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Bill Nye's
HISTORY
OF THE
UNITED
STATES
ILLUSTRATED BY
F. Opper
THOMPSON & THOMAS,
CHICAGO.
COPYRIGHT, 1894,
BY
J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY.
* * * * *
[Illustration]
PREFACE
Facts in a nude state are not liable criminally, any more than bright
and beautiful children commit a felony by being born thus; but it is the
solemn duty of those having these children in charge to put appropriate,
healthful, and even attractive apparel upon them at the earliest
possible moment.
It is thus with facts. They are the frame-work of history, not the
drapery. They are like the cold, hard, dishevelled, damp, and
uncomfortable body under the knife of the demonstrator, not the bright
and bounding boy, clothed in graceful garments and filled to every
tingling capillary with a soul.
We, each of us, the artist and the author, respect facts. We have never,
either of us, said an unkind word regarding facts. But we believe that
they should not be placed before the public exactly as they were born.
We want to see them embellished and beautified. That is why this history
is written.
Certain facts have come into the possession of the artist and author of
this book regarding the history of the Republic down to the present day.
We find, upon looking over the records and documents on file in the
various archives of state and nation, that they are absolutely beyond
question, and it is our object to give these truthfully. These rough and
untidy, but impregnable truths, dressed in the sweet persuasive language
of the author, and fluted, embossed, embroidered, and embellished by the
skilful hand of the artist, are now before you.
History is but the record of the public and official acts of human
beings. It is our object, therefore, to humanize our history and deal
with people past and present; people who ate and possibly drank; people
who were born, flourished, and died; not grave tragedians, posing
perpetually for their photographs.
If we succeed in this way, and administer historical truth in the smooth
capsule of the cartoonist and the commentator, we are content. If not,
we know whose fault it will be, but will not get mad and swear about it.
BILL NYE.
FRED'K B. OPPER.
* * * * *
[Illustration: BILL NYE'S FIELD OF HISTORIC RESEARCH.]
CHAPTER I. PAGE
THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA 13
CHAPTER II.
OTHER DISCOVERIES--WET AND DRY 23
CHAPTER III.
THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES 36
CHAPTER IV.
THE PLYMOUTH COLONY 47
CHAPTER V.
DRAWBACKS OF BEING A COLONIST 55
CHAPTER VI.
THE EPISODE OF THE CHARTER OAK 62
CHAPTER VII.
THE DISCOVERY OF NEW YORK 72
CHAPTER VIII.
THE DUTCH AT NEW AMSTERDAM 82
CHAPTER IX.
SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES 92
CHAPTER X.
THE EARLY ARISTOCRACY 102
CHAPTER XI.
INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS 110
CHAPTER XII.
PERSONALITY OF WASHINGTON 124
CHAPTER XIII.
CONTRASTS WITH THE PRESENT DAY 131
CHAPTER XIV.
THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR 142
CHAPTER XV.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, LL.D., PHG, F.R.S., ETC. 152
CHAPTER XVI.
THE CRITICAL PERIOD 160
CHAPTER XVII.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END 170
CHAPTER XVIII. PAGE
THE CLOSE OF THE REVOLUTION 181
CHAPTER XIX.
THE FIRST PRESIDENT 191
CHAPTER XX.
THE WAR WITH CANADA 203
CHAPTER XXI.
THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC 212
CHAPTER XXII.
MORE DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OUT 222
CHAPTER XXIII.
THE WEBSTERS 233
CHAPTER XXIV.
BEFO' THE WAH--CAUSES WHICH LED TO IT--MASTERLY GRASP
OF THE SUBJECT SHOWN BY THE AUTHOR 243
CHAPTER XXV.
BULL RUN AND OTHER BATTLES 252
CHAPTER XXVI.
SOME MORE FRATRICIDAL STRIFE 263
CHAPTER XXVII.
STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED, ON PRINCIPLE--OUTING
FEATURES DISAPPEAR, AND GIVE PLACE TO STRAINED RELATIONS
BETWEEN COMBATANTS, WHO BEGIN TO MIX THINGS 274
CHAPTER XXVIII.
LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR 284
CHAPTER XXIX.
TOO MUCH LIBERTY IN PLACES AND NOT ENOUGH ELSEWHERE.--THOUGHTS
ON THE LATE WAR--WHO IS THE BIGGER ASS,
THE MAN WHO WILL NOT FORGIVE AND FORGET, OR THE
MAWKISH AND MOIST EYED SNIVELLER WHO WANTS TO DO
THAT ALL THE TIME? 297
CHAPTER XXX.
RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN--ADMINISTRATIONS OF JOHNSON
AND GRANT 305
CHAPTER XXXI.
CLOSING CHRONICLES 317
APPENDIX 329
[Illustration]
CHAPTER I.
THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA.
It was a beautiful evening at the close of a warm, luscious day in old
Spain. It was such an evening as one would select for trysting purposes.
The honeysuckle gave out the sweet announcement of its arrival on the
summer breeze, and the bulbul sang in the dark vistas of
olive-trees,--sang of his love and his hope, and of the victory he
anticipated in the morrow's bulbul-fight, and the plaudits of the royal
couple who would be there. The pink west paled away to the touch of
twilight, and the soft zenith was sown with stars coming like celestial
fire-flies on the breast of a mighty meadow.
Across the dusk, with bowed head, came a woman. Her air was one of proud
humility. It was the air of royalty in the presence of an overruling
power. It was Isabella. She was on her way to confession. She carried a
large, beautifully-bound volume containing a memorandum of her sins for
the day. Ever and anon she would refer to it, but the twilight had come
on so fast that she could not read it.
[Illustration: ISABELLA AT CONFESSIONAL.]
Reaching the confessional, she kneeled, and, by the aid of her notes,
she told off to the good Father and receptacle of the queen's trifling
sins, Fernando de Talavera, how wicked she had been. When it was over
and the queen had risen to go, Fernando came forth, and with a solemn
obeisance said,--
"May it please your Majesty, I have to-day received a letter from my
good friend the prior of the Franciscan convent of St. Mary's of Rabida
in Andalusia. With your Majesty's permission, I will read it to you."
"Proceed," exclaimed Isabella, gravely, taking a piece of crochet-work
from her apron and seating herself comfortably near the dim light.
"It is dated the sixth month and tenth day of the month, and reads as
follows:
"DEAR BROTHER:
"This letter will be conveyed unto your hands by the bearer hereof.
His name is Christopher Columbus, a native of Genoa, who has been
living on me for two years. But he is a good man, devout and
honest. He is willing to work, but I have nothing to do in his
line. Times, as you know, are dull, and in his own profession
nothing seems to be doing.
"He is by profession a discoverer. He has been successful in the
work where he has had opportunities, and there has been no
complaint so far on the part of those who have employed him.
Everything he has ever discovered has remained that way, so he is
willing to let his work show for itself.
"Should you be able to bring this to the notice of her Majesty, who
is tender of heart, I would be most glad; and should her most
gracious Majesty have any discovering to be done, or should she
contemplate a change or desire to substitute another in the place
of the present discoverer, she will do well to consider the
qualifications of my friend.
"Very sincerely and fraternally thine,
"Etc., etc."
The queen inquired still further regarding Columbus, and, taking the
letter, asked Talavera to send him to the royal sitting-room at ten
o'clock the following day.
When Columbus arose the next morning he found a note from the royal
confessor, and, without waiting for breakfast, for he had almost
overcome the habit of eating, he reversed his cuffs, and, taking a fresh
handkerchief from his valise and putting it in his pocket so that the
corners would coyly stick out a little, he was soon on his way to the
palace. He carried also a small globe wrapped up in a newspaper.
The interview was encouraging until the matter of money necessary for
the trip was touched upon. His Majesty was called in, and spoke sadly of
the public surplus. He said that there were one hundred dollars still
due on his own salary, and the palace had not been painted for eight
years. He had taken orders on the store till he was tired of it. "Our
meat bill," said he, taking off his crown and mashing a hornet on the
wall, "is sixty days overdue. We owe the hired girl for three weeks; and
how are we going to get funds enough to do any discovering, when you
remember that we have got to pay for an extra session this fall for the
purpose of making money plenty?"
