“I saw him and her on Thursday,” said Erchie, “as nate’s ye like, and it
didna cost me mair nor havin’ my hair cut. They gaed past oor kirk, and
the session put up a stand, and chairges ten shillin’s a sate.
“‘Not for Joe,’ says I; ‘I’d sooner buy mysel’ a new pair o’ boots;’ and
I went to Duffy and says I, ‘Duffy, are ye no’ gaun to hae oot yer bonny
wee lorry at the heid o’ Gairbraid Street and ask the wife and Jinnet
and me to stand on’t?’
“‘Right,’ says Duffy, ‘bring you Jinnet and I’ll tak’ my wife, and we’ll
hae a rale pant.’
“So there was the four o’ us standin’ five mortal ‘oors on Duffy’s
coal-lorry. I was that gled when it was a’ bye. But I’ll wager there was
naebody gledder nor the King himsel’, puir sowl! Frae the time he cam’
into Gleska at Queen Street Station till the time he left Maryhill, he
lifted his hat three million seven hundred and sixty-eight thousand and
sixty-three times.
“Talk aboot it bein’ a fine job bein’ a King! I can tell ye the money’s
gey hard earned. Afore he starts oot to see his beloved people, he has
to practise for a week wi’ the dumb-bells, and feed himsel’ up on Force,
Grape-nuts, Plasmon, Pianolio, and a’ thae strengthenin’ diets that
Sunny Jim eats.
“I thocht first Jinnet maybe wadna gang, her bein’ in the Co-operative
Store and no’ awfu’ ta’en up wi’ Royalty, but, dod! she jumped at the
chance.
“‘The Queen’s a rale nice buddy,’ she says; ‘no that I’m personally
acquainted wi’ her, but I hear them sayin’. And she used to mak’ a’ her
ain claes afore she mairried the King.’
“So Jinnet and me were oot on Duffy’s lorry, sittin’ on auld copies o’
‘Reynolds’s News,’ and hurrayin’ awa’ like a pair o’ young yins.
“The first thing Jinnet saw was a woman wi’ a wean and it’s face no’
richt washed.
“‘Fancy her bringin’ oot her wean to see the King, wi’ a face like
that,’ says Jinnet, and gies the puir wee smout a sweetie.
“Frae that till it was time for us to gang hame Jinnet saw naething but
weans, and her and Duffy’s wife talked aboot weans even on. Ye wad think
it was a baby-show we were at and no’ a King’s procession.
“Duffy sat wi’ a Tontine face on him maist o’ the time, but every noo
and then gaun up the street at the back o’ us to buy himsel’ a bottle o’
broon robin, for he couldna get near a pub; and I sat tryin’ as hard’s I
could to think hoo I wad like to be a King, and what kind o’ waistcoats
I wad wear if I had the job. On every hand the flags were wavin’, and
the folk were eatin’ Abernaithy biscuits.
“At aboot twelve o’clock cannons begood to bang.
“‘Oh my! I hope there’s nae weans near thae cannons or they micht get
hurt,’ says Jinnet.
“Little did she think that at that parteecular meenute the King was
comin’ doon the tunnel frae Cowlairs, and tellin’ her Majesty no’ to be
frichted.
“When the King set foot in the Queen Street Station he gied the wan look
roond him, and says he, ‘Is this Gleska can ony o’ ye tell me?’
“‘It is that, wi’ your Majesty’s gracious permission,’ says the porter;
‘sees a haud o’ yer bag.’
“‘I mind fine o’ bein’ here yince afore,’ says the King, and gangs oot
into George Square.
“‘Whitna graveyaird’s this?’ he asks, lookin’ at the statues.
“‘It’s no’ a graveyaird; it’s a square, and that’s the Municeepal
Buildin’,’ somebody tells him. His Majesty then laid a foundation-stone
as smert’s ye like wi’ his least wee bit touch, and then went into the
Municeepal Buildin’s and had a snack.
“He cam’ oot feelin’ fine. ‘The Second City o’ the Empire!’ he says. ‘I
can weel believ’t. If it wasna for my business bein’ in London I wad hae
a hoose here. Whit am I to dae next?’
“They took his Majesty doon Buchanan Street.
“‘No bad!’ says he.
“Then he cam’ to Argyle Street, and gaed west, past the Hielan’man’s
Cross at the heid o’ Jamaica Street. He sees a lot o’ chaps there wi’
the heather stickin’ oot o’ their ears, and a tartan brogue that thick
it nearly spiled the procession.
“‘The Hielan’man’s Cross,’ says he; ‘man, ay! I’ve heard o’t.
Kamerhashendoo. If I had thocht o’t I wad hae brocht my kilts and my
pibroch and a’ that.’
“A’ the wey doon the Dumbarton Road the folk were fair hingin’ oot o’
their windows, wavin’ onything at a’ they could get a haud o’, and
the Royal carriage was bump-bump-bumpin’ like a’ that ower the granite
setts.
“‘Whit’s wrang wi’ the streets o’ Gleska?’ says the King, him bein’ used
to wud streets in London, whaur he works.’
