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THE Old Soak came in to see us during the recent Presidential campaign.
“What I expected has come to pass,” he said, sorrowfully. “This here
Cox that everybody hoped was a Wet Prohibitionist ain't that at all. He
ain't nothin' but a Dry Liquor Man. I been a Republican ever sense the
days of Abraham Lincoln, but I had an idee this year I was goin' to have
fer to leave the old party flat on account o' rumours I hearn that this
here Cox was comin' out for liquor. My conscience is Republican, but
my religion is liquor; an' I would of voted agin any conscience fer the
sake o' my religion. But I ain't goin' to be compelled fer to make that
sacrifice. I'd ruther vote fer an outan'-out Prohibitionist than one of
these here fellers that gits the word passed private to the wets that
they'll be a stick in the lemonade, and gets the word passed private to
the drys that what he means is nothin' but a stick o' pep'mint candy.
They ain't no hope fer liquor in public life no more; it has become a
question fer the home. As fur es my own private stock is concerned, it
mostly ain't. But I got a grand idee workin' up. My old woman's got a
niece who's come to live with us, an' I'm tryin' to marry that there gal
to a revenue agent. I see by the papers they are always trackin' down a
couple thousand gallons somewheres or other, and I don't hear no glass
crashin' nowheres to indicate where them bottles is bein' busted. I
wants somebody in the fambly that will take me along on some of these
here raids I read about.”