THE GRAND FEAST.
She gave them some tea without any bread,
She whipp'd them all soundly, and sent them to bed.
Nursery Rhymes.
Lady Harriet Graham was an extremely thin, delicate, old lady, with a
very pale face, and a sweet gentle voice, which the children delighted
to hear, for it always spoke kindly to them, and sounded like music,
after the loud, rough tones of Mrs. Crabtree. She wore her own grey
hair, which had become almost as white as the widow's cap which covered
her head. The rest of her dress was generally black velvet, and she
usually sat in a comfortable arm-chair by the fire-side, watching her
grandchildren at play, with a large work-bag by her side, and a
prodigious Bible open on the table before her. Lady Harriet often said
that it made her young again to see the joyous gambols of Harry and
Laura; and when unable any longer to bear their noise, she sometimes
kept them quiet, by telling the most delightful stories about what had
happened to herself when she was young.
Once upon a time, however, Lady Harriet suddenly became so very ill,
that Dr. Bell said she must spend a few days in the country, for change
of air, and accordingly she determined on passing a quiet week at
Holiday House with her relations, Lord and Lady Rockville. Meanwhile,
Harry and Laura were to be left under the sole care of Mrs. Crabtree, so
it might have been expected that they would both feel more frightened
for her, now that she was reigning monarch of the house, than ever.
Harry would obey those he loved, if they only held up a little finger;
but all the terrors of Mrs. Crabtree, and her cat-o'-nine-tails, were
generally forgotten soon after she left the room; therefore he thought
little at first about the many threats she held out, if he behaved ill,
but he listened most seriously when his dear sick grandmama told him, in
a faint weak voice, on the day of her departure from home, how very well
he ought to behave in her absence, as no one remained but the maids to
keep him in order, and that she hoped Mrs. Crabtree would write her a
letter full of good news about his excellent conduct.
Harry felt as if he would gladly sit still without stirring, till his
grandmama came back, if that could only please her; and there never was
any one more determined to be a good boy than he, at the moment when
Lady Harriet's carriage came round to the door. Laura, Frank, and Harry
helped to carry all the pillows, boxes, books, and baskets which were
necessary for the journey, of which there seemed to be about fifty; then
they arranged the cushions as comfortably as possible, and watched very
sorrowfully when their grandmama, after kindly embracing them both, was
carefully supported by Major Graham and her maid Harrison, into the
chariot. Uncle David gave each of the children a pretty picture-book
before taking leave, and said, as he was stepping into the carriage,
"Now, children! I have only one piece of serious, important advice to
give you all, so attend to me!--never crack nuts with your teeth!"
When the carriage had driven off, Mrs. Crabtree became so busy scolding
Betty, and storming at Jack the foot-boy, for not cleaning her shoes
well enough, that she left Harry and Laura standing in the passage, not
knowing exactly what they ought to do first, and Frank, seeing them
looking rather melancholy and bewildered at the loss of their grandmama,
stopped a moment as he passed on the way to school, and said in a very
kind, affectionate voice,
"Now, Harry and Laura, listen both of you!--here is a grand opportunity
to show everybody, that we can be trusted to ourselves, without getting
into any scrapes, so that if grandmama is ever ill again, and obliged to
go away, she need not feel so sad and anxious as she did to-day. I mean
to become nine times more attentive to my lessons than usual this
morning, to show how trust-worthy we are, and if you are wise, pray
march straight up to the nursery yourselves. I have arranged a gown and
cap of Mrs. Crabtree's on the large arm-chair, to look as like herself
as possible, that you may be reminded how soon she will come back, and
you must not behave like the mice when the cat is out. Good bye! Say the
alphabet backward, and count your fingers for half-an-hour, but when
Mrs. Crabtree appears again, pray do not jump out of the window for
joy."
Harry and Laura were proceeding directly towards the nursery, as Frank
had recommended, when unluckily they observed in passing the
drawing-room door, that it was wide open; so Harry peeped in, and they
began idly wandering round the tables and cabinets. Not ten minutes
elapsed before they both commenced racing about as if they were mad,
perfectly screaming with joy, and laughing so loudly at their own funny
tricks, that an old gentleman who lived next door, very nearly sent in a
message to ask what the joke was.
Presently Harry and Laura ran up and down stairs till the housemaid was
quite fatigued with running after them. They jumped upon the fine damask
sofas in the drawing-room, stirred the fire till it was in a blaze, and
rushed out on the balcony, upsetting one or two geraniums and a myrtle.
