"Ida!" The name had sprung from his lips, from his heart, almost
unconsciously; it did not seem strange to him, for he knew, as he spoke
it, that he had called her so in his thoughts, that it had hovered on
his lips ever since he had heard it. But to her--Who shall describe the
subtle emotion which thrills through a girl's heart when she hears, for
the first time from a strange man's lips, the name whose use hitherto
has been reserved for her kith and kin?
She stood erect, but with her head bent, her eyes fixed on the ground,
the name, his voice, ringing in her ears; her heart was beating almost
painfully, as if with weight of a novel kind of fear, that yet was not
altogether fear. Stafford looked at her with the man's, the lover's
eagerness, but her face told him nothing. She was so ignorant of the
very A B C of love that there was no start of surprise, no word or
movement which might guide him; but his instant thought was that she
was offended, angry.
"Forgive me!" he said. "You are angry because I called you--Ida! It was
wrong and presumptuous; but I have learned to think of you by your
name--and it slipped out. Are you very angry? Ah, you knew why I called
you so? Don't you know that--I love you!"
She raised her eyes for a moment but did not look at him; they were
fixed dreamily on the great hills in the distance, then drooped again,
and her brows came together, her lips straightened with a still more
marked expression of trouble, doubt, and wonder.
"I love you," he said, with the deep note of a man's passion in his
voice. "I didn't mean to tell you, to speak--I didn't know until just
now how it was with me: you see I am telling you everything, the whole
truth! You will listen to me?"
For she had made a movement of turning away, a slow, heavy gesture as
if she were encumbered by chains, as if she were under some spell from
which she could not wake.
"I will tell you everything, at the risk of making you angry, at the
risk of your--sending me away."
He paused for a moment, as if he were choosing his words with a care
that sprang from his fear lest he should indeed rouse her anger
and--lose her.
"The first day I saw you--you remember?"
As if she could forget! She knew as he asked the question that no
trifling detail of that first meeting was forgotten, that every word
was engraven on her memory.
"When I saw you riding down the hill, I thought I had never seen any
girl so beautiful, so lovely--"
The colour rose slowly to her face, but died away again: the least vain
of women is moved when a man tells her she is beautiful--in his eyes,
at any rate.
"And when you spoke to me I thought I had never heard so sweet a voice;
and if I had, that there had never been one that I so longed to hear
again. You were not with me long, only a few minutes, but when I left
you and trumped over the hill to the inn I could not get you out of my
mind. I wondered who you were, and whether I should see you again." The
horses moved, and instinctively she looked over her shoulder towards
them.
"They will not go: they are quite quiet," he said. "Wait--ah, wait for
a few minutes! I have a feeling that if I let you go I shall not see
you again; and that would--that would be more than I could bear. That
night at the inn the landlord told me about you. Of course he had
nothing but praise and admiration for you--who would have any other?
But he told me of the lonely life you led, of the care you took of your
father, of your devotion and goodness; and the picture of you living at
the great, silent house, without friends or companions--well, it
haunted me! I could see it all so plainly--I, who am not usually quick
at seeing things. As a rule, I'm not impressed by women--Howard says I
am cold and bored--perhaps he's right; but I could not get you out of
my mind. I felt that I wanted to see you again."
He paused again, as if the state of mind he was describing was a puzzle
to himself--paused and frowned.
"I left the inn and started up the road--I suppose I wanted to get a
glimpse of the house in which you lived. Yes; that must have been it.
And then, all at once, I saw you. I remember the frock you wore that
night--you looked like an angel, a spirit standing there in the
moonlight, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Are you angry
with me for saying so? Don't be; for I've got to tell you everything,
and--and--it's difficult!"
He was silent a moment. Her head was still down-bent, her small white
hand hung at her side; she was quite motionless but for the slow,
rhythmic rise and fall of her bosom.
"When you came to me, when you spoke to me, my heart leapt as if--well,
as if something good had happened to me--something that had never
happened before. When I went away the picture of you standing at the
door, waving your hand, went with me, and--stayed with me. I could not
get you out of my mind--could think of nothing else. Even in the
meeting with my father, whom I hadn't seen for so long, the thought of
you kept with me. I tried to get rid of it--to forget you, but it was
of no use: sleeping and waking, you--_you were with me!_"
His voice grew almost harsh in its intensity, and the hand that had
hung so stilly beside her closed on the skirt of her dress in her
effort to keep the hot blush from her face.
"When I rode out the next day it was only with the hope of seeing you.
