In this amusing article the well-known professional describes
some of the curious experiences that befell him during his
recent tour round the world--a tour on which his "only visible
means of support" was his cue. He met all sorts and conditions
of men, and--what was more important--all sorts and conditions
of billiard-tables, but, as this narrative shows, managed to
extract not a little amusement from his misadventures.
The hundred and one minor accidents which occur in the average
globe-trotter's journeyings were, in my case, added to and enlarged by
the fact that to a certain extent my tour depended upon the amount of
patronage I received. To travel round the world with a billiard cue
and case as one's only visible means of support is an undertaking
which requires a considerable amount of doing. That I succeeded so
well I put down to the fact that the Britisher abroad is a sportsman
of the best sort, and will do anything and pay anything to see one of
the Mother Country's champions playing his game, no matter what that
game may be. During my journey I went completely round the world,
visiting Ceylon twice, Australia three times, New Zealand twice,
Tasmania, China, the Straits Settlements, India, and Burma, the total
distance covered being close on a hundred thousand miles, and the time
occupied by the tour over eighteen months.
[Illustration: MR. MELBOURNE INMAN, BRITISH BILLIARD ASSOCIATION
CHAMPION.
_From a Photograph._
]
My chief difficulties were the tables which were provided. I did not
expect to meet with absolutely correct ones, but sometimes I would
be led into a room and introduced to some bedraggled wreck on four or
five legs and blandly informed that _that_ was the thing upon which I
had to show my powers as a billiard-player! The only thing which saved
me from a sudden and total loss of reputation was the fact that my
opponent usually did a great deal worse than _I_, and my efforts to
avoid the unorthodox pitfalls, such as open gaps in the cloth,
grooves at the pockets, and so forth, were seen and appreciated by the
habitués of the place who used the table themselves, and were only too
familiar with its peculiarities.
My first really amusing adventure occurred at Colombo, Ceylon. I was
booked to play a Mr. G----, who was a well-known personage, being
sub-editor of the local paper, and had to give him eight hundred start
in a game of twelve hundred up. The match took place at the Globe
Hotel, and when I entered the room I saw that a good crowd of natives
had gathered to watch the game. They were evidently very anxious to
see their champion win, and chattered away volubly while the game was
in progress. Now silence is indispensable if good billiards is to
be played, but I stuck to my work until suddenly dull thuds began to
sound on the ceiling above. The lights over the table quivered and
danced with the reverberations, and presently, in despair, I called
the proprietor to one side and asked him what on earth was happening
up there.
"Oh, that's all right," he said, cheerily. "There's a troupe of
dancing girls come here to practise every evening, and they are doing
it now!"
With a stifled groan I went back to my task, but the din grew louder
and louder, and at last became so continuous that I could not hear
the marker's voice registering the score, while the vibration was
positively alarming. At last, feeling I could endure it no longer,
I went over to the marker and informed him that I was going to stop.
Handing him my cue, I told him to put it away in my case, as I would
play no more.
He took my cue from me and, turning to the spectators, cried,
stolidly:--
"There will be an interval of ten minutes for refreshments."
The cool way in which he gave out this announcement tickled me, and I
forgot my annoyance. Presently, the landlord having prevailed upon the
nautch girls to cease their gyrations, the game was continued.
I was in the middle of a decent "break," and rapidly overhauling my
opponent, when I noticed a black shadow whizzing about the table legs
and flashing up and down among the spectators. Now, anyone who plays
billiards will know that the light on the table makes it extremely
difficult for the eyes to follow movement in the shadows around the
room, and it was not until the thing brushed against my legs that I
stopped playing and looked around.
The audience was standing up, wildly excited. I thought at first that
it was my play which made them do this, but the flattering idea
was quickly dispelled. I saw a lean brown arm sweep down and a
wildly-spitting, furry object swung across the room and shot out of
the window.
"What on earth was that?" I asked, startled.
"It's all right, Mr. Inman," replied the marker. "A wild cat has been
rushing around here for the last ten minutes, but one of the gentlemen
has just pitched it out of the window!"
I succeeded in winning the game all right, but did not finish until
long after one o'clock in the morning. As we started at 9 p.m. and
the heat during the whole four hours was terrific, it may be imagined
that, what with interruptions from nautch girls and wild cats, I
considered I had earned my fee, and a trifle over.
I came across something really unique in the way of rules in an hotel
at Newara-Eliya, where I was booked to play. In the billiard-room,
immediately opposite the table, where everyone could see it, hung a
card bearing the following announcement:--