They spilt Lady Harriet's perfumes over their handkerchiefs,--they
looked into all the beautiful books of pictures,--they tumbled many of
the pretty Dresden china figures on the floor,--they wound up the little
French clock till it was broken,--they made the musical work-box play
its tunes, and set the Chinese mandarins nodding, till they very nearly
nodded their heads off. In short, so much mischief has seldom been done
in so short a time, till at last Harry, perfectly worn out with laughing
and running, threw himself into a large arm-chair, and Laura, with her
ringlets tumbling in frightful confusion over her face, and the beads of
her coral necklace rolling on the floor, tossed herself into a sofa
beside him.
"Oh! what fun!" cried Harry, in an ecstacy of delight; "I wish Frank had
been here, and crowds of little boys and girls, to play with us all day!
It would be a good joke, Laura, to write and ask all our little cousins
and companions to drink tea here to-morrow evening! Their mamas could
never guess we had not leave from grandmama to invite everybody, so I
dare say we might gather quite a large party! oh! how enchanting!"
Laura laughed heartily when she heard this proposal of Harry's, and
without hesitating a moment about it, she joyously placed herself before
Lady Harriet's writing-table, and scribbled a multitude of little notes,
in large text, to more than twenty young friends, all of whom had at
other times been asked by Lady Harriet to spend the evening with her.
Laura felt very much puzzled to know what was usually said in a card of
invitation, but after many consultations, she and Harry thought at last,
that it was very nicely expressed, for they wrote these words upon a
large sheet of paper to each of their friends:--
Master Harry Graham and Miss Laura wish you to have the honour of
drinking tea with us to-morrow, at six o'clock.
(Signed) Harry and Laura.
Laura afterwards singed a hole in her muslin frock, while
lighting one of the Vesta matches to seal these numerous notes; and
Harry dropped some burning sealing-wax on his hand, in the hurry of
assisting her; but he thought that little accident no matter, and ran
away to see if the cards could be sent off immediately.
Now, there lived in the house a very old footman, called Andrew, who
remembered Harry and Laura since they were quite little babies; and he
often looked exceedingly sad and sorry when they suffered punishment
from Mrs. Crabtree. He was ready to do anything in the world when it
pleased the children, and would have carried a message to the moon, if
they had only shown him the way. Many odd jobs and private messages he
had already been employed in by Harry, who now called Andrew up stairs,
entreating him to carry out all those absurd notes as fast as possible,
and to deliver them immediately, as they were of the greatest
consequence. Upon hearing this, old Andrew lost not a moment, but threw
on his hat, and instantly started off, looking like the twopenny
postman, he carried such a prodigious parcel of invitations, while Harry
and Laura stood at the drawing-room window, almost screaming with joy
when they saw him set out, and when they observed that, to oblige them,
he actually ran along the street at a sort of trot, which was as fast as
he could possibly go. Presently, however, he certainly did stop for a
single minute, and Laura saw that it was in order to take a peep into
one of the notes, that he might ascertain what they were all about; but
as he never carried any letters without doing so, she thought that quite
natural, and was only very glad when he had finished, and rapidly
pursued his way again.
Next morning, Mrs. Crabtree and Betty became very much surprised to
observe what a number of smart livery servants knocked at the street
door, and gave in cards, but their astonishment became still greater,
when old Andrew brought up a whole parcel of them to Harry and Laura,
who immediately broke the seals, and read the contents in a corner
together.
"What are you about there, Master Graham?" cried Mrs. Crabtree, angrily,
"how dare any body venture to touch your grandmama's letters?"
"They are not for grandmama!--they are all for us!--every one of them!"
answered Harry, dancing about the room with joy, and waving the notes
over his head. "Look at this direction! For Master and Miss Graham! put
on your spectacles, and read it yourself, Mrs. Crabtree! What delightful
fun! the house will be as full as an egg!"
Mrs. Crabtree seemed completely puzzled what to think of all this, and
looked so much as if she did not know exactly what to be angry at, and
so ready to be in a passion if possible, that Harry burst out a
laughing, while he said, "Only think Mrs. Crabtree! here is every body
coming to tea with us!--all my cousins, besides Peter Grey, Robert
Stewart, Charles Forrester, Adelaide Cunninghame, Diana Wentworth, John
Fordyce, Edmund Ashford, Frank Abercromby, Ned Russel, and Tom ----"
"The boy is distracted!" exclaimed Betty, staring with astonishment.