It seemed to me there was only one thing I wanted: to see you again; to
look into your eyes, to hear you speak. All that I had heard about
you--well, I dwelt upon it, and I felt that I must help you. It seemed
as if Fate--Chance--oh, I don't know what to call it!--had _sent_ me to
help you. And when I saw you--ah, well, I can't expect you to
understand what I felt!"
He stopped again, as if he himself were trying to understand it.
"The feeling that fate had something to do with it--you see, it was
quite by chance I started fishing that afternoon, that I saw you at the
house--gave me courage to ask you to let me help you. It sounded
ridiculous to you--of course it did!--but if you only knew how much it
meant to me! It meant that I should see you again; perhaps every day
for--for a long time: ah, well, it meant just life and death to me. And
now--!"
His breath came fast, his eyes dwelt upon her with passionate
eagerness; but he forced himself to speak calmly than he might not
frighten her from his side, might not lose her.
--"Now the truth has come upon me, quite suddenly. It was just now when
I saw that you cared what had happened to me, cared if I were
hurt!--Oh, I know, it was just because you were frightened, it was just
a woman's pity for a fellow that had come to harm, the fear lest I had
broken any bones; but--ah, it showed me my heart, it told me how much I
loved you! Yes; I love you! You are all the world to me: nothing else
matters, _nothing!_"
Her lips quivered, but she did not speak, and the look of trouble, of
doubt, did not leave her face. He waited, his eyes seeking hers,
seeking them for some sign which might still the passion of fear and
suspense with which he was battling, then he said in a low voice that
thrilled with the tempest of emotion which raged under his forced calm:
"Will you not speak to me? Are you angry?"
She raised her head and looked at him--a strange look from so young a
girl. It was as if she were fighting against the subtle spell of his
words, the demand for her love which shone in his eyes.
"No, I am not angry," she said at last; and her voice, though very low,
was calm and unshaken.
He made a movement towards her, but she shrank back, only a little, but
perceptibly, and he checked the movement, the desire to take her in his
arms.
"You are not angry? Then--Ida--I may call you so?--you don't mind my
loving you? Dearest, will you love me just a little in return? Wait!"
for she had shrunk again, this time more plainly. "Don't--don't answer
without thinking! I know I have startled you, that I ought not to have
spoken so soon, while you only know so little of me--you'd naturally
say 'no,' and send me away. But if you think you can like me--learn to
love me--"
He took her hand, hanging so temptingly near his own; but she drew it
away.
"No; don't touch me!" she said, with a little catch in her voice. "I
want to think--to understand." She paused for a moment, her eyes still
seeking the distant hills, as if in their mysterious heights she might
find something that should explain this great mystery, this wonderful
thing that had happened to her. At last, with a singular gesture, so
girlish, so graceful that it made him long still more intensely to take
her in his arms, she said in a low voice:
"I do not know--No! I do not want you to touch me, please!" His hand
fell to his side. "I can't answer you. It is so--so sudden! No one has
ever spoken to me as you have done--"
He laughed from mere excess of joy, for her pure innocence, her
unlikeness, in her ignorance of love and all pertaining to it, to the
women he knew, made the charm of her well-nigh maddening. To think that
he should be the first man to speak of love to her!
"I am not angry--ought I to be? Yes, I suppose so. We are almost
strangers--have seen so little of each other."
"They say that love, all true love, comes at first sight," he said in
his deep voice. "I used to laugh at the idea; but now I know it is
true. I loved you the first time I met you, Ida!"
Her lip quivered and her brows knit.
"It seems so wonderful," she said, musingly, "I do not understand it.
The first time! We scarcely spoke--and I was almost angry with you for
fishing in the Heron. And I did--did not think of you--"
He made a gesture, repudiating the mere idea.
"Is it likely! Why should you?" he said. "I was just an ordinary man,
crossing your path for the first and perhaps the only time. Good
heavens! there was no reason why you should give a thought to me, why I
should linger in your mind for half a moment after I was out of your
sight. But for me--Haven't I told you how beautiful you are, Ida! You
are the loveliest, the sweetest.--But, even if you had not been--I mean
it is not because you are so beautiful that I love you--" She looked at
him with a puzzled, troubled look.
"No! I can't explain. See, now, there's not a look of yours, not a
feature that I don't know by heart as if I'd learnt it. When I am away
from you I can see you--see the way your hair clusters in soft little
curls at your forehead, the long lashes sweeping your cheek, the--the
trick your eyes have of turning from grey to violet--oh, I know your
face by heart, and I _love_ it for its beauty; but if you were to lose
it all, if you were not the loveliest creature God had ever made, it
would make no difference. You would still be _you_: and it is you I
want. Ida--give yourself to me--trust me! Oh, dearest, you don't know
what love is! Let me teach you!"
