come on, step up here beside me.
Help him up, some of you. This is going to promote health and
prosperity in Fish Town. Come along, sir. Ah, that's right," he
remarked, as a very nervous looking Whiting, coughing violently, was
hoisted to the tub.
A dose of the Seaweed Juice was administered. The Whiting choked and
spluttered, and was hurried out of the fair by his anxious mother.
The Cheap Jack immediately sold several bottles of the cough mixture.
Then he paused a moment before producing his next wonder.
"I have here," he said slowly, looking round at the crowd, which had
now increased considerably--"I have here, ladies and gentlemen"--and
he hauled something out of a bag--"a _Reformed Shark_!"
The crowd shuddered and began to edge further and further away.
"There is no need to fear," continued the Pike, unfastening a chain
which was round the Shark's neck. "He is a reformed character, and
quite harmless. He would make a splendid footman, and could buttle
if required. I will sell him for two Neptunes--not a fraction less."
By degrees the crowd began to disperse backwards, keeping an anxious
eye on the Shark the while.
"What, no offers?" cried the Cheap Jack. "Here, I'll take one
Neptune. This fellow can work--cook--scrub--he can do anything. He
could keep an office clean, or give assistance with bookkeeping. He
is in splendid condition. Good fins--good teeth--no trouble with a
dentist."
"Show your teeth, sirrah," he went on turning to the Shark.
The Shark opened his mouth slowly, and showed his long wicked looking
jaws.
"He is, as I said, a reformed character," went on the Cheap Jack--but
he spoke to empty air. The crowd had taken to its heels--if fish
have heels--and ran, as it had surely never run before.
"Bit too previous for them," muttered the Pike, as he pushed the
Shark into his bag, along with the cough mixture and cheap jewellery.
"He was a very amusing sort of person," said Freda as they made a
wild scamper for the Mansion House, for, while they listened to the
Cheap Jack, time had flown. However, in spite of their haste, they
were too late to get a sight of the Mayor presenting Father Neptune
with the freedom of Fish Town. Although they pressed forward as much
as possible, they were still on the outskirts of the crowd, and could
see nothing.
Presently word was passed from one to another that Father Neptune had
asked one of the sword fish for a sword.
"The Mayor's kneeling on the pavement!" cried a Limpet, who had
climbed a lamp-post some weeks previously, to ensure getting a good
view.
"Father Neptune has given him a smack across the shoulder. He's
getting up again, and he's Sir Solomon Seal. Hooray! Now they are
all going into the Mansion House."
As the crowd of fish gradually dispersed, our young friends, led by
the valiant Golliwog, managed to gain admittance to the banqueting
hall, where they were waved to their seats by a smart waiter, with a
serviette folded over his fin.
Father Neptune looked very benevolent, and the newly created
Knight-Mayor seemed beside himself with joy. The Mayoress, chatting
excitedly, hob-nobbed with all the grandees of Fish Town, alluding
frequently to her husband as "_Sir_ Solomon," and remarking again and
again what a very happy day it had been.
Before all the guests were seated, Tommy, whose sharp ears were ever
on the alert, heard a whispering taking place between Father Neptune
and Sir Solomon Seal.
As they engaged in conversation, they frequently glanced in the
direction of the children and the smart little Golliwog.
"Did I understand you to say _The Golliwog News_?" whispered Father
Neptune.
"The Editor? Dear me! Give him a seat next to me, and put his
companions directly opposite."
Before the children had quite recovered from their surprise, an
officious looking waiter ushered them into the seats Father Neptune
had indicated, and the banquet began.
Poor Gladys' face was scarlet, and she positively trembled when she
saw her pet seated so close to the Sea Monarch, but John James
himself seemed in no wise perturbed. He listened attentively to
Father Neptune's suggestion that all future copies of the Underseas
Edition of _The Golliwog News_ should be printed on waterproof.
"It shall be done, sire," he replied calmly, and went on sipping his
soup as though he were in the habit of conversing with royalty every
day in the week.
Immediately upon the conclusion of the luxurious banquet, Professor
Walruzzio delighted the company by playing selections from the
"Silvery Waves" on the grand piano, kindly lent by Messrs. Bleak and
Brill. Herr Lobster contributed a violin solo, after which Miss
Shrimp gave a recitation entitled "The Lost Crab," which moved Father
Neptune and the Lady Mayoress to tears.
Following this, came a very clever exhibition of conjuring by
Professor Sea Serpent, whose dexterity and skill were truly
remarkable, and Sir Solomon was heard to whisper, that he hadn't "the
_faintest_ idea how it was done." And this admission from so
distinguished a personage was a great surprise to everyone.
The last item on the programme was a humourous song by Mr. "Merry"
Codfish, the most celebrated entertainer in Father Neptune's
dominions.
His favourite song, "The Funniest Fish in the Sea" had gained for him
the title of "Merry" Codfish, and indeed, as he stood on the raised
platform at the end of the hall, bowing affably to the audience, our
young friends decided that never in all their lives had they seen a
merrier fellow than he.
Professor Walruzzio played a little tinkling prelude, and Mr. "Merry"
Codfish began.
THE FUNNIEST FISH IN THE SEA.
_One day, 'twas many years ago,
A fisherman came by,
And threw his nice seductive line
To capture such as I.
"Ha, ha!" I said and smelt the bait,
"I fear I cannot stay,
But not to disappoint you, sir,
I'll eat, and swim away!"_
_Oh! I'm a very funny fish
Such a funny finny fish,
And a funnier never could be.
I laugh and I smile,
Do gymnastics the while,
I'm the funniest fish in the sea!_
_Then while I nibbled daintily,
A Shark stole to my side.
"What's that you're gobbling up so fast?"
The greedy fellow cried.
"Kind sir," said I,--and off I slipped---
"Eat heartily I pray,"
But as I spoke, the fisherman
Did haul his prize away._
_Oh! I'm a very funny fish
Such a funny finny fish,
And a funnier never could be,
I left the old Shark
To fume in the dark,
I'm the funniest fish in the sea!_
_The Shark, he is a vicious rogue,
No friend to you and me.
It made me laugh to see him "caught"
So very skilfully.
And thus a double trick I played,
Now, wasn't it a lark?
The fisherman had wanted Cod,
Instead, he got a Shark._
_Oh! I'm a very funny fish
Such a funny finny fish,
And a funnier never could be.
You may laugh till you choke,
At my last little joke,--
I'm the funniest fish in the sea!_
All the fish applauded heartily. To them it seemed an excellent joke
that their natural enemy, the Shark, was caught on a line. And also
that the fisherman had managed to land a fish he could not possibly
eat. Indeed, Mr. "Merry" Codfish may be said to have "brought down
the house."
There were loud calls for an encore, but the hour was growing late,
and when they had finished flapping, at a signal from the Mayor, the
whole company rose and rendered the Fishes' National Anthem, "Long
live Father Neptune."