[Illustration: COLUMBUS AT COURT.]
But Isabella came and sat by him in her winning way, and with the
moistened corner of her handkerchief removed a spot of maple syrup from
the ermine trimming of his reigning gown. She patted his hand, and, with
her gentle voice, cheered him and told him that if he would economize
and go without cigars or wine, in less than two hundred years he would
have saved enough to fit Columbus out.
A few weeks later he had saved one hundred and fifty dollars in this
way. The queen then went at twilight and pawned a large breastpin, and,
although her chest was very sensitive to cold, she went without it all
the following winter, in order that Columbus might discover America
before immigration set in here.
Too much cannot be said of the heroism of Queen Isabella and the courage
of her convictions. A man would have said, under such circumstances,
that there would be no sense in discovering a place that was not
popular. Why discover a place when it is so far out of the way? Why
discover a country with no improvements? Why discover a country that is
so far from the railroad? Why discover, at great expense, an entirely
new country?
But Isabella did not stop to listen to these croaks. In the language of
the Honorable Jeremiah M. Rusk, "She seen her duty and she done it."
That was Isabella's style.
Columbus now began to select steamer-chairs and rugs. He had already
secured the Niña, Pinta, and Santa Maria, and on the 3d of August, 1492,
he sailed from Palos.
Isabella brought him a large bunch of beautiful flowers as he was about
to sail, and Ferdinand gave him a nice yachting-cap and a spicy French
novel to read on the road.
He was given a commission as viceroy or governor of all the lands he
might discover, with hunting and shooting privileges on same.
[Illustration: COLUMBUS'S STEAMER-CHAIR.]
He stopped several weeks at the Canary Islands, where he and his one
hundred and twenty men rested and got fresh water. He then set out
sailing due west over an unknown sea to blaze the way for liberty.
Soon, however, his men began to murmur. They began also to pick on
Columbus and occupy his steamer-chair when he wanted to use it himself.
They got to making chalk-marks on the deck and compelling him to pay a
shilling before he could cross them. Some claimed that they were lost
and that they had been sailing around for over a week in a circle, one
man stating that he recognized a spot in the sea that they had passed
eight times already.
Finally they mutinied, and started to throw the great navigator
overboard, but he told them that if they would wait until the next
morning he would tell them a highly amusing story that he heard just
before he left Palos.
Thus his life was saved, for early in the morning the cry of "Land ho!"
was heard, and America was discovered.
A saloon was at once started, and the first step thus taken towards the
foundation of a republic. From that one little timid saloon, with its
family entrance, has sprung the magnificent and majestic machine which,
lubricated with spoils and driven by wind, gives to every American
to-day the right to live under a Government selected for him by men who
make that their business.
Columbus discovered America several times after the 12th of October,
1492, and finally, while prowling about looking for more islands,
discovered South America near the mouth of the Orinoco.
He was succeeded as governor by Francisco de Bobadilla, who sent him
back finally in chains. Thus we see that the great are not always happy.
There is no doubt that millions of people every year avoid many
discomforts by remaining in obscurity.
[Illustration: COLUMBUS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS SAILORS.]
The life of Columbus has been written by hundreds of men, both in this
country and abroad, but the foregoing facts are distilled from this
great biographical mass by skilful hands, and, like the succeeding
pages, will stand for centuries unshaken by the bombardment of the
critic, while succeeding years shall try them with frost and thaw, and
the tide of time dash high against their massive front, only to recede,
quelled and defeated.[1]
[Footnote 1: The author acknowledges especially the courtesy of San
Diego Colon Columbus, a son of the great navigator, whose book
"Historiadores Primitivos" was so generously loaned the author by
relatives of young Columbus.
I have refrained from announcing in the foregoing chapter the death of
Columbus, which occurred May 20, 1506, at Valladolid, the funeral taking
place from his late residence, because I dislike to give needless pain.
B. N.]
[Illustration:]