Once again he got hold of her hand; and she let it remain in his grasp;
but her quiescence did not mean yielding, and he knew it.
"No," she said, with a deep breath. "It is true that I do not know. And
I am--afraid." A wan little smile that was more piteous than tears
curved her lips: for "afraid" seemed strange coming from her, the
fearless child of the hills and dales. "If--if I said 'yes'--Ah, but I
do not!" she broke off as he made to draw her to him, and she shrank
back. "I do not! I said 'if,' it would not be true; it would not be
fair. For I do not know. I might be--sorry, after--after you had gone.
And it would be too late then."
"You're right," he assented, grimly. "Once I got you, no power on earth
should make me let you go again."
Her lips quivered and her eyes drooped before his. How strange a thing
this love was, that it should change a man so!
"I don't want to force you to answer," he said, after a pause. "Yes, I
do! I'd give half the remainder of my life to hear you say the one
word, 'yes.' But I won't. It's too--too precious. Ah, don't you
understand! I want your love, your love, Ida!"
"Yes, I understand," she murmured. "And--and I would say it if--if I
were sure. But I--yes, I am all confused. It is like a dream. I want to
think, to ask myself if--if I can do what you want."
She put up her hand to her lips with a slight gesture, as if to keep
them from trembling.
"I want to be alone to think of all--all you have told me."
Her gauntlet slipped from her hand, and he knelt on one knee and picked
it up, and still kneeling, took both her hands in his. It did not occur
to him to remember that the woman who hesitates is won; something in
her girlish innocence, in her exquisitely sweet candour, filled him
with awe.
"Dearest!" he said, in so low a voice that, the note of the curlew
flying above them sounded loud and shrill by contrast. "Dearest!--for
you are that to me!--I will not press you. I will be content to wait.
God knows you are right to hesitate! Your love is too great, too
precious a thing to be given to me without thought. I'm not worthy to
touch you--but I love you! I will wait. You shall think of all I have
said; and, let your answer be what it may, I won't complain!
But--Ida--you mustn't forget that I love you with all my heart and
soul!"
She looked down at his handsome face, the face over which her lips had
hovered only a short time since, and her lips moved.
"You--you are good to me," she said, in a faintly troubled voice. "Yes,
I know, I feel that. Perhaps I ought to say 'no!'"
"Don't!" he said, almost fiercely. "Wait! Let me see you again--you
scarcely know me. Ah, Ida, what can I do, how can I win your love?"
She drew her hands from his with a deep breath.
"I--I will go now," she said. "Will you let me go--alone?"
He rose and went towards the horses. His own raised its head and seemed
inclined to start, but stood uncertain and eventually remained quiet
beside the chestnut. Stafford brought them to where Ida still stood,
her eyes downcast, her face pale.
With his own bridle over his arm he put her into the saddle, resisting
even in that supreme moment the almost irresistible desire to take her
in his arms.
She murmured a "Thank you," as she slowly put on her left gauntlet. He
drew the other from her, and as she looked at him questioningly, he put
it to his lips and thrust it under his waistcoat, over his heart.
The colour flooded her face, but the blush was followed by the old look
of trouble and doubt. She held out her ungloved right hand and he took
it and held it for a moment, then raised it to his lips; but he did not
kiss it.
"No!" he said, with stern repression. "I will take nothing--until you
give it me."
She inclined her head the very slightest, as if she understood, as if
she were grateful; then letting her eyes rest on his with an
inscrutable look, she spoke softly to the horse and rode away, with
Donald and Bess clamouring joyously after her, as if they had found the
proceedings extremely trying.
Stafford flung his arm across his horse, and leaning against it, looked
after her, his eyes fixed wistfully on the slight, graceful figure,
until it was out of sight; then he gazed round him as if he were
suddenly returning from a new, mysterious region to the old familiar
world. Passion's marvellous spell still held him, he was still
throbbing with a half-painful ecstasy of her nearness, of the touch of
her hand, the magic of her voice.
For the first time he was in love. In love with the most exquisite, the
most wonderful of God's divine creatures. He knew, as he had said, that
her answer meant life or death to him, the life of infinite, nameless
joy, the death of life in death.
Was he going to lose her?
The very question set him trembling. He held out his quivering hand and
looked at it, and set his teeth. Heaven and earth, how strange it was!
This girl had taken possession of him body and soul; every fibre of his
being clamoured for her. To be near her, just to be able to see her,
hear her, meant happiness; to be torn from her--
The sweat broke out on his forehead and he laughed grimly.
"And this is love!" he said, between his teeth. "Yes--and it's the
only love of my life. God help me if you say 'no,' dearest! But you
must not--you must not!"