“‘It’s granite, if ye please,’ says they.
“‘Oh ay!’ says the King; ‘man, it mak’s a fine noise. Will we soon be
there? I’ like this fine, but I wadna like to keep onybody waitin’.’
“At Finnieston the folk cam’ up frae the side streets and fair grat wi’
patriotic fervour. For-bye, a’ the pubs were shut for an’oor or twa.
“‘Whit I want to see’s the poor,’ says the King. ‘I’m tired lookin’ at
the folk that’s weel aff; they’re faur ower common.’
“‘Them’s the poor,’ he was tellt; ‘it’s the best we can dae for your
Majesty.’
“‘But they’re awfu’ bien-lookin’ and weel put on,’ says he.
“‘Oh ay!’ they tells him, ‘that’s their Sunday claes.’”
“And so the Royal procession passed on its way, the King being supplied
wi’ a new hat every, ten minutes, to mak’ up for the yins he spiled
liftin’ them to his frantic and patriotic subjects.
“In ten to fifteen minutes he examined the pictures in the Art
Galleries--the Dutch, the English, the Italian, and the Gleska schools
o’ painters; the stuffed birds, and the sugaraully hats the polis used
to hae when you and me was jinkin’ them.
“‘Och, it’s fine,’ says he; ‘there’s naething wrang wi’ the place. Are
we no’ near Maryhill noo?’
“Ye see his Majesty had on a bate he could see the hale o’ Gleska in
five ‘oors or less, an’ be oot sooner nor ony ither king that ever set a
fit in it. They wanted him to mak’ a circular tour o’t, and come back to
the Municeepal Buildin’s for his tea.
“‘Catch me,’ says he. ‘I’m gaun back to Dalkeith.’
“A’ this time we were standin’ on Duffy’s lorry, flanked on the left by
the Boy’s Brigade, lookin’ awfu’ fierce, and the riflemen frae Dunoon on
the richt. Every noo an’ then a sodger went bye on a horse, or a lassie
nearly fainted and had to be led alang the line by a polisman, and him
no’ awfu’ carin’ for the job. Duffy was gaun up the street to buy broon
robin that aften he was gettin’ sunburnt, and my wife Jinnet nearly hurt
her een lookin’ for weans.
“‘’Look at thon wee wean, Erchie,’ she wad aye be tellin’ me, ‘does’t
no’ put ye in mind o’ Rubbert’s wee Hughie? Oh, the cratur!’
“‘Wumman,’ I tellt her, ‘this is no’ a kinderspiel ye’re at; it’s a
Royal procession. I wonder to me ye wad be wastin’ yer e’esicht lookin’
at weans when there’s sae mony braw sodgers.’
“‘Oh, Erchie!’ says she, ‘I’m bye wi’ the sodgers;’ and jist wi’ that
the procession cam’ up the street. First the Lancers wi’ their dickies
stickin’ ootside their waistcoats.
“‘Man, them’s fine horses,’ says Duffy, wi’ a professional eye on the
beasts. ‘Chaps me that broon yin wi’ the white feet.’
“Then cam’ the King and Queen.
“‘Whaur’s their croons?’ asks Duffy’s wife. ‘I divna believe that’s them
at a’.’
“‘That’s them, I’ll bate ony money,’ I says. ‘Ye can tell by the hurry
they’re in.’
“‘Oh, the craturs!’ says Jinnet, and then says she, ‘Oh, Erchie! look at
the wean hanging ower that window. I’m feart it’ll fa’ ower.’
“Afore she could get her een aff the wean the King’s cairrage was past,
and the rest o’ the Lancers cam’ clatterin’ after them.
“‘Noo for the brass bands!’ says Duffy, lookin’ doon the street. But
there was nae brass bands. The show was bye.
“‘If I had kent that was to be a’ that was in’t, I wad never hae ta’en
oot my lorry,’ says Duffy, as angry as onything, and made a breenge for
anither bottle o’ broon robin.
“‘Och, it was fine,’ says Jinnet. ‘I never saw sae mony weans in a’ my
days.’.
“And the crood began to scale.
“His Majesty reached Maryhill Station exact to the minute, wi’ his eye
on his watch.
“‘Weel, that’s bye ony wye,’ says he, and somebody cries for a speech.
“‘People o’ Gleska,’ he says, ‘I have seen your toon. It’s fine--there’s
naething wrang wi’t,’ and then the gaird blew his whustle, and the train
went aff.
“The great event was ower, the rain begood to fa’ again; the Gilmorehill
student hurried hame to blacken his face and put on his sister’s frock.
The coloured ping-pong balls strung ower Sauchieha’ Street was lighted,
the illuminated skoosh cars began to skoosh up and doon the street, the
public-hooses did a fine tred.
“‘I’m gled it’s a’ bye,’ says Jinnet, when we got hame to oor ain hoose.
“‘Indeed, and so am I,’ says I. ‘There wad be fine fun in this warld a’
the time if we werena tryin’ for’t.’”