"What does all this mean, Master Harry?"
"And who gave you leave to invite company into your grandmama's house?"
cried Mrs. Crabtree, snatching up all the notes, and angrily thrusting
them into the fire. "I never heard of such things in all my life before,
Master Harry! but as sure as eggs is eggs, you shall repent of this, for
not one morsel of cake, or anything else shall you have to give any of
the party; no! not so much as a crust of bread, or a thimbleful of tea!"
Harry and Laura had never thought of such a catastrophe as this before;
they always saw a great table covered with every thing that could be
named for tea, whenever their little friends came to visit them, and
whether it rose out of the floor, or was brought by Aladdin's lamp, they
never considered it possible that the table would not be provided as
usual on such occasions, so this terrible speech of Mrs. Crabtree's
frightened them out of their wits. What was to be done! They both knew
by experience that she always did whatever she threatened, or something
a great deal worse, so they began by bursting into tears, and begging
Mrs. Crabtree for this once to excuse them, and to give some cakes and
tea to their little visitors, but they might as well have spoken to one
of the Chinese mandarins, for she only shook her head, with a positive
look, declaring over and over again that nothing should appear upon the
table except what was always brought up for their own supper--two
biscuits and two cups of milk.
"Therefore say no more about it!" added she, sternly. "I am your best
friend, Master Harry, trying to teach you and Miss Laura your duty, so
save your breath to cool your porridge."
Poor Harry and Laura looked perfectly ill with fright and vexation when
they thought of what was to happen next, while Mrs. Crabtree sat down to
her knitting, grumbling to herself, and dropping her stitches every
minute with rage and irritation. Old Andrew felt exceedingly sorry after
he heard what distress and difficulty Harry was in, and when the hour
for the party approached, he very good-naturedly spread out a large
table in the dining-room, where he put down as many cups, saucers,
plates, and spoons as Laura chose to direct; but in spite of all his
trouble, though it looked very grand, there was nothing whatever to eat
or drink, except the two dry biscuits, and the two miserable cups of
milk, which seemed to become smaller every time that Harry looked at
them.
Presently the clock struck six, and Harry listened to the hour very much
as a prisoner would do in the condemned cell in Newgate, feeling that
the dreaded time was at last arrived. Soon afterwards, several handsome
carriages drove up to the door filled with little Masters and Misses,
who hurried joyfully into the house, talking and laughing all the way up
stairs, being evidently quite happy at coming out to tea, while poor
Harry and Laura almost wished the floor would open and swallow them up,
so they shrunk into a distant corner of the room, quite ashamed to show
their faces.
The young ladies were all dressed in their best frocks, with pink
sashes, and pink shoes; while the little boys appeared in their holiday
clothes, with their hair newly brushed, and their faces washed. The
whole party had dined at two o'clock, so they were as hungry as hawks,
looking eagerly round, whenever they entered, to see what was on the
tea-table, and evidently surprised that nothing had yet been put down.
Laura and Harry soon afterwards heard their visitors whispering to each
other about Norwich buns, rice cakes, spunge biscuits, and maccaroons;
while Peter Grey was loud in praise of a party at George Lorraine's the
night before, where an immense plum-cake had been sugared over like a
snow storm, and covered with crowds of beautiful amusing mottoes; not to
mention a quantity of noisy crackers, that exploded like pistols;
besides which, a glass of hot jelly had been handed to each little guest
before he was sent home.
Every time the door opened, all eyes were anxiously turned round,
expecting a grand feast to be brought in; but quite the contrary--it was
only Andrew showing up more hungry visitors; while Harry felt so
unspeakably wretched, that, if some kind fairy could only have turned
him into a Norwich bun at the moment, he would gladly have consented to
be cut in pieces, that his ravenous guests might be satisfied.
Charles Forrester was a particularly good-natured boy, so Harry at last
took courage and beckoned him into a remote corner of the room, where he
confessed, in whispers, the real state of affairs about tea, and how
sadly distressed he and Laura felt, because they had nothing whatever to
give among so many visitors, seeing that Mrs. Crabtree kept her
determination of affording them no provisions.
"What is to be done!" said Charles, very anxiously, as he felt extremely
sorry for his little friends. "If Mama had been at home, she would
gladly have sent whatever you liked for tea, but unluckily she is dining
out! I saw a loaf of bread lying on a table at home this evening, which
she would make you quite welcome to! Shall I run home, as fast as
possible, to fetch it? That would, at any rate, be better than nothing!"
Poor Charles Forrester was very lame, therefore, while he talked of
running he could hardly walk, but Lady Forrester's house stood so near,
that he soon reached home, when, snatching up the loaf, he hurried back
towards the street with his prize, quite delighted to see how large and
substantial it looked. Scarcely had he reached the door, however, before
the housekeeper ran hastily out, saying,
"Stop, Mr. Charles! stop! sure you are not running away with the loaf
for my tea, and the parrot must have her supper too. What do you want
with that there bread?"
"Never mind, Mrs. Comfit!" answered Charles, hastening on faster than
ever, while he grasped the precious loaf more firmly in his hand, and
limped along at a prodigious rate, "Polly is getting too fat, so she
will be the better of fasting for this one day."
Mrs. Comfit, being enormously fat herself, became very angry at this
remark, so she seemed quite desperate to recover the loaf, and hurried
forward to overtake Charles, but the old housekeeper was so heavy and
breathless, while the young gentleman was so lame, that it seemed an
even chance which won the race. Harry stood at his own door, impatiently
hoping to receive the prize, and eagerly stretched out his arms to
encourage his friend, while it was impossible to say which of the
runners might arrive first. Harry had sometimes heard of a race between
two old women tied up in sacks, and he thought they could scarcely move
with more difficulty; but at the very moment when Charles had reached
the door, he stumbled over a stone, and fell on the ground. Mrs. Comfit
then instantly rushed up, and seizing the loaf, she carried it off in
triumph, leaving the two little friends ready to cry with vexation, and
quite at a loss what plan to attempt next.
Mean time, a sad riot had arisen in the dining-room, where the boys
called loudly for their tea; and the young ladies drew their chairs all
round the table, to wait till it was ready. Still nothing appeared; so
every body wondered more and more how long they were to wait for all the
nice cakes and sweetmeats which must, of course, be coming; for the
longer they were delayed, the more was expected.
The last at a feast, and the first at a fray, was generally Peter Grey,
who now lost patience, and seized one of the two biscuits, which he was
in the middle of greedily devouring, when Laura returned with Harry to
the dining-room, and observed what he had done.
"Peter Grey!" said she, holding up her head, and trying to look very
dignified, "you are an exceedingly naughty boy, to help yourself! As a
punishment for being so rude, you shall have nothing more to eat all
this evening."
"If I do not help myself, nobody else seems likely to give me any
supper! I appear to be the only person who is to taste anything
to-night," answered Peter, laughing, while the impudent boy took a cup
of milk, and drank it off, saying, "Here's to your very good health,
Miss Laura, and an excellent appetite to everybody!"
Upon hearing this absurd speech, all the other boys began laughing, and
made signs, as if they were eating their fingers off with hunger. Then
Peter called Lady Harriet's house "Famine Castle," and pretended he
would swallow the knives like an Indian juggler.
"We must learn to live upon air, and here are some spoons to eat it
with," said John Fordyce. "Harry! shall I help you to a mouthful of
moonshine?"
"Peter! would you like a roasted fly?" asked Frank Abercromby, catching
one on the window. "I dare say it is excellent for hungry people,--or a
slice of buttered wall?"
"Or a stewed spider?" asked Peter. "Shall we all be cannibals, and eat
one another?"
"What is the use of all those forks, when there is nothing to stick upon
them?" asked George Maxwell, throwing them about on the floor. "No
buns!--no fruit!--no cakes!--no nothing!"
"What are we to do with those tea-cups, when there is no tea?" cried
Frank Abercromby, pulling the table-cloth till the whole affair fell
prostrate on the floor. After this, these riotous boys tossed the plates
up in the air, and caught them, becoming, at last, so outrageous, that
poor old Andrew called them a "meal mob." Never was there so much broken
china seen in a dining-room before! It all lay scattered on the floor,
in countless fragments, looking as if there had been a bull in a china
shop, when suddenly Mrs. Crabtree herself opened the door and walked in,
with an aspect of rage enough to petrify a milestone. Now old Andrew had
long been trying all in his power to render the boys quiet and
contented. He had made them a speech,--he had chased the ring-leaders
all round the room,--and he had thrown his stick at Peter, who seemed
the most riotous,--but all in vain; they became worse and worse,
laughing into fits, and calling Andrew "the police-officer," and "the
bailiff." It was a very different story, however, when Mrs. Crabtree
appeared, so flaming with fury, she might have blown up a powder-mill.
Nobody could help being afraid of her. Even Peter himself stood
stock-still, and seemed withering away to nothing, when she looked at
him; and when she began to scold in her most furious manner, not a boy
ventured to look off the ground. A large pair of tawse then became
visible in her hand, so every heart sunk with fright, and the riotous
visitors began to get behind each other, and to huddle out of sight as
much as possible, whispering and pushing, and fighting, in a desperate
scuffle to escape.
"What is all this!" cried she, at the full pitch of her voice, "has
bedlam broke loose! who smashed these cups? I'll break his head for him,
let me tell you that! Master Peter! you should be hissed out of the
world for your misconduct; but I shall certainly whip you round the room
like a whipping-top."
At this moment, Peter observed that the dining-room window, which was
only about six feet from the ground, had been left wide open, so
instantly seizing the opportunity, he threw himself out with a single
bound, and ran laughing away. All the other boys immediately followed
his example, and disappeared by the same road; after which, Mrs.
Crabtree leaned far out of the window, and scolded loudly, as long as
they remained in sight, till her face became red, and her voice
perfectly hoarse.
Meantime, the little misses sat soberly down before the empty table, and
talked in whispers to each other, waiting till their maids came to take
them home, after which they all hurried away as fast as possible, hardly
waiting to say "good bye," and intending to ask for some supper at home.
During that night, long after Harry and Laura had been scolded, whipped,
and put to bed, they were each heard in different rooms, sobbing and
crying, as if their very hearts would break, while Mrs. Crabtree
grumbled and scolded to herself, saying she must do her duty, and make
them good children, though she were to flay them alive first.
When Lady Harriet returned home some days afterwards, she heard an
account of Harry and Laura's misconduct from Mrs. Crabtree, and the
whole story was such a terrible case against them, that their poor
grandmama became perfectly astonished and shocked, while even uncle
David was preparing to be very angry; but before the culprits appeared,
Frank most kindly stepped forward, and begged that they might be
pardoned for this once, adding all in his power to excuse Harry and
Laura, by describing how very penitent they had become, and how very
severely they had already been punished.
Frank then mentioned all that Harry had told him about the starving
party, which he related with so much humour and drollery, that Lady
Harriet could not help laughing; so then he saw that a victory had been
gained, and ran to the nursery for the two little prisoners.
Uncle David shook his walking-stick at them, and made a terrible face,
when they entered; but Harry jumped upon his knee with joy at seeing him
again, while Laura forgot all her distress, and rushed up to Lady
Harriet, who folded her in her arms, and kissed her most affectionately.
Not a word was said that day about the tea-party, but next morning,
Major Graham asked Harry, very gravely, "if he had read in the
newspapers the melancholy accounts about several of his little
companions, who were ill and confined to bed from having ate too much at
a certain tea-party on Saturday last. Poor Peter Grey has been given
over, and Charles Forrester, it is feared, may not be able to eat
another loaf of bread for a fortnight!"
"Oh! uncle David! it makes me ill whenever I think of that party!" said
Harry, colouring perfectly scarlet; "that was the most miserable evening
of my life!"
"I must say it was not quite fair in Mrs. Crabtree to starve all the
strange little boys and girls, who came as visitors to my house, without
knowing who had invited them," observed Lady Harriet. "Probably those
unlucky children will never forget, as long as they live, that scanty
supper in our dining-room."
And it turned out exactly as Lady Harriet had predicted; for though they
were all asked to tea, in proper time, the very next Saturday, when
Major Graham showered torrents of sugar-plums on the table, while the
children scrambled to pick them up, and the side-board almost broke down
afterwards under the weight of buns, cakes, cheesecakes, biscuits,
fruit, and preserves, which were heaped upon each other--yet, for years
afterwards, Peter Grey, whenever he ate a particularly enormous dinner,
always observed, that he must make up for having once been starved at
Harry Graham's; and whenever any one of those little boys or girls again
happened to meet Harry or Laura, they were sure to laugh and say, "When
are you going to give us another
"GRAND FEAST?"